|The Final Goodbye
Author: OyHumbug PM
A One Shot: End of Season 3, hypothetical Ryan and Marissa have just gotten back together, only to find out soon after he is the father of Theresa’s baby. It’s a graduation party held at the Cohen’s and he’s decided to forego college this year and to leavRated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Drama - Marissa C. & Ryan A. - Words: 4,951 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 05-11-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2935241
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
End of Season 3, hypothetical- Ryan and Marissa have just gotten back together, only to find out soon after he is the father of theresa's baby. It's a graduation party held at the Cohen's and he's decided to fore-go college this year and to leave Marissa for the second time. They sit alone in the poolhouse. You decide from there…
The evening had been perfect so far, the setting with the sweet, sea air caressing their skin cooling the balmy, June evening, the people, all her favorite ones in the world, The Cohens, Summer, and most of all Ryan, the only four people she needed in this world to be happy, and the reason for the celebration, their graduation party, and now she was alone with Ryan in the poolhouse, a place she had always felt safe in because it represented him; there was nothing….well almost nothing, she laughed to herself, that could make that night any better than it had been.
She sat on the edge of his bed, her dress, Chanel, of course, tucked modestly between her silky smooth, long, tanned legs, crossed flawlessly as every Newport daughter had been trained when still just in elementary school. Her hair was swept up, due to the sultry weather, but humidity induced curls escaped her careful work of art and ticked her face and neck as they blew in the breeze created by the ceiling fan as it continued in its ever revolving dance. Ryan watched her, mesmerized, unable to speak, unable to say what he knew he had to. She was radiant, the happiest he had seen her in months, perhaps more than a year, but the thing he loved most about the picture she created was her hand, the graceful, soft hand that was delicately holding a crystal champagne glass filled with sparkling white grape juice, not spiked.
Wordlessly, she smiled up at him, stood up, placed her glass on his bedside, and walked up to him wrapping her seductive arms around his neck, pulling him to her and kissing him tenderly, waiting for him to take control and bring her to depths of passion only he could accomplish. He knew he shouldn't deepen the kiss, but he couldn't help it. No matter what, he always wanted her, so he let his body take control, forgetting the warnings his mind was sending him. Before he knew what was happening, they were on his bed, under the covers, naked, poolhouse door locked, blinds down, lights out, lost in their own world while the party carried on without them oblivious to the two people making love just inside that very room. Marissa giggled, unable to help herself, as Ryan's mouth left her to trail feather light kisses down her exposed chest, leaving a trace of goosebumps after the heat of his mouth made contact with her skin.
"I can't believe we're doing this now," she whispered out breathlessly, the desire and lust evident in her voice, "in the middle of our own graduation party."
He stopped what he was doing, pushed himself off of her body, and looked down at her, searching her eyes for the answer to the question he was about to ask.
"Do you want to stop?" She didn't say a thing but pulled him back down to her, rolled their bodies over, and straddled his torso, taking control of the situation.
"I guess not," he said as he laughed, but before another word could be spoken, she had taken his mouth in hers and they became lost to reality and time no longer mattered, only each other and the obsession they shared for one another.
As they laid together in his bed later, bodies entwined so you could not tell where one began and the other stopped, her head resting on his chest as her fingers lazily traced patterns on his toned abdomen while his arms were wrapped tightly around her body, his hands caressing her rose-petal soft skin, Marissa couldn't help but think about everything they had been through to reach that point in their lives, all the ups and downs, good and bad, but, in that moment, it was all worth it, just for knowing that Ryan loved her and that she was free to love him openly again for all the world to see. Sighing dreamily, she turned her head so that she could look up into the azure eyes she knew so well, the eyes she wanted to look into for the rest of her life, a smile playing on her lips the entire time. Bending down, she kissed him softly before speaking in a hushed tone so that he was the only one who could hear her.
"Do you know how much I love you?" He went to reply, but she silenced him with the tip of her finger as she pressed it gingerly on his lips. "Sshh, please, just let me say this. I just wanted to let you know that everything that happened these past few months, the breakup, the other people, the fights, none of that matters to me anymore. We've talked about what happened, why we did what we did, and we're actually communicating now, sharing our thoughts and feelings, and it feels good. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can't wait to go to Berkley with you, just the two of us, away from the craziness that is Newport, away from our parents, and even away from Seth and Summer, because it means I will have you all to myself." She kissed him again, this time not as softly and with more ardor. "You know, if we play our cards right, we might be able to convince our parents to let us get an apartment instead of a dorm, and you know what that means,…" she said as she smiled wickedly at him, adjusting her body so that it was on top of his.
"Yeah, about that," Ryan started his face solemn and pained, the complete antithesis of her rapture filled countenance, "I don't think I'm going to Berkley in the fall."
He had never seen her move so quickly as she launched herself off of his body, pulling his sheet around her and holding it tightly to her so that he could not see any of her exposed flesh, eyes quickly filling with tears.
"What, what do you mean," she asked panic evident in her voice. "Did you change your mind about what school you want to go to, because that's fine? I can always apply and try to get late admission, and if I don't get in, we'll just see each other as much as we can until I can transfer to be with you."
Her eyes pleaded with him to make everything okay again, to make it so that they could go back in time just a few minutes where their future was certain in her eyes and she felt safe…for once, while his eyes just begged her for forgiveness as he continued down the path he had started them on and watched as he slowly but surely shattered her heart into a thousand different pieces.
"Do you remember how I told you that Theresa told me that the baby was not mine?" She shook her head yes to acknowledge she was following the conversation. "Well, it turns out she was lying."
"She lied to you again," Marissa interrupted, rage filling her voice. "I can't believe it. So, Theresa's son is yours? Is that why you think you can't go to college, because that's ridiculous. We're not in high school anymore Ryan. We're both adults, and we can do this together. We can both go to a community college for now; they don't cost as much, and we'll live off campus, both of us getting jobs, two if we have to and we'll raise your son together. I don't care what we have to do; I'm not letting this get between us again."
"I can't ask you to do that, Marissa."
"Ryan, listen to me, you did not ask me, I volunteered."
"Yeah," he admitted, "but it's not that simple. Theresa is not going to give up her son and let us raise him."
"That's fine; I can understand that. We'll share custody."
"Marissa, you're not getting this," he said, his voice losing some of its patience and taking on a colder tone. "I'm not going to be a part time Dad. I'm going to be there everyday, any day for my son, Daniel…that's his name."
"So then, what are you saying? Do you want to move Theresa and Daniel in with us, all of us live together like one big, happy family, because that will get weird Ryan. You can't have things both ways; you're going to have to make some compromises."
"I know," he whispered gravely, averting his eyes from hers, making his intentions known to her with just one look.
She could barely choke out an 'Oh my god' before she fell apart, tears cascading down her cheeks, her body shaking violently, sobbing at the top of her lungs, forgetting that they were supposed to be quiet so that no one would know they were in the poolhouse.
"Marissa, please, lower your voice," he begged. "Do you want everyone to hear you?" He moved towards her, attempting to take her in his arms to comfort her, but she scrambled off the bed away from him and backed up, cowering, as he moved after her. When her back hit the wall, she felt trapped, and she was, because Ryan was there within a second and stood in front of her, his naked body pressing against her sheet clad one, as he softly put his hand over her mouth in an attempt to quiet her. "Marissa, ssshhh, please."
She didn't know how or why, but in that moment, when he cared more about propriety and avoiding a scene with Newport society if they should hear them, she erupted, her pain and hurt being replaced with anger and wrath. Pushing him off of her violently, she stepped away from him, dropped the sheet, and began to get dressed as quickly as she could, all the while yelling at him.
"I can't believe you would do this to me, again, after everything we've been through together, after how well you leaving worked out the last time! What is wrong with you Ryan! There are so many things we could do to make this….us work while you could still be a good father to Daniel, but no, you have to run away, again, like a coward. Well, you know what Ryan, go ahead, leave, but this time, if you ever come back, I won't be here."
"Come on Marissa," Ryan said patronizing her, "you know it's not like that. I love you, but…"
"Exactly, Ryan, you love me, but. I've always known that you loved me, and I love you more than anyone else on this earth, more than I love myself, but the problem has always been that you don't love me near as much as I love you, and I've always been okay with that, because at least you loved me. That's all that mattered to me up until this point. I thought that I wasn't good enough for you to love me, and the fact that you gave me a piece of your heart was the greatest gift anyone had ever given me. I didn't think that I deserved the whole thing."
"Marissa, wait, I never…., Ryan interrupted only to have her stop him mid-sentence, eyes crackling with anger as she strode across the room towards him, only partially dressed but so incensed that her state of undress did not even register.
"Oh no, I don't want to hear anything from your mouth right now. This has been coming for a long time, and I'm going to say everything that's on my mind and you're going to shut up and listen to every single word of it!" She paused for a second to make sure that he was going to do what she said, and when he couldn't even look her in the eye out of shame, she continued.
"I've made plenty of mistakes since we've known each other, while we were together and while we were apart, but up until a few minutes ago, I never considered you one of them. Do you know what I would have done for you? Anything, Ryan, anything you could have ever asked me, I would have done for you. There is nothing I would have denied you. You know why? Because, as sad as it is, you were my life! Well, don't worry, that's done with now. The moment you told me that you were leaving me, once again, for Theresa and your child, even though we could have done this together and been happy, you lost me forever."
"The day I met you, I fell for you instantly, and I think you felt something as well, but then I went to you at the model home, and you pushed me away and were too afraid, too much of a coward to let me in, so you decided to run away…for the first time. Then when we finally got together, you never, ever talked to me. I never asked you to open up about your own pain; I only wanted you to listen to me when I needed someone to, but no, not Ryan Atwood. I was only good for having fun and making out with."
"What are you talking about," Ryan asked incredulous that she would say that to him. "Tell me one time when I refused to listen to you."
She laughed at his naiveté. "One time, you want only one time. Fine, I'll tell you one time. We had just started going out and we were making out on your bed. I was laying on top of you and started talking about my Mom, wanting to share with you how I was feeling, and do you know what you said to me? You said 'hey', to make me stop, to be quiet, to not talk to you, and from that moment on I knew that you would never listen to me when I had a problem so I never tried to talk to you again. You pushed me away constantly. Thanksgiving, I wanted to know about your past, who you were before you came to Newport, but you said it didn't matter. Do you know how much that hurt me? It felt like you were only using me to have fun and that you didn't want me in your life. Well, at that point, I still cared enough that I wasn't going to let you get away with that, so I came with you anyway."
"Yeah, and lied to me about your Mom knowing."
"Oh, you mean like you lied to me about never having a girlfriend before me. Guess you conveniently forgot about Theresa, didn't you. So, we're even there.
"Well," Ryan interjected, "that just about takes us up to our first Christmas, the Christmas where you not only got caught shoplifting, but also got drunk and almost got my probation revoked."
"You're right, I did do those things, and I will always be sorry that I did them. I never said that I did not mess up in our relationship, but the difference is that my screw ups didn't happen because I didn't love you. Plus, I quit drinking after that night….for you, well at least until you left me, but we'll get to that later."
"What about Oliver," he asked smugly, believing that he had found something he could hold over her head.
She countered without batting an eye. "What about him? I would have never even spoken to Oliver if someone wouldn't have broken their promise and gone with me to my first therapy session. I know you say that Over the Top was Stallone's best work since Lock Up, but I hope it was worth all the pain Oliver brought into our lives."
"Just because I didn't go to therapy with you, doesn't mean you should instantly make him your best friend, ignore me and stop trusting me."
"First of all," Marissa snapped back at him, poking her finger angrily into his chest, "who was the one who broke our trust first? I was not the one who broke into your locker and stole a private note and then proceeded to lie right to your face, was I? Secondly, if you would have talked to me when I needed someone to listen, I would have never needed anyone else in my life and Oliver would have just been some strange kid from therapy who didn't mean anything to me."
"Fine, so Oliver was my fault, too, what else Marissa?"
"Wait, I never said Oliver was entirely your fault. I should not have trusted him so much, I get that, but I was desperate for someone to talk to, to listen to me without judging, and I got suckered. There's no easy way to put it, but I guess next was Theresa. All I want to know is why."
"Why what, Marissa," Ryan asked exhaustedly.
Unable to keep her composure any longer, Marissa breaks down and moves back to the chair and sits down, crying silently to herself before wiping her tears away and stifling her sobs long enough to ask the question she had wanted an answer to for two years. "Why did you have to sleep with her? It obviously wasn't about the sex, because you never pressured me once while we were dating and then when I threw myself at you, an excellent opportunity for you to get your fix, you pushed me away. Hell, at that point in our relationship I was so desperate to keep even a small part of you for myself that I would have let you use me for sex."
"I would have never have done that," he whispered earnestly, throwing his boxers on quickly and going over to her and kneeling in front of her, attempting to take her hands in his only to have them vehemently pushed away.
"I know that, but if it wasn't about the sex, why did you sleep with her? Were you still in love with her?"
He spoke fiercely, leaving no room for her to doubt his answer, "No," but then remained quiet for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. Just as Marissa was about to ask another question in an attempt to get an answer out of him, he started speaking again. "I'm not 100 sure why I slept with her. A part of me wanted to hurt you like you had unwittingly hurt me, but another, a larger part of me wanted to save her. I knew that the only way she wouldn't go back to Chino, to Eddie was if I gave her a reason to stay, and I was the only reason she wanted."
"So, once again, Ryan, the white knight, came riding to the rescue and attempted to save the damsel in distress."
"Yeah, I guess so, but it didn't work out that way," he said wistfully.
"No, it didn't. Theresa left you, we got back together, and she came back abused and pregnant and I let you go." They were both silent as they sat and thought about that time in their lives, one silently crying, the other silently brooding. Finally, Marissa's voice, once again, broke the silence. "You know, when I let you go, I wanted you to say that you couldn't leave me, that you chose me, that somehow you would stay and we'd work things out together. I never thought you would, but there was this small part of me that hoped you loved me enough to do that, but I guess you didn't. And then, the day you left, I tried one more time to show you just how much you meant to me, to be reassured that you cared just as much, so I told you that I loved you but you couldn't even say it back to me."
"Just because I didn't say it, didn't mean that I didn't love you," Ryan said.
"Then why didn't you?"
"I don't know."
"Well, maybe it's because you didn't really love me, but it doesn't matter now. So, I drank my summer away and you played house with Theresa only to come back and want to pick up right where we left off."
"Except you had DJ."
"Yeah, but I wanted to pick up where we left off, too, but stupid me messed up, lied again, listened to Summer's advice, something I should never do, and didn't tell you about him. So we spent the next six months with other people, you happy, me miserable.
"Yeah and drunk most of the time," he spit out spitefully.
"You're right; I was drunk most of the time, as you so kindly pointed out to me that night in Alex's office." She is silent a moment as she thinks back to that painful night. "I don't think anyone had ever hurt me as much as you did that night. The things you said to me….I still have nightmares where that night replays over and over again in my head."
"You know, I didn't mean most of what I said, at least not the way it came out," he said almost inaudibly.
"It doesn't matter now. I forgave you without a second thought, like always, we reunited for about a week, and then Trey attempted to rape me." He winces as Marissa says the word rape, and she notices this and laughs. "Calling it something else other than rape does not change what he did to me, Ryan. I can't believe that even after all this time you can't face what happened, but, yet again, it really doesn't matter now does it, because we started falling apart, again, that night. Trey's actions set in motion a while line of events that changed us forever, you finding out, you attacking him, me having to shoot him to save your life, never talking about it, getting kicked out of Harbor, meeting Johnny, Johnny dying, you breaking up with me, dating other people, and then reuniting only for you to pull this shit of leaving me for Theresa and your son for no reason for the second time."
As soon as she finished, he launched off of his knees and started pacing the room, anger seeping through every pore of his body. She watched him move about the small poolhouse like a caged animal ready to pounce at anytime. Finally, he turned to her, his eyes void of any and all emotion except rage.
"That's it, that's all you have to say about the whole Johnny situation, you met him and he died! After all of your accusations that I did not love you enough, you skip over the portion of our relationship where you did not love me enough with two insignificant sentences! You're unbelievable….and not in a good way!"
Baited, she stood up and marched across to him, facing him head on as their conversation shifted into an argument.
"Oh really, I didn't love you enough while we were dating, that's rich. Why don't we examine why Johnny died in the first place? Do you know why he got drunk that night, Ryan? No, you don't! I wrote him a note, a note, I didn't even bother wasting my time telling him face to face when I told him that I loved you and only you and would always love you, that he would never be more to me than a friend. That's why he got drunk, and that's why he fell off that cliff. I'm sorry that I didn't bounce back from it right away like you wanted me to so that we could celebrate Valentines Day together, but I was feeling a little guilty!"
The anger left his face as quickly as it had entered and he hung his head in shame. "I didn't know….you never told me…"
"I shouldn't have had to tell you, Ryan, that's the point! You don't trust me, at all. I would never cheat on you or choose someone else over you, because up to just a few minutes ago, you were my everything! I shot someone for you, and yet you still questioned my love. What was it? Because you didn't love me that much you just assumed that my feelings were as shallow?"
"I'm sorry," he managed to choke out before her fierce glare stopped him from saying anything else. She turned away from him to walk towards her dress, but then stops in her tracks and turns around and walks back to him.
"Oh, and by the way, thanks for breaking up with me over the phone. It really showed me how much I meant to you, but I guess I should have expected it after you cheated on me with Sadie."
"I didn't sleep with her until after we broke up," he tried to explain.
"Oh, I know, but I also know you played strip poker with her while you were on your little road trip and you wanted to sleep with her, and to me, that counts as emotional cheating."
"How….how do you know about that," he stuttered out.
"You told Seth, Seth told Summer, and Summer told me. I also know about how you told Sadie that you were never as happy with anyone else as you were with her, I know about the whole Jess situation and how you said you had to stay away from girls like her, girls like me is what you meant, and I also know about your random in New Mexico."
"We weren't together," he replied in his own defense.
"You're right, we weren't, but the things you said and did just show how little I meant to you. Oh, and just to let you know, Sadie only stayed for you because I asked her, too."
"Well at least I didn't become a coke whore and Volchok's bitch!
"Right again, Ryan, but would Volchok have ever come after me if you hadn't of gone after Sadie? Yeah, Summer told me that, too." Turning on her heal, she went and picked up her dress, putting it on and effortlessly zipping it on her own even though he moved to help her. Picking up her purse and walking towards the door, she tried to not look at him, but she couldn't resist one last look, one last question.
"Why tonight, why did you sleep with me again knowing that you were going to break up with me as soon as we were done," she asked as the tears once again began to shower her pale cheeks.
"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to be with you one last time before…."
"Before you left me forever, I get it. I guess in the end it came down to the fact that I was a good lay and you wanted a piece of ass, but let me tell you this Ryan, if I wanted a good piece of ass, I wouldn't go to you, I'd go back to Kevin." She looks him up and down and smirks to herself before laughing viciously. "He was, by far, the best I've ever had in bed. No one has ever made me feel the way he did. Take that back to Chino with you and let that keep you company at night."
She turned around, still laughing, and opened the door, but before she could step out, his hand was roughly pulling her arm back into the poolhouse. He shut the door, pushed her up against he wall and kissed her with every ounce of desire he could muster only to have her push him off of her, slap him across his face, and glare at him.
"Don't you ever touch me again," she spat out irately. "You do that again, and I'll slap a restraining order on your ass so quickly it will make your head spin. Stay away from me, don't try to call me or contact me ever again."
Walking away, she smiled to herself, proud that she had finally stood up for herself and knowing that she would be okay, that she would get past Ryan Atwood and be better than ever.
"Marissa, wait, please…" His voice trailed off as he had no idea what else to say. Without even turning around, she spoke the last six words to him that he would ever hear from her:
"Fuck you, Ryan Atwood, fuck you!"