Okay, so after Sunday's episode, I was needing to write some MerDer fic. It basically follows everything that's been happening...including the "stairwell conversation"...it'll make sense , Read and Review, please...

Meredith awoke to the sound of a car alarm going off across the street. Shaking the thoughts from her head, she stared at the glowing green screen on her alarm clock. 4:30. Sighing, she knew it was useless to try to go back to sleep.

Getting up, she made her way to the kitchen. Not even bothering to turn on the light, Meredith poured herself a cup of orange juice, and making sure that Izzie wasn't around, she grabbed a piece of her dark chocolate. Sitting at the kitchen table, she let out a sigh. It was from exhaustion, from everything she had been through within the past few days.

Derek was the one constant in her life, and it wasn't really in a good way. Sure, he had been a friend for the most part. He had actually gotten Addison to be nice to her. But the conversationlast weekin the stairwell was the one the ran rampant in her mind. In the whole time she had known him, Derek had never declared anything 'over'. Not that that meant anything, but he had actually said they were over. Done. No "We'll see", No "For now"..Just plain done.

Derek rubbed his eyes, sighing. More than anything, he knew he needed sleep. He knew he had surgery in the morning. But still, he was awake. Staring at Addison's sleeping form beside him, he'd wondered if he'd made a mistake.

Getting out of bed, he walked to the kitchen area, pouring himself some water. Walking outside, he saw a hint of what was the moon peering out from behind the clouds. Truthfully, he wasn't looking foward to the day. Because if he did, then that would mean he'd have to face Meredith. He'd have to face the decisions he made. It wasn't that he regretted them, but rather the fact that now he questioned what he had said.

Swatting at a mosquito on his arm, Derek sighed. Why did things happen the way he did? Had Addison stayed in New York, would things have been different? Would he still have been with Meredith?

Had he not gone to see the vet with Doc, had he not seen Meredith there, would things have been any different? Those questions pondered his mind. Getting up from the step, turning to go back inside.

"Mer?...Meredith, Wake up!"

The voice came from some place far away, somewhere that she wasn't sure she wanted to go.

"Hmm?"She called, feeling a hand on her shoulder.

"Mer, you in there?Come on, we're gonna be late!"She heard Izzie say, shoving a plate of pancakes in front of her. Staring at the chocolate wrappers on the table, Izzie cleared her throat loudly.

"Hmm..Oh...Food."Meredith said, sitting up. Rubbing her back, she felt pain. She must have fallen asleep.

That day at Seattle Grace, Meredith stood talking to Izzie and Cristina. "What's wrong with you?"Cristina asked.

"Good morning to you, too."Meredith said, laughing. "But really-what isn't wrong with me these days?"

Rolling her eyes, Cristina continued her way into the hospital. "Please tell me this isn't gonna be one of your 'woe is me' days, Mer. Because If it is-"

"It's not. I'm fine...Derek thinks I'm a whore...but I'm fine. I've got to move on sooner or later, right?You guys wanna go to Joe's tonight?"Meredith asked, changing the mood.

"Sure...why?"Cristina asked.

"Maybe...Maybe it's a reason to celebrate?"Meredith suggested.

"Hm-What are we celebrating?"Izzie asked, munching on an apple.

"I don't ...being us. Being...interns who...every once in a while...deserve a break."

"Amen to that..."Cristina said as the elevator doors opened.

"Interns...you're late."Bailey said, spotting them. "Yang...Lucky you, you're on the Shephard surgery this morning. Karev...see to the patient in in this morning, complaining of symptoms..They're in his file. Stevens, O'Malley..."She said as they walked up. "You're with this morning and Grey..."

Meredith closed her eyes, knowing there wasn't much else. Crossing her fingers, a move that didn't go unnoticed by Bailey, Meredith drew a breath.

"Check up on Gwen... 's patient from , I have a patient right now..I'll need you to check my labs...let me then...we'll see."She said, before heading off.

Checking Gwen's chart, Meredith sighed. So far, so good. She had managed to avoid any confrontation and that's how they hoped it would stay.

"Is Everything okay?"

Meredith turned, hearing the voice behind her. "Oh yes...You're very healthy, you 're already showing signs of improvement."

"That's good...do you know when I can go home?"Gwen asked, sitting up.

"Not .Shephard still has to run tests...your operation did go smoothly, but there are after effects that we still need to be careful about."Meredith said.

Gwen nodded, fighting back a yawn. "I see..."She said, examining the look on Meredith's face.

"Is something wrong?"Meredith asked.

"No.I just..."Gwen said, laughing. "I like studying peoples faces. It's amazing what you'll find there. The truth is, most of what we say isn't said through words, but by body language."Realizing that she was rambling, she sighed.

Staring across the room, she cleared her throat. "Well, I guess I'll let you go an check up on your other patients.I know I'm not the only one you have to deal , what happened to..Izzie I believe her name is?Why wasn't she my doctor today?"

"She was assigned to another 's in surgery, actually...I could have her stop by later if you wanted."Meredith offered.

"No, it's fine.I don't want to be a bother. Are you okay?"Gwen asked, drumming her fingers on the table next to the bed.

Snapping her head toward her, Meredith wondered what she meant.

"I'm fine..."Meredith let out, knowing full well it was a lie.

"Are you sure?"Gwen asked.

"Why?"

Gwen shurgged, tilting her head. "It's just something about you..."

The door to the room opened and Derek walked into the room. A look was exchanged between he and Meredith that didn't go unnoticed by Gwen.

"I thought you had surgery this morning..."Meredith said, annoyance tinging her voice.

"I do."Derek said, nodding. "But they're prepping her for surgery now.I wanted to stop by and check on my patient...are her vitals in check?"Derek asked, not even looking at her.

Gazing towards him, Meredith wished she could know what he was thinking. He had to know that it hurt-the things he had said to her. He had to know that that was the only real thing she had been able to concentrate on for the past week.

" ?"He asked, breakinng her from her thoughts.

"Yeah...Yes, Der... .I should go...I've got labs to check on for Bailey. I'll be back later with your medication, Gwen."Meredith said, walking out of the room.

Derek stood, watching her leave the room. She hated him now, didn't she?

"Go after her."

Derek spun around, staring at the woman in the bed. Why was it that strangers always seemed to be the ones to point out the obvious.

"No...she needs time right now.I'm worried about you."

"Worried? said I was fine."

"I'm..I'm sorry."Derek said, pleading himself to remain focused.

"I didn't mean it like that...I mean, you are better...the operation did go well. What I mean is...I'm supposed to be worried that you are well... ...well..."He said, laughing.

"You love her, don't you?"

His mouth hung open. "Um...You know what?...I've..."He said, pretending to check his pager.

Standing up, he cleared his throat. "Meredith will be back to check on you later...Til then...try and get some rest."He said, leaving.

He attempted to make his way down the hallway, just in time to see Meredith round the corner.

"Derek.."He heard her call. Wincing as he turned around, he sighed.

"Addison...hello."

"I was thinking...well, I mean the thought just occured to me...but we haven't been out in a while."

"Out?''Derek asked.

"Out...as in dinner?What time do you get off today?"She asked, looking at her watch.

Sighing, Derek shoved his hand into his coat pocket. "Um...Addy...I have surgery in a half hour...could I talk to you about this at lunch?"

Addison looked confused, but nodded. "Sure...I'll see you then."

As soon as she said that, Derek nodded, then left. Looking down the hallway, he saw the Meredith had already made her way. Walking towards the lab, he stood outside the door.

He knew he had to talk to her, but he didn't know how to word in the doorway, he waited for her to notice him.

" , shouldn't you be scrubbing in sometime soon?"

Trying to ignore the cold tone Meredith used, he cleared his throat. "Mer, please-"

"Don't 'Mer' me, ...I've got work to do."She said, turning her back towards him.

"So it's now, huh?"Derek said, walking into the room. Common sense told him that the conversation they would be having required him to shut the door. "When did that happen?"

"Hmm..."Meredith said, writing something on a sheet of paper. "Around the time that you decided that what we had meant nothing to remember the conversation we had, right?The one where you called me a-"

"You know for the record, ...I didn't call you what it is you think I did...I wouldn't."

Meredith still wouldn't turn towards him. "Mer, Please..."He said, placing his hands on her shoulders.

She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the warmth of his hands. "Derek.."She said, her voice cracking.

"Turn around and face me."

Meredith shook her head, afraid of what she would see.

"Just...please do it."Derek insisted.

Again Meredith shook her head, writing something on a label.

"Meredith Grey..."Derek said, firmly. "All I'm asking you to do...is look at me."

Slowly, she swiveled the chair around. And for the first time in a week, their eyes met.

"No."

Derek frowned, wondering what she meant. "What?"

"I can't do this again, okay?I can't have someone who I honestly thought could still be my friend questioning me about my supposed tell you the truth, ...I haven't talked

to Finn since the day after we had our lovely little talk in the stairwell."

The room was silent, neither one of the willing to speak.

A machine beeped, bringing Meredith back to attention.

"You're...serious?"

"Not that it's any of your business..being as...well, you are married and apparently this thing between us is over...but yes."Meredith said, turning back to her work.

Derek coughed, at a loss of words, he lowered his head. "I'm...sorry."

Meredith sat up, nearly rigid. Standing, she turned towards him. "Sorry?...Sorry?You broke my heart into a million pieces and all you have to say is sorry?I tell you that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with you...and you tell me that we're through...I'm trying to move 've got to do the same.I thought that maybe I'd like Finn...but I don't.I like I can't have the best thing to do is..."

Grabbing the sides of her face, Derek kissed her. He didn't know what else to do.

Snaking his arm around her waist, he could feel her trying to fight it, but was relieved when he heard her sigh, finally giving in. Running his hands through her hair, he felt scared. At the time, he had only made the decision rashly, as to make her quiet.

But now, now that he was actually kissing her, he didn't know what he'd do afterward. He wanted to remember what it was like, because he didn't know when he'd be able to get that chance again.

Meredith pulled back, trying desperately to regain her breath. "Why'd you do that?"She asked.

Derek drew a breath, tucking Meredith's hair behind her ear. "I don't know. I've got surgery. So uh...I should go."

A/N:So what to you think?Is it worth continuing?...I know it didn't have much MerDer in the chapter, but I just wanted to get this out here. Let me know what you think...Thanks!