-Chapter 1-

New Knowledge

Artemis jolted from his meditative position, wide eyed and surprised. He was alone in his room with the curtains down, thinking as he so liked to do about morally ambiguous plots. The one currently percolating in his brain was concerning the lenses he found in his eyes a month ago. His concentration was broken however, when he heard screams coming from downstairs.

"Mother! Father!" He leapt from his bed and ran through his door, taking the stairs two at a time. Despite the fact that such physical exertion was not something he regularly indulged himself in, the adrenaline and fear rushing through his body propelled him. He knew exactly where Butler would be. In the wine cellar, putting away the Bourgueil his parents had recently purchased. Even if Butler had heard the screams, he wouldn't make it in time. Ever since Artemis had discovered the mysterious lenses, Butler had not been himself. His actions were slower, as if he had aged overnight. While he knew that his bodyguard would prefer it if he were running away from the possible hazard, he couldn't ignore his parents cries. He kept going, taking three steps at a time now.

He reached the dining hall entrance, pushing the doors open to see whatever catastrophe was unfolding.

"Mother, father, I…" Artemis paused, his shoulders sagged, and he placed a hand over his face to contain his frustration. "…You must be joking."

Some how or another, a tawny owl had gotten into the manor; and it was chasing Angeline Fowl around the large dining room, happily hooting as well as an owl can with a letter in its beak. Angeline Fowl, despite her name, was terrified of fowl. Anything that flew frightened her. It happened when Artemis senior had taken her duck hunting before they were married for a laugh. A flock of angry mallards did not take kindly to their gunfire and chased them for half a mile. She had never felt the same about poultry ever since. To make the situation worse, Artemis senior was running as well, stumbling slightly on his new legs, trying to calm his wife down and shoo away the bird.

The owl noticed Artemis, and made its way towards him, perching itself on Artemis's shoulder. Angeline shrieked in terror. "It's got my boy! Do something!" she said, pulling on her husbands arm.

Artemis sighed at his mother's strange behaviour. It was most out of character for the graceful Angeline. "No need to worry, mother." He looked at the letter curiously and pulled it from the owl's beak. Just as the owl became comfortable on its perch, it was frightened away by the dining room doors bursting from their frames as Butler thrust them open. Seeing that there was no immediate danger in the room though, he composed himself, straitening his tie and wiping his brow. The perturbed owl made its way out of an open window.

Artemis's gaze dropped to the old wooden doors. "We'll just get them replaced then, shall we?"

Not bothering with further chit chat, Artemis turned his attention to the letter, curious as to who would use an owl to deliver a message. "This is addressed to me." he said absently. He examined the seal curiously. It appeared to be a coat of arms with a lion, snake, raven, and badger surrounding a capital 'H'. The envelope read:

Mr A. Fowl II

The Second Floor's Third Room to the Right

Fowl Manor

Dublin

Ireland

"…What in the world?" Artemis senior said over his son's shoulder.

"Hmm," Artemis said lazily. "What an odd and stupid practical joke. An owl delivering a mysterious letter? How absurd." Artemis was about to toss the letter in the garbage bin when his father stopped him.

"Well, aren't you going to open it Arty?" His father winked at him.

Artemis looked at his father, still not used to the miraculous change he had gone through since he was freed from the Mafiya. Despite being the sensible genius he was, he couldn't help but feel a bit of childish excitement at the letter. He felt the wonder of new knowledge at his finger tips. He had felt this feeling before; but he couldn't remember where he had. Perhaps from a dream. As his fingers felt the grainy surface of the envelope, he felt a sensation overtake him, almost like magic. Artemis broke the seal and pulled out two pieces of parchment. The contents of the first letter read:

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards)

Dear Mr Fowl

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Silence filled the room.

"…Wizardry?" His father mouthed silently.

"Owl? What do they mean by that?" His mother said anxiously.

Artemis senior started laughing. "I guess you were right Arty, it was a practical joke after all."

Artemis, however, did not entirely think so. A feeling of nostalgia swept over his being. Magic. Why did this seem familiar? A part of him knew there was no such thing, but another part pulled at him telling him otherwise. He glanced at his old friend and could see that Butler was feeling the same way, concern etched into his brow.

Artemis sat down at the dining room table, followed by his parents. He read the first letter over and over, still amazed at the possibilities. Assuming they were true. Once content with his examination, he pulled out the other letter and read it out loud.

"'Seeingas Mr. Fowl has missed his first three years of his wizardry education, he will need to catch up on his teachings before he may be accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I shall send him a tutor and escort in order to help him catch up on the years he has missed. The escort will instruct him as to what items need purchasing for his learning and will direct him while he learns about the magical community. He will arrive to teach Mr. Fowl once he finishes reading this sentence-.'"

At that exact moment, there was a loud knock on the main door, making Angeline jump into Artemis senior's arms. They all slowly got up and walked into the hall where the large doors of Fowl Manor stood.

As Butler made his way to the door, Artemis felt sweat dampen his brow from the anticipation. He half expected to see an old, green, and crooked creature with a black pointed hat and broomstick standing before him, but what he saw shocked him even more. As Butler swung the door open, before them there stood not one person as the letter had said, but two men. One was tall, young, and handsome, and the other was an older balding man; both with flaming red hair and a mass of freckles covering their pale faces. No pointed hats, no broom sticks, and no green skin. The only thing that really made them stick out was their attire. It was enough to make Artemis wretch slightly. The young man had on a faded leather jacket and torn jeans, a fang earring dangling from his ear. The other man was wearing what looked like a very itchy sweater vest over a plaid shirt and orange corduroy pants to match. Artemis could not help but roll his eyes and think Jeeves would not approve.

Butler motioned for the men to enter. Despite his cordiality, his menacing gaze and size would be enough to wilt the most formidable of foes. His size and demeanour however, seemed to bounce right off the visitors. The young man simply nodded at Butler, half playfully, half daringly, as the older man admired the hall's portraits and armour, completely unaware of the Fowl family's stares.

Artemis coughed into his hands subtly, awaiting an introduction. This grabbed their attention.

"Hello there! You must be young Arty!" said the one in the sweater vest.

Artemis silently ground his teeth. "Please, I prefer 'Artemis', but yes, I am he."

"Excellent, wonderful!" He said striding over and shaking Artemis's hand. Artemis stared at the handshake, as if expecting a rather unpleasant shock from a novelty buzzer. On base instinct, Butler abandoned the door and took a place by Artemis's side, just in case the so-called wizard decided to do anything funny. However the old man just kept on chattering away. "It's a real pleasure to be here- been looking forward to it for weeks. My name is Arthur. Arthur Weasley."

"I take it you are my tutor?"

"Hmm? Oh, no, my son is, Bill. That's him over there." Arthur said motioning to his son who waved back casually. "I don't mean to brag, but he's pretty smart. Not a genius like you mind, but seeing as the school year is still in progress, there were no teachers readily available. I bet you'll skim right through the material anyway. No, the reason I'm here is, well, it's for research, you see?"

Artemis arched an eyebrow, leaning back slightly as if to escape the barrage of words. "No, I'm afraid I don't see."

At this Arthur puffed out his chest slightly. "Well, you see, I work for the Ministry of Magic, under the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts-."

"Muggle?" Angeline said, wrapping an arm around her son's waist, a mother's way of protection.

"You people. I mean, non-magical people, that is. Some wizards find it funny to pull practical jokes on muggle items, and it's my job to un-hex them. You see, I find muggles fascinating. The way they've managed to accomplish so much without the use of magic. By means of 'ecklectricity', oh, I mean, 'electricity'. Ha ha. When Dumbledore appointed Bill here to tutor you, well, I thought it would be an invaluable opportunity to learn more about muggle 'technology'. Perhaps you could even give me some pointers yourself-."

"Alright dad, don't go pushing yourself on my pupil. This is probably happening too fast for them."

Artemis the first stepped forward between his family and the strangers. "You're certainly right. I don't know what kind of a joke this is; but enough's enough! Butler, please escort these men out."

"Now hold on," said Bill, raising his hands non-threateningly. "Give us a chance at least. If you make us leave now, your son will never be able to live up to his true potential."

"I don't think my son is interested in whatever game you're trying to pull, right Arty?" He said, turning to Artemis. Artemis, however, did not reply, opting to rest his chin on his hand; thinking. "Artemis, you can't seriously believe them?"

"…Not yet Father, but I think it would be fair to give them a chance to prove themselves, don't you?"

"Are you sure you want to take that chance?" Butler said softly, leaning over Artemis's shoulder. "I can guarantee you, whatever it is they'll drag you into, there will be trouble.

"I do. There is nothing worth gaining that can be attained easily."

"That's the spirit!" Arthur said, rubbing his hands together.

"Let's be off then." Said Bill turning towards the still-open door.

"To where?" Artemis asked following Bill.

"To pick up your school supplies. To do this we'll need to go to Diagon Alley, where wizards shop. That should be more than enough proof."

"And where is Diagon Alley?"

"London." Arthur said happily.

"London?" Artemis's father said, unsure. "Well, I suppose we could take the Lear jet."

"No need, we can get that faster via Knight Bus. Oh, and bring some money with you. You can exchange it at Gringots for wizarding money."

"I have my credit card."

Bill laughed heartily. "I'm afraid you won't be able to use that at Gringots. The goblins wouldn't be pleased with that."

Artemis senior laughed a little as well. He knew that bankers could very much be like goblins at times, because surely he couldn't actually mean goblins. Could he? "Well then, Butler, could you please go and get something tangible then?"

Butler nodded silently and left up the stairs.

"How much is he going to bring? School supplies can be expensive." Arthur asked.

"Oh, probably not that much. Around 8000 Euros."

Arthur jerked in surprise. "8-8000 Euros? Bill? What would that be in galleons approximately?"

Bill paused for a moment, and then answered. "Around 1100 I think. Maybe a bit less."

Arthur pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed a bead of sweat from his receding hairline. "Merlin's beard. That's certainly- that'll definitely cover the supplies."

As they exited the manor, Bill stopped at the curb.

"Why are we stopping here?" Angeline asked.

"The Knight Bus will come wherever it's needed. No need to walk all the way down the lane." As Bill said this, he pulled out a long, thin piece of wood. "The first thing we'll be purchasing is this, a wand. With this you'll be able to perform incantations."

"Fascinating… may I see it?" Artemis asked. Bill politely handed it over just as Butler made his way outside. Artemis could tell by a short examination that object was masterfully made. It was hard to believe that someone would put so much effort into manufacturing a hoax. Though it wouldn't be the first time. "Thank you." He said, handing it back.

As the two guests walked closer to the curb, Butler leaned over Artemis's shoulder again. "I know that no matter what I say, you won't change your mind, but this could be dangerous. Why would they ask for us to bring hard cash?"

"So that we can exchange it for their currency. Really Butler, you should pay better attention." Artemis said half sarcastically. Butler just scowled.

"Did it ever occur to you that these 'wizards' are trying to lure you into a trap? They may be looking to take you and your family as hostages and take the money; which is why I only brought around 8000 Euros."

Artemis didn't talk for a moment. "I took that into consideration old friend, and while it's possible, I don't find it likely. Mister Weasley's reaction to even an insignificant amount such as 8000 was not the way a hostage taker, who would normally be used to six digit figures, would react. The sum seemed to almost make him nervous… at any rate, keep your guard up. You never know what may-."

At that moment, there was a large bang in front of them and an instant later a large, purple, three-decker bus was parked in front of the manor. On the side of the 'vehicle', if one could call it such, was the name 'Knight Bus' in silver letters. "Happen…"

The bus doors burst open and a pimply young wizard stepped out and brandished a piece of parchment, reading from it dully. "Welcome to the Knight Bus; emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Stan Shunpike, and I will be your conductor this morning." He paused and looked around the group. "Well? Where'd you want to go?"

"To Diagon Alley please." Bill annunciated for the civil servant.

From seemingly nowhere, Stan pulled out a register and began to enter numbers into it, muttering to himself while looking, accounting for each person. "So six passengers… Dublin to Diagon Alley… that'll be… 126 Galleons and 11 Knuts."

Arthur breathed sharply as he pulled out his change purse. It was large and ratty, with patches sewn into certain parts. Once he had paid, they all boarded, some more cautiously than others, and one with great difficulty through the tiny door.

The inside was extraordinarily shabby, and had it been under any other circumstances, Artemis would have left the transport immediately; but his curiosity edged him through the isle to the cleanest chair he could find.

"Right, we have a few stops before hand, so just make yourselves comfortable. Take 'er away Ernie.

With that, the bus jerked into life with another loud bang and jutted forward, sending its passengers flying from their seats; at least those that were not used to the Knight Bus. As the bus rolled clumsily and speedily along the road, trees and shacks jumped out of the bus's way. Artemis tried to break down how this was even physically possible, but the constant noise and motion of the bus didn't allow him even a moments thought.

Even though the bus was moving incredibly fast, Artemis couldn't help but think, this is going to be a very long bus ride.