|True Stories of Misunderstood Beasts
Author: ano-nimmus PM
Well, who said the gods always got it right? Originally a oneshot. First the Sphinx, then Cetus. Rating may go up. Note: I could REALLY use some reviews for the Cetus chapter!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Drama/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,365 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 02-26-07 - Published: 05-18-06 - id: 2944845
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This was a little thingy-ma-jigger that I did for a school project. It's a remake of the story of Oedipus and the Sphinx. THIS is the REAL story, folks.
Disclaimer: Hmmm, first disclaimer ever. I always forget. Ah, well... Now then, to business. Well, the gods own the dang characters, but I made the story. We're even. Measure for measure. Take that. Mwa ha ha. Why am I saying all this? On with the TRUE story!
Hard for a sphinx, that is. When you think of a sphinx, you normally think of something outgoing, clever, and actually just a little bit deadly, right? Well, I'm not. Instead, I'm just a little bit of a disappointment. I'm timid (for a sphinx), dumb (for a sphinx), and pretty weak (for a sphinx). In other words, I'm the lowest of the low among my own people, but luckily humans are dumb enough to actually consider me to be sorta scary.
If you rounded up all the sphinxes in the world and picked sides for soccer, I'd probably be the last one left, right next to the fat kid and the one with the cast.
Well you see, one day I was guarding Thebes, killing anyone who tried to go in or out, ask the riddle, kill myself if they got it right (luckily this didn't happen), kill them if they got it wrong. You know, the usual stuff. And there was this man who came by. He saw me, I suppose, because he started screaming and trying to run away. Well, at least he tasted good.
It continued like that for a long time.
Step one: tradesmen passed.
Step two: they saw me.
Step three: I asked the riddle. Some were so freaked out that I got bored and just ate them. Those who did answer got it wrong. I ate them too.
Well, if they were too fat I avoided them. I killed them, but I left them alone after that. Okay, so sometimes it was hard to pass up thelarge amount of edible flesh, but after a few days there was a certain something that kept me back. Let's just say they had some serious hygiene issues, shall we?
It was a long time before anything exciting happened. It was all like that, and being a sphinx I never found anyone who could answer my riddles. But there was one day when this guy came along, and he was at least a little more interesting. I mean, who else would take on a dangerous riddle of their own free will?
"Hi," he said to me confidently. "My name is Oedipus, and I'm going to solve your riddle."
"Yeah, right," I snickered. "How many people have failed before? Three hundred and sixty two at the last count, I think." I paused and took a long time counting up the skulls at my side. "Oh wait, make that three hundred and sixty three. You can count 'em yourself if you don't believe me."
He shrugged. "Oh well. Fine by me."
I frowned for a moment. Then I brightened and grinned. "Wait a second! Your name is Et-a-puss? You ate a cat? Why?"
Okay, so it was a pretty lame joke, but I was feeling pretty boisterous at the time, and it made me even happier when he got angry. I won't go into detail now, but I'll tell you that he was screaming at me a lot. Then he walked away fuming. It was all I could do to stop myself from whistling merrily.
That night, it was a dark and stormy night... and Oedipus cheated. I saw him climbing Mount Olympus and asking Zeus the answer to my riddle.
When he got to my place the next morning (constructed of my favorite bones), I asked him the riddle: "What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?" I could see he was trying to make it look like he was thinking had about this. But he wasn't the only one with a Plan B.
Finally, he said, "Man crawls on all fours in infancy, walks upright on two legs in adulthood, and uses a cane as a third leg in old age." He grinned at me proudly, expecting me to throw myself off the walls of Thebes or whatever. But you know, he was wrong.
"No," I crowed. "The answer is: A horse walks on all fours, then his front legs are cut off, and then he has a surgical operation and gets back one of his legs!"
So I ended up eating him. He sure screamed a lot. I think he permanently damaged my hearing. Anyhoo, the only reason I died was because the meat was so rich I fell off a cliff. Now then, I have the boatman of the River Styx to gobble...
--The Oracle Fox--