In the dark recess of the Tendo household, an act of unspeakable evil was taking place.

Beneath wooden boards of proud tradition and legacy lies a small room. One that no stairway leads to, no door opens to, and no window illuminates. One that no man, dead or alive, would be foolish enough to tread. And since there’s no drawer full of bras and panties to be… ahem… liberated, it’s safe to say You Know Who wouldn’t go there either. Beside, HE doesn’t really count because the writer doesn’t even know if he’s human (let alone a male) or not.

Lying inside are compilations of spells, curses and various sorts of magical items. Books upon books and scrolls upon scrolls, all of which are mystical in nature, were kept there under the extreme care of their owner. All of them were stacked neatly into an ancient cabinet, giving the place a surreal atmosphere. All save one.

This particular book was currently being used. (Hence the reason why it wasn't stored away. The owner of the place was a very orderly sort of person you know.) Its leather-bound edge sat against an age-old table constructed entirely out of granite. A lone candle, the only ambient light in the confined space, lighted its yellow-tinted pages.

Beside the candle, stood a cauldron filled with viscous substance. The content inside bubbled in a steady rhythm from the heat provided by the fire beneath the cast-iron utensil. As time passes thin wasps of vapor would occasionally rise from the simmering concoction, giving off a wonderful aroma akin to those from fresh baked bread or a well-seasoned ham, which is quite amazing if you consider what was being put into pot.

“A touch of grinded Minotaur toenails, a pinch powdered of gargoyles’ skin and a handful of centipedes’ legs, crushed not chopped.” The figure called out each of the ingredients as she added them as if reminding herself so she wouldn’t leave something out. Pausing to double check the recipe from the book beside her, she began to stir the cauldron absent-mindedly all the while humming a merry tune.

After about five minutes the viscous and syrupy solution turned watery and cleared up till it became translucent with a hint of blue in it. The girl lifted the huge spoon she was using to stir the cauldron up to her face. The camera shifted to show the girl’s light complexion and her smile as she sniffed her potion. The rest of her face hidden by the pointed hat she was wearing.

The girl in the pointed hat suddenly jumped up in joy causing her ample bosom to jiggle enticingly, threatening to spill out of the Western-style corset they were incased in. She calmed down a bit and began filling the crystal vials she brought with the ingredients for the potion she had just made.

Finally finished with the task, she held one of the vials up to the brightly burning candle. The soft cerulean liquid glowed as the light hit it.

“Muah Ha Ha Ha!” The girl laughed maniacally for a second before she realized what she was doing.

With a soft ‘Oh my’, Kasumi pulled off her pointed hat and began removing her witch costume. It wouldn’t do for her to be caught down here. She began packing her things away, noting that it was almost six o’clock already. She put the vials into her purse and moved towards the hidden passage in the wall.

“Oh no!” the girl exclaimed, stopping as she remembered something. “I better clean the cauldron before the rest of that potion dries up, otherwise it would be real hard work getting it off.”

As she went to work scrubbing the blue film that seemed to cover the cauldron she couldn’t help but feel the urge to…

“To yodel?” Evil Kasumi asked popping up above the girl’s left shoulder.

BLAM!

“No!” Good Kasumi yelled, slamming a mallet into her devil-like counter part.

“I was only trying to help,” Evil Kasumi said with a sniffle. She looked like she was on the verge of bursting into tears.

“Just be quiet will you,” Good Kasumi yelled at her again. She turned to the real Kasumi and said, beaming proudly. “Now, go on Kas-chan. You know you want to.”

‘Oh my…’ Kasumi mumbled then looked left and right before…

“MUAH HA HA HA”

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Fat Cat Production proudly present

A fan fiction by Krimzonrayne, the Avatar of the blood-god

Truth about Wisdom.

Chapter 9: Another chapter, no jokes

Disclaimer: I don’t own Ranma 1/2 Darkstalker or Sailormoon. Hmm I wonder what that means.

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“Kasumi-neechan, where are you?” yelled a voice from somewhere above the room.

The girl uttered a small cry of surprise before she rushed to the hidden passage and pulled herself in. Few seconds and a cut scene later, the familiar serene-faced head of Tendo Kasumi popped up from the ground, atop her luscious brown hair was a pot of gardenia. Moving quickly with speed no normal home-makers should possess, she hopped out off the hole and jumped through an open window into the kitchen, all the while finding enough time to replace the potted plant and clean up any sign of there being a secret passage in the garden.

Akane walked into the kitchen, her breaths were still slightly labored from her morning run. “Where were you Kasumi-neechan? I’ve looked everywhere and couldn’t find you before.”

“I was in the garden Akane-chan,” the older girl said, hiding her purse behind her back. She sniffed the air and looked disdainfully at the sweat-drenched gi on the girl. “I’m going to get started on breakfast now. Why don’t you have a bath while you’re waiting?”

The younger girl gave a shrug and left, pausing to give her sister an odd look as she walked through the door.

Kasumi stood still for a minute, waiting for the sound of splashing water to indicate that her sister wouldn’t be walking in on her while she was doing the deed. She walked over to the cabinet beside the fridge and crouched down. Inside the plain looking cabinet was a state of the art safe one with sixteen-digit code verification system, the same amount that is required for containing biohazard parcels. She turned left and right before started entering the code, which she had committed to memory. The machine beeped once, confirming that the entered code was the correct one. Its silver door opened with a gaseous ‘pssf’. Silhouetted inside was pair of crimson demonic eyes.

“Rwahhh!” It screamed, slashing out at the girl with a sharp talon-like claw. But this girl is far from helpless and this was far from the first time it has happened.

“My word bears my will…” Kasumi quickly chanted, weaving the spell into life with a few motions of her hands. “LIGHTNING!”

A bright spark erupted from the tip of her fingers blasting the monster back into its dark confinement. It writhed about for an instant before lashing out at the apparent magical girl once more. This time she was prepared. As the claws approached her she whipped out her freshly prepared potion and emptied the contents of the vial on the monster. It screeched and disintegrated into a puff of smoke.

‘Phew, at least that gets rid of ONE of the problems,’ the girl thought in relief. ‘I swear if I have to explain to the JSDF (Japanese military) one more time how I accumulate bio-hazardous wastes, I’m going to scream.’

Looking left and right to make sure no one was watching, she reached into the safe and pulled out a pitiful remnant of a pan. She closed the mechanical cube and chucked the junk in her hand into a bin.

“That’s the second class-3 demonic being this month,” Kasumi said aloud, sighing out-of-characterly. “I guess it was too much to ask, hoping for Akane-chan to get better by herself that is.”

“You really should be more careful, Kasumi-chan.”

“Eep!” Kasumi squealed in fright as she jumped 3 feet up into the air. She turned around prepared to give whoever saw her a blast of memory charm.

“I mean, it could’ve easily been Nabiki-chan or your father that walked in,” Nodoka said pointing at the charred remains in the bin. “What would you’ve done then?”

“I would’ve had to cast a memory charm on them,” the younger girl admitted rather reluctantly.

“I see,” Ranma’s mother said, nodding as if she was expecting this answer. “Now, while that might’ve been okay a couple of years ago, we now have a system in place that deals with sorcery, my department to be exact.”

Kasumi gasped. “Oh my, I can’t believe I’ve been breaking the law all this time.” Suddenly, a realization dawned on her. “Are you going to arrest me Officer?

Nodoka stared at Kasumi for a moment. When she was certain the girl wasn’t kidding, she threw her head back and filled the room with joyous laughter. She put a hand to her mouth, stifling another burst of giggles and began talking to the girl once more.

“Of course not, Kasumi-chan. I mean which penitentiary officer in their right mind would imprison a person on the ground of sorcery? Not to mention how would they go about trying to hold a witch or a sorcerer. Why, the poor lad would’ve gone crazy trying to get you acquitted the moment her saw you. You’re a very ‘charming’ sort of woman you know.”

Kasumi was torn between blushing at the complement and sighing in relief. But she had to ask…

“But Aunty, how do you deal with other magic users you’ve come across?”

“Well…” Nodoka said, tapping a finger against her chin. “It usually works out that they either join our department and become the good guys or…”

“…or?”

“Or they blow themselves up trying to kill us. Usually it’s some kind of forbidden ‘you-should’ve-known-better’ kind of spell.”

“Oh right…” The girl mumbled, swallowing bile that was rising in her throat. Maybe she should forget about that Dragon Slave spell. It really is kind of over kill. ‘Oh well, joining Aunty won’t be so bad. I’ve always wanted to do something that helps people.’

“Well either that or we decapitate them. Turns out that it’s really hard to revive a decapitated corpse.”

Kasumi fainted.

“Oh dear, I’ve hoped she’d gotten used to this by now. I mean, with what happened yesterday and all.”

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- The night before - (become one with the flashback)

“Oh Shit,” Ranma said out loud, regretting it as he did so. He didn’t like swearing, it didn’t suit him at all. He even felt the capital ‘S’ in that one quite clearly.

The girls blinked collectively before they resumed yelling with new vigor. All apart from Kasumi that is, the homemaker was simply sitting there with an unreadable expression on her face.

“HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME YOU JERK? WITH MY OWN SISTER NO LESS!”

“OBSTICLE FOR KILLING!”

“THAT’S MY FIANCEE YOU’RE KISSING YOU HUSSY!”

The pig tailed boy leapt backward, pulling Nabiki and himself out of harm’s way. He refrained from doing some of the more ‘advanced’ mid-air maneuvers knowing that Nabiki wasn’t accustomed to triple-flips and other stomach-up setting moves. He looked down, expecting the middle Tendo daughter to be frightened or at least somewhat shocked by the sudden attack. He was surprisingly relieved when he found that she had a silly grin on her face and was enjoying herself tremendously.

‘I guess it’s true what they say about the quiet ones. Man, who would’ve thought Tendo ‘the ice-queen’ Nabiki is an adrenaline junky.’

If Nabiki could have read his mind, she would’ve informed him that she wasn’t adrenaline junky, and she wasn’t smiling from being in life-threatening situation at all. In fact, the reason for her smile was none other than being so close to a certain martial artist. Being held so close to him, mesmerized by his overpowering scent and charmed by his innate charisma was very intoxicating indeed.

“Hey! It’s not what it looks like,” Ranma yelled out of reflex, snapping the nearly-melted Ice Queen of Furinkan out of her pig-tailed boy induced fantasy.

“Hey!” the girl hissed at him, a bit angry at his statement.

The bouncing martial artist blinked as he realized what he said. “What was I SAYING? It IS what it looks like.”

The attacks stopped almost instantly as the unfamiliar phenomenon known as ‘silence’ shrouded the normally chaotic Tendo household. You can forget about the proverbial pin drops, the blinking themselves were deafening enough. Granted, there was a lot of blinking going on at the moment but Ranma could’ve swore he heard every single one of them.

“I WAS RIGHT! YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME!” Akane screamed, beating the Amazon and Okonomiyaki-chief to the punch, quite literally in fact.

Ranma dropped the ground, doing a split and allowing the fist to pass harmlessly over his head. He rolled forward and, with Nabiki in arm, reached out with a light kick that paralyzed the enraged girl.

“Akane, I’m not cheating on you,” the raven-haired youth said. “The reason I said this is because it was never my intention to marry you…” turning towards the other two ‘true’ fiancées “…any of you, in the first place.”

Ukyou and Shampoo put two and two together and prepared to flatten the boy for leading them on with no intention of ever marrying them.

Akane put two and two together and, as usual, got forty-two. “You mean…” she began, looking between the boy and the girl in the boy’s arms for confirmation.

“…to tell me that… all this time… you’ve been…” the girl trotted along slowly, a look of understanding began to show on her face. Her older sister nodded encouragingly, hoping that her self-absorbed younger sister finally got a clue.

“… sleeping with Nabiki and therefore was never going to marry me. RANMA NO BAKA!”

Ranma face faulted into the swinging mallet, it forcefully and painfully catapulted him across the living room. From the far wall, he groaned in head pain but not one caused by the mallet. ‘How could anyone be THAT dense?

From the wooden floor, Ukyo and Shampoo also groaned. How could anyone be THAT clueless?

Nabiki also groaned from where she laid, her arms and legs entangled with Ranma’s, but for completely different reasons. In fact it wasn’t so much of a groan but more of a moan.

A certain un-cute tomboy only needed to hear that once before drawing the ‘obvious’. (To her of course, damn that girl’s a pervert) With the self-righteous task of pounding the pervert firmly fixed in her mind, she began advancing on the poor (Not because he close to Nabiki, Honest!) boy.

The door belled rang.

“Hi Aunty Nodoka,” Kasumi chimed from the genkan. (The entrance)

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- Somewhere far from Japan-

“This is interesting. A fragmented bi-polynomial you say? Why, I’ve haven’t seen one of those in ages.” An eerily charming voice ranged over the phone.

Ebishi shivered. He didn’t know there was such a thing as British-accented Japanese but if there was, it would be how he would describe Nodoka’s accent.

“SOoo… who wrote it?” Koryu Nodoka asked coyly over the phone, her arrogant smirk was practically visible. ‘It’s the same as always,’ she thought. ‘The old boys couldn’t crack it so they came running to me.’

Ebishi grinned. It was nice to know Nodoka could be wrong for once. She’s way too confident for her own good anyway. “Actually we know who wrote it this time, it’s--”

“Well good for you, Ebi-kun,” Nodoka cut him off, not the least bit bothered. However, her voice took on a chilly edge. “So what do you need me for? This couldn’t possibly be a courtesy call, because you know how I feel about you guys calling me on my holiday.”

“Well we know who wrote it but we don’t know what it says,” The agent said, almost stuttering. His training in OSI had helped him a lot in the past but it was next to useless when it came to Nodoka. He shivered again. It wasn’t because she’s an ace marksman in dozens of weapons and an expert martial artist. No, he was positive she wouldn’t actually kill him.

Nodoka was a bit confused and annoyed at the same time. "What do you mean? Arrest him and interrogate him like we always do." While she liked code breaking as much as the next cryptographer, why waste time and effort cracking the code when it's so much easier to crack the mind?

"We can't. He hasn't done anything wrong."

"So? Get him arrested for Speeding or Jay-walking or SOMETHING. It's not THAT hard is it?" She sighed exasperatedly. 'Men, can't they do ANYTHING right?'

"Well, he doesn't drive and unless we have flying cars, what he does isn't exactly Jay-walking either," Ebishi said as he began cold sweating anew.

"What do you mean-- RATAT TAT TAT TAT TAT" The woman's voice was cut off by the sound of automatic machine-gun fire.

Ebishi stared at his phone incredulously. 'She couldn’t possibly...' A loud crack of a high power pistol being fired at close range came over the line along with a muffled cry. The aged agent brought the phone back to his ear. 'Gotcha!' Said a voice that he identified as Nodoka. It was followed by a softer 'Nice shot, mum'.

"Hey! Was that--" He began to say only to be cut off again.

"I'm sorry but I'm a tad busy right now could you call me back..."

"Mum! There are more of them coming!"

"Alright Ebi-kun you're going to have to talk to Miyo for a sec because I'm --BANG-- very busy at the moment.”

“Miyo! Katana!"

There was a whooshing sound of the cell phone being thrown through the air. An instant later, Ebishi found himself talking to a somewhat hyperactive young girl. "Hi Uncle Charlie," She chirped.

"I told you to stop calling me that, Miyo-chan," Ebishi grumbled at having to talk to the kid. Granted, most kids aren’t as mature as Miyo or wield deadly Katanas with her precision but it's the principle of the thing. Beside, compared to Nodoka she has a long way to go yet. "Why do you call me that anyway?"

"Well what else would you call a mysterious stranger who rang up your Mum and sent her on dangerous missions?" Getting no response, she sighed. "Never mind, it was a weak joke. You really need to go out sometime Uncle Charlie. You know, catch up on movies and the likes."

"I'm not really sure I want to know but... where did you guys go for holiday this time?"

"Europe, Romania, lower Transylvania to be exact," the cheerful girl said cryptically.

For normal family, he would’ve guessed maybe scenery, sightseeing or fresh-air. But the Koryus are far from normal. "...vampires?" He guessed. At least if she says no, he could claim it was a joke.

"Yep, got it in one!” Miyo chirped. “Vampires, Ghouls, Undeads, the whole circus. In fact, I bet you couldn't even imagine how much ammo we've used up."

Ebishi tried to anyway. The result made him started shivering all over again. ‘That's it, I'm switching back to Fujitsu,’ He thought. ‘Stupid Americans, they can't even get their air-conditioners right.'

"So how’s your mother doing? Is she still knee-deep in supernatural-beings or can I finally talk to her?"

"Whoa, Nice! Huh? What did you say Uncle Charlie? I was too busy watching Mum. Man, three ghouls in one swing, Mum sure is having fun."

"Never mind," Ebishi mumbled into the receiver, sighing as he did so. "You've just answered my question."

"Well?"

"Well? What do you mean, well?"

"What kind of mission do you have for my mother this time? Because if it's anything like last time, I'm going."

"Come on Miyo, you know that I'm not allowed to disclose any information to a civilian much less a minor like you. The zombie case was a one-time thing and we only let you go because of your expertise with a Katana. And even then, it's because your mother insisted. Furthermore, all--”

"All information regarding Department Seventeen is top secret and therefore strictly forbidden to anyone other than its personnel and the Emperor, yeah yeah, I’ve heard this speech before. Just tell me already.”

“…”

“…Mum, uncle Ebishi said he has a confession to make. Something about your last mission…” She yelled out making sure he could hear every word clearly.

“Stop! Stop! I’ll tell you!” Ebishi practically screamed into the receiver. If Nodoka knew what happened to the surveillance tape from her last mission, she would gut him. Several times… in a row… per day.

“Well?” Miyo said with a smirk almost identical to the one a certain pig-tailed boy usually sports.

“It’s nothing you would be interested in anyway. Just some unknown teenage-prodigy getting full marks on all his end-of-the-year exams. Another department wants your mother to decode something for them that’s all.”

“Feh, prodigy my butt.” The teenager snorted. “I bet it’s probably another geek in glasses. The circle we traveled in, that’s real talent.” It was true, she could get full mark on any college entrance exam let alone a high school one any day of the week. Matching dragon’s fire with a single spell, now that MIGHT impresses her.

“What was that sweetie? I didn’t quite catch it,” Nodoka shouted back to her daughter as she pulled her sword free from the ghoul that was impaled on its business end. The body of the last supernatural being in the area crumbled to the ground before exploding with a flash of light into billowing dust.

“Nothing Mum,” She yelled back before turning her attention to the phone in her hand once more. “I think Mum’s done now. Do you want to talk to her?”

“Yes, please,” The agent said carefully. Being a highly decorated officer, saying please doesn’t come quite easily for him but he learned quickly though. People tend to do that when they have to deal with the Koryu.

“Mum, Ebishi-san wants to talk to you,” Miyo called out. Without waiting to see if she was ready or not, she spun the cell-phone around on her hand, changed the grip and threw it at the older woman at high speed. The electronic device carved a path in the still cold air, arcing towards Nodoka like a throwing star. The kimono-clad woman was cleaning her Katana when it reached her. With the speed that paralleled a striking viper, she whipped out her hand and grabbed the phone just as it was about to pass her by. She flicked it open with a snap and placed it between her shoulder and her ear so she could talk and clean her sword at the same time.

“Phew, that was invigorating. Now, where were we Ebi-kun?”

“Emm… there’s a fragmented bi-polynomial written by a teenage prodigy. The techies from Research and Development couldn’t crack it so Keiton asked me to ask you to decode it for them.”

“Since you called, of course I’ll do it Ebi-kun,” Nodoka replied in oddly enthusiastic tone, giving the said ‘Ebi-kun’ another shiver. ’I might as well do it. It’s not like this is going to take me hours or anything.’ She thought.

“Do you want the boys at R&D to send you the differentiated and rearranged form?”

“Oh that’s quite alright Ebi-kun, I’ll be fine with just the original codex.”

“Alright then, I’ll tell them to send it to your e-mail address. Enjoy the rest of you holiday Nodoka-san. I’ll see you in a week.”

“Why thank you Ebi-kun, I believe I will.” She paused for a second. “By the way, what is the teenager’s name?”

“I believe it is Ranma of the Saotome clan.”

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Ranma lifted up his head, all traces of pain gone in a blink of an eye. Could that be her already? It was too soon but he could always hope. He stared at the door expectantly as it slid open, revealing the person on the other side. An elegantly dressed lady clad in a kimono with her hair tied up in a tight bun. She smiled brightly upon seeing her son.

"Hi Ranma-chan," Nodoka called out to the pig-tailed boy, acting as if lying against the wall with your whole bodyweight supported by your head was the commonest sight in the world.

The teenage prodigy hid a sigh by leaning into the soft pillows that was beside him. 'I guess it was too much to hope,' He thought. 'Wait, since when do we have any pillow in the living room?' Frozen in horror demons themselves wish they could instill in him, the martial artist turned his head almost one hundred and eighty degrees eliciting a passionate moan from someone behind him as he did so. He stared at the two soft mounds, which were cushioning his head. They were pillowly, yes. They were pillow-like, true. But pillows, they were not.

There were breasts. Nibiki's creamy white, bountiful, Victoria's secret clad breasts. And the secret was being examined up close and personal indeed.

"Oh my!" Two ladies chorused from the sliding door. One flushed bright red while another beamed proudly. "How manly!" Guess who said that.

"It's not what you think!" Ranma tried to yell but he was muffled by a mouthful of bosoms. He looked up at the semi-naked girl on top of him. "Could you get off me please?"

"No," Nabiki said, quivering her lips a bit. It was partly from her mode of dress but mostly from Ranma's talking. The vibration from his words was giving her some downright wonderful sensations around her chest area.

Ranma sighed rather pointedly at the girl straddling him. “Can this get any worse?” he muttered to no one in particular.

Creak!

“Oh oh,” The boy said, looking up a ceiling. It was badly cracked and peppered with enough holes to make it looks like a cheap Swiss cheese. He jumped up and pulled Nabiki into his arms, ignoring what the quick motion did to the brown haired girl’s substantial assets. An analytical part of his mind came up with ‘I thought bras were supposed to minimize the jiggling…’ while the hormone dominated part was still stuck at ‘Jiggling Jiggling.’

Hey, he’s a guy too.

“Guys get outside NOW!” Ranma yelled at them, focusing back to the matter at hand. He leapt outside and deposited Nabiki gently onto the grass. He opened his mouth to ask if everyone was okay when he noticed that his Mum wasn’t with them. He was about to run back inside when Nodoka emerged from the door carrying her ever-present cloth bundle.

“I left my Katana inside so I had to go back and get it.”

Ranma let out a huge breath he didn’t knew he was holding. She may not be his biological mother but he’d grown quite fond of her. He was about to turn around and ask the girls if they were ok when he spotted something in the corner of his eye. It took him half a quarter of a second to see that there was a widening crack in the wooden beam just above his mother. Cursing peripheral vision, he sprinted forwards her as fast as he could. He positioned himself over her shielding her from the falling debris. The fiancées tried to come to the pair’s aid but it happened too fast and within seconds the mother and son were buried under.

“Ranma?’ Nabiki said sobering up from her intimate encounter with the pig-tailed boy.

SLASH!

The girls blinked in surprise as they watch the pile of debris come apart and parted into several pieces. When the smoke cleared they could see Ranma cradling his mother in one arm with his other one held up in high block position. With three translucent blue ki blades protruding from his knuckles!

“You have to do better than that!” the boy yelled defiantly at Heaven. Since he was inside his words only served to make more of the cracked ceiling fall on top him. Ranma made a slashing motion with his hand and shredded the falling debris into fine dust.

“Aiyah! Ranma lie to Shampoo. Ranma no afraid of cats. Perfect the cat fist, Yes?” The purple tresses Amazon asked, giddy at the prospect not having to stay away from her husband in her cursed form. Why, she bet they would make a perfect couple now. One trained in the Cat fist and another turned into a cat.

“Yeah kind of," Ranma said after having translated the girl's words with the 'Japanese-spoken-by-rural-Chinese-girl to Japanese' dictionary he had memorized. "It’s true that I’m not afraid of cats but…” Ranma trailed off.

“But what?” They all said as one, each of them hanging on to his every word.

“I’ll tell you later. Hey, Nabiki…” The boy said turning towards the delectable Ice Cream of Furinka… I mean the former Ice Queen of Furinkan. “How long does whatever you use to attract the cats last for?”

“It should last at least another good half an hour,” Nabiki said, seeing what Ranma was getting at. She then started to panic a little. “You’re right! Where are the cats?” Someone’s going to pay for this, no one rip Tendo Nabiki off and get away with it!

“No I don’t think he ripped you off, I can still smell the pheromone in the air,” Ranma said, guessing from the brief flash of anger in the girl’s eyes. “Oh well. I don’t care where they are as long as they’re not here.”

Plop!

“Hello there,” Kasumi said, regarding with a smile the kitten that had fallen onto Ranma’s head.

The girls blinked collectively.

“Ran-chan?” The okonomiyaki chief asked carefully. The boy said he’s no longer afraid of the furry house pet but if he wasn’t afraid of them then why was he frozen there as if paralyzed by fear?

"Ranma?" Akane said a little worriedly as the boy slowly lifts the kitten from his head and looking at it carefully. The boy had a weird gleam in his eyes and she was afraid for the young feline. It would be easy for someone of his martial art capability to accidentally hurt the poor thing.

“WAI! KAWAI NEKO!” Ranma suddenly squealed and hugged the kitten tightly to himself.

The girls all did a classic face plant in perfect synchronization while Nodoka just smiled lightly, enjoying the three way hug between her son and the cat.

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- In Bucharest the capital city of Romania -

“Hello, how can I help you?” Michal, the attendant, asked Nodoka in broken and badly accented English, hoping to any higher being that she spoke English. It’s nearly the end of his shift and he didn’t want to stay any longer than he had to.

“Yes, I’d like to book two tickets for the next plane heading for Narita Airport please. What’s the departure time?” The Japanese woman replied in perfect Romanian, shocking the hell out of the pimply-faced youth.

“A... a second please,” the twenty-something stammered before turning to his computer and began typing furiously. Something about this woman told him she didn’t like to be kept waiting. “The next flight is 10am tomorrow, doamnă.” (Madam)

“Oh dear, that’s far too late. Looks like we’ve have to charter a flight then.”

“T.. tu nevoie l.. la spre acuzaţie un JET?” He said in disbelief. She’s chartering a plane just because there isn’t one flying to Tokyo tonight!

“No dear, a Lear jet. If I must charter a flight I might as well be traveling luxuriously.” She corrected him, once again in uncanny Romanian tongue.

“Mum!” yelled a voice from behind her. Nodoka turned around and was greeted with the sight of her 15 year-old daughter holding one of the airport police hostage at gunpoint.

Did I mention she was also being surrounded by a dozen of the same kinds of officers, all armed to their teeth with military grade weapons?

“Oh dear,” She muttered in Japanese before rising her voice. “Secure your firearms!”

Despite their combat training, more than half of the officers turned and looked at her. Hardly their fault really, it’s not often that a Romanian air-marshal received a command from whom they thought to be an Asian tourist. Miyo was about to take advantage of this distraction and incapacitate the lot when a sharp cry from her mother stopped her too.

“You!” Nodoka said, pointing at one of the officer still aiming his customized Steyre-Aug 4 at her daughter. “Call your superior and read this code to him and ask him to run it now!” She handed him an unmarked credit card with a single 10 digit code inscribed on one side. “And you!” She continued, turning towards her daughter who had secured her pistol but was still holding the man in a headlock. The girl promptly let go of the man once she saw her mother’s eyes. ‘Damn who know Mum could be so scary,’ she thought.

Nodoka took a deep breath to calm herself before regarding her daughter with a solemn but still stern face. “Explain yourself, young lady.”

Miyo was a bit miffed at being growled at when it wasn’t her fault in the first place. “Mum, you had me carry your luggage, which I don’t have the licenses for all of the weapons that were in it. I tried to explain but my Romanian was very rusty.”

“Oh dear. I’m sorry honey, I was such a hurry that I forgot all about it.” Nodoka turned to one of the men in bullet-proof Kevlar vest that were surrounding them and said with disdain. “You boys can lower your firearms now; it’s all a big misunderstanding.”

They all looked at each other in confusion. A situation like this was never mentioned in the protocols. The officer who was given the card gave his comrades an order to hold their fire until he got back and left to do as the lady had told him. Later on he would’ve wondered why he did as she’d asked or how she knew he was the leader of the squad in the first place.

Twenty tensions filled minutes later, the daughter-mother pair was sitting comfortably in an opulently furnished lunge on a Lear jet.

“Phew, finally. I thought it was going to drag on forever,” Miyo grumbled, massaging away the cramps in her arms. It wasn’t easy putting a person twice your weight and height in a headlock, especially one who’s trained in hand-to-hand combat.

“I said I was sorry dear. Now stop grumbling, it isn’t ladylike.” Nodoka lightly admonished her daughter all the while never once took her eyes off the blade she was polishing.

‘Not ladylike?’ The girl thought with a sweat drop. ‘And going around killing monster as a hobby is?’

Miyo coughed to get her mother attention. “So, Mum. Why are we in such a hurry to get back to Japan anyway? I know you can work on that code on your laptop and just send it back.”

“Ah, the code, I’ve completely forgotten about it,” The kimono clad woman said suddenly jumping to her feet.

“Wha…?” The girl said in confusion. If this wasn’t about the code, then what?

“It’s about your brother, Ranma,” Nodoka told the girl as she started booting up her laptop. As soon as it was ready, her finger was dancing across the keyboard with precision ingrained into her from years ago.

“But I thought he’s dead,” Miyo said, recalling the tragic fire that claims the life of her half brother and her mother’s ex that she heard from the older woman.

“That what I thought too but I should’ve known better. This whole affair smells like Genma’s doing.”

“But why would he do that Mum? I thought he loved you.”

“Well I didn’t think I’d tell you this Miyo, especially since Genma and Ranma died I thought I might as well leave it at that but...” She hesitated, pausing to bit her lips in indecision before continuing. “You see Miyo, before our house was destroyed by the arson Genma and I weren’t getting along. In fact the subject of divorce actually came up during our frequent arguments.”

“So you’re thinking that Genma planned the arson as a cover for his death? But what about the bodies?”

“The police assumed they were incinerated.”

“Incinerated?”

“Yes, incinerated. The forensics said there was, or rather, were a series of explosions from Genma’s lab which incinerated the greater portions of the house.”

“…” Miyo sat in silence, contemplating the recent turns of event. It would be kind of nice to have a brother. God knows, she’s lonely enough to need one. Uncle Ebishi said he’s a prodigy. Maybe he won’t be too freaked out with their lifestyle. She wondered how he’d feel about having a sister who can cast spells and deflects bullets with a sword.

“Aha! Take that you stupid code. Co/3r in P#er and bo/ before my l33t HXA0Ring skill!” Nodoka jumped up and yelled at the computer’s screen.

Miyo sweat dropped. ‘Or a nutcase of a mother.’

“So what does the code says, Mum?” She asked as her mother composed herself and sat back down and began reading the decoded message.

“Wow, this is nothing short of amazing!”

“What is it Mum?” the girl repeated, leaning over to read the message. It appeared to be a poem. A haiku but written in English but structured with Chinese grammar. The content was about a snail teetering on the edge of a cliff. It was highly abstract and in the girl’s opinion, borderline psychotic. “I don’t see any… oh wait, I think I get it now. There’s another code hidden within this one!” She exclaimed turning to her mother in excitement.

“Yes, it is quite ingenious is it not? And to think that my Son wrote this, oh this has been quite a day indeed,” Nodoka proclaimed, her fingers busy decoding the poem. Soon most of words are rearranged, some shifted and some translated. The end result was a four line message written in Japanese, addressed to one, Saotome Nodoka. It read:

Greeting Mother,

I hope this message found you in good health. I’ve searched for years for your location and the little information I found led me nowhere. I’ve finally resorted to broadcasting this encrypted message out in hope of it catching your eyes or the eyes of those with the resources to read this in hope someday I’ll be reunited with you. I’m currently residing with the Tendo clan in Nerima Ward.

Kindest of regards,

Saotome Ranma

“Wow…” Miyo said in awe. She didn’t even think she could attempt something like this.

“Yes, very impressive. This calls for a celebration.” Nodoka picked up a phone from the stand beside her. “Could you please bring us some refreshment?”

Within minutes a woman arrived pulling a cart behind her.

“I’d like warm Sake please.”

The woman handed her the requested beverage and turned to the girl. “And you miss?”

“Don’t even think about it, young lady. You know you’re not allowed to drink champagne until you’re eighteen.”

“But Mum!”

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“Ranma-kun?” Kasumi said to the boy who’s still cradling the kitten and his Mum. The boy shook his head a couple of times to clear it. He turned around to see the girls staring at him like he’d grown another head and sighed.

“I guess you guys want an explanation, huh?”

Nods.

“Well I DID have a fear of cats at first, but pretty soon I figured out that it would be my ultimate weakness if my enemies ever learned about it so I tried to find a cure for it.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I did get rid of the fear and since I technically mastered the technique, I gained control of it. But the drug I took had some side effects.”

“Wait! You’ve been taking drugs?” Nabiki asked. “What is it?”

“Well its name is really technical and scientific-like, I’m sure you won’t recognize it,” The pig tailed boy said, trying to evade the subject.

“Just tell me already.”

“It’s Prozac. Now do you want to hear about the side effect or not?”

The girls nodded again. This time they had a look that said ‘I-see-so-you’re-crazy-that’s-different’ written on their face.

“In returns for not being afraid of cats, I now suffer from ailurophilism.”

Blank looks.

“I’m an ailurophile.”

More blank looks.

“I’m crazy about cats. I have a totally mindless and limitless obsession with feline creatures. I can go completely Gah Gah over anything that resembles cats.”

“Meow,” The cat cried. It looked agitated, as if it wanted to get away from something.

Beep!

Ranma blinked, that sounded like his Ryoga Tracking device.

BOOM!

Another one of the living room’s walls blew opened, adding yet another hole into the damn-near crumbling house.

“Ranma because of you I’ve seen Hell!” Ryoga rushed forward at such speed that it made him seem like a blur to Ranma. The pig-tailed boy only had enough time to place the kitten and his mother down before the boy with bandana tackled him. He braced himself for the pain as he watched his rival raise his arms up for the strike. He gritted his teeth and felt… nothing? He opened his eyes and to his amazement the boy was hugging him.

Ryoga was hugging him.

“Thank you so much Ranma. Because of you I’ve finally reunited with my family!”

Blanks look abound once again. This time even Ranma was clueless.

“Wait, what are you talking about Ryoga?” He stared into the other boy’s eyes. They were wide opened and the irises were dilated. “What are you on?”

“Marijuana, but that’s not the point. The point is I’m a demon and my family lives in Hell!” Ryoga shouted excitedly gesturing at the hole in the wall he’d made. Ranma averted his eyes from the fanged boy’s face and followed his finger. Standing at the impromptu door was an impressively built young woman with a set of tiny wings on top of her head. She gave him a look which made him gulp audibly and the girls to preen their claws.

“That’s my Mum, Morrigan!” the lost boy exclaimed, oblivious to the building tension. “Yeah, it turns out that the reason I get lost so much was because I have this latent teleportation power. My Mum is teaching me how to control it now so I don’t get lost anymore. Sweet huh?”

Ranma could only nod. He was hypnotized by Morrigan’s hips as the demoness sauntered toward him. When she reached him, she looked as if she was going to help him get up when she conveniently slipped and landed on top of him.

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!”

Hmm… that odd, it doesn’t sound like any one of his fiancées or the girls present.

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“Mum, slow down!” Miyo tried to yell but her cry was muffled by her helmet.

“WHAT WAS THAT HONEY?” Nodoka yelled but her voice was swept away by the rushing wind. She leaned down a bit further and gave the bike a bit more gas.

“I SAID, SLOW DOWN!” The girl screamed, clutching even tighter to her mother’s back. Sure she loved taking her bike out for a spin as much as the next motor head but doing over two hundred kilometers per hour, even on a freeway, is insane.

Finally the ride was over. Nodoka jumped off of the bike and began striding up to the Tendo residence. Miyo tried to jump up but she fell face first into the ground. She finally pulled herself up, resisted the urge to throw up and followed her mother to the door.

Nodoka knocked on the door once, and to her surprise, caused it to fall apart. Into tiny pieces.

“Termites?” Miyo guessed from behind her.

“No, cats,” the older woman said pointing at the claw marks on the wooden door. She stepped over the fallen door, pulling out her side arm as she did so.

“Cats?” Miyo asked incredulously as she followed her Mum into the house. Upon receiving a confirmatory nod, she followed her Mum’s example and pulled out her Glock semi-automatic, clocking it with a soft crack. The pair cautiously moved past the genkan and into the living room. And that’s when thing got… weird.

On the floor, was Ranma (She recognized him from a picture she bought. Unsurprisingly, he was famous. Surprisingly it was from a girl.) and he wasn’t alone. Lying on top of him was a demoness. Closer examination of her face showed that she was none other than her nemesis. Morrigan Aensland, the succubus queen.

“GET AWAY FROM MY SON!” She yelled aiming her pistol at the demoness molesting her son.

All eyes turned her direction then to the other Nodoka sitting on the ground near her son, then towards Ranma. The boy scrambled away from the amorous queen of the underworld who remained unnerved at her nemesis’s entry but continued groping Ranma anyway. He jumped to his feet and scratched the back of his head nervously.

“Hi Mum, I can explain.” He began, looking nervously back and forth between his two mothers.

-End of flashback-

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Before you’ll kill me I can explain. Really, I can. The lateness of this chapter is entirely due to my exam block which took about a week and a half worth of writing away. Also my brother is, again, being a pain in the back side and constantly bugs me by kicking me off the computer so he can play Counter Strike.

Spending time creating a perfect character in Dynasty Warrior also doesn't help.

Anyway, excuses aside I hope you do enjoy this chapter. Please review until next time, Ja ne

P.S. This story could not be readable without the help of my trusty proofreader Tread Weaver-san, who have attached the description of the Spring of Drown Tuna just incase anyone actually want to send him a cask.

"Ooooh, most honorable sirs, that very tragic story from 800 year ago of tuna that survived 2000 mile journey from ocean, only to drown... in... a... pool.

Hmm, I think most honorable government has started drugging my supplies. I make no sense anymore.”