A Dead Kuriboh

Shonen Shoujo Kid

Based on the "Dead Parrot" skit in "Monty Python"

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!

(SCENE: Anzu is just minding her business in her pet shop when Yami bursts in, complaining that his pet Kuriboh is dead. But is it dead, passed out, paralyzed, pining, or sleeping? Read and find out!)

It was a quiet day for Anzu in the pet store until the door opened. She looked up to see a customer who had come earlier: Yami. "I'm sorry, I'm on a lunch break," she said to him. "You'll have to come back later."

He held a cage with a Kuriboh to Anzu's view. "I have a complaint about this monster I bought fifteen minutes ago."

"Oh, that's a Kuriboh. One of the most adored and loved pets in the—"

"You want to know the problem?" Yami interrupted. "It's dead, that's the problem."

"Don't be stupid. It's sleeping."

"I know a dead animal when I see one. THIS is an example."

"Just admit it: it's sleeping. Kuribohs sleep for a long time."

"Oh, sure."

"I'm not kidding. Kuribohs need to sleep 16 hours a day!"

"Then why is it a child's favorite pet?"

"It just is."

"Fine. If it's asleep, I'll wake it up." Yami held the cage up above his shoulder and shouted, "Hey, Kuriboh! Get up! Get up and I'll give something to eat! How about some nice—?"

Anzu quickly pushed the cage. "There, it moved."

"It did not! You touched the cage!"

"Prove it!"

"Why should I?" Yami pulled the "dead" creature out of the cage. "HEY, WAKE UP!" He started to shake it by it foot. No response from kuriboh. "See? It's dead!"

Anzu was about to protest until the angry customer held the Kuriboh and continually slammed it on the counter as if he was trying to open a coconut. "Need more proof?" He dropped the puffball and it fell to the floor. "You paralyzed it while checking if it was dead!" the female shrieked.

"It's dead, deceased, and gone and I knew it once I brought it home," Yami retorted. "You said it was tired from a big fight it had with a white dragon with blue eyes, being the reason why it was motionless."

"Oh c'mon, it's pining," Anzu sighed. "It had learned that all of his siblings had died a few seconds before you bought him. Wouldn't you feel sad if you found out that your family had died?"

The brunette was about to go back to her lunch until the spiky-haired person shouted, "It fell flat on its face when I got home with a loud SPLAT!"

"The Kuriboh's resting, and the only way it can rest if it's lying down on its face, and it likes making 'splat' noises."

"Ok, then." Yami put the cage onto the counter. "Explain why I found a NAIL in its foot—where it was nailed to the perch—and the mouth was stapled to make it look like it was smiling!"

"If I hadn't put that there, it would've broken the cage and flew off!" Anzu replied. "And it would've bit you if I hadn't stapled its mouth! And why would I give you a refund if it's alive? It's probably just passed out when it fell over."

"It's not passed out, IT'S PASSED AWAY!"

Now she was pissed. "You're such a—!"

Yami slammed his fist onto the surface. "This thing has stopped breathing! It has ceased to be! It has gone to meet its maker! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies!"

"STOP COMPLAINING!" She held a hand up to her throat after screaming at the top of her lungs. "Look, if you don't like it, then I'll replace it." She looked down at a nearby fish tank and smiled. "What would you like: a snail or a slug?"

"Do they talk?"

"Why would they?"

Yami turned around to leave. Anzu chased after him, screaming, "WAIT! NO! GET BACK HERE! WE HAVE AN AARDVARK!"

(A/N: "Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies!"

That's an actual line from "Monty Python". I just had to put it in: I love that line!)