Disclaimer: Oh mystical and powerful anime lawyer guy that no one has ever actually seen or heard from, please do not striketh me down for writing this humble fic. I am but a simple man, with a fuck up mind, and only wish to spread the disease. I offer yee the rights to any of the original material, from which this story was thought up from, and I myself claim no owner ship over yee property. Amen Fuckers.

Disclaimer Dos: This chapter is a tribute to the first Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode that has made me laugh my ass off for the first time this season. I don’t own any line or anything else that bears a resemblance to anything in that episode or the series as a whole.

A/N: Surprise bitches! Two chapters in one day! The last chapter was basically a big set up for this one so if you didn’t really care for it that much…cry me a river. But yeah, I finished this one first and then wrote the second, hence the quick update. I couldn’t stop laughing my ass off as I wrote this chapter out too lol. Right in the first paragraph I had to make up some chicks name but I couldn’t even bs it! I just hit the keyboard three times and said screw it. I crack myself up sometimes.

A Day in the life of Shigeru

Chapter 12: “Steve Aoba”

Saturday – Shigeru’s Pad – One week after the hott love making with Annette

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Damnit!” Our hero called out from his bedroom.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“I’m coming already jeeze!”

Knock! Knock! Knoc-

“Cut it out!” Shigeru angrily shouted as he finally opened his front door. He was wearing a white wife beater, black Led Zeppelin boxers, a green fuzzy robe, and pink fuzzy slippers.

Getting ready to punch out who ever had been knocking on his door, our hero was greeted with the sight of no one being there to make friends with his fist. “What the hell? Mrs. Tihouhgrhrhr dgwor gorowgrorh kids must be fucking with me again...” He thought as he scratched his head.

Believing the front door no longer needed his attention, Shigeru turned to go back inside and close the door behind him. That is, until the sound of someone clearing their throat caused him to turn his attention back to his apartment’s entrance. Slowly, he turned back around and shifted his gaze slightly downward.

Standing before him was a person whose face looked exactly like his in every single detail imaginable. It was like someone just copy and pasted a picture of Shigeru’s head to the body of this guy. The only difference between the two was the fact that the stranger at our hero’s door…was about 2 feet tall. “Daddy!” The young boy cheered.

The long haired bridge tech was more than stunned, he was completely mind fucked. “No. Freakin. Way.”

“Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy yaaaay!” The boy cheered once more as he jumped up and down in excitement.

Shigeru took a couple steps back from the threshold. “Noooooooo, no no no, nope, no way, we’re not doing that.” He shook his head repeatedly. “Sorry, I don’t want any of what you’re selling. Run along now…off a cliff.” He then slammed the door shut and leaned against it. “What the fuck is that thing!” Our hero desperately asked to himself.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Shit!”

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Um…who is it?” Shigeru asked hoping it was someone or something other than the abomination he had just spoke with.

“Daddy!”

“Crap…”

“Daddy! Open up please daddy please! Please daddy please! Please please please, daddy daddy daddy! Whaaaaaaaaaa! Da…daddy! Pl…pl…puhleeze daddy open the door! I’m gonna have an aneurism daddy!”

Shigeru sighed at the fact that his current plan wasn’t getting the little freak off his property. So he opted for confronting him once again with a more thought out plan of attack. He quickly opened his front door once again to hopefully put an end the child’s hysterical ranting. “Stop crying, I’m right here.”

The mini Shigeru dopple-ganger wiped away a few tears from his eyes and sniffled as he looked up at his daddy. “Daddy?”

“Yeah…daddy.” Our hero replied sarcastically.

The boy’s demeanor did a complete 180 and he resumed wearing the smile he had originally had when he first arrived. “Daddy!”

“Not so fast.” Shigeru cut him off before the child could go on another daddy rant. “What’s your name kid?”

“Shigeru Aob-”

“No it isn’t…jackass.” Shigeru cut him off coldly.

The smiled that once graced the face of the boy had now turned into an extreme frown. “Um…” The child looked to the ground while he fumbled around with his hands a bit. “St…Steve?” He half stated, half asked as he looked back up to the older man. “Aoba?”

Shigeru just continued to stare down at the kid with an emotionless look on his face. “Yeah okay, I’ll believe that. Everyone named Steve is an asshole and you are pissing me off quite a bit.”

“Yay! Steve Aoba is my name. I am Steve. Steve is me. Me and Steve sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-”

“Shut up!” Our hero abruptly cut off the kid once more. “Where’s your mom kid? Better yet, who’s your mom?”

“Um…” The mini Shigeru started fidgeting with his hands again. “I don’t know…”

“Really?”

“Yeah…really.” The boy sniffled.

“Hmm” The long haired bridge tech pondered. “I think I know who your mommy is. I’ll tell you what, how about we go pay her a visit and we’ll be one big happy family again forever and ever?”

The child’s face lit up like a light bulb after hearing Shigeru’s words. “Yay! Yaaaaaaay! Hu…raaaaaaaaay! Thank you so much daddy! I’m gonna do the macarena!”

Our hero chuckled a bit at the boy’s show of happiness. “Come on, let’s go you little scamp.” He then locked his front door, grabbed his kids out reached hand, and the two walked off.

20 Minutes Later - Lt. Colonel Annette Rose Stewart’s Bitchin’ Pad

Knock! Knock! Knock!

The bitchin’ hott Colonel was currently in her kitchen trying to figure out how her dishwasher worked. She had been spending the last hour and a half playing with the buttons on the panel just hoping the damn thing would turn on. So it was needless to say she needed a short break from her endeavor…for her sanity’s sake. “Who is it?” She called out.

After a few moments with no reply, the she pulled out a shotgun from behind her back and cocked a shell into the barrel. “Those Mormons must be gluttons for punishment.” She chuckled as she made her way from the kitchen to her front door.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Coming!” She hummed sweetly. Upon arriving at the entrance of her apartment, she quickly took off the deadbolt and slowly turned the door knob. Then almost out of nowhere she turned into kill mode, whipped the door open, and brought her shotgun up into a firing position. “The church of Satan gives me all I need bitch…es?” She stuttered at the end when her eyes noticed the Shigeru duo standing side by side before her at her threshold.

Steve looked like he was going to shit his pants right then and there, where as Shigeru looked as if nothing was out of the ordinary. “Yeah, we know they do.” The older of the two calmly replied. He then placed his right hand on the child’s back and urged him forward into Annette’s apartment. “Here, you lost this…jackass.”

The Colonel could only stand still and looked wide eyed at the child before her. “What is this thing?”

“Mommy!” The boy cheered.

Shigeru could barely stifle his laughter at the moment. “Hah! I fuckin knew it…”

“Mommy? I think I’d remember being pregnant in the past week and pushing that out of me!” The woman shouted in her defense.

“Uh huh, sure babe. All of us here know you’re not the brightest light bulb in the pack if you know what I mean.”

“…I don’t…” Steve mumbled with a confused look on his face.

“This is all obviously part of your grand master scheme to clone me and have a Shigeru sex slave army all for your own and your personal needs. And once your needs are met, you’ll use them to take over the world because you’re a power hungry bitch that always has to be on top during the love making. Tell me something, honestly, what makes you think the world needs to pay for your inability to truly care for someone? You think the world owes you something? Well guess what? It doesn’t! If I have to go through the most fucked up court trial in recorded history because I close lined a woman off the second story of a mall and then threw a TV on her, then have my death faked and fight off Columbian drug lords in Venezuela with the most unlikely group of retards ever, you can sure as hell learn how to like doggy style.”

Steve and Annette just looked at each other, then back at Shigeru. “What the (bleep) are you talking about!”

“Exactly”

“Aoba, I don’t know what you’ve been smoking lately but this is certainly not my kid!”

“Oh I know he isn’t. I just wanted to get you back for mailing me off to Venezuela and telling my co-worker you’re my sister.” Shigeru then walked off leaving Steve to fend for himself with the Lt. Colonel.

An Hour Later – Shigeru’s Pad

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Having learned his lesson very thoroughly not to just open his door whenever someone knocked on it in the past week, our hero cautiously approached it and looked through the peep hole. Standing at his threshold again as if nothing was out of the ordinary was the young Steve Aoba once more.

“Dear God, its back!” Shigeru mentally cursed to himself as he fell on his ass.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“If it found its way back here on its own, that means it can learn! Shit! I gotta kill it before it mingles into the population and invades the gene pool!”

Thinking quickly, Shigeru dove for the closest weapon he could find. Running back to the door wielding a mighty hockey stick, our hero ripped it open and prepared to strike. “Go back to hell you little devil spawn!”

His mighty blast of rage had to be postponed though because his prey was no longer anywhere in sight. Sticking his head out from the door frame and looking left to right to make sure Steve was really gone, Shigeru quickly jumped back inside his apartment and slammed the door shut.

“…That fucking thing was just a figment of my imagination wasn’t it? I really am losing it…”

Knock! Knock! Knock!

The long haired Nerv bridge tech’s eyes once again flew wide open as he clenched his hockey stick tighter. “Go away! I know you’re not real! Just leave me alone already!”

“Aoba it’s me! It’s me, Hyuuga! Open up man you gotta see what I found!” His friend and neighbor yelled from the other side of the door.

Letting out a deep sigh of relief, our hero once again open his front door…but immediately wished he hadn’t.

“Dude I found a little you outside my door! How cool is that?” Hyuuga cheered as Steve ran up to his daddy and hung onto his leg for dear life.

“Daddy! Why did you leave me with mommy! I thought we were going to be a family again! Daddy why!” The boy cried.

Hyuuga’s jaw dropped to the floor once he heard the mini Shigeru call the big Shigeru his father. “Holy shit! This kid is yours?”

Aoba immediately put his hands up in defense as he tried to kick Steve off his leg. “No he isn’t! I have no idea who he is or what he is!” Shigeru then let out another deep sigh. “At least you can see him too. I seriously thought I was losing my mind for minute…”

“At least I can see him? How could I miss him! It’s like someone copy and pasted your face right on the kid’s neck for god’s sake.”

“Yeah…I know.”

“So if he isn’t yours, whose is he?”

“I have no idea. He just showed up outta nowhere a few hours ago. I dropped him off at Annette’s place but he just came right back.”

“Why would you leave him at your sister’s place?”

“She is NOT my sister damnit!”

“Listen, whatever man. I have an idea on how to solve this little mystery.” Hyuuga then lowered himself down to Steve’s level to address him. “Hey there little guy, where are you from?”

Although slow to work up the courage to respond, the boy none the less gave into Hyuuga’s request. “I come from the planet 1995! I’m here on a noble quest to inform you of the coming Third Impact and tell you have how to survive it!”

Hyuuga immediately shot straight back up on his feet. “What in the fuck?”

“The high elders told me to replicate this world’s greatest warrior and tell him personally how to defeat the forces of evil he must face!”

Hyuuga was still in complete shock where as Shigeru was not amused in the slightest. “We already went through the Third Impact asshole!” He spat at the little alien freak.

Now was Steve’s turn to be surprised. “What! Are you sure?”

“Uh, I don’t think I’d forget being attacked by like 50 Rei’s at once…”

“Oh…well then…this is awkward…” Steve shuffled his feat a bit as he looked around for something to say. “I guess I’ll just go then…”

As the young visitor from another world walked off into the distance, Hyuuga still couldn’t get over what had just transpired. “Dude…what the hell!”

“I don’t even care anymore.” Shigeru moaned as he went back inside his apartment.

Shigeru’s Bedroom – 2:00 AM

Our hero was enjoying a well deserved peacefully nights rest. God only knows how stressful the day had been for the man. As sweet dreams of a naked Annette and Metallica played through his mind, he never even noticed the exact copy of his own face inching slowly towards him as his own head rested on his soft pillow.

“…Daddy!”

“AHHHH!”

To Be Continued…

A/N: I have no idea where I’m gonna take this story from now on. In the past month I’ve written 3 chapters for this, 2 for Reivolution, and started rewriting all of Keeping It Real. I think I deserve a bit of break. If any of you have any suggestions, feel free to let me know and I’ll see what I can come up with. Peace.