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When It Is Time To Breed…

by: c7bikyuubi

Uchiha Sasuke, the younger of the two Uchiha clan members left counting Itachi, does not like being conned or blackmailed or manipulated into doing something. He has the unique ability to pick up the signs of when that was happening considering that he is a genius prodigy of the Uchiha clan. And this is exactly what Tsunade, the Godaime Hokage is doing. She is of course, drunk all the way down to her toes and if the slight snorts and the soft snores in between their conversation were any proof, Tsunade is most definitely not just tipsy or light headed.

Sasuke sighed. Tsunade was a sneaky, manipulative, drunken gambler and the shrewdest Hokage he had ever known in all those combinations altogether.

This is why Sasuke and the hidden ANBUs have a massive sweatdrop from her request which was actually blackmail or an order; depending on how one views it; with the subtlety of a drunken elephant on a rampage in a doll house. Her exact words were, “OI! Uchiha Sasuke, you are requested to find someone fast, then (hic) fuck ‘em. You’re getting to your mid-twenties already (burp) and you need to breed a new generation of squalling snot dripping brats that can use that twirly Sharingan thingy (sways dangerously and hits head on the edge of her desk).”

Sasuke stared impassively at the swaying Godaime even though she is sitting down. “Hn.”

Tsunade peered blearily at Sasuke. “OI! You there bird man, I thought I told you to bring that Sasuke brat in here. Damn it, I wasted a good speech for that.” She then swayed some more and took another gulp from her sake bottle. “What was I going to say to him again? Stupid old council farts. Getting me to do their dirty jobs.” Tsunade slurred before taking another gulp from her bottle. Sasuke sweatdrop again. ‘No way. This is the Hokage? One of the Legendary Sannin? We’re so screwed. Naruto was right… in some places.’ Sasuke thought. Then he cleared his throat.

“Why must I, fuck someone to breed the next generation of Sharingan using Uchihas as you so delicately put, at this time if I may know oh all knowing Hokage?” Sasuke drawled out the thinly veiled insult with a very heavy air of sarcasm. Tsunade was blunt when she was drunk. Well, she is blunt when sober and with the extra super ingredient she herself added to give her batch of sake more ‘punch or kick or slam-dunk power’, she was downright vulgar and often went bumbling and crashing head over heels straight to the point of the matter she was discussing at the moment.

Tsunade snort out loud, a bit of drool forming at the corner of her mouth. She swiped at it with her sleeve and then slammed her hand down on the table, which collapsed into multiple pieces of what was once a piece of wood immediately considering her super strength. Tsunade however looked at the broken table confusedly. “Hm… must be rotten or something…” She said, scratching her head and taking another swing of her sake and letting out a thunderous burp. Sasuke sighed. ‘Well, at least she can still talk coherently…’ He thought. The hidden ANBU were weeping tears of mortification and hugging one another for comfort as their image of a strong and powerful Hokage were replaced with a drunken, burping, head-banging, furniture destroying rampaging ‘elephant’.

‘Great. I’m surrounded by idiots.’ Sasuke thought. “OI! PAY ATTENTION WHEN I’M TALKING YOU STUPID IGNORANT BRAT!” Tsunade bellowed at him with multiple veins popping out from her forehead all the while scowling thunderously at him. “Yes, I got the part where I’m supposed to fuck and get someone pregnant. Anything else?” Sasuke said lazily, totally unfazed by the Hokage’s temper. Living with a hyperactive, loud, obnoxious, ramen-infatuated blond haired bundle of energetic fox does that to you. Besides, he watched and went through too many of the argument between Naruto and Tsunade to be fazed by anything those two did. He was numb one might say that.

“Eh… Oh yeah. You and your baby making partner are on paid leave until you produce live next generation Uchihas. Consider it a S-rank mission and you’re gonna have to announce your partner of choice around later this evening. Yeah, that’s about it.” Tsunade said. Murmuring under her breath and ticking off her mental list on her fingers. “Tell him to fuck someone, tell everyone about it this evening, paid leave until the brats are born… Yup.” Nodding to herself, Tsunade took another swig of her sake bottle and waved Sasuke off. “Go on… Start screwing someone already will ya!”

Sasuke flinched at her choice of words before turning around and striding out the door. He never shows respect or any sort of acknowledgement to anyone. No matter how high they rank in society. Most never pass his personal test anyway. And on his list was pest (this is the lowest on the list), kill immediately when the chance arrive, ignore frequently, tolerable and love of my life. Currently, Kakashi, Iruka and some of the rookie 9 were on his tolerable list. Ignore frequently were his fan girls and fan boys. Kill immediately were those who went overboard towards his kitsune chan either by insulting Naruto, casting disgusted glances at Naruto or just plain want to kill or hurt Naruto. There were only a few left on this list. The rest is already taken care of. And the pests, well, the rest of humankind actually.

And guess who the love of his life is? Well, it is none other than the creator of the ‘O-ero-ken no Jutsu’, blond haired blue eyed, currently living with him in the Uchiha mansion together, hyperactive, obnoxious, ramen-loving-to-the-point-of obsession-or-addiction foxy Uzumaki Naruto. And as to his partner of his latest mission, Sasuke had already decided on whom it will be the moment Tsunade had outlined her ‘request’. Lucky she was drunk and didn’t specify what gender his partner was supposed to be though.

Looking forward to telling Naruto the good news, he skipped the rest of his way home. His stalkers were shocked to see the normally stoic and brooding Uchiha skip towards his home and with a smile on his face no less. Then the rumors started spreading (courtesy of Tsunade and the ANBU squad that spread the rumors from the orders of the Godaime Hokage) faster than Iruka’s super sonic anti-pervert punch which is uses frequently on Jiraiya and his lover Kakashi when he did something lewd in front of the kids at the academy or in public.

A resounding “KYAAAHHHH!” erupted from various locations around Konoha and outside Konoha as fan girls and fan boys of Uchiha Sasuke heard that he will be selecting his life partner and mate later this afternoon and announce it publicly. Brawls and cat fights started everywhere. Bruises formed and blood got split, hairs got snipped off in weird angles as sabotage, clothes got shredded and all in all, it was pure chaos in Konoha. Tsunade, still not completely sober yet, cackled up in her office as she saw the fights. The ANBU squad that serve as her bodyguard and hidden in the shadows of her office sighed forlornly but still watched in interest at the event unfolding under their porcelain masks.

“Oh… that’s got to hurt.” Bird mask commented wincing as he saw a fan girl get clobbered by another with a frying pan as they fought over a dress displayed behind a window.

“Hey look at them! Cat fight! The hairdresser’s going to have a tough time fixing them…” Said fox mask who was twitching excitedly from one window pane to another trying to see all the commotion all at once. Various sounds of sympathy like ‘ooh’, ‘damn!’ and ‘wow… I never knew girls could be that violent…’ (that comment earned him ridiculous stared from his comrades even though he couldn’t see the stares, he could still feel them. They were working for the queen of violence herself and that comment just seemed… understated) emitted from behind his mask as he fixed his eyes on the crowd in the marketplace below.

“Yeah right and I’m guessing the salon and the dressmakers are going to be overnight millionaires.” Said dog mask.

“Don’t forget the spas.” Bird mask reminded them.

“Oh yeah.” Murmured hawk mask.

In another part of Konoha, where brawls and cat fights didn’t break out, Uchiha Sasuke, the main reason of the fights and brawls, strolled through his huge 50 roomed mansion humming a happy tune and skipping to the beat. He was on his way to the kitchen where he was most certain that Naruto is there, ramen raiding as usual. Sasuke took care of the problem that Naruto might leave for ramen and he couldn’t take the risk what with Neji and Gaara waiting and lurking to snatch the lovable kit away from him.

With Gaara being the Kazekage, he posed a bit of a problem as he could supply a lot of ramen to lure off Naruto, but Naruto had vehemently stated that he will NEVER LEAVE ICHIRAKU for any other ramen in the world. Unless that ramen is the best in the world but that is highly unlikely as Ichiraku’s ramen is already the best in the world. Then there was Neji, cunning genius of the Hyuuga clan. He posed a lot more problems for the Uchiha.

For one, Neji is considered cool by 99.9 of Konoha, genius by birth, less cold than Sasuke and does respond to people once in a while. All in all, his personality is the exact replica of Sasuke except that he is more sociable and has pearly white eyes with Byakugan instead of Sharingan. Sasuke frowned at the realization that Naruto just might be ‘stolen’ by Neji if he didn’t do anything. There was only one way to claim the foxy Naruto. Marriage.

It is what Tsunade, the council members and the rest of Konoha and beyond wanted, and being the ‘nice and considerate’ person he was, he will grant them their wish by selecting his lifelong mate this very instance, seducing him then announcing their relationship before getting married and having lots and lots of babies. As for the baby part, Sasuke decided to deal with it later for he is not really THAT interested in overcoming that particular obstacle this very minute. What he is thinking about is the baby making process, and that he is EXTREMELY ABSOLUTELY AMAZINGLY FASCINATINGLY INTERESTED IN…

Turning around the corner and spotting a flash of blue silk and yellow hair, he saw Naruto bustling around the kitchen in his blue silk robe. Apparently, his dobe had just woken up and judging form the cabinet raiding, currently looking for his stash of ramen, which Sasuke had moved to make more space for more nutritious food. He could sense the agitation rolling off the flustered blond in waves as he starts to panic. “No! Where is it! Where is it? NOOOO! SOMEONE STOLE MY PRECIOUS RAMEN! DAMN YOU! WHOEVER YOU ARE!” Naruto howled to the ceiling shaking his fist at it

The ceiling remained impassive and unimpressed. Naruto frowned when the ceiling didn’t reply and settled into a sulky pout, big fat tears leaking down his cheeks. Naruto sobbed and used his fists to rub his eyes. Sasuke felt his heart melt as he watched from his post at the doorway where he leant against the frame. “Oi dobe. Your ramen is in the other cupboard second door to the right.” Sasuke said. Naruto turned around and Sasuke felt the full force of sheer cute and adorableness hit him full force with the might of Godzilla on a frothing-at-the-mouth rampage.

Naruto wailed, “Sasuke!” and rushed to him tears still dripping with his lips still in sulky pout mode, and threw his arms around Sasuke, burying his face on Sasuke’s chest. Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto. “You know you don’t have to cry when you can’t find your ramen you know.”

“But… (sob) I thought someone stole them… (sniff)”

“I don’t think anyone would purposely come into my compound, go through traps from hell, get past the pit full of man eating crocodiles and piranhas, extremely destructive chakra puppets, my fifteen pet tigers, god knows how many traps, genjutsus and curses, through the mind numbing puzzles I put up around our house and the extra security measures in the vicinity of our house and garden including the front and the back of our house just to get at ramen they can buy at any market without the risk of their health.”

“…okay…” Naruto nuzzled Sasuke again before prancing off to the cabinet where Sasuke said his ramen would be at. Before he could get there though, Sasuke stopped him. “One thing first. Tsunade just gave me a mission. You want to be my partner? It’s S-ranked.” Sasuke said, evading the real purpose of the mission. The sound of a S-rank mission would guarantee Naruto’s acceptance. “Eh? But I wanna eat my ramen…” Naruto said, gazing forlornly at the cabinet where he could almost see the ramen dancing inside, inviting him to eat them…

Sasuke stared down at Naruto’s drooling face. “Oi, dobe.”

“Don’t call me dobe! Sasuke teme!” Naruto instinctively yelled back.

“You want the S-rank mission or not?”

“S-rank? Okay… Can I have my ramen now? I’m hungry…” Naruto pouted rubbing at his stomach.

Sasuke smirked. “I’m going to take a bath okay? Then later, we need to go out.” Naruto stared quizzically at Sasuke’s departing back before jerking out of his stupor. ‘Ramen!’ He chanted in his mind. When he opened the cabinet door to find ALL of his ramen accounted for, he squealed happily. Taking out a few, he hugged them, “I missed you all!”

After Naruto had eaten his fill, Sasuke dragged him out promising to treat him to eat at Ichiraku’s later if he followed him now. And so, this is how a hyperactive, happy Naruto followed Uchiha Sasuke to their usual training ground to find it packed to the brim. Spotting a suffering-from-a-hangover Tsunade, he dragged a willing Naruto over. On the way, he darted behind some trees. Naruto peeked over Sasuke’s shoulder at the crowd which consists of most of Konoha’s citizens.

“Ne, Sasuke? What’s going on? Why are there so many people here? Huh? What’s happening here? Huh? HUH?” Naruto asked, hopping from one foot to the other, caught up in the excitement that was almost palpable in the air. The crowd was literally buzzing with activity and excitement with a few fights that broke out here and there over the same thing that caused most of the fights today. ‘Who is Uchiha Sasuke going to choose as his mate?’ this is the question in everyone’s mind except for Kakashi and Jiraiya. Those two know VERY well who Sasuke is going to pick and had set up multiple video cams from every angle possible to get the oncoming drama.

This is going to be the base for Jiraiya’s newest next Icha Icha Paradise Special Edition: Fox Hunt. 1 Sasuke took a deep calming breath, held Naruto’s face in his hands and stared directly into those innocent sky blue eyes. Images of what he’d like to do to Naruto when they were alone swamped his mind. Sasuke shook his head to clear the images away. ‘Now’s not the time for that. Though later… Arggh! Concentrate!’ Facing Naruto’s curious gaze again, he started.

“Na, Naruto, we’ve been living together for almost half a year now. Did all the couples thingy and more… (smiles at memory of doing perverted stuff) What I want to ask you is that… do you want to marry me?” Sasuke said, slowly and clearly. Naruto gapped at him. “Ngah?” Was the only reply he got as Naruto’s eyes blurred with confusion.

“Marry me.” Sasuke repeated.

“… really? You’re not just teasing me are you? ‘Cause if you are… you’re not getting any for life.” Naruto said seriously.

Sasuke grinned. “Yes, for real.”

Naruto smiled, happier than he could ever be on a normal day. Then a cheeky glint could be seen in his eyes. “Hmm… I’d have to get back to you on that. I mean Neji is pretty hot. Gaara too… It’s a tough decision you know… And I don’t make commitments easily.”

Sasuke growled and tackled Naruto to the ground. Furious necking ensured. After a few tumbles and rolls, Sasuke lay on top of Naruto with the both of them gasping for breath. “Well… I guess I’ll marry you than… Now kiss me again.” Smiling happily and triumphantly, Sasuke did what his soon-to-be spouse wanted. Reeling in what was left of his self control, Sasuke regretfully got off of Naruto and got up, pulling a disappointed Naruto with him. “Now, we just announce it.” Sasuke said.

“WHOA! What are you talking about! In case you didn’t notice, those ARE YOUR fans out there you know. They know now when I’m here, you won’t get a wedding with me in one piece.” Naruto said. “Damn. You’re dumber than me…” He continued in amazement. Then he broke down laughing at the exasperated expression on Sasuke’s face. Sasuke frowned at him. “Dobe. We’re not going to stay long enough for them to do anything. Besides, if they even think of doing anything to you…” Sasuke trailed off with a dangerous glint in his eyes, Sharingan spinning around and around.

Naruto cuddled up to him, “Awww… Sasuke’s all protective of me now…”

Sasuke batted him on the head. “Ow! Bastard.” Naruto muttered half heartedly. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.” Sasuke said, dragging him out onto the field and standing on a small hill where everyone could see him and Naruto. It also kept them at a safe distance above the poisonous fumes they call perfume. It only took less than a second for the fan girls and fan boys to notice him what with their predatory skills polished to a magnificent shine in spotting, stalking and hunting Sasuke all these years. Sasuke then draped an arm around Naruto’s shoulders and pulled him close. Then, he proceeded to kiss the breath out of Naruto. Stunned silence followed.

Sasuke pulled away from Naruto then spotting Tsunade, who was gapping at them like a fish out of water, and gave her a two fingered salute before poofing away. Howls of anguish and anger could be heard even at the Uchiha mansion. Naruto and Sasuke continued where they left off earlier, doing what rabbit couples do best. Humping the day and night away…

Two days later, when the couple emerged from their humping spree, Sasuke proceeded to make things VERY CRYSTAL CLEAR to anyone out there who objects to his and Naruto’s marriage by severely hurting and mutilating anyone who dared to look at Naruto wrong much less try to hurt him or get rid of him so that the position for being Sasuke’s mate is open again. However, questionable problems do arise.

Tsunade and Iruka’s wrath for instance, that Sasuke dared to contaminate their sweet innocent Naruto’s mind with perverted stuff which led to Kakashi and Jiraiya smashing, torturing, punishment and body rearrangement jutsus. This problem soon took care of itself after both Iruka and Tsunade saw how happy Naruto was with Sasuke and whenever the two of them started to glare at Sasuke, Naruto would look like someone just put a ban on ramen ever being produced again.

Then the fact that Naruto is a boy therefore can’t get pregnant and produce the next Uchiha generation. This is also solved a year later thanks to the meddling paws of a certain ancient, knowledgeable, overprotective, cunning, shrewd demon fox that was sealed in Naruto. There are now nine cute and adorable two months old kits toddling around the Uchiha mansion, each and every one of them complete with Sharingan and Naruto's hyperactive personality.

All was well in Konoha. The couple continued their rabbit couple ways as they earned quite a lot during their ‘S-rank’ mission. Jiraiya published his new book, which sent Iruka up the wall and Kakashi’s perverted skills sharpened to a very sharp and polished degree, to which Iruka found out personally just how sharp Kakashi’s skills have become.

As said, all was well in Konoha as Sasuke and Naruto raise the next generation of Sharingan using Uchihas and also what would be known throughout the lands as the Legendary 9 Pranksters. The academy had never seen such chaos before and didn’t know what hit it until it was too late.

THE END

1 Aha… I couldn’t think of anything else that is better… Sowee… And Sasuke is ‘fighting’ for Naruto init?

I have recently read a few fics that consist of Sasuke asking Naruto to marry him and sorts… which inspired me to write one…

I didn’t mean no plagiarism if that’s what some might think. Idea’s all mine…

Read and review… I need to know what you think. Pweese? I live of reviews. Without them, my brain shrivels up and die. It’s okay, just say what you think. I can (can’t) take it…

Muax…