|Lethal Lita: Morning repercussions
Author: Lord Cynic PM
Drabblelength oneshot. It doesn't take much to set Lita off. One morning, Klein, the unfortunate sod, finds out again the hard way. Oh, and Cynic does, too... snicker...Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Words: 662 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 05-26-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2959030
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Lord Cynic: "I'm taking the reins this time. So expect something… awkward, at the least."
Mashu: "I couldn't imagine, looking at the title. But this awfully short, don't you think?"
Lord Cynic: (glares) "You'll see why later."
Mashu: "I'm faintly reminded of Kite and BlackRose from the .hack games when playing Atelier Iris and watch Klein and Lita's interactions."
Lord Cynic: "… Maybe that's just because the dub BlackRose and Lita are voiced by the same woman."
Mashu: "Meh, maybe…"
Lord Cynic: "I don't own Atelier Iris. Only the game as a hard copy."
Lethal Lita: Morning Repercussions
An angry Lita wasn't an uncommon sight among the Panthers. If rumour had it, she was quite the little terror when provoked. Her eyes would flare a dangerous red, if you could even see them through the veil of brown hair that would cover her face, the claws she wielded on her hands would mystically lengthen, and there was that unpleasant aura that told you that you were about to die. Then you would have approximately six seconds before she lunged at you with totally murderous intent.
Luckily, only a small list of provocations affected Lita that much. They were, in order of severity (lowest to highest): telling her or implying she was fat; attempting to deprive her of her precious moon milk; petty arguments with Veola; Klein being a jerk (in her point of view); serious arguments with Veola, usually involving Veola's (and Lita's) crush on Klein; Klein being a big jerk (in her point of view); and lastly, anyone trying to convince her that she was in love with the jerk/big jerk, or getting her in suggestive situations with the jerk/big jerk. Indeed, as long as those conditions weren't met, or if there was someone nearby to hold her back, her transformation into Lethal Lita would be rare.
However, one morning the most severe cause was violated in perhaps the most mortifying manner (if Lita wanted to keep up appearances). She woke up in her bed to discover Klein pretty much next to her. He was fully clothed, though. This is as PG-13 as possible. Her initial reaction was to scream in shock, thus waking up the blonde alchemist.
"What the hell are you doing, Klein!" she shrieked, knocking the boy out of the bed and onto the floor unceremoniously. He rubbed his eyes and, since he was still disoriented, took a while to focus on his immediate surroundings.
When he too discovered his position, he positively leapt out of bed and proceeded to defend himself against the raging brunette. He could sense the homicidal aura coming from the Blanchimont girl, and hoped his (perfectly reasonable, he believed) defence would hold up.
"Wait!" he cried frantically. "This isn't what it looks like! I didn't even know how I got here!"
His side of the story: he remembered telling her "good night" and walking upstairs to sleep near the door. That way, if anyone were to intrude he would be instantly awake and ready to defend the base. He didn't sleep walk either, which eliminated that possibility.
Her side of the story: he was a massive pervert. Period.
She failed to notice Delsus and Marietta smirking from the stairs and high-fiving each other. Instead, she promptly pummelled the poor Klein to within an inch of his life, her fury being vented in a truly horrifying display of non-feminine brutality.
"What!" the girl screeched, staring up at the author. I sweatdropped and tugged my collar nervously. "What do you mean, non-feminine!"
She jumped out of the page to thoroughly kick the crap out of - …
Mashu struggles to restrain his snickering as a battered Lord Cynic glares.
Lord Cynic: "Say anything and you die."
Mashu nods, before spurting out a snort and falling to the floor laughing.
Inhumane screams of agony soon follow.