Oh the bar, the crowded and stuffy room where it is so loud you can’t even hear the nine people throwing up in the bathroom. Where no one will answer you even if you ask them 27 times what time it is, because if you aren’t having fun enough to not care, then you shouldn’t be there any way. Where even if you came in with no friends, you’ll leave with seven of them, and maybe 3 lovers if you got really lucky.

But that’s a normal bar. And normal NEVER means a lick here…ever.

The Twisted Tales was utterly empty, save for me, Azulcat and Hilaria. Faith was here too, but once her inner nun realized what vile liquids she was having her stomach drowned in she saw to it that they were removed.

I shivered and covered my ears at the sound of her hacking cough, it was rough, and made me want to gag myself, plus Azulcat looked ready to clear herself of a few hairballs any second now.

“Why are we even here again?” Azulcat groaned as she drank some of her pint to try and quiet her own coughs. “We aren’t even having fun.”

“Hilaria is” I sighed, jabbing a thumb over that the girl, who was piss ass drunk. All she was missing was the lamp shade, she was already twirling her bra over hear head while trying to get The Joker to dance with her.

“Should we save her?” Azulcat asked, not taking her one-eyebrow-raised gaze away from the Alchemuncuzodifreak.

“You’re worried about her? I’m feeling more worried about messy face over there.”

“Will you just save her?!” the blue feline hissed at me. I sighed and stood up, not forgetting to drain the rest that was in my glass before hand, I would need the energy.

Stepping up to the dancing drunkard and the smiling shrink’s worst night mare, I tried my best to be polite.

“MINE!” I grabbed Hilaria’s arm and pulled her away from the clown school drop out.

“Awww dwaye…whysh sooo serious?” Hilaria slurred into my face, her breath stinking of alcohol…why do we drink that stuff any way? Oh yeah, being drunk is fun. The clown smiled.

“I was just about to say that.” He managed to gasp out before cracking up, turning to start to bang on the wall with his fist in his hysterics. Both Hilaria and I weren’t drunk enough to know not to run.

…does that sentence even make sense…I’ve always have had problems with double negatives you see, I mean, we weren’t drunk implies we are sober, so we were sober enough to know to not run means that we knew not to run…which isn’t what I wanted to say at all. So, according to that what I meant to say was - ow! Hey what was that for? Why’d you hit me Hilaria? Get out of my Narrative rant! What? Oh yeah, the story, well... so we knew we had to run, so I guess that what I mean to say by that is that we decided to run, and running being the action which is both faster that walking and jogging. So by that you can kind of guess the speed at which- OK! I GET IT! PUT THE BAT DOWN!

I started to run towards the door, pulling Hilaria along by linking my arm into hers.

“WHEE!” Hilaria giggled, and grabbed onto Azulcat the same way I had linked onto her.

It was cold outside, but I think that was because the weather soon grew afraid of our crazed fleeing, because it got quite comfortable pretty fast. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on whom you are, Kontra happened to live the closest to the bar, and also happened to keep the most weapons on him at one time.

He answered the door, once again not wearing as many cloths as some one should be wearing when they go to answer the door. Azulcat shielded her eyes and Hilaria aided her, slapping her own hand onto the cat's face.

“What do you crazies want?”

“Why aren’t you wearing pants?”

“I asked you first.”

“We need protection.”

The humanoid-dragon smirked “His, her, or shared pleasure?”

“Not that kind of protection, you dolt. But, if you have any, her pleasure, please.”

“Why am I not surprised to hear that coming from you?” He rolled his eyes and stepped aside, letting the three of us walk into the sauna that was his house.

“God, how much energy are you wasting in here?” a slightly more sober Hilaria asked as the three of us plopped onto the couch and Kontra left us in the search to find a pair of pants.

“Was that sponge bob I saw?” Azulcat whispered into Hilaria’s ear.

“God I hope not. I mean it isn’t like I held him too highly, but still.”

I rolled my eyes “Be nice to Gecko, will you?”

“Aw Draye wants us to be nice to the noob, does Draye like the ickle noobie?” Hilaria giggled.

As if he could hear my silent plea to leave the room Kontra yelled down “Draye! I need help up here!”

“OOOH!” Azulcat and Hilaria crooned as I went up stairs to find Kontra standing in front of his closet.

Now, the door was open, but all you could see was a wall, a solid wall of fabric.

“So you want me to help how?”

“Well you have smaller hands then me, reach in and find some pants.”

I walked up to the barricade of jersey cotton and wedged my hand down to the elbow in the biggest space I could find, and I started to pull stuff out.

A tire

A bird cage with five live parakeets

A hamster

A cat in the hat book

A tuba

The terminator

The Tardis

A mongoose

A plasma TV

A ninja body suit

A bottle of shot juice

The keys that Type had eaten once

A 99 cent wand

The dreaded flash-back-o-maker

A copy of Ninjutsu for Dummies

A tub of Vaseline

A palm tree costume

A book on how to worship the Light-Bright gods

A list on how to annoy Barbra

The author aliment assigner

A picture of Deidara dressed as a teenage girl

A M.P.A. T-shirt

A half empty bottle of hot pink hair dye

Zafe’s coffin

The terms of agreement

A burned Tele-tubby

A document signed by Emerald and Kontra in blood

A glass of Double non0fat mocha-latté-frap with 67 chocolate sprinkles and 3 Tbls of whipped cream, and 4 packets of sugar in the raw (trademark)

A box for chip and dale’s chipmunk cake, with five different types of rodents

Edward Elric

A Hooter's girl

An Omlete

Finally after fifteen minutes of the same thing, I found a wearable pair of pants, I had found four others, but they were in women’s sizes and styles.

We went back down stairs, and Kontra put a DVD in, and we sat down to watch.

--

CLICK!

Faith looked up out of the toilet bowl and looked around the now pitch dark bath room, she must have fallen asleep and gotten locked in.

“Hello? HEY!”

No answer...shit…

--

“Did we forget something?” Azulcat asked as we left Kontra’s house.

“Oh yeah, I forgot those condoms.”

--

Can you see the old chapter references? I hope so, if you can name which chapter 3 references come from you get a present!