|The Trinity Times
Author: Umeko PM
The Pope and 2 Cardinals start a newspaper. AX handling the advice columns? Issue 24 Up. CompletedRated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 34,702 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 05-04-07 - Published: 05-30-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2964651
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Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood or its characters
This is my first Trinity Blood fanfic. I have chosen a different way of presenting it as a newsletter parody. The 'trinity' of editors is 2 cardinals and a pope.
I apologize beforehand for any erroneous representations of the Church and state that I have nothing against the Catholic Church or any other orthodox religion. I also have nothing against vampires, if they exist. So please don't suck my blood. I'm anaemic. This is all in the spirit of a parody.
This series may contain spoilers for the anime. I am following the anime, so far up to episode 12.
The Trinity Times
Issue 1 - Pilot Issue
Dear all faithful followers
Due to the recent spate of rumours spreading fear and panic in our holy city, the college of cardinals have decided that it is time for the clergy to work towards allaying the fears of the masses. Hence, my brother and sister have graciously agreed to assist me in this holy endeavour in bringing to you this pilot issue of our newspaper to be distributed throughout Europe.
We will also be introducing an advice column for those who wish to seek guidance but are too shy to seek counselling face-to-face. A counsellor will be selected from our experienced staff. The voting is currently in progress and the results will be released in the following issue. Editorials are also welcome. Please send all letters to the newly formed Vatican News Office.
Personal ads are also welcome for a little contribution to the church. However, all content will be screened by the Bureau of Inquisition for potential unwholesome materials.
God's peace be upon you.
Airship Hijack! 60 odd dead
Miracle Spares the Holy City
Last night an Albion airship travelling en route from London to Rome was the victim of what appears to be a politically motivated hijack. The airship Tristan was believed to carrying about 65 passengers and crew. The passenger list has yet to be released to the press. The lone hijacker, a vampire, is believed to be a member of the extremist group Fleur du Mal. The hijacker's identity has been released to the press as Count Alfred Meinz, a vampire. He was believed to have threatened to crash the airship into the Holy City unless the Vatican released his fellow extremists who are currently held in the Vatican's high security prison awaiting trial on the charges of conspiracy and murder.
According to survivor, flight stewardess Miss Jessica Lange, the hijacker gained entry to the cockpit and swiftly overpowered the flight crew and took over control of the flight. The hijacker is believed to have used a master disc to overwrite the flight autopilot, causing the airship to change its original flight path. Radio contact with the Tristan was lost. Miss Lange was saved by the quick thinking and courage of an alert passenger. The duo then found the ship's backup control where Miss Lange, a trainee pilot, managed to regain manual control of the ship with the assistance of the unnamed passenger.
Many of the other passengers and crew were not as fortunate. The vampire went through the ship on a killing spree shortly after overwriting the flight commands. Miss Lange and her rescuer were also attacked in the backup control centre. However, the passenger, believed to be a priest, managed to fight off the hijacker. The vampire then committed suicide under mysterious circumstances, according to authorities.
The authorities have requested that this passenger remain anonymous and turned down all attempts by the press to interview him as he is currently assisting with the investigations. He is believed to have been whisked away soon after Miss Lange landed the vessel.
However, we managed to catch Miss Lange before her return flight to London. "It was very scary, I thought we were all going to die," the petite young woman replied when asked about her feelings, "but Father (the priest) helped me stay calm. He believed in my ability even more than I believed in myself. I thank him from the bottom of my heart. I still owe him a sandwich though. I want to say this to him: I'll make you the sandwich on your next flight with me, Father!"
Despite the hijack, Miss Lange is undeterred from taking to the skies again. On contrary, she states that she is all the more determined to pursue her childhood dream of becoming an airship pilot. We wish this spunky lady all the best and may she earn her pilot's wings soon.
Notably, the culprit Count Meinz is also wanted by the Albion authorities on charges of murder. Investigations are underway in Albion on how this criminal managed to board the airship despite a nationwide warrant for his arrest.
The Pope gives God thanks for the miracle that has spared the Vatican from disaster. A memorial service will be held for the victims of this disaster followed by a short mass of thanksgiving tomorrow at noon. May God's perpetual light shine upon them.
Decision to Shoot Down Hijacked Airship?
The Albion ambassador to Rome has requested an audience with Cardinal Francesco after rumours that an order was given by him to shoot down the hijacked Tristan. After the air control in London lost contact with the Tristan, an Albion battleship, St. Andrew, on standby in the Mediterranean picked up the Tristan on radar, closely pursued by what appeared to be a missile. Lending weight to the rumour is the unexplained presence of two Vatican battleships in the vicinity. The missile then disappeared from the radar. The battleships declined to identity themselves when challenged by the St. Andrew.
The Vatican denies all involvement in this incident. Cardinal Catherina has graciously offered to look into this serious allegation against the Vatican. Cardinal Francesco has yet to grant audience to the Albion ambassador at press time. It is understood that a joint inquiry will be set up to look into this hijacking.
New Vatican Times NOT official newsletter
Copies of a newsletter being circulated among the clergy have drawn the attention of the Cardinal Catherina. The Duchess of Milan wishes to clarify that the publication titled New Vatican Times is not officially sanctioned by the Church. Its origins have been traced to an unknown city in Spain. The publication is noted for its strident criticism of certain high-ranking leaders of the church. Strangely, the publication which has so vehemently condemned our existing leaders gave glowing accounts regarding the good works of Cardinal Alfonso who has been in self-imposed exile for 5 years. Cardinal Alfonso denies any knowledge of the newspaper or any interviews by the tabloid. Investigations are still underway.
Notice: Missing Child
The Bureau of Inquisition is seeking information on the whereabouts of 10-year-old Eris Wurzmeier. Female. Height: 1.2 m, Weight 18kg. Black eyes and blond hair. Last seen hanging about an abandoned chapel in Florence. Classified as 'Witch'. If spotted, do not approach this child. Notify the nearest Vatican representative immediately.
Editorial by Duke Medici
Vampires cannot be trusted
I am shocked to hear that certain persons are considering negotiations with the vermin nest of vampires known as the Empire. Let me remind you that those blood-sucking monsters have no place on our planet! Despite opinions to the contrary, the only way we can ensue lasting peace is the total annihilation of this foul race. I urge all true believers to lend your strength and prayers to the Inquisition forces as we forge onwards to our holy goal of a vampire-free planet.
- Duke of Medici
(Fellow vice-editor C: Brother! That is totally uncalled for!
Chief Editor A cowers in his throne as 2 vice-editors have a violent quarrel.)
Albion Fruit Tea Recipe by Sister Kate
I have been asked many times by my colleagues for this recipe, so I am putting it in this paper so my communication lines don't get choked up by future requests. For that rich fruit Albion tea you guys so love, use 250ml of boiling water to a teabag to bring out the fruitiness. The water must be freshly boiled, not boiled and left on the table for an hour. Allow to soak for five minutes for full flavour.
Fruit tea can be enjoyed hot or cold with sugar. Add sugar to taste. I personally recommend two cubes. However, you may add more according to your personal preferences. 13? (Sweat-drop) if that really is your preference…
Sword dancer, you have not contacted us for the past months. Even I can't find you on my radar. Please do so if you are reading this. Where on God's good Earth are you? - Iron Maiden
A good, responsible mechanic-doctor wanted for maintenance of cyborg. Must be good with ammunitions. Please apply to AX office, Level 2, Vatican Square.
This is a very drastic change from my regular fanfiction fodder. I am fairly new to science fantasy.
I have not decided on who to handle the advice column yet. Sister Noelle? Father Abel? Sister Esther? Leon? Or maybe one of the editors, like Lady Catherina? Guess we just have to find out. Please review. Suggestion for improvement welcome.