|Alex and Artemis um, well i dunno
Author: xwLic PM
I'm not quite sure what's happening in my story. it's a parody, of course... Alex Rider and Artemis are there, and Jack Starnright just fell out a window. Holly shows up... and that's as far as i've gotten. you actually think i plan these things? i jsut wRated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody - Words: 529 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 05-31-06 - Status: Complete - id: 2967106
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Alex was panicking. Really, really panicking. Who wouldn't be panicking? Well, Artemis, but… Artemis stood quietly, a totally bored look on his face.
"Breathe. Don't panic. Do some yoga—it's quite relaxing," Artemis suggested in an extremely bored voice.
"Jack Starbright just fell out a goddamn window and you're telling me to do YOGA! She's dead, goddamn it!"
"God doesn't damn things," Artemis pointed out unnecessarily.
"I don't effing care, you loser!" Alex shouted. He tended to get a bit of a dirty mouth when he panicked. Which was, you know, not all that much. Only when Jack Starbright fell out windows to her death. Which was only about twice every year, so…
"Why don't we just heal her?"
"With what, a fairy/elf?" Alex muttered sarcastically, not knowing the irony in this.
"Actually, yes, that's was I was thinking."
"Are you kidding?"
"I don't kid. Since when have I 'kidded' as you so… artfully put it?" Artemis asked. Alex edged away, panic leaving his eyes. He could handle insanity. Why not? Insanity was just, um, the absence of sanity. Whatever that meant. Alex had never done well with spelling.
"Eh, I know a place that has a nice room for you to stay… nice clothes…" Alex said hesitantly.
"Really? Where. I need a new jacket."
"And some… um, sleeping shots."
"Where are you going with this?"
"Therubberroomandthestraightjacketandthenicemenwiththebigshotthings!" Alex said really fast before he lost his courage. Artemis shook his head sadly.
"I am not insane, Alex," he snapped. Just then Holly, um, visible-ified herself, looking extremely panicked. She sobbed onto Artemis's shoulder.
"Jack Starbright is dead!" She wailed.
"And why do you care?" Artemis prompted. A confused look covered Holly's pixie-like face (she was, after all, an elf.).
"Oh, I don't particularly, I was just trying to be, uh, empathetic for our friend here. I don't believe we've met. Holly Short," Holly said, sticking out her hand as she hovered in the air. Alex shook his head slowly.
"Yes, nice to meet you, I'm Alex Rider," he said faintly.
"Yeah, mm hmm, I care totally. Now, Artemis, we need to talk…"
"About what, Holly?"
"Um, you know that fanfiction we were in once, when we played cards?"
"Yes," Artemis said slowly.
"YOU CHEATED!" Holly shrieked. she proceeded to beat Artemis with her little elf fists, completely forgetting all her fairy weapons like buzz batons and Neurinos, or whatever they're called.
"Calm, calm. Breathe. Don't panic. Do some yoga—it's quite relaxing."
"Jack Starbright just fell out a goddamn window and you're telling me to do YOGA! She's dead, goddamn it!" Alex looked at them, completely puzzled.
"Didn't we just have this conversation?" He asked. They looked at him with the notorious funny look.
"So?" they prompted.
"Isn't that a bit weird?" Alex said, waving his hand.
"No…" they said slowly, failing to see his point. Alex shook his head.
"Right then. Please, continue punching Artemis with no result instead of using your fairy weapons, Holly," Alex responded. Holly nodded, balling her fists up.