A/N: This is another one of my random ideas for a story. It has (get ready for this)...

NO ROMANCE.

You may now gasp and begin reading.

"And so, to conclude, the--PIERCE!"

Margaret Houlihan ("MAJOR to you") glared at Hawkeye Pierce, who dropped the skeleton's hand with a grin.

Colonel Potter shook his head at the captain. "Do I need to put you in a time-out?"

"May I continue?" Margaret asked impatiently.

"Go ahead," Colonel Potter said, rummaging around for a file folder on his desk as Margaret continued. When she finished, he stood up. "Before you shovel down what the Army's serving for breakfast this morning, I have one more announcement."

"It had better be that school's closed," commented Hawkeye.

"Pierce, I think you'll like this," Colonel Potter said. He opened the file folder. "As you all know, Nurse Harris left two weeks ago to begin medical school."

Charles Emerson Winchester III snorted.

"I Corps is sending us a new nurse, Lieutenant Strandberg," Colonel Potter went on. "She's been in residency for three years in Buffalo, Wyoming."

"Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam," sang Hawkeye.

"Colonel, why wasn't I informed?" Margaret demanded.

"Major, I just got the papers this morning," said Colonel Potter.

"Well may I see the papers?" asked Margaret.

He handed them to her. "You're dismissed."

As the room cleared, Hawkeye leaned over Margaret's shoulder. "Five-nine, graduated eleventh in a class of-"

Margaret slammed the folder shut. "Captain, will you go eat?"

"Look, I'm just getting some background on our new nurse," protested Hawkeye.

"You stay away from her." The head nurse slammed the door to the office

XXX

The next day casualties came in at four A.M.

Lieutenant Strandberg came at five.

She was a tall woman, with curly brown hair and cats eye glasses. Not exactly thin, but not exactly fat, she wore a long dark green trenchcoat. A brown bag was slung over her shoulder and two more were in her hands.

"Sir!" she shouted to Klinger, who was wearing a bright yellow rain slicker and matching rain hat.

"Yes, oh wet weather visitor?" he asked, turning around.

"I'm Lieutenant Strandberg," the woman said.

Klinger ran over to her. "Carry this and follow me." He handed her a tray with coffee cups on it and pulled her into the scrub room.

"I take it that I arrived here at the right time," the confused lieutenant said, but Klinger had already ran into the O.R.

"GET A MASK ON!" about a dozen people shouted.

"Sorry." Using his rain hat as a mask, he said, "We have a special delivery, straight from Buffalo, Wyoming."

"Dibs!" called Hawkeye.

"One more word and I'm going to put you on report--permanently," Margaret said.

"What's eating you, Margaret?" B.J. asked.

"You know just as well as anyone," answered Margaret testily. "Colonel Potter, may I speak to you after surgery?" called.

"From the way this looks, that's not going to be until MacArthur personally signs the surrender. Suction," Colonel Potter said, directing the first part at Margaret and the second part to Nurse Kellye.

"Should I have her scrub?" asked Klinger.

"We need all the help we can get," Colonel Potter replied.

Lieutenant Strandberg was taking off her coat when Klinger came back in.

"Get a gown on," he instructed.

"Now?" Lieutenant Strandberg's eyes widened. "But I don't know how you do things around here. If-"

"No one does," Klinger said.

A/N: From the way this is starting, it probably seems like this is going to be romantic.

It's not.

...I think.