"One Gate"
by mermaid2bseeker

A parody of "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies. And my take on the near-decade long Stargate experience

Anyone who is familiar with the song knows how fast paced and complicated the lines are. I had a difficult time describing the episodes in a way that matched the syllables of the original song. Trust me, I have counted and recounted, and sung this parody enough to know that the beats match perfectly, if somewhat awkwardly. You just have to keep saying it until it sounds right. ThesiteI got the lyrics at giave it to me in eightylines, so, I dedicated ten lines to each season of Stargate SG-1, using seasons 1 through 9, but not 6.

SPOILERS: ALL THE EPISODES OF STARGATE SG-1
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the show or the song, there I said it. Now enjoy.

It's been one year since the last mission
Stepped through the gate and left
Jackson behind
Fifth time we saw Carter's ex-boyfriend
Saying I am god come and worship me
Three died chasing that damn bird
The Nox were the ones hiding it, but didn't tell us
Alternate earth was in trouble
But it'll still be two days till the gould destroy us
Stop it now and halt the attack

Jolinar took Sam, and
An evil Ashrak tried to kill her
Sent to a dirty prison
Daniel got a druggie princess
Found his pregnant wife
Switching bodies on a 'Holiday'
The Tok'ra have cool crystal mines
Nineteen sixty-nine
You've been frozen and the rest died
Queen Hathor's got the mad plan

Seth's got brainwashed kids
They're attacked by small Machello bots
Planet learns from nanobots in kids
I'd like a stinky mean Unas
The invasion of Earth has been canceled due to rain
Gotta rescue Dad
From Netu hell
Urgo on you ain't gonna grow
Skulls can be dangerous
Save Thor from Replicators

Now he needs someone dumber than himself to defeat them
Anise with her armbands of super powers
Now she's back with a xanax no z'atarc machine
They lied to hide their feelings
Well, Rothman died
What's with Daniel and goa'ulds taking his girlfriends?
They have a history of meddling with timelines
One week since the grandkids were threatened
Daniel blows up Moscow with his satellites.
Their clones are killed by Cronus

Poor dude got some bug burns all on his face
There's no fifth member on SG-1
'The Tomb' was all the Russian's fault, they sought Tiamat's eye
Those Aschen cause sterility
The show Wormhole X-Treme just lasted one episode
Rodney McKay can't eat lemon chicken
Who invited Osiris to the summit?
Replicators started off as toys
Radiation death
I hope Daniel's in a better place

Like a miracle Daniel's back naked
Lost City's still hid
Jack is cute as a fifteen year old kid
Bra'tac and Ry'ac are working slaves
Janet gets killed on film
Poor Daniel has lost another girlfriend
Gotta find the lost ancient city
Gotta find a way to kill 'Nubis
Jack nearly becomes an Ancient while fighting off his fleet
Doctor Weir gains control of the base

Just not for long, Thor took the knowledge from Jack's brain
A replicator-buster
I think it's funny that Jack is a general
Oh great, now there's a replicator Carter
Pete's the kind of guy who can give Sam a nice life
Her visions agree, but
She loves Jack
Dan has a tendency to die in very odd ways
They've a history of going to the past
Sam went fishing, now will they marry?

Vala Maldorran came with a map tablet
Discovered new bad guys the Ori
They wanna convert everyone to Origin
Vala destroyed the beachhead
We realized a plague was sweeping across the globe
Destroyed it and celebrated
An Ori weapon destroyed our Prometheus
The allies are being slaughtered by the ship-full
While a pregnant Vala watches in mute horror
Included all but season six, it sucked.

A/N: please review.