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Cartoons » Ghost Busters (Real/Extreme) » GHOSTBUSTERS: PPE 8
Q-CREW
Author of 9 Stories |
The sun blazes high overhead, creating an intense heat in the shade-less area below. The main street is devoid of any vegetative life, allowing the dust covering it to blow freely in the slight breeze. On either side are mostly wooden and a couple brick buildings, ranging from one to three stories tall, excluding the hotel around the corner. A gunslinger steps off the wooden sidewalk of the saloon building into the street, the spurs on his boots clinking with each step.
At the other end of the street, another gunslinger steps out from around the corner, turning to face his adversary a few doors down. The first gunslinger spits his tobacco out onto the street, looking up to expose his face from under the wide brim of his hat. His flesh hangs loosely on his bones and even if he still had lips his teeth would be gritted and bared. The most prominent thing on his outfit is the blood-soaked bullet hole in his chest.
The other gunslinger takes a few steps closer to him on the street before stopping and ample distance away; arms held out over the guns in his holsters. Above the street, seemingly unknown to both men, shadowed figures move around in the upper floors of the buildings carrying long rifles.
“Draw,” the undead gunslinger growls with a southern twang, twitching his gloved fingers over his own gun. The other gunslinger lifts up his head, revealing himself to be Peter.
“Sure…pencil or crayon?” he asks. The gunslinger looks at him confused.
“What…?”
“Well, you said ‘draw’, right? How do you expect me to draw anything without the right tools? Or paper?” Peter says with a smirk and shrug.
“Yer gun, pardnuh! Draw yer gun and shoot!” the gunslinger says, annoyed.
“Oooooh! You wanted me to draw my gun. Nah, I’ll pass. That’s what I got these guys for,” Peter responds, motioning upwards to either side of the street. The ghost looks up as Ray and Egon step out of the buildings and open fire with their proton guns, catching him in their streams. Winston pops out of a barrel on one of the barrels on the sidewalk and throws a trap out. It opens and sucks the ghost in, leaving nothing but his hat gently floating to the ground over it.
“You can come out now,” Peter calls back. Two men in suits and a sloppily dressed man with a beard and sunglasses come out from around the corner and approach Peter quickly as the other Ghostbusters move to join them.
“Finally! Now maybe we can finish this picture!” the sloppily dressed man exclaims.
“Well, the shoot’s not too far behind,” one of the suits comments, looking around. “How can we ever thank you?”
“Just doin’ our job, pilgrim,” Peter responds in his worst John Wayne impression. He pulls out one of the fake guns in his holsters and spins it around on his finger. He stops it and shoves it down to replace it, but misses his holster and drops it on the ground, causing it to go off and spook the hell out of all of them.
“Don’t quit your day job,” Winston says angrily.
“Ooops…”
GHOSTBUSTERS
PROFESSIONAL PARANORMAL ELIMINATORS
#8
“HOW I GOT HERE”
OR
“FOUR TALES OF THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS”
CHRIS BUCHNER-Story & chief
ROLANDO MUNOZ-Breakdowns
BEN KING-Finishes, Letters & edits
ADAM BESTLER-Colors
DAN LIBERG-Edits
FRITZ BAUGH-Cover
Captain Skallywag, the most ruthless pirate of his day. Rarely would he leave a man alive as he pillaged the high seas and stole countless amounts of treasure. On his final mission, however, his ship got lost in an immense fog that lasted for months. Eventually running out of supplies, the crew began to die off one by one. Skallywag, versed in the mystic black arts through his mother, placed a curse on their final treasure that would bring him back to the land of the living to reclaim it should it ever be touched by another man. Aside from his faded colors, he hasn’t changed much since he was alive; long, flowing black hair, golden teeth, the traditional long red coat, black hat and the rest of the normal pirate garb.
Next is Fat Boy, called such because of his immense size. He looks like a typical ghost; white, fluffy, almost cuddly in a way. That is until you smell the incredible stench coming from him.
Beside him is Alexander Baskovich Andriosky Reginald Humarian Forsythe Smith. A 19th Century New York Resident, he was born of a noble family and lived the wealthy life until he befell a bad batch of caviar. And now here he sits, still adorned in his party attire and extremely translucent. So much so, the others have taken to calling him Fades.
Glargendaar is a Mesopotamian serpent chaos demon. He has the torso of a man that ends in the massive tail of a snake. His arms end in snake heads resembling his own. His entire body is completely covered in scales and dark black smoke puffs from his nostrils as he breathes, looking at his opponents with shifting eyes.
Last is a gremlin; a species of mischievous beings who enjoy the dismantling of objects. He is a small thing, no bigger than a cat with no neck, oversized arms with hairy forearms, wide pointed ears and a toothy grin. He smiles at his opponents slyly.
“Gin!” Fat Boy says.
“For the last time, we’re playing poker!” Skallywag declares as he slams his cards down on the stone they use for a table.
“Oh, right…” he mutters.
“Avast, when will I be getting’ some real competition!”
“Hey, relax, Cap’n,” the gremlin says as he shifts his cards around, “ain’t none of us too happy to be here.”
“Argh! Those blasted Ghostbusters! They be ruinin’ me afterlife!”
“Yessssss,” Glargendaar agrees, “thossssssse pitiful humanssss have insssssulted usssss all.”
“Yeah!” the gremlin chimes in. “Jerks, who do they think they are?”
“You know, we have played this game for some time but I don’t think we have ever mentioned how we got here,” Alex says.
“Ye wanna know?” Skallywag asks. “Fine, I’ll tell ye. When me ship got cast into a fog after our latest plunder, we be lost for many a month. Finally, the supplies ran out and me crew began to fall. Before my time came I put a curse on me final treasure…”
SOMEWHERE IN THE ATLANTIC
The ocean floor is littered with the remains of various vessels that have traversed its surface over the centuries. Some break down and disintegrate, some end up buried, some end up in depths that no man could ever reach. Others, like the MacGuffen, are just waiting to be discovered.
The U.S.S. Milquetoast is a fairly large ship with two submersible units hanging over its deck. It has made numerous missions with its team of undersea explorers, but none as profitable as this last one. Divers had discovered not only the wreck of the old pirate ship, but its final treasure as well. Loading the valuables up into baskets, they’re hauled up by cables on winches and onto the ship above with the divers right behind them.
Sometime later, the ship heads back towards port in New York Harbor as the sun begins to set, the scientists on board eager to begin dating and cataloguing the treasure they had found for distribution to various museums. However, nobody is aware that in the cargo hold the treasure had begun to emit an eerie glow. Wisps of mist rise up from the valuables, gathering just above the piles. The mist begins to change and take the human form.
Screams come from all over the ship as crew members and scientists leap off the deck into the water. The horde of undead pirates chasing them with their swords raised stop at the edge and look at the flailing mortals, laughing their heads off. The American flag flying above the ship is lowered and soon replaced with the Jolly Roger. Up on the bridge, Captain Skallywag stands triumphant with his men manning the controls.
“Take us out to sea, me hearties!” His crewman turns the wheel and the ship changes course to head away from the city.
A couple hours later on a coastguard ship, the Ghostbusters make their way across the water to retrieve the ship from its pirate hijackers.
“Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!” Peter sings in a gruff pirate voice.
“At least they’re not flying over the city this time,” Ray says as he heads into the cabin.
“According to this book on pirate lore,” Egon starts as he holds the big tome, “Captain Skallywag was the son of a black witch who taught him the ways of the black arts. While it could never be verified some people surmised these powers were the reason behind his crew’s high successful pillage rate.”
“Black arts…so this dude’s got magic voodoo up his sleeve on top of being a ghost?” Winston asks.
“More than likely,” Egon responds. “His ship ended up lost at sea after their last job and never seen again.”
“So he put the whammy on his treasure so he could come back to life?” Peter asks.
“It appears so,” Egon responds, closing the book. He picks up his PKE Meter and the wings extend outward. “We’re close.”
“Captain confirms that,” Ray says, emerging. “The helicopters have spotted the ship about a mile away. Looks like the fuel ran out; it’s just sitting there.”
“It’s a good thing these old-time spooks don’t know much about machinery,” Winston comments.
“Arrrr! Hoist the mainsail! Mizzen the mizzenmast! Shiver me timbers and all that fun stuff!” Peter jokes, hopping around. The others all exchange a glance.
“That’s it, you’re switching to decaff,” Winston says flatly.
“I…I don’t know, cap’n! The ship just stopped moving!”
“Argh!” Skallywag draws his sword and plunges it into the console next to the wheel. “Stupid worthless metal ship!”
“Cap’n! Another ship approaches!” a pirate calls from outside the cabin.
“Well then, seein’ as how this ship be worthless, methinks we’ll be takin’ theirs. Let them come.”
“It’s quiet,” Ray says, looking around the empty deck.
“Too quiet,” Egon adds. Suddenly, the ghostly pirates begin to rise up through the deck and various places above. The Ghostbusters pull back as the undead fiends leer at them, swords drawn. Captain Skallywag rises up out of the bridge to stand at the very top of the ship.
“Avast ye landlubbers! Ye be boardin’ me ship without permission, thus yer lives are forefeit. But, seein’ as I’m the generous sort, I’ll be makin’ ye a deal; turn over yer vessel and I’ll be ensurin’ yer deaths’ll be quick and painless!”
“Better idea…blast them!” Peter shouts. They open fire with their blasters at the nearest batch of pirates. But, instead of connecting with them, the ion streams blow right through their bodies and hit the ship.
“Uh…Egon…?” Winston starts.
“They must be hollow entities…projections,” Egon surmises. “Aim for the captain!” They all lift up their blasters and open fire on Skallywag. The beams connect, but he just laughs them off.
“Attack!” Skallywag commands. The ghost pirates lunge for the Ghostbusters. Ray dives out of the way as a sword comes down and is buried in the deck where he was.
“I thought they were projections!” Peter declares, dodging another sword.
“They’re still manifestations!” Egon says. “We need to cut them down at the source!”
“We tried that! Cap’n Jack don’t wanna comply!” Winston states as he leaps over two pirates. Egon falls back into a wall as an idea hits him.
“Of course! We need to get to the cargo hold!” He takes off for the nearest doorway, avoiding pirates. The others follow after him, narrowly avoiding being skewered.
“After them!” Skallywag shouts. The pirates slip down through the deck at his command. Within seconds, they enter the hold only to find just their treasure there. They look around confused until a sound from the doorway gets their attention. They turn to see Peter and Winston there with their proton guns drawn.
“Hi,” Peter says, waving. He and Winston aim up to the hatch at the top of the hold and blast it open.
“Now what did ye hope to accomplish with that?” Skallywag asks as he phases down through the ceiling.
“A distraction, a diversion, a convenient plot device…take your pick,” Peter quips as they aim their blasters at the treasure and fire. The ghost all scream out in pain.
“Guess Egon was right about this being the source!” Winston states as a hook is lowered into the hold through the opening. He holsters his blaster and runs past the ghosts to the treasure. He grabs the cables connected to the platform it sits on and one by one puts them onto the hook. “Got it!” he says into his radio. Up above, Ray works the controls of the crane while Egon stands guard. He pulls the treasure up out of the hold and swings it over the edge of the deck.
“Drop it!” Egon says. Ray hits the release and the platform falls into the water, sinking straight to the bottom.
“NO!” Skallywag says as his minions begin to fade. “This can’t be!”
“Sure it can, Skally old boy!” Peter corrects. “Y’see, our blasters couldn’t hurt you and your crew which our big brain figured out was because of the power of the curse you put on your treasure. So, we reversed your curse which means you have no more power. Guess what else that means?” With that, the two blast Skallywag and this time the beams hold him. Winston grabs his trap and throws it out under him, hitting the pedal and sucking Skallywag in.
“Aw, cry me a river,” the gremlin says as he throws down two cards. “Give me two.” Fat Boy deals him the cards and he adds them to his hand. “You think I wanted to be here? I was just minding my own business when those buttinskies came along and blasted my hairy butt for no good reason. I mean, not like I did anything to them…”
“What the hell?” Winston asks. Egon holds up his PKE meter.
“I’m detecting some residual PKE readings…”
“Oh no…don’t tell me…” Ray starts.
“A gremlin,” they all groan together.
“Hehehe! That’s right, Ghostbusters!” a gravely shrill little voice calls from above. They look up to see the gremlin sitting on a windowsill, smiling his toothy smile. “You busted my family, so it’s payback time!” With that, he leaps off and disappears around the corner.
“This way,” Egon says, letting his PKE lead him.
“Do we have to?” Peter asks.
“Can’t let it run free, Pete,” Winston says as he starts to follow Egon, “critter like that could cause someone to get hurt.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Peter grumbles as he joins them.
“I’ll stay with the car!” Ray calls, grabbing his cell phone to call a tow truck.
“We’re…still…on….him…” Egon manages to choke out before stumbling and landing on the sidewalk. Peter and Winston stop and collapse next to him, trying to catch their breath. It’s one thing chasing a speedy little thing for a few very long blocks, but try doing it carrying a good 40 pounds or more of equipment and it’s a hell of a workout. Winston leans back against a fire hydrant when his vision begins to clear and he looks around.
“Hey guys…look where we are.” Peter and Egon, against the desires of their bodies, force their heads up and scan the area.
“We’re near the firehouse…” Peter comments. Egon looks down at the PKE meter on the ground.
“His…family…payback…oh, no,” Egon says.
“What ‘oh, no’?” Peter asks before it hits him. “Oh, no!”
“Oh, no!” Winston agrees as he forces himself up with the others and they begin their journey to…
“I think pant we’re too late pant,” he says just before the bigger doors fall backwards into the garage bay. “YOW!” Peter shouts as he dives, a proton stream flying out of the doorway from inside. Winston and Egon pull their proton guns and run inside, Peter looking up from the ground. “Oh, don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I’m just the one who almost got his head blown off is all...”
“Janine…?” Winston says. Janine stands on what remains of her desk wearing a proton pack and blasting at the gremlin scurrying across the walls.
“About time you got here! I can’t catch the little bugger!” The gremlin scurries over to one of the lights and with a couple quick twists releases it from the ceiling.
“Janine!” Egon calls as he dives and pushes her out of the way as it crashes down on the spot where she stood.
“Oh, Egon! You saved me!” she exclaims, flashing him a big appreciative and seductive smile. “Do I get to reward the hero this time?”
“Egon, he’s gone into the basement!” Winston calls as he runs down the stairs.
“Erm…got to go,” Egon stammers as he quickly scrambles off of her and after Winston.
“Next time he does that I’m clobbering him with an encyclopedia,” Janine mutters. Peter runs into the garage bay, proton gun drawn.
“Janine, where’s…?” She points to the stairs and he takes off down them.
“C’mon, Ghostbusters! Take your best shot! But if you do, I’ll cut this cord and letcha have a nice explosion on your hands!”
“Alright…what do you want?” Egon asks, lowering his proton gun.
“Guess you are the smart one, eh, doc? I want my family what you guys busted outta that hunka tin, and I want ‘em now!”
“But we can’t find random ghosts like that,” Winston says. The gremlin groans.
“But you guys went to school, right? It wasn’t community college, was it? THINK OF SOMETHING!”
“I know just the thing, but we need to assemble it,” Egon says. Peter and Winston look at him curiously.
“Fine, but make it quick. Remember, I’m holding all the cards here.” Egon starts down the stairs but Winston grabs his arm.
“Egon, what’re we doing?” he whispers.
“Giving him what he wants. Now, let’s get to work assembling the airlock.”
“Well?” the gremlin asks impatiently.
“It’s ready,” Egon says as he walks over to the entrance of the dome. He grabs the handle on the door and pulls it open. “We’ve been able to detect and track your family based on your PKE reading and have sent out the signal to draw them in closer to the entrance. All you need to do is call to them when we open the portal and they should theoretically be released.”
“I bet you think I’m stupid,” the gremlin states.
“How so?”
“I ain’t getting in that thing so you can just suck me in and trap me.”
“Oh, you don’t have to,” Egon says, adjusting his glasses. “Standing outside will be fine.” The gremlin eyes him cautiously before dropping the cable and walking over to the chamber. Egon nods to Peter at the controls. He returns the nod then presses the button to open the portal inside the chamber.
“Hey…what’s…” the gremlin starts, grabbing onto the floor grating as the chamber begins to pull him in. “You dirty…doublecrossin’…” His grip slips and he flies in, disappearing into the portal. Peter quickly cuts it off and Winston hits the two switches and throws the lever over the containment unit’s panel. It creates the noise made when a trap is unloaded, meaning the gremlin is locked safely inside.
“Bah!” Skallywag says as he slams his cards down.
“Glargendaar will not suffer the indignity of lossssing to you!” Glargendaar roars.
“Oh, sit down,” the gremlin says. “It’s just a game.” Fat Boy deals out the next round of cards as Glargendaar sits down, steaming. Alex holds up his cards as he tries to suppress a smirk at his good hand. The gremlin and Fat Boy both lean over behind him to look at his cards through his body. They quickly return upright as Alex looks behind himself. He eyes the gremlin coldly.
“What?” the gremlin asks innocently.
“The stoopid Ghostbusters got me too,” Fat Boy said.
“Do tell,” Alex says, sarcastically.
“Yeah…but I got them good first I did!”
“And what be that you did, matey?” Skallywag asks.
“Well, I waited behind this wall until they got real close…and then I burped on them!” Fat Boy says, clapping his hands together with glee. The others look at him from their seats strangely.
“You…passed gas. That’s it?” Alex asks.
“Well, it was an extra stinky burp…” Fat Boy responds, his smile fading.
“Aw, geeze…who keeps inviting this mope?” the gremlin asks.
“Bah! Inane chatter dissssturbssss Glargendaar,” Glargendaar growls as he folds his hand.
“Oh yeah? So how’d you end up here, Mr. High-and-not-so-mighty?” the gremlin asks. Glargendaar stands up, flames flying up out of the three mouths on his body.
“I ssssshould kill you for sssssuch insssolencccce!” Glargendaar roars. “But…I shall overlook it. For now,” he says, sitting back down. “It wasssss foretold of my coming, and the day had come….”
“Swing, batter, batter, batter, swing!” someone calls from the benches behind the fence of one of the diamonds where a game takes place.
“Come on! Strike this turkey out!” another calls. The pitcher twists the ball around in his hand behind his back before bringing it up into his glove by his face. He takes a look at the field; two men on. He turns towards the waiting batter, reels his arm back, and then lets the ball fly. The batter delivers a mighty swing, but a moment too soon as the ball flies right past him into the waiting catcher’s mitt.
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer out!” someone calls. The batter angrily slams his cap down on the ground as he walks towards his team’s bench.
“Jake, you’re up!” One of the players heads for the opening to the fence and reaches down for one of the several bats piled up blindly without missing a step. Just as he’s about to enter the field, he feels something moving on his hand. He looks down to find a snake wrapped around the handle, slithering.
“Geeze!” he shouts, throwing the bat down. A woman screams and suddenly people all around jump up and begin to run as the Great Lawn becomes more and more densely populated by various forms of snakes. The ground in the middle of the lawn erupts and Glargendaar emerges in a column of flame.
“Hear me, mortalssss! I, Glargendaar, chaosssss demon of the ssssserpent, have risssssen! Bow down in fear!”
“Holy cow, Egon! Looks like your readings were right!” Ray says as he circles Ecto-2 up above the park where Glargendaar stands.
“Unfortunately yes,” Egon agrees, putting down the device he was holding. “It looks like a chaos demon.”
“Well, let’s give him a big New York welcome!” Ray sets Ecto-2 into a dive on a direct course with Glargendaar. He presses the trigger on the handles and the proton cannon on the front opens fire, hitting Glargendaar. Glargendaar only staggers and looks up at them, annoyed.
“Flying humansssss? I am Glargendaar! You are but a mere annoyancccccce! Begon!” He holds up his snake head hands and three of his mouths open to release streams of flames up at the Ghostbusters.
“Geeze!” Ray exclaims as he pulls up and turns to avoid them. Glargendaar stops the flames and twists back. He twists again, swinging his arms and sending a wave of snakes up after them. They pelt Ecto-2, some landing inside.
“Gah!” Egon exclaims as he grabs a python and quickly throws it out of the copter.
“Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes!” Ray says as he shakes a couple off his sleeves.
“Ray, this is hardly the time…”
“Sorry…I’ve just always wanted to say that.” Suddenly, another flame burst brushes past Ecto-2’s nose. Ray reacts just as the front wheel is singed. “Yow! We need to douse those flames! If only we could get him into the reservoir, but we need to weaken him first…”
“Of course!” Egon says, getting an idea. “Make a long approach from the south…”
“Hey, ugly!” Ray calls down. Glargendaar turns curiously only to have the hook from Ecto-2 ram into him and snag him up. Glargendaar is pulled off the ground as Ray heads towards the reservoir on the other side of the trees. As soon as they clear the tops, their intended destination comes into view: Castle Kildarby. Transplanted from Scotland onto a manmade island just off the shore of the reservoir, the castle stands tall and foreboding with nothing but its drawbridge connecting it to the jogging path that circles the water.
“Do it, Ray,” Egon says. Ray nods, pulls up and lets the hook slip up from Glargendaar, allowing him to fly into the castle just above the entrance, causing a bit of stone to crumble down with him as he lands on the bridge. Glargendaar gets up quickly and roars. He grabs a chunk of the stone and flings it at Ecto-2, but Ray manages to avoid it.
“Who dares intrude on Castle Kildarby?” a booming voice calls from behind Glargendaar. He turns to find an army of armored knights led by Lord Kildarby himself, swords all drawn and ready. Glargendaar opens the mouth on his head and lets out a massive burst of flame. When he stops, the ghosts of the castle laugh heartily; the ground beneath them the only thing charred. “You can’t hurt a ghost, demon! Charge!” Kildarby’s army marches forward and piles on top of Glargendaar.
A mighty struggle is given, but in the end the sheer numbers counteract the powers of Glargendaar. The knights drag him over to the edge of the bridge and throw him off the side into the water of the reservoir. Lord Kildarby turns to look up at Ray and Egon as the knights withdraw back into the castle.
“I’ll be thanking ye to keep your messes on your own island,” he says before turning and following them in. Ray and Egon head to the fence at the edge of the reservoir where Glargendaar struggles to stay afloat. Ray brings Ecto-2 in close and Egon holds up a trap, sucking the weakened Glargendaar in.
“I know the feelin’, believe me, matey” Skallywag states, as he lays down his cards. “And so will you! Read ‘em and weep, boyos!” The others groan as he laughs. The cards are collects and dealt out again. “So, landlubber, I believe it be yer turn.”
“Ah, too true,” Alex starts. “Well, I had eaten some bad food or something at a function my family was having one evening (we were a prominent family in New York, you know) and I had, unfortunately, passed on due to inadequate medical procedures of the time. I was very fortunate unlike most ghosts; I was able to stay in the house I loved…”
As with most buildings in the city, the original occupants had finally left it empty and new ones moved in. It wouldn’t be too long after that the new occupants would move out and the process would repeat again. The problem is not the building. For its age, it’s in incredible condition with all the grand decorations and furnishings still adding an air of elegance to the mansion. No, it comes from the ghost. It’s said at night when the lights go out can the ghost be seen; that of a 19th century gentleman harshly criticizing anything and anyone he sees.
“…at a big fund raising function last night for the governor, the fuses blew out, the place went dark and there he was in the middle of the ballroom and he just starts in on people,” Ray says.
“The city should know better when converting a haunted mansion into a landmark for political gatherings,” Peter says.
“We’re here,” Egon states as Ray pulls Ecto-1 up to the front curb. Minutes later they have their equipment on and enter the building.
“The ghost only appears when it’s dark, so the staff is going to cut the power when we give the word,” Egon says. “Ecto-goggles ready.” The four of them pull their goggles off of their belts and slip them on over their heads.
“Remember, guys; the mayor said to keep the damage to the bare minimum,” Ray says.
“Aw, c’mon. You’ve heard about the spook; how bad could he be?” Peter asks as Egon gives the signal for the lights to be cut as he pulls down his goggles. The lights go out and there right in front of him stands Alex.
“Hello,” Alex says.
“GAH!” Peter screams as he falls back onto the floor, pulling his blaster as he does. He quickly aims and fires, but Alex dodges and he hits a table, destroying it. “Whoops…”
“You were saying?” Ray asks.
“Do you realize what you have done?” Alex asks them as he approaches the table. “That was a Louie XIV Original! Americans, no class at all. What are you doing here anyway?”
“Uh, we’re here to remove a ghost,” Ray says, looking at the others and shrugging. “What are you doing here?”
“I am Alexander Baskovich Andriosky Reginald Humarian Forsythe Smith, and this is my home. Or it was. Lot of people traipsing about these days.”
“Well, mister, uh, Smith,” Winston says, “your family left this house a couple decades ago. It’s been bought and sold a couple times now.”
“The building belongs to the city of New York now,” Ray adds.
“What…what are you saying?”
“We’re saying you don’t live here anymore,” Peter says, standing up, “and we’ve been hired to evict you.”
“Oh. Oh, I see,” Alex says, sitting down on the couch. “It has not been easy, you know. I do love this house, I loved spending time here. But, to only be seen at night…to be dismissed as common noise during the day…”
“It’s because you have a low ectoplasmic resonance,” Egon tells him.
“What Egon means is you’re fairly transparent, which means light renders you invisible to ordinary human eyes,” Ray clarifies.
“I figured as such. Then at night, they see me and run away screaming. And oh, the torture of seeing what they do to my home; the way they treat my family’s things. No! No, I cannot leave my home unattended. I cannot let uncaring lower class filth traipse about and soil their memory.”
“Hey, I understand how you feel,” Ray says. “I mean, obviously I didn’t die but I did lose my family too. And I held on to their house for a long time to honor their memory, but in the end I’ve come to realize that while the house may go the memories are yours forever. As long as you remember them, they live on.”
“Not to mention you put them in the history books,” Winston adds.
“I…I did.”
“That’s right! We read up on you before we came here,” Peter says.
“See that? Their memory lives in some form,” Ray continues. “And if it helps you any, remember I said the city bought the house? Well, not only are they going to use the massive dining halls for various functions, but they’re turning it into a museum dedicated to your family. Everything will be preserved and maintained for decades to come.”
“The city is nothing if not diligent in its museum upkeep,” Egon states, adjusting his glasses.
“You speak the truth? My family will be forever honored here? In our home?” Alex asks, a form of tear appearing in his eye.
“That’s right,” Winston assures him. “But, unfortunately, not many people are as used to hanging around with ghosts as we are, which is why we need to get you out of here.”
“But…where will I go?”
“I can’t believe you wanted to get caught, you dork,” the gremlin says, shaking his head. “I call.”
“Read ‘em and weep, four aces!” Skallywag declares. The others all moan as they lose to him once again.
“Hey, waitaminute!” the gremlin shouts, “I have an ace! There ain’t no five aces in a deck! You cheat!” He lunges across the table and tackles Skallywag.
“Here we go again,” Alex mumbles as the two tussle. They all look up as they hear a familiar boom from above and a portal opens.
“Here comes another one,” the gremlin declares as the cowboy ghost is thrown through and the portal closes behind him as quickly as it opened. He lands on their table, scattering the cards about. “Well, howdy, Tex,” the gremlin says. “You know how to play cards?”
THE EVER-LOVIN' UNLIVIN' END
