UNCANNY X-MEN

"Any Old Storm in a 'Port..."

Chapter 3

--

Kurt Wagner was just starting to wonder how to extricate himself from an increasingly intense make-out session, while secretly hoping he would come to his senses too late, when the door slammed open. He had been nearly on top of Ororo-- he couldn't have disappeared and rematerialized on the other side of the couch any faster if he'd 'ported.

"Doin' some heavy research, I see," said Bishop's voice. He stood framed in the door and grinning, an odd light in his eyes.

"Ja, um, er, that is, I think..."

"Kurt..." said Storm's voice.

"Henry!" he said, seeing the Beast appear at Bishop's side. "I trust you have good news for us, yes, mein freunds?"

"The best," said Hank.

"Kurt, those men aren't..." said Storm.

Then Bishop raised his hands and blasted with his bio-energy, annihilating the sofa. Only a lifetime's worth of combat instincts allowed Kurt to grab Ororo and-- BAMF!-- reappear on the other side of the room.

"As I was saying..." Ororo smirked.

"Ja, ja. Long story short, leibling: Evil dopplegangers?"

"Henchmen of Monsieur Sinistre," she said.

"Here to kill us, no doubt? As we say in my dimension: That trick -never- works..."

ZAP! Not that Bishop wasn't trying his best to pull it off. Kurt dove one way and Ororo another as his next blast incinerated the perfectly nice waterfall display in the center of the room. Meanwhile, Hank pounced, covering the room in two leaps, claws and fangs set on Nightcrawler's throat...

Storm threw a lightning bolt at him, but Bishop intercepted it, absorbed it, and cast it back at her. She hit the wall, a little stunned, but then her lip twisted and her eyes turned white.

"Kurt," she said, "I suggest you hold onto something..."

Even as the Beast was about to strike, a tremendous gust of wind smashed through one window of the carriage out and out the other, taking the alternate Henry McCoy with it. Bishop, meanwhile, was fighting a freak hailstorm.

"Have I ever told you, my dear, you're beautiful when you're angry?" Grinning, Kurt took her hand and--

BAMF!

--

Logan slashed high with one claw, low with the other, but this souped-up Gambit blocked them both with his staff, then touched it to the ground beneath the Wolverine's feet and--

POW! That section of floor exploded, knocking Logan across the room.

"Waste yo' time, -homme-," said the doppleganger slowly. "I only play wit' you. Y' never was a match fo' me, Wolvie."

Logan growled as he found his feet: "Cajun, d'you wanna talk or fight?"

"Reckon we fight, but I like t'do it wit' a bit o' style..."

The Wolverine lunged at him, claws-first. Gambit dodged easily.

"Logan! Don't hurt him!" Kitty Pryde called, from the ramp of the spaceship. "This thing's gone crazy! It must be replacing everybody in range with their duplicate!"

"I figured that on my own, darlin'." Logan leaped from place to place as the ground beneath his feet exploded.

"Yeah, but remember, it has to balance! If he dies, we can't bring back our Gambit!"

"You're kinda tyin' my hands here. I..."

Suddenly the light level shifted; Kitty seemed to blink, and when she looked again, Logan's costume was subtly different. He had a beard, and only two claws on his right hand.

"I'm gonna kill you fer what ya tried t'do to Rogue, LeBeau!" With a feral snarl, he launched himself at Gambit, burying two claws in the other's neck and three in his side.

"Aw, Logan, no! Don't you freak out on me, too!"

Remy knocked the little man away, wounded but not dead... yet. Kitty had to act fast. She ran back into the cockpit, but...

...but when she got there, she was no longer the same Kitty Pryde. Instead, an angry-looking young goth called Cat frowned at the thought bouncing around her head as she lit a cigarette:

-Gotta fix the computer? Yeh, whatever. Computers are for dorks...-

"Kill 'im, Wolvie!" she urged her friend outside, then wandered off in search of a cold beer...

--

Ororo Wagner soared high above the grounds of the Xavier Institute, with her husband-- or the spitting image thereof-- holding on for dear life.

"This is very bad, Kurt," she said. "Observe the grounds: It appears that everything here is being replaced by its counterpart in my Universe."

"Unglaublich," Kurt breathed. "There's Colossus... he seems so... disagreeable. And Lorna... she looks so plain without the the green hair. And... oh, dear. Your Rogue and our Bobby have turned the basketball court into a bobsled course."

Ororo swooped low over the area, where the Iceman and Icewoman were still yelling at each other and blasting away, but there didn't seem to be anything to be done about it. Neither of the combatants could seriously injure the other, so it boiled down to a lot of snow and fury, signifying nothing except a snowball fight for a knot of delighted students. She grabbed for altitude again.

"Huh," said Kurt. "Is that one of the Stepford Cuckoos, carrying a guitar?"

Storm nodded. "Oh, yes. Their band is called Three-in-One. It's quite good."

"My head hurts," he complained.

"Kurt, we must stop this. The chaos being wreaked on both worlds must be..."

"I am open to suggestions, leibling."

Storm changed course, back toward the mansion. "I believe we'll have to destroy the ship. As this point, it's the only option."

Kurt blinked. "Won't that strand everyone where they are?"

"Perhaps, but at least the worlds will be in balance, and safe. And we will be..." her voice caught. "together. Assuming that is what you want?"

He stroked her cheek. "Ah, leibling, nothing would please me more. But what of Abeni? You would never see... our daughter again. And our friends would be trapped in worlds they do not know. It is not fair, Ororo. It isn't right. No matter how much... we... might want it."

Storm opened her mouth to argue, closed it, and sighed. "You are right, of course, Kurt. I had hoped... but it was a foolish dream. What else can we do?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "But if you'll take us to the Danger Room, I'm sure we'll come up with... something. Inspiration, leibling, is one of the best things I do."

"Yes, and I know the others by heart." Storm kissed him once more, quickly, then smiled sadly and dropped down toward the mansion...

--

The Phoenix emblem appeared over Rachel Grey's eye, and Forge's gun leaped out of his hand before he could fire a shot.

"What th'..."

She slammed him back against the jet with a burst of teke. "That's better. Forge, I'm really not in the mood today, so if you're going to make me kill you, say so now. Otherwise, let's talk."

"But... but..." he stammered. "That power-- the Phoenix. You're related to Jean."

She nodded. "That's right. Think maybe you're taking out your frustrations on the wrong person?"

"I... I just..." he sighed. "Point taken. You can let me down now, kid. I'm not going to bite. I just... don't like surprises."

"Fair enough." She lowered him to the ground. Forge flexed his bionic hand experimentally, as though making sure he was all in one piece. "Look, whoever you are, I'm betting you have Forge's skill with machines. I need your help."

He frowned at her. "Why should I help you people?"

"For Jean's daughter."

"There are limits to my sentimentality. You may be half-Jean, but you're also half-Summers. I can see it in your... eye, kid. Not good enough."

The emblem appeared again. "For the sake of keeping your molecules intact, then?"

Forge glared at her, but he nodded. "Better. What seems to be the problem?"

--

They got to the Danger Room just in time to see Remy standing over Logan, staff held high for a killing blow. Rachel reached out with her power...

The false Remy laughed. "Teke won' work on me, p'tit. Monsieur Sinistre got power you can' imagine."

"And a bad code name," said Forge. "Haven't you learned your lesson -yet- about pissing off that little Canuck?"

"He never does," said Cat laconically, washing down the remark with a gulp of beer. "I figure I'll help Wolvie if he ever really needs it."

"Got news f'you, p'tit." alt-Gambit drove his staff straight down, through the flesh of Logan's leg. The Wolverine howled and slashed with his claws, but Gambit caught the blow almost casually. "He need help -now-."

"ENOUGH!"

Remy whirled; Storm and Kurt had appeared in the doorway, looking like they meant business. BAMF-- Kurt reappeared beside Remy, grabbed his staff, and BAMF-- disarmed him, reappearing next to Storm.

The villain laughed. "Knew you'd be in on dis, Stormy. Mus' say, I love de new uniform. Sho' you won' reconsider my offer, now?"

Storm wrinkled her nose. "Join you? Never!"

"Hmph!" said Rachel. "Even in other universes, they all want to make Storm their queen..."

"Sorry t'hear dat, cher. An' after I took de liberty o' removin' the main obstacle between us." Alt-Remy directed a poisonous smile in Kurt's direction. "Who you t'ink set dem Sentinels on y'all, anyhow? Knew de elf would play hero. Some fellas just born t'be suckers..."

"And some should not have been born at all," said Storm, trembling with a rage Rachel had never seen from her opposite number in this dimension. Even Remy seemed to realize he'd made a bad mistake as she climbed higher and higher into the air. Kurt was shouting something to her, but Ororo didn't seem to be paying attention...

She held out her arms, and the Danger Room tore itself apart, as though battered by unseen winds. All that fury aimed itself toward the alternate Remy LeBeau, who stood as though transfixed by the raw fury of it.

-Storm!- Rachel sent telepathically, knowing a few things herself about crossing between Universes, -We need him to get our Gambit back! You can't kill him!-

She felt Storm's reluctant agreement; changing plan suddenly, the wind-rider didn't sent all the debris she's summoned hurling at Monsieur Sinistre. Just a single, jagged shard that clipped his leg behind the knee, severing an artery...

Then she pumped enough voltage into him to put him down for the count, in a rapidly-widening puddle of his own blood.

Storm fluttered back to earth, stone-faced. Kurt reached out for her, but she turned aside and wouldn't look at him.

"I suggest you restore order quickly," she said to Forge. "He will not live long."

"Ororo..." Kurt said.

"I have no more time for dreams, Kurt," she said in a level voice, but she didn't bother to guard her thoughts, and Rachel could feel how shaken she was. "It is time for me to return home."

"I... ja, I suppose so..."

Kurt hung his head. Nobody spoke for a moment. Then Cat looked up from where she was helping a wounded Logan. "So... you guys have trouble keeping this place intact too, huh?"

--

Alex Summers hit the door to the Danger Room at a run. The mutant called Havok had been having the strangest encounter with a blonde Lorna who seemed to believe he was behind on child-support payments, when he'd heard the ruckus from the Danger Room. He skidded to a halt at the door, and saw...

"Oh, hi," said Rachel Grey, nodding to him from the hatch of the spaceship they'd just taken in. "Don't mind the rogue's gallery."

"But... what the hell...?" he said to his sort-of niece. A bearded Wolverine, a goth Kitty, Remy nearly -dead-...

"The kid could explain," Forge said, stepping out of the ship, "but we'll be gone before she gets to the good parts, so why bother?"

"It's done?" Rachel asked.

He nodded, holding up a small device. "Rigged this up. You press this button, it'll tap back into our own Universe and right things."

"Thanks, Forge," she said, accepting the device.

"Thank -you-. It was good to fight on the side of the angels again, and to see Jean's memory carried on." Forge turned to Alex, and nodded. "You people don't take good care of this kid, Uncle Alex, you'll answer to me."

Alex shrugged. "O...kay."

"Everybody ready?" Rachel said. She received assorted nods from everyone except Storm, who sulked in the corner with her back to the group.

"Ororo..." Kurt said again, as Rachel reached for the button. At first, she didn't seem to have heard. Then...

"Kurt!" Storm ran across the room and threw her arms around him, sharing one more kiss while the Universe around them changed. "Beloved... remember..."

And then it was done. Or at least, -something- was done. There was a brilliant flash. When the spots had left his eyes, Alex looked around the room in quite a lot of confusion, and said to Rachel: "Uh... Forge was -sure- that thing worked, was he?"

"Well... maybe it was tuned wrong..."

At -least.- Now Storm, far from being Kurt's beloved, appeared to be a man. Now it was Kitty who couldn't keep her hands off Kurt. Remy was a bespectacled, rather nebbish fellow, horrified by the puddle of blood he was in. And Logan...

Alex started to laugh. Logan was still a man. Still chomping a cigar. But he was wearing a dress. A pink dress.

"A... a cross-dressing Wolverine?" Alex laughed harder. "Oh, that is... that is -so-..."

SNIKT. Three claws appeared, right under his chin.

"...but of course I respect any lifestyle choice that makes you happy," Alex said, not missing a beat.

"You better, bub."

"I do. I really, really do. Um, Ray?"

"I'm on it," she said. With a sigh, she grabbed Forge-- who, fortunately, seemed to be mostly the same, and said, "C'mon. Back to the drawing board."

--

Three alternate realities later, they got it right. The mansion, its grounds, and its inhabitants were restored to a proper state of 616 reality, although they retained a few snippets-- thoughts and feelings from the opposite numbers who had occupied their space for a while. Notably, Kitty had developed a liking for black eyeliner, Rogue was surprised to discover herself semi-lusting after Logan, and Emma... well, Emma Frost was horrified by the occasional snippets of the White Priestess that popped into her mind-- particularly at, she said, the most inopportune moments. Nobody wanted her to elaborate, but they did notice her necklines had climbed several inches, to the grave disappointment of her male students.

Forge promised them it would all fade in a couple of days, leaving everybody quite normal. Kurt Wagner couldn't wait.

He sat on a bench on the grounds of the mansion, nearly invisible in the dark, lost in thought... or perhaps in memory of a particular moment, that would never come again. He didn't notice the flutter of breeze kicking up, until Ororo-- Ororo Munroe again-- landed nearly right beside him.

He glanced up in surprise. "How did you find me?"

"I checked atop all the buildings and worked my way down," Ororo said. "It has been a challenging day, has it not, my friend?"

Friend. The word stung a bit. "No more so than usual."

"I, er..." Ororo sat down on the bench beside him, careful not to invade his space. "When I spent the day in my double's place, I saw many strange things."

"No doubt."

"Notably, I was introduced to a delightful young girl..."

Kurt glanced out of the corner of his eye. "I would have liked to have met her."

"Well." Storm touched his arm. "I shall remember her for the both of us."

Silence. Kurt folded his hands. Ororo shifted uncomfortably. Neither wanted to be the first to talk.

"I..." she started, stopped, then began again: "I remember... a part of what she felt. Perhaps... only a shadow. But I believe she loved you very much."

"I... really didn't come to know her very well," Kurt said, looking out into the dark.

"May I ask... what was she like?"

Kurt hesitated. "Very much like you, leibling."

"Kurt... my friend, I don't know..."

"Please don't, Ororo. It's forgotten."

"No. It will never be, entirely."

She stood and kissed his forehead, and then with another flutter of air, she was gone. Kurt half-smiled, wondering where to go from here, and then...

"Nice night, eh, Crawler?"

Kurt stifled a groan. -That's all I need.- He forced a straight face and said: "Does everyone know where to find me when I'm brooding?"

Wolverine stepped out of the trees, almost silent in the dark. "You ain't so hard to predict. Sorry to be th' one to tell ya."

"Shouldn't you be hiding from Rogue?" Kurt asked, with a sly smile.

"Eh. She's still helpin' Drake clean up that ski resort they made. Anyhow, I think we'll be dodgin' each other by mutual consent for a couple days. I got the flashbacks, too."

Kurt nodded. "How do you deal with it?"

"I've had fake memories runnin' 'round my head since forever. You just remember it ain't real, an' never was."

"But it could have been, Logan. It all -could- have been." He turned to his friend, encouraged to bring up a point he couldn't have with Storm: "Am I imagining that? Hasn't there always been... a connection, between me and Ororo? If I had taken a chance, said the right thing, years ago, before we got locked in as friends... it could have happened that way, couldn't it?"

"Yup," Logan said. "Prob'ly best it didn't, though."

"Why?" Kurt's own voice sounded bitter to him. "Because this Storm prefers you to me?"

Logan stiffened, fighting his temper. "What's between me an 'Ro's our own business, nobody else's. You know that."

"Ja, so I have been told."

"What d'you want me t' say, elf? That I'm sorry I got my friend back, her real self, th' way she should be? I ain't, an' neither are you."

"No, of course not," Kurt sighed. "Ororo is... irreplaceable. It is only... it really -could- have been."

Without a word, Logan turned and started walking back the way he'd come. BAMF! Kurt appeared in his path.

"What's the matter, Logan? No reply to that?"

"Not really," Logan said. "Truth is, I got no sympathy for a guy who wastes his time on could've beens an' ignores the chances he's got -now-. You're a pretty damn lucky guy, Kurt. Live with it."

Then he was gone. Kurt returned to the bench, and thought about that, and then a few minutes later, found himself back in the mansion, where he bumped into Rachel Grey on her way up the stairs.

"Rachel! I've been looking for you."

"Hey, Kurt." She only half-smiled. "Excuse me, huh? I gotta go talk Pryde out of hosting a kegger. I will be -so- glad when everybody's back to normal."

"Amen," he said. "I only... er, I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to get a cup of coffee sometime."

He couldn't tell much from Rachel's face, but her tone was light: "Wow. You're really into alternate Universe action, aren't you? The Scarlet Witch... Storm an' Kitty today... an' that last Universe, where you an' Jean-Paul..."

Kurt cleared his throat. "Ja, let us not discuss that."

"Aw. I think you'd be cute together."

"Is that a 'no,' then?"

Rachel shrugged. "I'm a little tired of being an afterthought to everybody, Kurt. If you're just hurting and looking for a last resort, look somewhere else."

"It's not that, it is..." He took her hand. "I prefer not to waste anymore chances."

Rachel frowned, looking down at the hands. "Okay. Let's go."

"Now? But what about...?"

"Eh. The joke's on her. Logan already finished the keg."

"I can always depend on that man," Kurt laughed, and they walked down the stairs together.

END

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