A/N: So, in celebration of my fortieth story on FFnet, I decided to write something incredibly stupid starring yours truly and the cast of Harry Potter. Enjoy if you dare!

Disclaimer: I own nothing… especially not Harry Potter

Happy Reading!

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The Big 4-0

"Well," Ron said, standing next to me in the park, "This is it!"

Fred and George both thumped me on the back, wearing identical grins.

"How's it feel, Invaderk?" Fred asked.

"Yeah, you've hit the big 4-0!" George finished.

I blushed and took the drink that Harry handed me with a word of thanks.

"It feels pretty good," I said, "Forty is a big number – especially when you're talking about stories."

Bustling about in our picnic were all my favorite people, all here to join me for my 40th story celebration. We all sat down at a picnic bench, which had been magically extended for the occasion. I looked around as the guests chit-chatted together. Lily was playing chess with Ron while Draco and Remus discussed the meaning of life. I grinned.

"So, forty stories later and still kicking, eh?" came a voice from behind me.

I turned around and saw that Hermione was standing there, holding a cake. I grinned.

"That's right," I said proudly, puffing out my chest, "forty stories and still kickin!"

"And to think," Ron said, clasping his hands behind his head and leaning back, "It all started with I'll Be Home, For Christmas."

"Yeah," Harry said thoughtfully, "I thought that was one of your better ones, actually."

"Hey, at least I don't mistreat you like some other writers do!" I said, "I mean, I, er, well…"

I couldn't think of something I hadn't done to at least one of them.

"You haven't made any of commit suicide," Luna helped out, "Well, I wasn't really in any of your stories, but I'm glad none of them had to do it."

She motioned around the table. I wasn't quite used to Luna's blunt way of speaking, so I just nodded and took a sip of my butterbeer.

"Right, that's one," I said.

"You do treat us pretty well," Ron said, "Except for that one I died in."

"Hey!" Harry interjected, "I died once, too! And I had to get stuck in a claustrophobic room while you wrote and re-wrote the story over and over!"

"Yeah, and it was a flop, too! Not a single review! Pathetic!" Severus said haughtily.

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but James cut in.

"Well me and Lily are dead most of the time!" James exclaimed, and Lily nodded.

I hastily swallowed my gulp of butterbeer and slammed my goblet on the table.

"Don't blame me for that!" I said sternly, pointing at James, "Blame Rowling! I had nothing to do with it! I am a ninety-nine percent canon artist, thank you!"

"Except for Good Mistakes," Lily pointed out, "Ooh, that one was so much fun!"

"Indeed," Severus cut in, clinking his glass with Lily's, "So much chai, so little time."

James crossed his arms and pouted.

"And don't forget Love is Tough," Draco added, shuddering, "I can't believe you made me kiss him!"

"That was a challenge fic," I answered calmly, again raising the goblet to my lips, "Blame Atra Luminarium, she made up the challenge!"

"Well it left me scarred for weeks," Voldemort cut in, "I was the laughing stock of Fanfiction dot net for a good twenty-four hours. Someone pass me the marmalade!"

Ginny passed Voldemort the marmalade, then turned to me.

"Well I have to say I've enjoyed the stories I've been in!" She declared, grinning at me and sweeping her flaming hair away from her face.

I gestured a hand towards her and defensively replied, "Thank you! See, I'm not bad to everyone! Ginny enjoyed being in my works!"

Ron put his hands on his hips.

"Yeah, because for her it was all fun and fluff," Ron said, "She didn't have to die or get yelled at or anything. The worst thing she had to face was being pregnant for a story or two!"

"That's not as easy as it looks, Ron," Hermione said in her most Hermione-like way, "You really get back aches."

"Here, here!" Tonks said, raising her goblet as Lily said, "Don't I know it!" and Ginny nodded.

"And you shouldn't be complaining about lack of fluff, Ron," Neville said meekly, "You've gotten the most kisses out of all of us!"

"I don't know about that," Lucius said, eyeing Severus and Lily, "Those two have had a lot of kissing scenes. Love scenes, too."

Lily blushed and Severus flushed. James scowled.

"The R-rated stuff was cut out!" Severus stammered, "It was nothing, really. They've had more love scenes."

He pointed to Ron and Hermione.

"Nuh uh!" Ron insisted, "At least you haven't had to be in a protest of a love scene!"

Lavender pointed at him with an arched brow.

"I resent that, Ron," She said, and Ron shut up.

I pondered for a moment before speaking.

"I believe that Ron and Hermione have had the most kissing scenes in total, Severus and Lily have had the most kissing scenes in one story," I said while James pulled a face, "And let's see… hmm… uh, Remus and Tonks have had the most serious conversations followed by severe snogging. Sirius has had the best schemes."

"Whoo! 10 Ways!" Sirius said, raising his goblet to me and drinking deeply. "That one made several records, if I do say so myself."

"James has had the most humiliating scene in my stories' history…"

James blushed and muttered, "10 Ways, chapter two."

"Aaand…" My voice drifted off as I tried to think of something else, "Severus has the most depressing endings to his stories."

"Thanks," Severus snapped, and stabbed his chicken with extra venom.

"You're right," Sirius said thoughtfully, "He does have the worst endings." Sirius began to tick off on his fingers as he named the stories. "The Lily and the Snake, Regarding That Potter Boy, Slytherin, The Secrets of Severus Snape –"

"Which ended up not being so secret after all," Remarked Arthur with a slight smirk.

I shrugged.

"Hey, I'm only human."

Everyone suddenly turned to look at me with very suspicious glints in their eyes.

"It would seem," Began Molly,

"That you've got it in," Growled Moody,

"For us…" Peter finished.

I paled and pushed my chair slightly away from the end of the picnic table.

"Heh heh," I laughed in a slightly high, very nervous voice, "Of course I don't! Remember? Ginny said she liked being in my works!"

All eyes went to Ginny, who placed a hand on her chin.

"Hey, wait a minute," She said slowly, "I did die in one! Last Kiss, Remember?"

There was a gasp and the whole park seemed to be holding its breath.

"Come on! I didn't write that song!" I said rather frantically, "I just did a songfic, that's all! I mean, What You Are had a nice ending, didn't it?"

A murmur swept across the table as they reasoned with each other.

"And what about Breakfast Chat? That was a good one, right?"

"That one left me scarred for the rest of my life!" Ron said, jabbing at his temple.

"Yes, well…" I said, becoming rather worried, "What about… Everyone's Favorite Werewolf? And – and Surprise, Surprise?"

Another murmur swept across the table, in which some of them nodded and the others shook their heads. Finally, after about thirty seconds, Remus tapped on his glass.

"All in favor of forgiveness, raise your hands," Remus said.

Many – most of – the people raised their hands. I let my breath go and slumped in my chair.

"You know," I said, becoming rather cocky, "As long as I put a disclaimer, I can make you do whatever I want."

"No you can't!" Bill said.

I crossed my arms.

"Sure I can," I replied smoothly, "I do not own Harry Potter and whatnot. Now, Harry, shake hands with Severus and tell him that he's your favorite professor."

"No!" Harry exclaimed along with Severus.

I raised my brows and suddenly, as if magic was taking place, Harry and Severus reached over, grasped hands, and Harry said what I had told him to. Everyone stared.

"Now, seeing as that's settled, there's no use fighting over it. I haven't abused my power and I won't start. Now let's have cake!" I exclaimed, clapping my hands together.

After a moment of silence, everyone cheered, sang "Happy Fortieth To You" and we had cake and partied until we were evicted from the park by a Muggle policeman for making to much noise and lighting off illegal fireworks.

o0o0o

FIN

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A/N: Oh my, that might have been the dumbest thing since Love is Tough… Oh well, I felt in need of some humor. Sorry if you hated it, glad if you liked it.