Authors Note- Wow, I’ve never started a story with an authors note, I always put them at the end but this is a very important author’s note so I promoted it to the beginning. Muhahahaha.

The real Authors Note- all speech spoken by Alex from now on must be said in farmerish, right. Out loud. Don’t worry about the funny looks…They love you…they’re admiring your sexiness….

Now on to the story….

Chapter 2

“Yarr, I be farmer Rider... No, too piratey!” Alex looked at himself in the mirror, he’d got the clothes perfect now; light denim dungarees with a number of unidentifiable stains, green wellies with froggy eyes, a straw hat and to top it all a piece of wheat poking out the corner of his mouth. Perfect!

But there was one problem! He just didn’t sound like a farmer. For three hours he had been stood in front of the mirror practicing and yet he still didn’t sound anything like a farmer. “Alex, we really need to go now! If you don’t hurry up we wont have to worry about the cows because total annihilation will get there first.” Mrs. Jones, she was going to accompany Alex on his latest mission. Apparently Mr Blunt wasn’t letting Alex go it alone since he almost got himself killed. Alex personally couldn’t see what all the fuss was about really, it’s not like they managed to seriously injure him or anything, it was only a life or death situation. For god’s sake!

After looking at himself in the mirror once more Alex opened the door and stepped out…

…and promptly fell to the floor, his entire body wracked with laughter. Mrs. Jones was stood outside his room wearing a red and white checked shirt and dungarees with the straps hanging by her knees. But the thing Alex was hyperventilating on the floor about was neither of these. Gone was Mrs. Jones’ dark hair. Gone was the tight bun…

… In their place was a set of peroxide blonde plaited pig tails!

Alex laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed and then he didn’t laugh! Mainly because Mrs Jones’ wellied left foot had just connected with 120 Newtons of force in a very private place.

Meanwhile…

The cows were waiting. No more were they huddled in a discreet corner discussing the latest way to kidnap Tony Blair. Oh no, right now they meant business. Gone was the disguise they didn’t need them any more. They were at war!

The grass began to blow and yet none of the cows looked up. They stood in there uniformed ranks waiting for the secret sign. The one 'word' telling them to strike.

Back with Farmer Rider…

Alex’s helicopter touched down in the middle of the field but he didn’t get out. Something was bothering him. The cows were stood in two lines at the edge of the field, not an every day occurrence but there was something else.

“Have those cows got Uzi’s?”

“Yep.”

“Oh, alright then”

“!”

The cows charged. The secret sign had been given!

Duh duh duuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..

To be continued…

Authors Note- Sorry about the extremely frequent use of ellipses (…) I am trying to cut down but not successfully…