A/N: Hufflepuff, goes with How To Define A Slytherin and A Question Of Identity.

Disclaimer- DO YOU REALLY THINK I AM J.K. ROWLING?

You know, when I was Sorted I thought Hufflepuff was the easiest, most reliable House to be in. Of course, I was only eleven at the time, but my ideas relating to Hufflepuff then were much the same as everyone else's are... unless, of course, they're in Hufflepuff.

Academics argue that Hufflepuff should be impossible to pin down, the ultimate all-inclusive House. Personally I think this a waste of time, but as I am not an academic, what am I to do about it?

The public- I mean the wizarding public –has a general image of Hufflepuff. Sweet-as-sugar, clean-living, honest, hardworking, in the same way they think of Slytherin as slippery no-good juvenile delinquents. Sometimes this holds true, and sometimes it doesn't.

Oh, there are very few people who know about Hufflepuff's rotten core and it's actually only really a few years, say from second to sixth years. And they still act perfect. Their marks are still good, their public attitude almost disgustingly good.

You would think a swearword had never passed their lips.

Yes, really. But when you get back to the common room, without any teachers, they swear blue streaks in the air- in normal conversation. It's the most incongruous sight, watching these girls dressed as neatly as new pins swearing blue streaks in the middle of a conversation about yesterday's dinner. It's shocking. They can be foul-mouthed and rebellious, but they don't lie –who would believe that a Hufflepuff would swear, smoke and dress like a heavy metal artist? No one, that's who- and they do work hard.

There is a reason for this, and it's all to do with being perfect.

Have you ever tried being perfect? It's very, very difficult. Nigh on impossible.

It requires sitting down every afternoon and doing all your homework in one fell swoop. Never getting into an argument. Always making teachers happy and always obeying the rules. The road that leads to perfection is a cul-de-sac, and at the very end insanity lies.

Very few people ever pause to think on this, except philosophers, and teachers certainly do not. They will give Hufflepuffs more homework, because they know that however short the deadline, a tidy pile of work in neat handwriting will appear on their desks with the greatest of punctuality.

The thing about being perfect is that you have to keep on being perfect. It's hard to maintain. Nothing ever lets up- if anything, it gets worse. You crack under the pressure, but you have to keep it up... otherwise, you seem like a jerk and after a while you become a friendless, defensive, spiky person, a real jerk. Who'd be a Hufflepuff?

Grown-up Hufflepuffs forget their own youthful failings, and expect their chldren to be outwardly as good as they were.

Is it any wonder we go a little wild when there's no one to see?

It's not even as if we do that much. I have Muggleborn friends. The way they describe teenaged sisters and brothers acting is similar to the way we act. We don't actually 'drink' proper, but someone usually sneaks downstairs and gets some Butterbeer. In the holidays, if we meet up, the girls are probably wearing short skirts or tight jeans. But they never wear anything that could identify them as Hufflepuff. Never. Sometimes, Muggleborns bring in heavy metal CDs and stereos. I know: nothing magical works in Hogwarts grounds, yadda yadda yadda. Well, guess what? With a little magical encouragement, the stereos work just fine.

Occasionally, it gets serious. Boys sometimes have cigarettes. They probably stole them from their parents. That's when the girls leave the common room- just naturally more cautious. You know, I'l probably meet those boys in ten years' time as rich, honest, clean-living people and all I'll be able to remember is the horrendous sight of them... smoking, laughing, joking... acting like, like it doesn't matter that they are ruining their lungs.

But the worst thing is hiding.

Presumably, Hufflepuffs have nothing to hide. I do. My name is Flavia Sarabande. I have honey-coloured hair and hazel eyes. I was once in love with a Slytherin called Nick Sharpe.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not dredging up my past so you can feel sorry. I hope I have more spine than that. It's just that I was Muggleborn and a Hufflepuff, and he was pureblood and Slytherin. Of the two of us who had more difficulty hiding it, I would say me. Nick worried about being ostracised; I worried about being friendless for the rest of my school career. NO I AM NOT JOKING. Put it this way, when you write something like this are you really doing it for a joke?

Anyway. Hufflepuff can't just be wild, it can also be- vicious. Think Lord of the Flies. Think perverted justice. Think... think To Kill A Mockingbird.

Hufflepuff isn't as sweet as it's painted. If I had been found out, I would probably have just been ignored. As far as everyone else would be concerned I would have ceased to exist. I have seen it done; the girl tried to kill herself. Nearly jumped off North Tower. I said nearly: a Gryffindor prefect got her before she did anything stupid. She then tried to drown herself in the lake; the same Gryffindor fished her out again. As far as I know, the girl has stopped her suicide attempts. Would I be as lucky?

I would not. Sorry, I would not.

Hufflepuff 'suffers' (if such is the correct word) from an extended group mentality. We are our own little society, comprised of the harmless showing a harmful streak. It dishes out comfort and discomfort in equal measure, with a slightly too heavy hand on the discomfort. Sounds like the law courts to me.

On the other hand, if a girl of any house but Slytherin walked in to the Great Hall sobbing about an unfaithful boyfriend Hufflepuffs would be the first to comfort her. We welcome those of different ethnic backgrounds; we sympathize with those who are ill, or who have just lost a Quidditch match, or have detention because Professor Snape was having a bad day, as far as temper goes. We'll help lost first-years and help them fix early mistakes that have led to –say- orange hair. We don't care about Muggle blood. In the Muggle world, children who swear like overflowing drains –constantly- at school, or in a certain circle of company, are often wonderful, if not perfect, pillars of the community away from that enviroment.

We are Hufflepuffs. That means we are all-inclusive. That means we give a home to our flaws, as well as our occasional, worked-for perfection, even if those flaws require the occasional light relief in the form of a touch of wildness. And that is the only thing that is wrong with Hufflepuff.