Tea With Voldy,( Satan, Captain Kirk, And God)

Disclaimer: I don’t own HP! Or brown sauce, since you brought the subject up!

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Deep in the mythical forest called Privet Drive, there lived a family of hobbits- err, wizards, who loved each other very much. This family lived in a hobbit- err, wizard hole called number 4.

Number 4 loved its name and it thanked God, every day, that he hadn't been called Bob. Bob was a name for gay postmen, not a proud hobbit- oh fuck it!

On with the bloody story then!

"Ginny! Giinnyy! GINNY!" Harry whined pathetically. He rushed around his house, which Santa had given him for Christmas two years ago, trying to get everything just right. His guests would be here any minute, so he had to move up a gear.

"GGIINNYY! Get your tight ass down here now!" he yelled hysterically. Suddenly, as if by magic, his sex slave Ginny Weasley appeared next to him. She opened her mouth and said in Jordan’s voice, “Yes, O Mighty Harry With The Ten-Inch C-”

“Yeah, yeah, just hurry up and get naked before the guests arrive, dammit!” he screamed.

Harry liked bunnies with machine guns. And explosive ice-cream.

DING-omfg!-DONG!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry girl-screamed. "Omigodomigodomigod!" hopping around on one foot he opened the door with a simple Avada Kedavra spell.

"HARRY!" yelled the first of his guests - Satan, "Long time no see my friend! What’s up on the East Side!"

Harry died, had sex with a succubus, then was brought back to life by Dumbledore on crack. "EEEEIIIIIIIIIIUUU!" he screamed, thinking he was some kind of guy anyone cared about.

-BLINK-

Harry handed the teapot to Voldy- wait! "what the hell just happened?" Harry exclaimed.

"Ha! I...skipped us forward in time...cause that was just...so boring!" Captain Kirk, said, wearing Spock's head as a hat.

"What in God's hairy balls are you doing here?"

"DID SOMEONE CALL ON ME?" said God, after he sat down in one of Harry's chairs. Harry screamed girlishly.

"What the fuck are you weirdo’s doing in ma hoose? Get the hell outta ma hoose, bitches, before I go medieval on your asses!” He threateningly held up a Dragon Scimitar, which was blood red, cause of the blood it had soaked up.

Captain Kirk screamed and leapt into Satan's arms, who, in turn, leapt into God's arm, who turned into his true form - a cock...roach. (cough cough)

SPLAT! Harry squished God andate turkey.

"Ginny! Time for you-know-what!" Harry yelled.