Xena & Co. belong to someone who is definitely not me. Believe me. I would know.

A series of vignettes/ficlets. Because I said so.

Various pairings and gen, details included before each fic. Note: Majority are X/A. I'm set in my ways, sorry.

General rating: R. Here be swearing and mature situations.

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1. One for the Road
4 May 2006
pairing - X/G. Complete crack. Do not take seriously.

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"Wanna have some fun, Blondie?" A trio of ruffians surrounded Gabrielle, looking as ruffian-like as ruffians can be. If they were to be given a score for ruffian-ness, they'd receive bonus points.

"You better watch where you're putting that hand, or my girlfriend's going to give you such an ass-whupping."

Now they were leering, too. "Oh yeah? And where's your big tough girlfriend? Ooh, ooh! I bet it's Xena, right? Look at me shake, boys."

Laughing uproariously at his own joke, the man turned when he felt as tap on his shoulder.

"X—x—x—x—" he managed to stutter before his teeth were knocked out.

Frozen to the spot with a tell-tale puddle spreading around their feet, the remaining two watched Gabrielle bounce up to Xena and wrap herself around the warrior like a human pretzel.

"Aww, thanks, sweetie!" she chirped. "See, I told you she was going to beat you up. Isn't she amazing?"

Xena had turned pink by then.

"She's stronger than ten men, you know. Isn't that right, sugarplum? And gods, let me tell you, in bed--"

Okay, definitely embarrassed now.

"Uh, Gabrielle, why don't you go get Argo for me? There's something... tavern... I'll be right there."

"Okay, honey!"

Xena escaped to the dim shelter of the bar. She ordered something strong, pressing a hand to her cheek in hopes of cooling it down.

She downed the drink and jumped when the abominably loud call "Xeeeeeeeeeeeeeena!" hit her from behind. Coughing, she felt the burn of liquid down her windpipe.

"Another?" suggested the bartender sympathetically.

"Yeah."

She threw that one back equally quickly against the backdrop of "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarling..." and stumbled out of the tavern.

Gabrielle smirked when she knew Xena couldn't see her face. That'll teach her to use my scrolls.