|Officer, Shoot These People
Author: Osiris-Ra PM
ZOMG, the Others are Shippers! Ridiculous toungeincheek about who The Others REALLY are and what they REALLY want from the Losties. 4 of them, in particular. Chapt 24 Up!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Adventure - Ana & Sawyer - Chapters: 24 - Words: 30,138 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 08-25-09 - Published: 06-17-06 - id: 2997004
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Notes: While "Final Destination" is still in progress, I suddenly had a silly idea for another fiction. It's so absurd that it's perfect as story material :P I warn you, everyone's going to be a tweed out of character and a few shippers may get insulted. I swear, it's not personal at all, just having a little fun. If you're anti-ship, you might actually like this, lol.
Characters: Sawyer, Ana Lucia, Kate, The Others, (and of course some of our favorite other Losties)
Rating: T for Language
Officer, Shoot These People
"I still don't see why I had to come." Ana was grumbling irritably as she trailed behind Sawyer and Kate. The Southerner cast a peeved glare at her as he made his way across the muddy path.
"Well you're here now, so quit griping. We would have asked Sayid, but he was busy, along with most of the other candidates for this little stroll. Wasn't as if you were doing anything of earth shattering importance."
"No more important than this." Ana thought irritably. "Where exactly are we going anyway?" She asked in a louder voice.
"There's another hatch down here." Kate explained. "Awhile ago, I went along with Danielle and Claire and we found this other hatch – seemed to be some kind of medical station. They had a lot of old equipment and stuff there, I wanted to check it out a little more, see if there's anything we could salvage."
"Why didn't you guys bring anything back the last time?"
"Well, we did, but –"
Sawyer interrupted. "Tomb Raider here wants to play hero and find a homing beacon or some piece of crap like that."
"They might have communication devices there, Sawyer, its logical!"
"O Yeah, that'll prove about as helpful as a fart in a windstorm, have you already forgotten the Chronicles of the Crappy Radio sweet cheeks? Yeah, we bust our asses climbing the highest mountains just to get some transmission in French that's been looping for 16 years. If you consider the state of the electronics around here, I highly doubt you'll be finding a Raspberry in that hatch."
Kate smirked and said nothing. She hoped that soon enough, she'd be able to prove him wrong.
Later in the day, the trio came to a pause in their trip. Kate seemed to be at a loss as to where she was, and spent quite a bit of time turning around in circles and scanning the tree-line for signs of something familiar.
"Hey, I don't wanna be a killjoy here," Ana started saying, "but are we lost?"
"Hey, I don't wanna state the obvious," Sawyer retorted with his usual sarcastic drawl, "but ain't that question a bit redundant?"
"We're not lost." Kate said after a moment staring around in a displaced fashion, "We're...a little off the trail. Don't worry, I remember where to go. We just...have to find the trail and get back on it."
"What trail?" Ana complained. "I don't see any trail, I see –"
"Shhh!" Sawyer suddenly hissed, startling both women. "Listen!"
They listened closely. There was a faint sound in the jungle. Not quite a voice, more like tinkling. Like the chiming of little bells clinking out a steady tune. Each person held their breath a bit, trying half to decipher the tune, and half trying to place which direction it was coming from.
Kate finally realized what the bells were playing, and sung it quietly:
"When the blackbird in the spring,
On the willow tree,
Sat and rocked, I heard him sing,
Singing Aura Lea "
Sawyer made a face. Then he took a step forward, moving towards what he thought was the sound. Ana noticed something odd about the grass and leaves under his feet – something odd about the whole area they were standing in. She was about to say something when Sawyer stooped down and brushed away some of the leaves from the ground. Hidden rather carefully underneath many different colored leaves and forest debris was a small metal music box, embroidered with swirling patterns. It was open, and a tiny ballerina effigy twirled slowly to the tinkled tune.
"Well, how do you figure that?" Sawyer thought as he studied the little object. Kate came closer to inspect the music box.
Ana felt the ground shift and said in a slightly alarmed tone: "Hey, guys, maybe we'd better – "
But her words were cut off by a sudden rustling sound, and before she knew what was happening, the ground peeled up from under her, scooping all three upwards into the tangled vines of a very man-made net.
"Well, ain't this cozy." Sawyer finally said after quite a bit of fidgeting. "Kate, get your goddamned hand outta my eye!"
"Forgive me, there's a bit of a shortage on space at the moment, I'm trying to pull this thing apart..."
"- well quit it – let me try, you're doin' it all wrong –"
"Ow! No, stop, it's got my arm –"
"Geez-damn it, what are you, all gams and arms Freckles? Quit shovin' –"
"Could everyone please be still and shut up for a second?" Came an irritated order from Ana. With a bit of trouble, she managed to squeeze her trusty pocketknife out of her jeans pocket and got to sawing away at the thick vines making up the net. The vines proved formidable, but she finally managed to cut away a decent portion of them. She squeezed through the tear and latched on, dangling from the net with both hands. She cast a tentative look downward then dropped. She landed hard, but more-or-less unscathed. She looked up the still trapped duo.
"Ladies first, Freckles."
Kate squeezed through next and dropped to the ground in like fashion. Sawyer followed, and soon all three were safely on terra firma. They all stared up the large net dangling 7 or 8 feet above their heads, wondering who could have taken the time to design such a trap.
"It looks like it was made for bears or something." Kate commented.
"I don't think that'd hold a bear." Sawyer mused.
"It's not like any of Rousseau's nets. And she's never used music boxes as the bait."
"Hey, this has been really fun and everything, "Ana said, dusting herself off and not really giving a damn who or what made the net, she was just glad to be out of it."but could we get a move on? It's almost dark."
None of them had a chance to comply because three startling "Pfft!"'s sliced through the air towards them. The "Pfft!" landed in their necks, and in seconds, all three were unconscious on the forest floor.
To Be Continued...