Author's Notes: Thank you thank you for the comments everyone! I'm happy to say that Locke will be making a re-emergence somewhere around the last five chapters and very briefly, a couple of other ships are going to get in on the crazy. I'm planning on wrapping this up in ten chapters, so if there are any particular extra "plot" points or madhotjunglesex scenes you want to see, comment now! :)

PREVIOUSLY, ON LOST:

Ana, Jack and Sayid: Were waiting for Kate to return after a mission to get out an SOS from The Medusa's communication station.

Kate: Had other ideas...

CHAPTER 24: Deep Thoughts

Desmond sat on the shore, thinking deep thoughts.

How can I finally tell Claire how I feel about her? And what on earth could she possibly see in that full-sized Smurf masquerading as a musician?

At that moment, a bright wave of light hit Desmond, and he began to have a vision:

Lights danced about erratically, vaguely illuminating a scene of conflict and chaos. Two men were fighting, lunging crazily for each other. And there was a woman. Blonde. Blue eyed. A vision of innocence and damsel-like confusion. Claire! She was running. Screaming. Scared. Claire! Wait! I'm coming Claire! Then—SPLAT—what the hell was that! Claire was covered in something sticky and red. Blood! She'd been shot! But wait a sec—guns don't go "splat". But anyway...there was a man. The assassin. It was...what? Charlie! How could that be? But he was holding a gun, and he was covered in Claire's bright red blood!

Desmond's eyes snapped open. The vision ended. Someone had called his name.

"Desmond!"

He turned. It was Claire, running down the beach. She was waving frantically at him.

"Desmond, Desmond, come quick!"

He leapt to his feet. "What's happened?"

"It's Charlie! He's been kidnapped!"

"What? When?"

"Just seconds ago! Right in front of me! I was talking to him and then there were these people that just walked right out of the bushes and they grabbed him and put something over his mouth and then went back into the jungle—"

"And you just stood there?" Desmond was confused.

"Well, they sort of distracted me. They were actually pretty nice and one of them had brought some cotton diapers for the baby and she was explaining how to use it so I kind of didn't notice them take Charlie till it was too late—Des, you've got to help! C'mon, I'll show you where it happened. Right down the beach...!"

Tucking a set of old fashioned keys in her glossy red K.A.T.I.E Team Member jacket, Vanessa K Carissa headed casually down the hallway of The Owl, a, thus far, extremely classified Dharma station that remains to this day in an undisclosed region of the Island. Vanessa K. Carissa had been sent by the Jate Council, which, fed up by the erratic movements of the Skaters and the Jawyers, and especially by Sana and Jana's tentative alliance against C.O.O.K.I.E.S and Skate (which was really not much of an alliance since both factions were still fraught with plots of vicious backstabbery), had enacted an After Hour Executive Order to flip a switch that would doubtlessly be the undoing of everything that had transpired. Now that the assigned and now smugly grinning K.A.T.I.E had used The Key, a little jump backwards in time would be all that would be needed to reverse the damage caused to the Jate factions plans. Shortly, certain sex tape controversies would be radically altered, certain scowling Latina people would be hurriedly whisked out of the picture, and all would be well.

Or would it?

Sayid, Ana and Jack stood squinting into the light Three silhouettes were standing at the entrance of the door. One of them appeared to be being restrained. The door opened wider. Indeed it was Kate, held at gunpoint by the two K.A.T.I.E's, Lalita and Tiffany! Kate squirmed and looked helplessly to Jack.

"I'm sorry Jack. I tried, but they—"

"Shut up!" the K.A.T.I.E named Tiffany ordered and pressed the gun tighter to Kate's skull. "You're all coming with us. I want a single file line, now, no talking, hands up in the air. Do it!"

Jack, Ana and Sayid complied. As they filed past the two K.A.T.I.E'S, Ana, by sheer force of cop habit, quickly sized up the two women. They were young, probably in their 20ies, petite, about her height, slender, couldn't weigh more than 100 pounds, well manicured nails—too well manicured, but more importantly, the gunwoman holding Kate hostage appeared to have forgotten to turn the safety on her gun off.

How odd, Ana Lucia thought. The wheels began to spin in her mind. She could wrestle the gun away, but then what if she got the safety off only to find out it wasn't loaded? That could suck. Anyway she, Jack and Sayid could probably take them down and fight their way to the surface, but that might be needlessly messy and alert too many people... This sort of mission would take some thought.

The gang proceeded down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" Kate asked.

"Holding station. You're to be re-processed and go through indoc."

"Indoc? What's that?" Ana asked.

"Indoctrination." Lalita replied curtly.

"Indoctrination for what?" Jack asked.

"That's up to Jennifer." answered Tiffany.

"Who's Jennifer?" Sayid asked.

"Jate Faction Rep." said Lalita.

"Jate? What the hell is that?" asked Ana.

"Jack and Kate Relationship." said Tiffany, grinning.

"Excuse me?" Jack exclaimed. This was certainly the first time he'd heard of it...though he had to admit it did make sense...

But that was the last straw for Ana Lucia. She stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh hell no. That's it. That's it!"

Lalita pointed the gun at Ana. "Get. Moving."

Ana scoffed. "Oh, please."

With that, Ana Lucia slapped the gun out of Lalita's hand. The K.A.T.I.E looked on surprised as the gun skittered across the floor.

"'Lita, look out!" Tiffany yelled, but it was too late. Ana decked the distracted Lalita, who hit the linoleum with a dramatic THUMP.

Ana looked down at the unconscious woman. "You left the safety on. Idiot." Ana shook her head, then turned on Tiffany who backed up slowly. Ana took one step toward her and Tiffany bolted down the hallway. Ana gave chase, but to everyone's surprise, Kate, quick as lightening, grabbed the gun off the floor, flipped the safety switch and fired the gun in the escaping Tiffany's general direction. Somehow, the bullet seemed to curve more towards Ana's direction, and she ducked, and hit the deck as the bullet bounced off of a wall, shattering one of the flickering ceiling lights in the hallway. Tiffany, (who happened to have been on track team back in the Real World), sprinted around a corner, never to be seen again.

Meanwhile, recovering on the floor, Ana found herself almost completely positive that Kate's bullet had been meant for her, and said, fuming, "What the fu—!"

The blaring of a klaxon conveniently bleeped out the latter portion of Ana's sentence. An automated female voice recited a haiku of alarm:

"Cell breach in Psychoacoustics. All Green Legion S.N.S Personnel to Level 2. Save the cheerleader, save the world."

"Christ!" Jack grabbed the gun from Kate. "Thanks a lot Kate, you just alerted the whole damn station! Ana, are you okay?"

"NO."

"Get up, we gotta go!"

"You guys follow me, I know a way out!" Kate said, and started running in the opposite direction. Jack ran after but Sayid straggled behind as Ana dusted herself off and caught up. Sayid ran alongside her, concerned.

"Are you alright? What happened?"

"What's it look like happened, the bitch shot at me!"

"I believe she was shooting at—"

"No, Sayid. She wasn't. And you know what? I don't think she's planning on getting us all outta here in one piece either."

Sayid frowned, not understanding. Ana ran ahead.

"NOW Sayid!" Kate was yelling. The group dashed down the halls, klaxons blaring in their wake, and the rapid Stormtrooper like footfalls of Ship Neutral Security operatives in pursuit. (FYI, S.N.S operatives weren't really ship "neutral", just like the C.I.A isn't really "intelligent") What was really happening, however, as the blood-pumping dash for the doors took place, was far more serious than simply a group of trapped and confused Losties running for escape. In reality, the entire event had been planned by Kate moments before she had appeared at the door of the utility closet as a "hostage" of the two K.A.T.I.E's. First, she would play on Ana's natural suspicion by setting up Lalita to hold a weapon that would be obviously useless—at least to a former cop. Second, she would trigger a pointless conversation that would lead up to revealing the nature of a ship—namely Jate—that Ana clearly would not care for, since she held conflicting interests with the "J" part of the ship, and thus lose it, enabling Kate to take the third step and the opportunity to pretend to shoot at her "escaping kidnapper" who was actually at that moment running for Skater reinforcements, and then, Kate, as she was doing at that very moment, would lead the entire group to safety, and "accidentally" leave Ana trapped in a level of The Medusa that would soon be crawling with Skaters.

Kate did love it when a plan came together. Working quickly, she found the escape hatch the two K.A.T.I.E's had told her about and punched in the password (SKATE4EVR) into the keypad on the doorknob. Presently, Sayid, Jack and Ana joined them.

"Inside, quick!" Kate ushered Jack and Sayid into the darkness of the escape hatch, but when Ana tried to shoulder through, Kate, eying her antagonist with vindictive satisfaction, shoved her back and slammed the door, leaving Ana's stunned countenance on the other side.

Jack whirled around. "Kate! What are you—"

"No time! Go, go, go!"

"Kate, we're NOT leaving without Ana Lucia, what the hell do you think you're—"

Suddenly, everyone's ears began to hurt. There was a blinding flash of white light, and precisely as Jack murmured "Ohhh frak," the world went inky black.

TO BE CONTINUED