What REALLY to Harry Potter?

Everybody knows the story of Harry Potter, right? Everybody knows how he got his scar and how Voldemort lost his powers… or do you? Do you know the real story behind the scar? Well, it just so happens… That I do!

THE SCAR

How did Harry get that scar? Was it really from surviving a deadly curse that killed his mother and not an innocent child? Nope!

It started when Harry's mother, Lily, and Harry were taking a bath. Harry was quite happy, though he did have very little hair… anyways, he was taking a bath. Harry's mother and him were playing around with the bath mitts when suddenly, when Lily reached for the Johnson's Baby Wash, she realized that there was none left! OH NOESZZSZZ!11!1oneelevenomg

Ahem… excuse me. Well, as I was saying, there was no more Johnson's Baby Wash! So Lily, having never gone through more than grade five Science, took a bottle of JOHNSON'S BABY ACID: For All Those Parents Who Just Loathe Their Babies And Can't Wait Till They Move Out. What? You didn't know Johnson's made a brand of acid? Well… they do!

Well, Lily Potter took that bottle of Johnson's Baby Acid and poured it on Harry's head. Harry started screaming suddenly and Lily heard a sizzling sound. "What is that sound?" she wondered. There is the downside of going to a school for witches… They don't teach Science. Therefore, she didn't know anything about acids and bases! She pondered for maybe five minutes until she saw poor Harry's head smoking! She screamed, pushed him underwater until he nearly drowned, then pulled him out.

When Lily Potter pulled out her son, half the skin on his head was gone… and there was a scar shaped like a lightning bolt on his forehead since just a little got on his forehead.

JAMES AND LILY

What happened to James and Lily when Voldemort zapped them with the Killing Curse? Did they die? Or did something completely different happen? And how did they appear in the Mirror Erised?

Well, it all started one bright, Saturday morning. Harry and his family were in the sitting room when a knock came to the door. "Hello?" James said as he answered the door. There stood a door-to-door saleswizard! He was selling Imitation, Imitation Crabb. Crabb is a type of magical crab, by the way. Well, James and Lily of course didn't want any Imitation Imitation Crabb. "Oh, well, then…" the door-to-door saleswizard said, "in that case, I am not selling Imitation Imitation Crabb, I am selling…" having nothing else to sell, but still wanting to make money, the saleswizard looked around James and Lily's doorstep. He looked to his right and found a dusty old mirror. "Uh, I'm selling mirrors today!"

"Didn't we just throw a mirror exactly like that one out just last week?" Lily asked, turning to James.

"Why, yes we did, dearest… What is your name, young man?"

"Oh, well, my name is Thomas Voldemort," he grinned.

"Well, I think we will buy that mirror, son!" James said, nodding, "Honey, go get Harry so he can see this lovely mirror!"

"Alrighty, then," Lily giggled, running away daintily to go get their son Harry.

While they were doing this, Voldemort got out his wand. "Now why do need that wand, son?" James asked.

"To put a special enchantment on the mirror so it's not so dusty,"

"Can't you just clean it?"

"Being a wizard, I don't have to clean it, I can just magically magic the dust away!"

"…I see…"

"Alright, dear, I've gotten Harry!"

James nodded as he watched the saleswizard, Voldemort, cast a "Dust Spell" on the mirror. Unfortunately, he said the wrong spell and it bounced off of the mirror and onto James and Lily, but not Harry, and trapped them in the mirror. They were thought to be screamed and tried to undo it, but the spell only bounced off the mirror and onto him, making him loose all his powers. Dumbledore later found the mirror and kept it because he thought it was cool.

Voldemort ran away in fear to tell somebody.

…Unfortunately he was blamed for killing them…

…and now everybody thinks he's evil and he can no longer sell Imitation Imitation Crabb…

…Woe is the life of a saleswizard!

End.