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Author of 17 Stories |
Disclamer: Everything you find familiar doesn’t belong to me.
Piper Chris fan – Thank you so much for your support!
Phoebsfan – Thanks for reviewing!
skater23 – Thank you!
Sassafras – Thanks so much for reviewing! Well, this story will have two chapters so it can be considered like some kind of series…But I could make a third story if an idea pops out. :) I also like the whole Jack-Kate-Sawyer thing, but I am too an avid Skater. I mean, Jack’s okay, but Sawyer is more handsome and more interesting. I mean, let’s face it. Jack is kind of boring…:) Still, most of my friends (who watch ‘Lost’) are Jaters…:(
IS IT WORTH SAVING ME?
Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'
Chorus:
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'
Chorus
Hurry I'm fallin'
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'
Chorus
Hurry I'm fallin'
(Nickelback – Savin’ Me)
When Kate finally woke up the sun was already high up at the sky. She streched slowly on her makeshift bed, a satisfied smile playing on her lips. No nightmares this time. She stood up, her smile fading when she recalled what had happened. She felt giant tension in her chest while she thought of Sawyer’s softened look becoming hard and serious once again after she left him standing in front of his tent. She thought some sleep will help her sort her feelings out, help her realize what she really wants, but still she had no clue what to do. Sighing deeply, she took some clean clothes realizing she didn’t even change her wet T-shirt and muddy jeans from last night and headed towards the hatch to take a shower.
She was a bit surprised to see a camp half-empty. Practically no one was outside. She could see Jin fishing in the distance and greeted Charlie who was playing his guitar in the shade of a large tree, and that was about it. Sayid was standing near Shannon’s grave again and she decided not to bother him. Kate knew what it was like to lose someone you love. When Tom died, she couldn’t even be at his funeral. Shaking her head a bit to get rid of these thoughts, she hurried into the jungle, secretly happy she didn’t run into Jack or Sawyer.
“I thought you didn’t like this place, James.”
Locke’s voice came from somewhere behind him. He was in a bad mood already even without here calling him James.
“Oh, y’know I just can’t resist helpin’ out when someone asks me to.” Sawyer replied in his sarcastic voice, but this time no smirk played on his lips.
“So you took Sayid’s shift. Very nice of you James.”
Sawyer didn’t respond. He stood up from his seat by the computer instead and aproached the book shelves. The main reason he took the shift was he didn’t want to run into Kate when she’d wake up. He wasn’t that lucky though…
“Oh, hi John!” She greeted trying to sound cheerful
“I belive this is good morning to you Kate. You look like you’ve just woken up.”
“Well, yeah.” She smiled “I just came to take a shower”
As she came deeper into the hatch she finally noticed Sawyer checking out the books pretending he didn’t hear her come in.
“Sawyer?…Hey.”
“Mornin’ “ He didn’t even turn around to face her. He picked up a book instead and turned to Locke.
“Looks to me like there’s more than enough of you to handle the magical button so if y’ll excuse me…” He gave a mock bow and walked over ot the exit in a few long strides still not looking at Kate when he went past her.
She hung her head low, suddenly feeling guilty for his behaviour.
“I… I’m going to take that shower.” She muttered and rushed into the bathroom
John Locke remained standing at his position, a puzzeled look on his face. There was something going on between those two, he had noticed that a long time ago. They either looked like they enjoyed eachother’s company or they hated eachother and that was kind of amusing to see. But now he had a strange feeling something happened. Yeah, something serious had happened and he missed it.
“Hey Kate. Can I join you?”
She nodded and Jack sat by her on the sand.
“Are you okay? You don’t look too well. Do you feel…?”
“I’m fine Jack. You don’t have to talk like a doctor all the time.” She interrupted him staring at the ocean. She didn’t even throw a glance at his direction
He smiled at her remark.
“I think you’re spending too much time with Sawyer. If it goes on like this, you’ll soon start talking in snappy one-liners and throwing away silly nicknames.”
This was supposed to be a joke to make her feel better, but apparently it didn’t work. Kate did turn to face him, but she was so furious, Jack immediately wished he just kept his mouth shut.
“Oh, why don’t you just stop acting like you’re the smartest person on this island, Jack, ‘cause you’re not. It’s high time you get the hell of your throne and stop telling people what to say or do and stick your nose where it doesn’t belong, because no one crowned you for the king of the goddamn island as far as I remember.”
At that she stood up and marched furiously to the other side of the beach, a satisfied smile escaping her lips. She felt better now.
She didn’t notice there was someone else sitting on the rocks a bit further untill Sayid greted her.
“Good evening Kate.” His gaze was somwhere far on the horizon, just like hers a few moments earlier.
“Sayid, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that someone was there. I’ll leave if you want to be by yourself.”
“No, it is not necessary. I have been alone all day. I could use some company.” He turned to smile weakly at her. Shannon’s death was still on his mind. Every moment of every day.
Kate nodded and returned his smile not knowing what to say.
“You too seem a bit distracted lately. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
“I’m just so confused, Sayid. It’s like…at one moment I’m so sure in something and at the other I already doubt in my decision.”
“Love problems, huh?” He smiled at her “Maybe you will bring your decision easier if you talk with someone about it.”
“I don’t want to bother you Sayid. You have enough problems even without me. It’s just that I’m so complicated sometimes.”
“It is not a bother at all. I would be happy to help you. Or at least listen to your story.”
Kate sighed audibly and started to talk.
“It’s just that this morning I thought I was in love with someone. And he even confessed that he loves me too. But just a few moments later…I wasn’t so sure anymore. And hurted him. I mean I know I care about him. A lot. But I’m not sure if this is real love. I mean, sometimes he really gets on my nerves. And than again there are moments I think I will go crazy if I don’t get to see him. It’s all just so confusing…I don’t know what to do.”
At that she bueried her head in her hands and sighed deeply once again.
“Maybe you just need some more time to think.” Sayid put his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. “You should look deep in your heart and seek for what prevents you from loving him. And you should talk with him about that. Tell him what you had told me now. And listen what your heart has to say about it. Now go to him.”
She looked up and saw Sayid smiling.
“Thank you” she whispered before standing up and heading towards the camp again
“Anytime Kate. And I am sure Sawyer will understand. He is not a bad person as I thought at first.”
Kate blushed a bit loking at Sayid again.
“Was it that obvious?”
He grinned at her and continued to stare at the ocean.
“Quite obvious, yes.”
She couldn’t resist not to smile as she turned around and started moving towards Sawyer’s tent.
She waited in front of his tent when she noticed he wasn’t in it hoping he’ll come back soon. When she saw him coming out of the jungle, she was afraid he’ll turn around and leave again when he reckognises her when she saw him slow down, but he didn’t. He was coming closer and closer.
“Sawyer we need to talk.” She said immediately before he could ignore her again.
“ ‘Bout?” He wasn’t looking at her again. Instead he lifted the flap he used as a door intenting to come in.
“You know what about. And please don’t run away from me again. We really need to talk.”
“You’re the one who’s runnin’ away, last time I checked.” He replied coldly finally lifting his eyes to look at her
She bowed her head. He was right, she knew it. She was the one who was running away from him. But she was here now and she didn’t intend on running away again. She heard his voice once again.
“So…what are ya waitin’ for now. Y’said you wanted to talk.” He was looking at her, eyes wide open, his face unreadable. He was holding the flap up motioning to her to enter. She gazed up at him biting her lip nervously and entered his tent.
“If you’re ‘ere to tell me how sorry you are for what happened, you can go right back to your lil’ tent next to Jack-O, cause I don’t wanna hear it.”
He decided to end this one for all.
“That’s not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to…to try to explain why I acted…the way I acted.”
She stopped waiting for him to say something, but he remained silent. He sat on his bed and stared at the sand. She sat on one of his aeroplane chairs and continued to talk.
“I’m not sorry for what had happened. I want you to know that. That kiss meant something to me, it wasn’t just because I was upset or scared or something like that. I just…I’m just so confused. I…I don’t know how…I’m sorry I pushed you away. I…” Her voice faded. She didn’t know how to continue.
“You’re not really good in explanations, are you Freckles.” He was still staring into his feet.
She bowed her head again. He’s not going to forgive her. She could feel it. She had gone too far this time. But still she felt a bit angry. She was sinceraly sorry and he treated her like this. It wasn’t fair.
“Neither are you… James” She replied in a low voice. The name had the wanted effect on him. He lifted his head to look at her.
“Don’t change the subject…Katie.” Payback time, he thought. She used his real name, so he used the nickname he knew she didn’t like. He was immediately sorry when he saw her shocked expression.
“Okay Sawyer.” She muttered an idea forming in her mind “You want to talk about names? I tell you about ‘Katie’, you tell me about ‘James’. Deal?”
He nodded in agreement surprised with her sudden change of attitude. She gazed into his eyes a bit longer before continueing.
“My dad used to call me ‘Katie’. Well, at least the man I thought was my dad. I adored him. And I loved it when he called me that. But then he came. Wayne. He called me ‘Katie’ as well. But not all the time. When I was smaller, when he was beating me, he wouldn’t call me that. He would just insult me. When I grew up a bit, when I started to mature, he…decided he could do more then just beat and torture me. Everytime my mother was working, he would try to…to rape me. He would touch and kiss me and I would struggle as hard as I could just to stop him. And he would call me ‘Katie’ in that disgusting rough southern accent of his. Soon he would get pissed off and beat the hell out of me. And everytime I heard him drawl his drunken ‘Katie’, I knew I was up to another fight. And I had to fight or else…” Her voice cracked. She couldn’t talk anymore. She turned her head and leaned on the seat behing her so she doesn’t have to look into his eyes. She didn’t want to have another breakdown in front of him.
“…so I guess your accent just reminds me so much of him. And I just can’t…I just don’t want to hear you calling me that.” Her last words were barely a whisper
Sawyer was horrified. His blood boiled at the thought of that pedofilic monster trying to hurt his Kate. His heart ached when she confessed he reminded her on Wayne. Sawyer thought he never felt greater pain in his life. He saw she was struggling hard not to break and he just wanted to wrap his hands around her and tell her, assure her everything’s going to be alright. But he didn’t. Instead he decied to complete his part of the deal.
“I don’t like bein’ called James, ‘cause I’m not James anymore. James was that little kid who had a perfectly happy life until that Sawyer came and messed up the whole thing up. I stopped bein’ James when I heard my dad shooting my momma an’ than himself. I stopped bein’ James when I crawled out from under that bed and realized I’ll have ta take care of myself from now on. And James finally died when I started to con people for money just like the man who ruined my life. Just like the man who killed me as well the same day he drove my dad into doin’ what he did. That’s why I took his name. ‘Cause I’m not worthy bein’ called James anymore. That’s why I had that letter with me all the time. To remind me of James. To remind me of who I once was.” He stopped talking and looked at her nce more. She was staring at him again, some tear stains marking her face, but no tears falling down.
“So I guess your name story’s more tragic than mine.” He said it just to break the akward silence and cursed himself immediately when he saw her breaking eye-contact again.
She bowed her head again and didn’t say anything. The silence lasted a few seconds more, both of them recultant to speak first. Finally he was the one to break the silence.
“You didn’t say it back.” He decided to go straight to the point. She lifted her head and gave him a questioning look.
“When I said I loved you. You didn’t say anything.” It was his turn to bow his head now.
She felt like she was going to explode. Her heart was beating fast, her head was hot. She couldn’t think straight, but one thing she knew for sure. Sayid was right. She wasn’t sure in her feelings because her memory of Wayne was preventing her from loving him. And her experience with Tom made her belive she’ll end up hurt again. But seeing him so hurt, so different from the arrogant Redneck she met made her finally see him for what he really was. And she was going to listen to Sayid’s advice. She was going to follow her heart and her heart was here with him. She took a few moments to gather her thoughts and than finally spoke.
“I wasn’t sure in it than. In my feelings I didn’t want to say something I wasn’t completley sure of. But I thought about it for a while. And someone told me to follow my heart and…it brought me here.”
He was still looking down. Probably for the first time in his life Sawyer was speechless. She waited for a few more moments before speaking again.
“I always thought Tom was the love of my life. He was everything I wanted in a man. Handsome, kind, smart. And he was also a doctor. Maybe that’s the reason I got drawn to Jack immediately. Because he and Tom were just so alike. And you…you are the complete opposite. I always found men like you incredibly annoying. I don’t even know what made me like you.”
‘Gee thanks, Freckles. You really know how to raise a guy’s selfesteem’ he thought but decided to let her finish.
“…But maybe I saw in you something no one else saw. Maybe I managed to see James, I don’t know, but I know that you made me feel like I haven’t felt a long time ago. You know, after Tom died, after I got him killed, I thought I could never love again. I felt so empty. But you filled up that emptiness in me. You made me feel alive once again. And I know I’m not perfect and I know I should’eve told you that before, but I was afraid…I was afraid you didn’t mean it whan you said you loved me. I was afraid that those feeling I had were not enough. I’m not perfect James, I’ve done a lot of bad things, but please let me do the right thing now. Allow me to appologise and…and…” She was crying again.
She lifted her hands to her face to wipe off the tears streaming freely down her face now. She had the urge to run away again, but she couldn’t feel her legs anymore so she just remained sitting in his tent waiting for an answer. And it came…
Sawyer was surprised whan she called him ‘James’ again but this time it didn’t bother him. It kind of felt so natural coming from her. He was sincerily shocked with her confession. He didn’t know should he be happy because she loves him as well or sad for making her recall all those bad memories. The right words still couldn’t seem to find their way out of his mouth. He was still not sure what to do so he just muttered:
“I’m no perfect too, Freckles.”
He couldn’t even imagine how much joy he caused her by calling her by that nickname. She looked up with teary eyes only to see him already standing a few steps away from her gazing down straight into her eyes. His face had that softened expression again. Kate bolted up from her seating position and threw herself around his neck feeling his arms locking around her waist and his warm breath caressing her hair. She held on to him tight deciding firmly she will never allow herself to doubt in her feelings for him again.
“I do love you.” She whispered into his ear
He loosened his grip on her to make her look at him again. Removing his hands off his waist he lifted them up to her face and brushed a few more tears from her eyes.
“I know that. And thank you.”
“For what?” Confusion spreaded across her face again
“For savin’ me.”
She didn’t completley understand what he meand by that, but it didn’t matter anyway. She didn’t want to look into the past anymore. The future is what mattered now. So she kissed him firmly, lovingly. He deepened the kiss and huged her once again tightly. The rest just happened so spontaneously, so naturally.
She stated unbuttoning his shirt and he picked her up and brought her to the bed. His hands were already under her shirt so she got rid of it. It was the most beautiful night of her life. She couldn’t even imagine Sawyer could be so gentle. He left a trail of kisses all over her body and she felt her skin burn everytime his fingers brushed over it. It was all so slow and romantic. He was so careful not to hurt her and they paused every once in a while to gaze into eachothers eyes. It was perfect.
She leaned onto his chest breathing heavily while he wrapped his arms tightly around her.
“You okay sweetheart? You’re trembling.” He exclaimed gazing worriedly at her.
“I’m fine. Just a bit cold” She mumered against his chest tiredly while he wrapped ablanket tighter around her. She just smiled. Looking up she noticed he was smiling as well.
“And what are you smiling at?” She asked yet again mesmerized with his adorable dimples.
“Nothin’. Just tryin’ to picture the Doc’s face when he finds you here in the mornin’.”
She smiled wider.
“What makes you think he’ll look for me?”
“He always does. You’re a heartbreaker Princess, didn’t ya already notice that?”
“I sinceraly doubt it after I yelled at him down at the beach earlier this evening.”
Sawyer lifted his eyebrow questioningly but she just smiled again and leaned her head back on his chest.
“Good night” She whispered
“Yeah, you too.” He replied still confused. He gave up thinking what could she tell Jack and wodering where the hell was he at the time in a few seconds and closed his eyes as well falling asleep with a smile spreaded across his face.
Maybe it was time to revive James once again…
In this Author’s Note I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed my other oneshot named ‘Always’, so…Thanks!
R&R please…
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