|It's Not the Stork
Author: ProtoBlues PM
Being the father of a genius is hard especially when he asks you where babies come from and he knows it's not the stork. [takes place before AS storyline]Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Kira S. - Words: 1,607 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 06-24-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3005123
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: This is...sort of weird. At first, I wanted to do a more nerdy main character but I couldn't remember many and the ones I did remember, I didn't like (and whenever I write about characters I don't like, the stories never get finished). So...Kira it is. Well, it never says for sure if Kira is smart or not, but come on, his last wish is to read more books! That's got to be something only a nerd would say (I would know).
"Yes?" he placed down his morning cup of coffee.
"Where do babies come from?" he asked with wide and innocent eyes.
His father nearly choked on his drink. "What?"
"Where do babies come from?" Kira patiently repeated the question.
"Uh... Well, they come from the stork."
"The stork?" he repeated skeptically.
"Yes, the stork." Kira was completely oblivious to his father's nervousness.
"So how does the stork bring the baby?"
"Um, well..." At this moment, Mr. Sakuya wished that his son wasn't so inquisitive. "A stork comes, you see. And, um, it carries a baby with it and it gives it to the parents."
"So once someone gets married, a stork will bring a baby to them?"
"Yes..." Mr. Sakuya had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach; the type that he would get whenever he had an odd hunch that he was being asked a trick question.
After confirming this, Kira exploded into scientific inquiry, "How do the storks know? They're not intelligent beings. Moreover, why would they care? Don't they have their own young to tend after? Also, what about heredity? People always look like their parents; do the storks visit the parents first and then pick out the perfect baby for them? That seems highly improbable. And even so, where are all these babies put? A large variety of babies are needed to be available considering that the human has billions of genes."
His father groaned. And he was so absolutely ecstatic when he first discovered that his son was a genius. If he simply hadn't bought so many science textbooks to nurture his son's genius, this awkward conversation would never have happened. Or, to be more exact, it would have happened, but it wouldn't have been so hard for him.
"Well, actually, you see; the government keeps record of everyone who gets married. And then they send storks with babies to the married couple. So it's not that the storks themselves are intelligent." Oh yeah, blame it on the government. "And you see, the government trains the storks to bring the babies."
Kira cut his father off, "But then why would the government use storks, of all things? They're not the best animals when it comes to transportation. There are many faster and more comfortable animals. Or, perhaps, the government could just use trucks with a nanny in the back with the babies and deliver the babies the same way large packets in the mail are delivered to us."
"Well, um..." Curse it; why did his six year old son think faster than he did? "It's because of...the cost! Yes; it would cost too much to get a nanny and a driver and a truck."
"But the government has the money to train storks to be able to carry a baby to a given address. Speaking of which; even if trained, storks cannot possibly have the intellectual capacity to be able to fly to a given address without any other knowledge. Not even humans can do that."
"Uh... Well, to tell you the truth," and he did feel miserable for lying so blatantly, "I'm not very familiar with this subject. But a stork did bring you to your mother and I. I'm just not quite sure about the details."
"Oh..." Kira frowned and shrugged, "I'll just ask mom."
"What? Wait, no!" Mr. Sakuya pulled his son back to him. He'd be in deep trouble if his wife's story did not match with his. "I, uh, I think I figured out the answer to your question. Well, um... They're not real storks; they're robots. And they have this address programming thing."
"Oh. Well, how did you get babies before there were robots?"
"Uh..." he was stumped for a while. Someday, he should really think before he spoke, "Well, people went to the government to get their babies!"
"Why don't they do that anymore? Wouldn't that save a lot of money for the government? That way, they don't have to pay for raw materials, builders, technicians, and programmers."
"But...well... There are a lot of people in Japan! So the government doesn't want a thousand people in offices every day!"
"Okay, I guess... But...where do babies come from?"
His father looked at him in confusion, "The stork."
"No, I mean; where does the government get them from?"
"Er..." he remembered watching something on the news about test tube babies, "Well, these scientists make the babies in test tubes!" Yes, that would solve everything. And by the time Kira got old enough to learn the truth, a lot of people would probably use test tube babies anyways.
"Oh, I see. So what about heredity? Why are children similar to their parents?"
"Wait, that's part of genetics, isn't it?"
"Doesn't your book say anything about," he paused to clear his throat, "erm, meiosis and..." he was scared to say sex cells in case Kira did not know, "gametes?"
"Yes, it does." Kira replied, puzzled, "But what does that have to do with babies?"
"Well, does it talk about...um," Mr. Sakuya tugged nervously at his tie, "sexual reproduction?"
"Yes." Kira answered bluntly.
"So... You still don't know where babies come from?"
Mr. Sakuya looked at his son skeptically. "Give me your textbook; I want to flip through it."
Kira obediently gave his father his textbook. Mr. Sakuya took it and found the part on sexual reproduction. He was about to point and tell Kira to read it rather than having to give the infamous "talk". However, he realized one important thing: the damn textbook didn't once mention babies. It did, however, mention offspring and F1 generations.
Great. Of all the genetics textbooks he had to get, it was the one that was all scientific and prim and proper. Everything was referred to using a scientific term.
Kira peered over at the page his father was looking at. "Oh, yeah, about sexual reproduction..."
"W-what?" Call it father's intuition, but Mr. Sakuya knew, definitely, that this was not going to be a good thing. But really, with minors, when is sex ever a good thing for parents? Now, it's a completely different story when they're married and the mothers are hollering, "But I want to see grandchildren before I die!"
"I tried it..."
"W-what?" he cried out, color completely draining from his face.
"I tried doing it, but then Alexis' face got really red and she punched me," he rubbed his sore shoulder. "Why'd you think she did that?"
Mr. Sakuya groaned. For all his genius, his son didn't have a single strand of common sense, especially when it came to women. "Let me tell you something very important, Kira: offspring means the same thing as baby."
"Oh..." realization hit Kira. "So why was Alexis mad?"
Mr. Sakuya refrained from the urge to rub his forehead. "Because, well... You see, making offspring" since that was the term Kira was used to "only happens when the two people are married and love each other very, very much."
"But I do love her!"
He nearly choked on his own saliva. "You do?" Since when did kindergarteners (he should've been in Pre-K, but the school was so ecstatic at having him that they let him into kindergarten when the places for Pre-K were all taken) fall in love?
"Yeah!" Kira grinned enthusiastically.
His father waited for an elaboration, like loving her as a friend. But he had no such luck. "So you...love her?"
"Uh huh! I'm going to marry her someday!" this time, he did choke on his own saliva. Call him old-fashioned, but back in his days, kids thought about education and their social interactions were with friends and family. Now, which one of those three keywords were marriage or potential lovers? Sure, he heard from his colleagues that kids grow up fast, but he didn't expect Kira to grow up this fast or in this way.
"I see..." He veered off the odd and uncomfortable subject (hey, he did the "where do babies come from" talk; he wasn't going to do the "who do you like" or the "don't have underage sex" talks). "So, now you know about babies. Anyways, you'll have to go to school in a while, so get ready, okay?"
"One more thing dad."
"What about the stork?"
"Er..." Maybe he shouldn't have stressed the "don't lie" rule so heavily.