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Despair
By
Janewaygirl (also known as Emily)
A more detailed summary: Janeway and Lieutenant Justin Mathers are abducted by hostile aliens who want Voyager, and to get Voyager they need Janeway's command codes. She is subjected to cruel torture by the alien's twisted leader, Arkayus. While Kathryn and Justin are imprisoned, they share stories of their lives and form a close friendship that could become something more. Will Voyager be able to rescue them before it's too late, or will Janeway break before they can find them. This story is quite dark, but there will be a happy ending. There will be J/C, and J/JM. Please note that Justin Mathers is my own creation, and is not the same Justin from Mosaic. His last name is Tighe.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fic, and please review and tell me what you think at the end! I need to know if I'm doing okay... Plus they give me insperation
xoxo
- Emily :)
She was debating on whether or not to send out a few shuttles and the flyer to try and locate some Dilithium, but dismissed the idea as they hadn’t picked up signs with their sophisticated Astrometrics lab. Once they had picked up traces, she would send them. She got up, and rubbed her aching back. First thing when I get back to my quarters, I’m taking a bath, she thought to herself. Just as she stood up, her door chimed. “Come in,” she called. She looked up to see Chakotay. She smiled briefly at him, and looked at the PADD he was carrying. Her heart sank. Not another! She still had six to go over, and three to write. Even she couldn’t keep up with this pace. She grimaced, and Chakotay caught it. He glanced at her, taking in her appearance. She looked very tired, and slightly ill. She had dark circles under her eyes. He looked at her with concern. By the looks of her, she hadn’t slept much for the past few days, and he guessed that she had given up coffee for a while.
“It’s another report I’m afraid,” he told her grimly.
She sighed, and answered, “What’s it on this time?”
“It’s B’Elanna’s engineering update. She’s estimated that we have four more days left before our Dilithium supply is gone. Harry and Seven still haven’t come up with something,” Chakotay told her, looking serious. His brown eyes were filled with tiredness and worry. She guessed that he was having trouble sleeping too.
She nodded, resigned. “Thank you, Commander. I’m thinking of sending away teams to collect the Dilithium once Seven and Harry have located a source. That way Voyager can just stand still until we get back. We won’t loose as much Dilithium.”
Chakotay nodded in agreement. She rubbed her eyes, and took the extended PADD. She noticed him watching her. She quickly responded, “If that’s all…?”
“Captain, are you alright? You don’t look well,” Chakotay asked, concern in his voice evident.
“What? Oh, I’m fine,” she replied, distractedly.
“Are you sure? You look exhausted.”
“Really, I’m fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have reports to look over and write. I’ll be in my quarters.”
He nodded, but he still looked concerned. She picked up six or seven PADDS that scattered her desk, and headed out the door. Chakotay followed behind her, and sat down at his seat on the bridge. He opened his personal computer console beside him, and began working. Kathryn walked up to the turbolift, and exited the bridge.
Gazing into the mirror, she was greeted by a pale, drawn face, with short brown hair hanging lankly around it. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she did look ill. No wonder Chakotay was worried about me, she though. I look a mess. When the bath had finished running, she eased her body into the hot water, and closed her eyes. The water felt heavenly after days of back aching work. I have to do this more often, she though absently. Sinking lower into the tub, she allowed her mind to wander. She imagined she was back on earth, lying in the middle of a cornfield in Bloomington Indiana where she grew up. There was a light breeze and it felt so peaceful. She was looking up at the deep blue sky. She could almost smell the grass and flowers around her, could almost hear the insects flying around. It was heavenly. She was vaguely aware that the bath water was growing colder, and that she was slipping deeper and deeper into her day dream. A chirping noise interrupted her reverie, and she jumped slightly at the intrusion. Little splashes of water went on the floor. She groaned as she realized it was her commbadge. Couldn’t she have at least fifteen minutes to herself?
“Chakotay to Janeway.”
Groaning, she unwillingly lifted herself out of the cooling bath, and grabbed a towel. Wrapping it around herself, she picked up her commbadge that was lying on top of her folded uniform, and slapped it.
“Janeway here, what is it?”
“We’ve located a supply of Dilithium ore about five light years from here.”
A sigh of relief escaped her, and she suddenly felt hopeful.
“Excellent, set a course. I’ll join you on the bridge in ten minutes, Janeway out.”
Despite having to leave her bath, she felt better than she had in days. They had found a supply of Dilithium. Relief flooding through her, she dried herself, and quickly donned her uniform. With one last look at her bathwater, she exited the bathroom, promising herself that she would come back later for it, and re-heat it. As she passed her desk on the way out of her quarters, she noticed the stack of reports waiting for her. She quickly tried to push them out of her mind; the Dilithium was first priority now. Stopping outside of her quarters at the computer panel that was built into the deck wall, she checked the ship’s supply of Dilithium. They only had enough to go three of those light years. She sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Oh well, she thought, I’ll just have to take a shuttle for the last two light years.
Arriving on the bridge, she called “report”.
Chakotay looked up, and smiled at her, looking happier than he had in days. “As I said, we’ve located a supply of Dilithium. It’s located on the fourth planet of a binary system. It appears to be uninhabited. Unfortunately, Voyager can only go three of those, so we’ll need to assemble away teams to take shuttles,” Chakotay informed her.
She nodded, smiling back, “thank you Commander. I’ll work on assembling the away teams. Tell Harry and Seven, good work.” With that she strode off to her ready room. Chakotay nodded, and turned back to his console, and started tapping away at it.
In her ready room, she picked up a new PADD, and started making a list of away teams. There would be three; an Alpha team, a Beta, and a Gamma. She would lead the first, Tom the second, and B’Elanna the third. She pulled up a list of the crew, and tried to locate the members who hadn’t been on an away mission in a while. It was only fair to give them a small break from ship’s duties, even if it was a Dilithium collection mission. She at least felt that that was better than her work at the present. She was so sick of the reports.
She narrowed the list to three people, one for each team. Tal Celes hadn’t been on one for a while, and neither had an engineering lieutenant named Justin Mathers. She also selected a young ensign named Brian Anderson who worked in stellar cartography. She assigned each of them a team, and then went to the bridge to give it to Chakotay. He could brief them. He didn’t have as much work as she did. She briefly felt guilty, but managed to push that thought away by thinking back to her overcrowded desk. She had a feeling that she wasn’t going to get much sleep that night.
“Here are the teams, Commander. We leave tomorrow at 1600 hours. Do you mind briefing the away teams?” she asked, handing him the PADD.
“Of course, Captain.” He glanced down at the teams, and looked up in surprise. Damn it, she’s going on another one. I think I’m going to face a court martial at home for letting her go on so many… I’m supposed to be protecting her.
“You’re going too?” he asked her, trying to sound innocent. He couldn’t help feeling apprehensive.
“Yes, I’d like the chance to stretch my legs. Problems,” she asked him sweetly, but there was a hint of steel in her tone. He is not going to stop me going on this mission, she thought.
Hell, she’s using that tone of voice with me, thought his life outside of the brig, he hastily replied, “Uh, no, just try to be careful please. It’s my job to protect you, remember?” he finished lamely.
“How could I forget,” she replied, smiling at him. “Afraid I’m going to crash the shuttle? If I remember what you told me correctly, it’s an uninhabited system. I’ll be fine. Besides, you’re the one with the bad shuttle loss record, not me, remember?” she finished, grinning at him.
Chakotay reddened slightly, and heard a small chuckle coming from the helm, which was quickly turned into a cough when he noticed both commanding officers looking at him.
Clearing his throat, Tom said, “Sorry captain, commander, I’ve got a bit of a cold.”
Kathryn heard a snort that came from the Ops station. Harry Kim quickly looked down at his console, his face was visibly red. Kathryn tried hard not to laugh, trying to maintain the captain mask. She quickly turned to Chakotay and said, “I’m going back to my quarters now. Please keep me informed if anything new comes up, otherwise I’ll see you tomorrow,” she finished.
“Good night, and get some sleep. You look like you need it,” he answered, with a smile.
She nodded, and exited the bridge. She intended to re-heat her bath, and look over a few reports, then have a light meal and finish some more. She knew she would need some sleep for the away mission tomorrow, but it as only a Dilithium collection. Once the reports are finished, she would go to sleep, Kathryn decided.
That night he had a dream about her. She was chained to some kind of metal bed, and she was in terrible shape. Her face was dirty, and covered in cuts and bruises. There were tear tracts that ran from her eyes to around her lips. Her eyes were closed, and she appeared to be unconscious. Her uniform was singed and in tatters, and there was a ripped, blood soaked area around her right thigh. Then a man appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. He had freakily red eyes, and was wearing a black robe. Chakotay couldn’t tell what species he was. The figure loamed over Kathryn, bent down, and placed his lips on the side of her neck, and starting giving her love bites. He laughed, as her eyes flicked open, and she quickly tried to move away, but she couldn’t move far enough. The restraints made sure of that. Her eyes squeezed shut, a look of disgust on her face. ‘Its over, my dear’ the figure whispered menacingly.
“NO!” Chakotay woke up, his heart racing. He was covered in sweat, and he had tears in his eyes. He dearly hoped that this nightmare was just playing with his current emotions. Seeing Kathryn like that tore him up inside. He was a wreck. His hands were shaking, and his breathing was fast. Moving out of bed, he headed to his bathroom, and pulled his sink out. Water ran from the far edge of the basin, and a small light illuminated the mirror. He cupped his hands underneath the flow, and splashed his face a few times with the cool water. He had to get a grip. She would be fine. It was a standard away mission, and the system was uninhabited for God’s sake. As he sank back down on his pillows, he couldn’t help but see the image of her tortured body.
- Emily
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