|Pets and Nobodies Don't Mix
Author: Oneshadedarker PM
Like water and oil, pets and nobodies just don't mix. Unfortunately, no one ever told that to Demyx. [Axel x Demyx]Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Axel & Demyx - Words: 1,865 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 2 - Published: 06-24-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3005895
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: Pets and Nobodies Don't Mix
Character(s): Axel and Demyx
Warnings: Axels mouth and the abuse of animals. Hey, it wasn't my fault; Axel's just violent like that.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts and make no profit from its name and characters.
A/N: Inspired by my own adventures with my long deceased parrot Pagi. Even in the grave I won't let him lie in peace…oh well. I'll make it up to him later. For now, enjoy.
Having a parrot around did prove one thing though. Regardless of what Barbossa, Jafar, or Simba say, wearing a colorful bird on your shoulder does not make you manly. But if you can train it well enough, you can be annoying in surround sound. Now Demyx could be aggravating from two places at once…oh joy.
And now here he was, staring at the animal and his pet –he'll leave you to decide which is which- eating cereal with a vibrant Toucan Sam on the box cover-irony had yet to stop laughing- and trying not to twitch. Since the parrots arrival the stupid thing had been nothing but a pest.
Don't get him wrong though. It had been incredibly entertaining to see their imposing leader get smacked in the side of the head by a random ball of feathers –it had no sense of direction whatsoever- or Larxene run out of the bathroom naked with a parrot pecking at her lathered hair –apparently, it also lacked basic eyesight-or to see it bonk into every Dusk, wall, chair, desk and rack in existence –so its pretty safe to say it's earned an enemy or two-. But it only got you so far before 'Polly want a blowjob' outgrew its humor.
That's when you got down to the basics of the matter, a bird who merely breathed, blinked, twitched and crapped. Already half the Organization filled the quota –Larxenes strangle holds make Axel twitch all the damn time, Zexion blinks…popular opinion anyway… and Xemnas hyperventilates every time Kingdom Hearts does a nightlight and flickers which is kind of like breathing -so why did Demyx want it?
Not that I care…cause I don't. I just don't see the appeal of having something with the IQ of melting butter around. Demyx does a good enough job in that department already.
"He adds color to the place Axel. Come on, give him a chance. For me?" Demyx asked, a pout on his lips and pleading in his eyes. Axel could ignore it, should for the sake of sanity but instead only vaguely nods, flinching when Demyx transferred the bird onto his shoulder. Even Axel had to admit it was majestic, plumage proudly displayed in brushstrokes of green, red and blue, eyes alert and wings spreading intermittently in predatory defiance. Maybe the thing wasn't so bad…or so he thought until it decided to crap all over his coat.
"Um…opps?" Not the best save but at this point, he was fighting a losing battle. Biting his lower lip and simultaneously trying to transfer the parrot to his shoulder should Axel accidentally combust, Demyx quickly walked away, only breaking into a run when he saw a chakram whiz past his ear, embedding itself in the wall beside him.
If anyone found a screeching parrot flying wildly by peculiar, the sight of an angry Axel and a screaming Demyx was enough to set things into perspective. At least it was never boring in the World That Never Was.
Axel sat at the foot of his bed, absorbed in a wild ribbon of flame he skillfully wound between his fingers when his door slammed open, bouncing off the wall in protest. Abruptly, he sat up, facing an angry aqua glare. Demyx walked inside-like he owned the damn place, prick that he was- and roughly shoved Axel against the bed, sitting on his waist and placing both hands on either side of the pyromaniacs head.
If Axel had to guess this would be Stage One: Ignoring personal space in the heat of anger.
"Alright, where is he?" Demyx hissed, looking around the pyromaniac's room in suspicious assertion. Axel tried to buck him off but came to the surprising discovery that Demyx was strong, tenacious and would probably castrate him if he so much as blinked the wrong way. Axel being Axel, ignored the technicalities.
"I can't read your mind asswipe. Talk in complete sentences. Where's who?"
"You know who!" Axel rolled his eyes. Damn it, if he was going to put up with this type of bullshit the very least he should be allowed is to sleep through it. Then again, he didn't trust Demyx enough to close his eyes just yet.
"If I did I wouldn't be asking you…shit, common sense is not one of your greatest virtues is it?"
"Stop changing the subject. Where's my parrot?"
"How the fuck should I know where it is? And why do you have to automatically assume I had something to do with it!" Axel shouted, indignant at being accused. Wasn't it bad enough he was blamed for the basic destruction of anything that moved, thought, breathed and existed? Sure, he usually was responsible, but the point is it's rude to accuse the right people for the wrong crimes.
"You're the one with a vendetta against half the universe. Why the fuck shouldn't I suspect you?"
Well, that was fun. And now they'd completely bypassed Stage One and moved to Stage Two: Cursing at Axel for no goddamn reason.
"Because I was out scouting the entire day with you remember?"
Demyx paused, his mouth closing on his rebuke. After a minute of trying to piece the information together he seemed to lose his irritation, rolling over until he was lying next to the pyromaniac on the bed.
"I've looked all over the castle and nobody's seen him. Where do you think he went?"
"Maybe he flew out a window or something and got back home…this isn't a place for animals Demyx, this is barely a place for Nobodies. The living should be with the living and the Nobodies should be with their own kind."
Demyx sighed, shifting until he was lying flush against Axel's side. This one Axel had affectionately labeled Stage Three: Making Axel feel awkward as hell.
"It's just…I missed it you know? Having something alive and warm and colorful, someone who looked like he listened. It made me feel kinda normal."
Axel snorted, absentmindedly running his fingers through dirty blonde hair. "Demyx, having a parrot does not make you normal. A puppy sure, a cat okay, but a parrot is a persons cry for help."
Demyx smiled, easing himself on one elbow to look over at Axel. Instinctively, Axel knew that whatever was about to come out of Demyx's mouth was not something he was going to like. "Admit it, you were jealous."
Axel glared, smacking Demyx in the back of the head. "Please, of what?"
"Of my parrot. All you ever did was glare at it or complain about how I spent too much time with it. Only jealous or schizophrenic people behave like that…um, you're not schizophrenic right? Because that would explain a lot of things…"
Axel took it as his cue to stare incredulously before lying back, taking his pillow and trying to choke himself. Damn the needlessness of air. In the end, he simply smacked said pillow into Demyx's face as his form of –get the fuck out- but Demyx, being immune or just plain oblivious, took it to mean –start a pillow fight- and proceeded to beat the crap out of Axel.
Though Axel would never admit it, he felt content to have Demyx to himself again. As if reading his mind Demyx had grinned, winking at Axel. "Don't worry, it wouldn't have lasted anyway. I can only keep one pet at a time."
For that, Demyx earned a particularly nasty pillow strike and the answer to all his questions.
Stomping toward the door he threw it open, coming face to gun with Xigbar. Looking back to make sure Demyx was asleep he stepped out into the hallway, gently closing the door and motioning for the other to be quiet. He noted the strong smell of seasoned meat floating around, an unusual occurrence to be sure and wondered why it smelled so familiar.
"I did as you asked. Not like I honestly want to know the thought process behind this entire fiasco but since you're involved I'll just let it die." Xigbar shrugged, outstretching his hand expectantly. Axel reached into his coat pocket, withdrawing a small bag he handed over.
"Here's the reward. A weapon upgrade for that monster of yours." Axel gave the rifle a sidelong glance, raising an eyebrow when the other began to pet said weapon and deeming the entire organization insane. First parrots, now rifles. Soon they'd have him doing it, he just knew it.
"Nice doing business with ya kid." Xigbar made a happy salute, wandering down the hallway toward his own quarters. Axel opened his door when Xigbar called him back, a reflective and almost amused look on the Freeshooters face.
"Did you know parrots taste like chicken?"
Note to self: Convert Demyx into a vegetarian and avoid the cafeteria for a few days…just in case.