|Lost & Found
Author: SF Heinig PM
Dave and Kevin along with a wonderful cameo by Bruce are up to their old absurd funny ways!Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Parody - Words: 993 - Published: 06-26-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3010474
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
An upscale hotel. The lobby is deserted. A middle-aged businessman, Mike Roberts (played with exceptional comic wit by Dave Foley) approaches the hotel clerk (who is played with comically drool enthusiasm by Kevin McDonald). The hotel clerk looks up as Mikewas about to ring the courtesy bell.
"No need, Sir." The clerk quickly stated before Mike tapped the bell.
"Hello." Mike said smiling.
"Can I help you, Sir?" The clerk asked.
"I seem to have misplaced something." Mike said (in that Dave Foley aw-shucks sort of repartee way.)
"Yes, Sir. I completely understand. Have you tried checking our Lost & Found?" The clerk asked.
"No. No I haven't." Mike said hopefully.
"Just a moment, Sir." Mike said smiling before ducking down under the counter to retrieve a small cardboard box marked, Lost & Found.
"Here we are, Sir."
Mike took a moment going through the box of small items (e.g., jewelry, keys, coins, oven mitts, etc.) Mike looked disappointed and mildly frustrated.
"No, no, no. They're just not here."
"They, Sir?" The clerk looked slightly confused.
"My family. I seem to have misplaced, my family..." Mike responded with further frustration.
"You're family? Perhaps, I'm not understanding correctly, Sir." The clerk responded with puzzlement.
"Oh, wait. I have a picture..."
Mike pulled a photograph of his family from his wallet. He handed it to the clerk.
The clerk studied the photo of Mike and his family (wife, young daughter and son) before handing it back.
"I see now, Sir. Have you tried checking our really big Lost & Found?"
"No. No I haven't." Mike stated with renewed hope.
"Follow me, Sir." The clerk said with a smile.
A door marked THE REALLY BIG LOST & FOUND ROOM.
The clerk unlocked the door and flicked on the lights. The really big lost and found room (which was the size of a warehouse at a Home Depot) was stocked with a variety of people that all appeared motionless, frozen like mannequins while engaged in various activities.
"Ah, is this your family, Sir?"
"No, that's a group of senior citizens eating pudding, during an episode of Mattlock."
A group of seniors are seated at table in their pajamas eating pudding. A still shot of Mattlock inside the courtroom is frozen on the nearby tube.
"Hmmm...aw, what about them, Sir?" The clerk asked pointing.
"No, those are female super models in bikinis."
A group of super models with frozen smiles seemed to be laughing while in the middle of a volleyball game.
"I won't say anything, Sir. It'll be our little secret." The clerk whispered to Mike.
"No. I think I'd like my family back, but thanks." Mike said smiling.
"As you wish, Sir." The clerk said smiling back.
The clerk and Mike walked further into the expanse of the lost and found room.
They passed by a magician sawing his assistant in half, a Milkman delivering milk to a housewife; and an Apache Indian scalping a terrified settler.
The clerk suddenly stopped in front of two men cutting down a palm tree.
"Could this be your daughter, Sir?"
"No, those are clearly two lumberjacks destroying the last palm tree
in the Ecuadorian rain forest."
"But, are you sure, Sir?" The clerk asked unconvinced.
Mike sat down on a box and pulled a lumberjack onto his knee.
"No, this isn't my daughter. She clearly had less stubble."
"Don't you have two children, Sir?"
Mike shoved the lumberjack off of his knee and stood.
"Yes, I also have a son." Mike responded.
"Hmmm... Could that be your boy over there?" The clerk said after scanning the room.
"No. I could see how you would think that though. But that's obviously a farmer and his prize winning hog.".
The farmer smiled holding a blue ribbon in one hand, while his hog is ate from a
tray of slop.
"Of course. I see it now." The clerk said as he squinted his eyes.
"They just don't seem to be here..." Mike said in a hopeless tone.
"And you're sure they're not goats, Sir?" The clerk asked.
Mike took out the picture of his family again and studied it for a moment.
"Nope. They are not goats." Mike finally proclaimed.
"Have you tried talking with our staff? Perhaps our bell hop, Sanchez, has seen your family, Sir." The clerk tried to offer.
"No. Do you think I could?
"Follow me, Sir." The clerk said again smiling.
Inside the staff break room, Sanchez the bell hop was having a cup of tea.
"Sanchez?" The clerk said entering.
Sanchez stood, snapping to attention; he had a nervous twitch to his eyes and a slight stutter (obviously Sanchez is really Bruce MucCulloch in a hilariously ethnically stereotypical supporting role!)
"Yes, yes si, Sir?" Sanchez said fearfully.
"Have you seen, Mr. Roberts family, Sanchez?" The clerk asked with mild gusto.
"Room two, two dos B, I remember. No, no I haven't, sir. Have you tried
questioning the new morning staff though? Perhaps they could shed
much light on this El mysterio."
"New morning staff"? The clerk asked with great confusion.
"Si, they just started this morning out in the mucho breakfast lounge."
Meanwhile In the mucho breakfast lounge are the Roberts' family, the boy was
in a chef's uniform behind the buffet table flipping omelets; while Mrs. Roberts dressed as a waitress was busy taking orders -- and the daughter was
in a hostess' gown seating customers.
Mike and the clerk rushed into the lounge...
"I'm sorry, sir. They must have gotten mixed up
with the kitchen staff somehow -- is they're anyway
the hotel can reimburse you for your trouble?"
Mike thinks for a moment.
"Well I'm just famished. How about an omelet?"
"That I can help you find, Sir." The clerk said with an uproars chuckle that Mike joined in on.