A/N: I’ve edited the previous chapters that’s why it took me this long to update. This chapter is the longest so far. I hope you’ll enjoy reading this. Please leave a review and let me know what you think. I will edit this when I have the time. Happy holidays, everyone!

Chapter 8: Lake

Cloud:

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Everything I did was wrong. Everything I did was stupid. How could I manage to screw up everything in my life without so much as my own effort? How could I just let you walk out the door? How could I just stand here for the longest time and let you go?

Forgive me...

Forgive me for hurting you, for letting you go, for not being strong enough to save you from this cruel, cruel fate. I tried, Aeris, gods know I tried but it seems like I failed again. I could not save anyone, not you, not me. I could not do anything and I curse myself for being stupid and worthless all over again.

You have no idea how painful it was for me to deal with your death. You have no idea how my heart shattered as I held you lifeless in the altar. I found temporary distraction in my quest for revenge but after everything had come to pass, after I had killed Sephiroth in the Northern Crater, your memories came flooding back. If there was anything I have realized I wanted so much in my life, it was you. But you had been taken away so cruelly from me...and I am threatened to undergo the same torment as I once had. I don’t think I can take it. Tell me how I can survive your loss for a second time.

After minutes of being glued to where I stand, I finally get the strength to move, to face the darkness and look for you. I run. I run and I search and I scream your name. Where are you, Aeris? Don’t go. I want you back. I will support you in whatever you want, I just want us to be together at the end of the line.

I pant, my legs threatening to give way due to weariness. I have run a good distance from Gongaga, have searched for you everywhere I can. I’m late, maybe a bit too late when I have managed to summon the courage to follow you out the door. The realization is dawning upon me now. I have lost you for the second time.

I drop to my knees and silently weep for everything I have done.

“Cloud...Cloud...” I yell your name in the hopes that you will answer. “Cloud...Aeris...”

Only the crickets answer my call. Why now? Why must everything go wrong now? I walk further into the forest, ducking under a few overhanging branches. “Cloud?”

Where are you, damnit! My fist connects violently with an ill-fated tree trunk and the force causes it to lean over, sending birds and crickets flying frightfully in surprise. I desperately want to hold you right now. Now while you are weak and vulnerable and needing my help. Now while I can still be of help, when I am not as expendable as I can’t help but feel when she’s around.

I’m worried sick, Cloud, because I know you are not strong enough when it comes to things like these. What will you do? Where will you go? You need a shoulder to lean on, a friend to bring you comfort. I am here, Cloud. I am here...but why do you run the other direction?

A gleam of your blade catches my eye and I run to where you are. You are making your way back to Gongaga, dragging the buster sword carelessly behind you, eyes cast down to the ground.

“Cloud...”

“It’s over, Tifa,” you say, not once turning to my direction.

I walk closer to you. “Cloud, what happened?”

You shake your head. “Nothing,” you deadpanned. “Let’s just get this done and over with.”

“Where’s Aeris?” I ask.

You look at me this time, eyes swollen, face dirt-stricken. “She’s gone,” it was hardly any louder than a whisper.

You resume walking. I place a gloved hand over yours and you stop your feet from covering further distance. “Let’s look for her,” I tell you.

You shake your head and continue your pace.

I place a tentative hand on your shoulder. “I’m here, Cloud. I’ll listen.”

“So listen and listen well,” you say harshly as you turn to me with obvious irritation. “I’m a fucking monster. It’s my fault Vincent’s dying. It’s my fault why Aeris will die. It’s my fault that everything is so fucked up and no matter what you say it’s not going to change the fact that I’m losing the woman I love!”

I shake my head at how pitiful you seem with your words. “What are you talking about? Can you hear yourself, Cloud? Stop blaming yourself for everything.”

“Then who do I blame? Time? Fate? I came back but I couldn’t do anything right,” you say. “You don’t know what’s going on, you have no right to tell me what to do. So just go away, I don’t want to see any of you.”

I am angry now. Never before have you spoken rude words to me. “Then tell me! You never talk to me, how can I know if you won’t tell me?”

“You want to know everything? This is everything,” you spit out. “I’m a fucking experiment, one of Sephiroth’s clones, infused with cells from Jenova. I’m a horrible monster! I let my best friend die. I let the woman I love die. I killed Sephiroth thrice but that bastard just won’t fucking give up. We live in Edge and you want nothing more than for us to be a family but I can’t settle for that so I left. I came back in time to be with Aeris and now I’m losing her all over again and right now I could die and I won’t mind.”

I feel the pain lacing your words, notice the way your eyes cast downwards every time you mention your dreadful state. You have been shrouded with strife all your life and now is no different. I couldn’t fully comprehend what you just said but I know it all boils down to one fact...you love her too much. I bite my lip at the searing pain of jealousy that has invaded upon this thought.

“You haven’t lost her yet,” I say.

“You don’t know that,” you shrug me off, continuing your way towards town.

I run to your front and stop you. “Then you’ll go moping around like you always do? You’ll just give up? She’s out there and she may be in danger and you will just give up, just like that? What the hell is wrong with you?”

You just ignore me and continue your way.

“You make mistakes, you learn from them. You fall, you stand up again. This is not you, Cloud. Why give up now when there is still much you have to do?”

“Leave. Me. Alone.” You snarl as you sidestep to avoid me. You walk faster this time.

I ball my hands to fists. Someone needs to knock some sense back into your head and fast. I won’t stand being ignored and pushed into the background anymore. It is time you listen. It is time I make you listen. And I know of only one way to get your full attention.

I run towards you and with a quick hand that you do not have the presence of mind to dodge, I throw you to the ground as I kick your legs beneath you. You fall on your back and I take this opportunity to pin you to the ground.

“You know I won’t leave you alone. You should know by now there is nothing you can do to get rid of me. You can ignore me, leave me, pretend that I don’t exist all you want but you’ll never get rid of me. Not until you get some sense back into that thick skull of yours,” I tell you.

You are breathing heavily. “You think this is easy for me? You think it’s easy to accept my defeat?”

“You haven’t lost!” I shout. “This isn’t a game. There are so many things we still have to do. We have Aeris to protect, a planet to save. Don’t you dare give up now.”

“I’ll fucking kill Sephiroth to save this damned planet if that’s what you want,” you shout back at me.

“How about Aeris? You’ll just give up on her like that? I thought you...I thought...”

I thought you love her...

You shake your head. “I can’t do anything. She abhors me. She hates me and she’s dying. There’s nothi-”

Shutupshutupshutup!

I slam my fist to the ground a mere inch from your head, the ground echoing with the strength of my punch. “Shut up, Cloud. Think hard of what you’re going to say next or I won’t think twice about knocking your teeth off,” I threaten, hoping you can see the determination in my eyes.

Silence stretches between us for the longest time until you speak again. “Help me, Tifa,” you whisper. “Help me save her. Please. I can’t do it alone. Help me...like you always do.”

I nod slowly. “I’ve got your back, remember?”

“Thank you,” you whisper. As I stare into your mako eyes I feel the world shatter around us. I couldn’t help but lean closer, the pull of your gaze sending me to a world that only consists of us. I have wanted to do this for so long. Have dreamt of this far too many times to ignore the need I feel in my heart. I lean closer and closer and...

This is wrong...

I close my eyes before I get lost any further in your eyes. I get off of you as fast as I can. Wish as I may, I’m not the one in your heart. I could pretend all I want but it’s not going to change the facts. I feel my eyes start to well with tears as I walk away.

I hear you call after me. I stop momentarily.

“I’m sorry, Tifa. I just couldn’t stay with you in Edge.”

“It’s alright, Cloud, it’s okay,” I appease your revolting spirit. I do not fully understand what you are talking about but right now I know that you can never commit a sin I could not forgive. I love you, Cloud, and for you there is nothing I could not be.

With every step I take further into the woods, I feel my guts revolt and the weight in my chest double. I have a duty, a duty I must do no matter what. I have decided long ago that the planet will always come first, but why do I suddenly feel that what I am doing is wrong? Why has everything gone out of hand the moment you came? Why do I suddenly think twice about saving the planet because I am afraid it will bring you pain?

You have suffered way too much already, but why do I bring you even more pain? You’re just confused, just pressured and even though I have known you’ve been suffering I have left you still. You have nothing but good intentions, have wanted nothing but the safety of the group yet I accuse you of being selfish. If we’re both suffering right now it’s not entirely your fault. I, too, am at fault. I love you but I’m afraid I haven’t done my part. All you want from me is my understanding and I have deprived you of it when you need it most. If you’ve done wrong by doing too much then I have done wrong by doing too little.

I am confused too, you see? I don’t know what the right course of action is. Is this right? Is leaving you to ensure the planet’s safety the right course to take? Or should I just come back to you and forget everything that has been threatening to keep us apart?

What do I do, where do I go? I don’t know the answer and I couldn’t help but cry.

As the voices lead me to the end of the forest, my feet come to a halt. Even as I stare at the beautiful horizon my thoughts still come back to you. Why am I here? Why am I here when I promised you I’d never leave? I’d never go anywhere alone, right? I promised that to you so many times yet I am here, alone, planning to go far away without you.

I couldn’t take another step. My heart won’t let me. I made a promise. You need me, you need me now more than ever. And I need you.

‘You’ll understand, right? A little delay won’t matter, would it?’I tell the voices in my head as I turn to run back.

Wait for me, Cloud, I am sorry I ever doubted. I am sorry I almost let go. There’s no getting off the train we’re on, right? I promise I’d be there with you until the end of the road.

It’s eight in the morning when I hear violent pounding on my door. “You planning to sleep all day, you spikey fool?!” Barret shouts through the door as he mercilessly pounds on it. I have only arrived an hour earlier from our search, Tifa and I have decided after several hours of fruitless search that we had to go back to get some sleep before the group continues the journey towards the Forgotten City. I haven’t had a decent sleep in days and in my state of emotional havoc, Barret’s tirade against the door is the last of my needs. I reluctantly get up, the soil and dirt from the previous night still clinging to my clothes and skin. I did not have the strength to even make use of a shower.

“What?!” I open the door to find the Avalanche leader looking at me with a disapproving gaze.

“The sun’s already way up! We’re on a schedule, we’ve got a planet to save and yer still sleeping your ass off?! We don’t have all fuckin’ day!” Barret starts. The man can come up with a litany of all the things he thinks I’m doing wrong if he wants to.

I let out a deep breath. “I’m coming, quit your yelling,” I say right before I close the door to his face.

Barret does not depart without leaving an angry kick at my door. It’s the usual. Somehow, we always manage to get on each other’s nerves. I stare at the bed as I press my back on the door. I imagine you in it, wrapped within the sheets, grinning at me as I sigh in relief because of another close call. ‘One of these days, we’re really gonna get caught,’ you’ll always say and I’ll come to you with a kiss and say, ‘then you should really stop following me here.’ You’ll narrow your eyes at me and we’ll argue playfully about who started it first, who suggested it, who forced who to cast sleep magic on Tifa and Yuffie before sneaking out, who coaxed Nanaki to sleep on the couch outside and other childish, sometimes even desperate, things we do to be together right under their noses. And somehow, even though you fear so much of being walked in on, you always stay until the break of dawn. In the morning, you’re always gone, silently tucked in your own bed as if nothing happened at all.

I let my lips curve up at the memory before I tear my eyes off the empty bed. Will there be more of such memories? I couldn’t help but wonder. But you’re gone now...you’ve left me. Left me to wallow and ponder on the improbable future I’ve planned for us, to remember how lonely the future will be without you by my side. I shake my head to get rid of the nostalgic atmosphere that has invaded and make my way to get a much needed shower.

A few minutes later I walk into the kitchen to find Tifa smiling widely at me with a knowing gleam on her eyes. “Good morning, Cloud,” she greets me, still with that wide grin on her face. “Your breakfast is ready.”

I step back warily. “What’s going on?” I ask.

“You’ll see,” she says as she pushes me with a martial artist’s ease right into the dining hall.

My jaw almost drops as I realize what’s going on. I take tentative steps, afraid that I will wake up and realize that it’s just my imagination getting the better of me.

My throat is dry but I manage to get a word out. “Aeris?”

You slowly turn around to gaze at me with your warm emerald eyes and for a quick second, I think I’m going to cry.

The night sky is a black blanket of stars. The branches of white ghostly trees catching the moonlight and trapping it within its hungry grasp. Everything in the city is crystal-like, white, ghostly and pallid amidst the dark.

I place a comforting hand on your shoulder, “what’s the matter, Cloud?”

I follow your thoughtful gaze. You’re staring at the placid lake of the Forgotten City, looking at it with awe and fear. You’ve been gloomier the moment we stepped into the city, have been looking at everything with doleful eyes.

You shake your head. “Nothing, let’s hurry,” you say as you walk to follow the others.

I fix my eyes on the lake. It seems like an emerald blanket of silk, so very still, so very quiet. So very dead. I feel the way it calls on me, feel the goose bumps form on my skin as I stare. The lake is full of stories, a stark contrast from the way it seems. It holds a lot of secrets, of memories of loss and despair. It beckons me to be part of its mystery, demands that my memories meld with its own.

Not yet.

“Not yet,” I murmur before I turn away and run after you.

I am not surprised that you are familiar with the place. You lead us to a little cozy house, show the group the much appreciated beds. We’ll stay here, you say, everyone’s tired and we can afford one more day. I lay sleepless on the bed I share with Yuffie. I just couldn’t sleep with all the voices in my head and with the tension I feel in my chest. I slowly sit up and try to focus my eyes in the darkness.

You cannot sleep too, I can tell. I can feel your fear envelope the whole room and I know your heart is being torn to shreds because of it. I take my blanket and tiptoe my way to where you lay on the cold, hard floor.

I kneel down beside you and you raise a hand to tuck loose strands of my hair behind my ear. “Why aren’t you sleeping?” you ask.

I smile. “Why aren’t you?”

You don’t answer.

I lie down next to you and place my head on your chest. I hear your heartbeat and I hug your fearful self. Hush your heart, Cloud...you haven’t lost me yet.

I embrace you as I close my eyes. “Don’t fear, Cloud. I’m right here,” I whisper. You embrace me tight and I feel my own eyes start welling. So much is waiting to happen. So many choices have to be made. Even until now I’m still confused and apprehensive but for right now I need you to know I am here and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

I place my hand over your tainted eyes and pray. I implore the Higher being to give you beautiful dreams, those of happiness and peace. You’re tired and you’re worried sick...you need a break from all that’s been happening. So close your eyes and dream of delightful things.

Sleep, Cloud, for tomorrow I pray for Holy.

I wake up to find your blanket wrapped around me and with you nowhere in sight. I feel terror suddenly creep in. I get up immediately, afraid of the thoughts that have suddenly befallen my mind. It’s still dark, night and day still in a struggle. I make my way outside with my buster sword strapped to my back. Where have you gone? Why do you always keep me struggling with my heart in my mouth?

I go to the altar to find no signs of you. I return to the house to find you’re still not there. I find you near the lake, staring at it as you hug yourself. I let out a sigh of relief.

“Aeris...”

You turn to me with a cheerless look on your eyes. “Good morning, Cloud,” you greet me as you force a smile and then return your gaze to the lake.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

You do not answer.

I step closer to you and place a hand on your shoulder. “It’s cold here, you might get...”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” you interrupt me. “The lake, it’s beautiful.”

I look at the lake and memories of you sinking into its depths come back to me. I look away. “Yeah...”

“The city too, it’s a bit...different, even scary, but it’s beautiful,” you state.

I nod.

“The voices say this city has been blessed by the ancients. It’s where the ancients used to dwell, where they lived, where they died...” you continue, sadness reflecting in your whole stature. “I’m home, Cloud, this is the place closest to home.”

No, you’re not. Your home is with me...not in this city, not here in this dark, scary place where you once died, not where such ugly memories reside.

You fix your gaze at the water again, “it’s been calling me. Ever since we got here.” You turn to me. “I think I want to know why.”

Before I can protest, you’ve already discarded your jacket and have walked into the water. I watch as the lake slowly swallows your legs and seeps into your dress. You turn back towards me and motions for me to join you in the water.

I shake my head.

You smile at me sadly. “Just this once...” you say as your lips tremble in the cold and already I do not have the heart to say no.

I follow you into the lake, noticing for the first time how cold its water is. I’ve been in this water before, have walked into it to let you sink into your watery grave. There are no good memories in this lake, only those of heartache and pain. I’ve seen the lake countless times, have gone here over and over again to stare at the clear waters that holds the corporal manifestation of the planet’s hope. I have memorized it like the back of my hand, the stones that scattered near the shore, the mesmerizing sight it gives at the coming of dawn, the deafening silence it holds. And yet now that I walk into it and let its water envelope me for a second time, it’s nothing I’ve ever known before.

“I hear the planet clearly here,” you start as I stop wading a few steps away from you. The water is freezing, almost intolerable, making you shiver as you speak. “The voices...they’re louder here...in these waters,” you pause as if to listen. “They’re telling me a lot of things. They...they tell me I belong here. ”

I don’t know what to say. I don’t agree but I can’t tell you this. Don’t listen to the voices, Aeris. The voices are taking you away from me.

“Let’s go back,” my voice is low and commanding.

“Why? You don’t like it here?”

I shake my head. “I don’t like this place, this lake...” This lake, especially.

“I don’t like this place either. I’ve always had dreams about this place, ever since I was young...I’ve watched myself sink into its depths...down where it’s cold, dark and scary,” you say. “I’ve always been afraid of these waters, Cloud.”

I feel my heartbeat quicken its pace. You and this lake, it just doesn’t fit. Not when there’s still so much life in your eyes, not when I’d do anything to make you stay.

You smile at me, genuinely this time. “But with you here, it’s not so scary anymore.”

I stare at you as your smile fades and is replaced by something darker. You look down, the wisps of your auburn hair catching the early rays of sunlight. “I want to keep my promises, Cloud. I really do. But when the time comes that I should leave...”

I close in the gap between us and pull your head to my chest, making waves and ripples with every movement. “Shh...don’t say such things.”

As I hold you I recall painful memories of carrying you in my arms, limp and lifeless in the water as it slowly engulfs you in its deathly embrace. Silent. Bleeding. Dead.

“The voices have never lied to me before,” you murmur into my chest. You pull away a fraction to stare into my eyes. “I want you to promise me one thing, Cloud...”

I shake my head. I’ll love you. Today, tomorrow, for always. That’s the only promise I’ll ever make.

You lift your arms and place it around my neck. You press your cold lips to my ear and softly whisper words that make me shiver in utter fear.

“...promise me you’ll let me go.”

Silence has fallen upon us, deep and suffocating like the way time presses on each of us. With every second that passes, the hammering in my chest grows louder. We are all waiting for something, for something that can come any time, in any way, in a second that could make all the difference between life and death.

From my position in front and nearest the altar, I could see Barret and Yuffie watching the altar from the upper floor by the stones. Barret’s frown is noticeable even at this distance, his eyes wandering around the expanse of the edifice, intent on finding anything amiss. Yuffie is sitting with her legs folded in front of her, her pinwheel in hand. Come any commotion, the ninja is ready to throw her weapon and jump from up high.

Cid is only a few distance away from me, watching the right side of the altar as he puffs his cigarette and holds his spear tightly in hand. Red, the one with the keenest senses, is the only one moving about, trying to pinpoint the location of the danger waiting to pounce.

Cait Sith is huddled in the space nearest you, Cloud. He is Aeris’ first line of defense against you. Having a body of a toy and his master several miles away, his body is the most expendable one. One whose physique is wide enough to block you for some time and one that would not bleed and die with your slash. If we’re lucky, he’d never figure out why he’s there, just right in front of you, with no other designation than to try to stop you if you move without Sephiroth in sight.

And you’re there, far enough from the altar to be stopped when necessary but near enough to render her the protective services you’ve once promised. Your lips are pressed together sulkily and your jaw set with a firmness that boasts of determination. You stand straight with your sword in hand and angled towards the ground, breathing evenly even as fear and trepidation hammers at your heart. Your eyes never leave her kneeling form in the altar.

I squeeze my fists in preparation of what is to come, ready to fight for the friends I love. I stare at Aeris kneeling and praying in the altar, mouth set in a thin line and eyes closed like a trusting child.

Danger is coming, counting the seconds as we keep our hearts from falling off the edge. The hourglass has long been turned and the time you’ve feared is already at hand. There is so much to do with so little time. So much to still fear even when our hearts have long been torn to shreds by the horrors of our past.

We are at our last chance to change the course of fate. The suspense is terrifying and the silence deafening but still we stand our grounds. For the planet’s sake and for the life of a dear friend.

Until the need for action arises, we wait.

So we wait...

...and so I wait...