Dust in the WindBy Misha

Disclaimer- I don't own "Grey's Anatomy", if I did Derek and Meredith would be together, it belongs to people with a lot more money than me. I'm not making any money off of this, so please don't sue me. Thanks.

Author's Note: This is a very AU story. It came to me in a dream. Seriously, it did. It starts at the beginning of Season One and takes things on a very different angle. It's weird and different, but I just couldn't get it out of my head, besides I like the idea of doing something new. I will say this: it's Alex/Meredith and Derek/Addison. I love Derek/Meredith, but I wanted to try something new and as I said, this came to me in a dream. So, I'm trying it. That's all you need to know for now, the rest will be revealed as the story unfolds. That's all, enjoy!

Pairing: Alex/Meredith, Derek/Addison, some Derek/Meredith, Richard/Ellis.

Summery: AU. A different childhood for Meredith leads to a different road and a different love. Meredith/Alex, Addek.

Spoilers: Nothing and everything. It's an AU, so I twist it to suit what I want, but I take details from the first two seasons.

Meredith snuggled closer to the warm body next to her, cuddling her husband's familiar form. After a moment, reality hit and she opened her eyes.

She was supposed to be sleeping alone. Alex wasn't supposed to be there. Yet, when Meredith sat up, she saw the familiar form of her husband and she realized that she was at his apartment, not her house. Oh, so not good. Yes, Alex was her husband, but they had also been separated for the last two months, so waking up together wasn't such a good idea.

"Mere?" Alex asked sleepily, sitting up. "What's wrong?"

"This is wrong." Meredith told him flatly. "I shouldn't be here."

"Mere..." Alex said quietly.

"No." Meredith told him. "We're separated, Alex, that means separation, which means no sex."

Though, they hadn't been so good at that. This was the fourth time she'd ended up in bed with him in the two months they'd been separated.

"I love you." Alex told her quietly. "You love me."

"Yes." Meredith admitted, then she took a deep breath. "You cheated on me, Alex, you're the one that messed up. Not me. Now I need space to try and figure out how to forgive you."

With that, she got out of the bed, taking the sheet with her as she looked for her clothes on the floor. She silently berated herself for letting the night before happen. It was that damned mixer that they'd had to go to last night, she'd ended up having a few drinks
and then Alex had suggested going out for food after and then she'd ended up back at his apartment. Not good.

"We're going to be working together." Alex reminded her quietly. "Have you forgotten?"

"No." Meredith said calmly. "I haven't."

It was problematic that she and her estranged husband would both be starting their internships at Seattle Grace Hospital, but there was nothing she could do about it.

"You haven't forgotten your promise, have you?" Meredith asked him. She didn't want any of their fellow interns to know that they were married, not until she had come to some sort of decision about their future. It was going to be hard enough going in to an internship as the Chief of Staff's daughter, well technically stepdaughter, without adding the drama that was her marriage to the mix. Besides, it wasn't anyone's business.

"No, I haven't." Alex told her dryly. "I don't think our marriage is something we should hide, but I'll keep my promise."

"Thank you." Meredith said quietly, staring into the face of the man she fell in love with five years before.

She loved Alex. Loved him in a way that she hadn't thought she could love anyone. Yet, she still had no idea if that was enough to save their marriage. She had been in a state of emotion turmoil since the night two and a half months before she had learnt of Alex's infidelity.

Her life was a wreck. She was starting the most important stage of her career. She had moved across the country, back to where her family was. Her mother had severe Altzhteimer's and was in a home. Now, her marriage was in severe trouble.

Yes, life was definitely intense these days.

Meredith gathered her clothes in her arms and looked at Alex. "It's just easier if we keep our personal lives separate from work." She told him. "At least, until we make a decision."

"Until you make a decision, you mean." Alex corrected. "I know what I want, Meredith, I want our life together."

"You should have thought about that before you decided to go have sex with some skank." Meredith said bitterly, his betrayal still a raw wound.

"Mere..." Alex said quietly.

"I can't do this now." Meredith said, suddenly realizing that she was standing in her estranged husband's bedroom in a sheet, clutching her clothes as they dissected the state of their marriage. Not the best start to the day. She hurried to the bathroom, wondering what she was going to do with her life.

He had hoped that Meredith agreeing to come home with him last night had been a step in the right direction, but with his wife you never knew. It had to mean something that she was still sleeping with him, but... She was still distant and they were still living apart, nothing solved between them.

Alex hit the punching bag in frustration. He knew the state of the marriage was his fault. He'd screwed up, he knew that. He'd known that immediately, but it had been too late. He'd cheated on his wife and Meredith had found out.

Now the best thing that had ever happened ot him was in danger of slipping away and he didn't know how to fix it. He didn't know how to fix what he had broken, how to reach out to Meredith, but that wasn't a big surprise.

Communication had never been his strong skill or Meredith's. Maybe that was the real reason their marriage was in so much trouble. Oh, Alex knew that his mistake had been the straw that broke the camel's back, the reason Meredith had left him, but the marriage had been in trouble before that.

Maybe they had just been crazy, marrying at the beginning of med school when they'd only known each other a year and that year had been long distance, but it had happened like that. Like being hit by lightning.

The first three years of the marriage went smoothly, then... Well, then they'd hit the speed bumps. Things had just added up, overwhelming them. They'd been in their last year of medical school and there was all that pressure. Meredith's mother's health had been declining quickly and her father was laying pressure on them to move to Seattle for the internship. Then, Alex had failed his boards and had to redo them at the last minute, his internship in jeopardy. That was what had lead him to make a really stupid mistake.

Alex hit the punching bag again. He didn't know how to fix his mistakes. All he knew was that he was in Seattle, a city he didn't particularly like, living in a crappy apartment because he didn't want to settle anywhere permanent until he and Meredith worked things out.

Also, in a few weeks he started his new job working with her every day. With her father as his boss. His life really sucked.

Alex was eager to start his internship, but not so thrilled at the idea of having to pretend he wasn't married. He wanted to work things out with Meredith, not pretend that they had never happened. Yet, now he had to, at least when he was at work, which was going to be most of the time.

He hit the bag again. Yes, his life really sucked.