"Hollow"

Now I'm alone at night
I feel I'm blessed with second sight
We shout and we run away
Why's it always feel this way?
So no one can tell me what it's like to be hollow
'Cause it's a lonely feeling
And when I've blown what's left of my life
The cards will tell me everything's alright
-Hollow, Children on Stun

It's been a very long time since I've considered myself anything more than a hollow man, the perfect killer because I really didn't feel much at all. Nothing for myself, even less for my victims and prey.

Of course I took pleasure in my victories but eventually even those became rather hollow. My reputation made people fear me and that grew boring after a time, only made me burn brighter with hatred. Even those Aquarians at the mines, those elite soldiers rolled over to me; they barely even fought back.

Maggots, worms, and fools, the lot of them….

Until you, that is.

Granted, I still believe that you're an idealistic, naïve little idiot sometimes, but at least you looked me in the eye without fear. Even the Crimson Blade was afraid of me and I honestly don't think that blonde maggot has the sense to know when he is faced with superiority.

When you bested me at the Barqueal Mines and showed me mercy, you awakened something that I'd thought was long gone. I'd rediscovered passion because though I mourned my loss at your inexperienced hand, it was only my injuries that kept me from going after you and demanding to fight again. Of course, I was only interested in you; no matter who struck the last blow, I will only acknowledge you as the victor.

The strange thing is, I didn't want to kill you anymore, fight you, yes, but I wanted so much more…. I wanted to see you, wanted to understand what lay behind those innocent eyes, I wanted to crack you open and know all of your secrets.

I had never intended to get so close and that was why I left without saying good-bye after we drove away the celestial ships. Possessing and dominating you was fine, but I'd never wanted to actually like you.

When those…ships came back, I was compelled to help. I don't even know why, aside from the fact that I would not let my efforts be in vain. Anyway, you were surrounded by a bunch of fools that were willing to die for you, but not a one who would kill for you.

That much I was quite willing to do.

Those maggots were encroaching on my territory, my prey. You can't really blame me. It was as much a matter of honour as it was a matter of….

But I will never forget the way you sounded when you called out my name. What was that tone in your voice that day? Admiration? Amazement? Happiness? It's been a long time since anyone has been happy to see me.

I came with you and your idiot friends because I really was bored. All the political intrigue was making my head hurt and driving me crazy. Between Shelby and Vox and the king's weakness, I was starting to get paranoid, you see. I knew that you could be trusted, though.

The general consensus among your comrades is that your power was the main attraction. Yes, I hear them talking. Amazing how a group of "good" people can pass such harsh judgments, but I digress. Yes, I find it utterly fascinating that you of all people are the incarnation of destruction. It's quite amusing to me, in fact, but I suppose that I'm the only person who could see humour in that.

Yet you are so much more to me.

If I were to merely focus on that, it would make me no better than that so-called Creator, who saw us all as impotent chess pieces in his twisted little game. As I've said, you were the first person who looked beyond that hideous moniker (not to say that I hadn't earned it…). To you I was never 'Albel the Wicked', no matter how cruel and cold I was to you and your friends.

And as obsessed as I was with you, you seemed just as fascinated with me. I will never know why you were so intent to understand me. Perhaps just as I was fascinated with your power and innocence, you were fascinated with the rage and danger that I embodied.

I've figured out that much. You're attracted to danger like moth to a flame. I've seen you in battle; you enjoy it just as much as I do, but for entirely different reasons. You never wanted to tame me, you just wanted to get inside me, you wanted to see how close you could get to the fire without being burned.

But the got burned, didn't you?

I'd never expected that you would initiate the first kiss, but then again, I've always underestimated you just a little bit.

That was the night I was chosen by The Crimson Scourge and you discovered just how damaged I was. Yet you still came to me and offered…What? Your comfort? Your desire? Your love?

I did like the kiss, but you knew that already.

We've shared many kisses now; I think that I might like kissing you almost as much as I like fighting you.

Why you decided to stay with me….

Well, you said it yourself: You love me.

Sentimental little fool.

It would have been safer for you to go with that silly little girl. You broke a lot of hearts that day and yet you didn't back down from your decision, even when they protested it.

I should thank you, but I don't yet know if I should be so happy. You did shatter my entire existence, after all. In the end I suppose it's all rather appropriate. How many lives have I cut short? How many people have I broken down and crushed on my path of carnage?

But instead of punishing and killing me in all your shining self-righteousness, you saved me. You filled me up so that I was no longer so hollow.

I wish that I could hate you for tearing me away from the cold comforts of self-loathing and war.

I can't.

I've tried.

But I keep on returning to your stupid, sweet smile and warm arms. I've run from everyone else who has sought to help or reach out to me, but I can't hide from you.

Finis.