Chapter Six – Dear Diary

Entry no. 1

How does one write in a journal? Does it always start with the words "Dear Diary" or is that bit only mandatory? I don’t really know. But "Dear Diary" sounds a bit too…feminine for my taste. And anyway, this is a journal, not a diary. And I really don't want to write "Dear Journal" because that would also sound highly unlike me.

Faris gave me this journal today. He said he was suppose to give this to me on my birthday next week (I'm turning nine!) but he's going to get adopted today. Bugger.

I already miss that red-headed jerk. Why did he have to go anyway? Now I don't have anyone to play with.

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Harry read what he had written and laughed bitterly. Oh, Faris. Why did you have to leave? You're my friend. And friends are supposed to look out for each other. How are we going to do that if you're not here?

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Entry no. 5

Today's my birthday! Yey! Except that now, there's no one there for me to celebrate with. No one there for me to have fun with. No one.

Oh, I know the nuns are nice and all, and even the bullies ignored me today, but I still miss Faris. Bugger. I wish he was back.

Severus visited today. He still wouldn't tell me anything except perhaps that there is indeed a wizarding world out there. Also he gave me a book. It's called "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" written by Newt Salamander. Oh, wait, actually, its Scamander… Newt Scamander. Honestly, whoever gave the man his name must be psychic or something. I mean, he writes a book after magical beasts and is named after one himself. Unless it's part of some pureblooded tradition that everyone has to act what his or her name entitles. Does that mean I have to be a potter?

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Harry paused, his hand nimbly twirling the pencil that he had been using to write. An image of himself dirtied with clay and mud flashed through his mind. He shuddered. I hope not.

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Sev told me a bit more about the magical world. He said that he couldn't teach me how to use my magic yet because apparently, underage magic is against the law. He did promise to give me a book or, perhaps several, on wizarding rules and traditions and whatnot.

I showed him my journal. He was amused a bit but said that I should stop chewing the pencil I was using to write here. Told me it wasn't good for my dental health. So he said that the next time he visits, he's going to bring me pen or something. And he made me promise to stop chewing.

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Harry stopped writing and was about to close his journal when he frowned. He opened the journal again and started writing.

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You know… now that I'm thinkin' about Sev, a memory surfaced into my mind. It was back then, when we first met. And Faris was still there.

I remembered it clearly, and now that I'm thinking about it… there's something else that happened that day. I don't know if I should tell Sev about it… but the thing is… I think I can hear snakes. I mean, obviously anyone can here a snake hiss, but me, I could hear it speak. I think it said something like: "Two little two-leggers! What a delicious meal you would make." Should I tell Sev or not?

Oh, and I named the wolf pup Hakan. I'm going to research about wolves later and maybe keep track of his growth and stuff. I like him. He's nice.

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Entry no. 43

I hate Charles. He's one of the bigger kids in the orphanage. And the type to go around bullying other people. I know it's probably because he's insecure or had a bad childhood experience or something, but seriously, most of the kids here have the words "bad childhood; been abused, done the angst" written on their foreheads, so what gives him the right to be superior from the rest of us? His age and size, apparently.

I know I did something incredibly wrong and stupid today, but it was better than letting him have his way. I admit it; I set his clothes on fire with my elemental magic. But it was an accident! Honestly!

I can already hear Sev's voice berating me for acting so stupid and losing my control. But I can't help it! He was stealing one of my books! The one Sev gave me for my birthday. Can I help burning my fellow orphan's clothes and possibly bringing about the discovery of the magical world? Of course not, I'm just a kid.

"Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them." It's a really cool book. I was a bit surprised that such animals existed in this planet but then again, I was also surprised when Sev told me that there's a whole wizarding world out there, so, no biggie. I tried to pry him for more information, but he says I'm not of age yet. Hello! I'm already nine. It's not like I'm stupid or something.

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Harry was about to stop writing but he knew there was still something he had left out. With determined eyes, he continued.

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In "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" I found a part about the snake from before; the one that tried to eat little Hakan. It's an Ashwinder. I know it is because when I read the description, it matched the snake from my memories.

I'm having nightmares about that snake. Usually, it would try to eat me in my dreams but sometimes…sometimes its worse. I don't want to talk about it. Even just thinking about it makes me queasy.

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Entry no. 86

Hakan and I played today. He's grown a lot bigger since the Ashwinder accident. I wanted to measure him, but I couldn't think of an excuse so I'll probably have to steal that measuring tape from Sister Mary Ann. I am going to bring it back of course. I just want to keep track of Hakan's development.

I like it here in the forest. It's not as quiet as the library because of the birds and stuff but its peaceful here. Also, at least I get to spend time with Hakan who's lonely out here. I tried to find his family once, but I couldn't find anything. I even tried to research in the library for telltale signs of a wolf's territory but I couldn't find any in the forest.

I wonder where his family is.

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Entry no. 164

I got a new journal today, plus two new books from Sev. One of them is called "Nature's Nobility: A Wizarding Genealogy" written by Armando Silverblood. I don't think I want to read it yet because it's about the different pureblooded families, but pretty soon I will have to. I don't know why but Sev says it's vital that I learn about it so that I can win over many important wizarding families in the future.

"Old and New Wizarding Traditions: Which is Better?" is also written by Armando Silverblood. I think this might be a bit more interesting than the other one so I'm going to read this one first.

Sev didn't come here today, but a spotted white owl did, carrying the books and journal that I mentioned. There was also a small note attached to its leg from Sev who told me to read them both and asked how I was. So that's how the wizarding world communicates! I thought they communicate through complicated smoke signals or something…

Fifteen days before my birthday!

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Entry no. 171

Finally! Today's my birthday and Sev gave me a gift. I was a tad surprised because I thought that those books he sent me earlier were his gifts. The gift itself was wonderful. A…a photo album of my parents.

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Harry stopped and bit his lip. His eyes flickered towards the leather-bound album. He had cried earlier, when no one was around and Severus had already gone, but it still felt like it wasn't enough. "Crying isn't going to bring them back,"Harry scoffed to himself silently. He grabbed the pen that he had unconsciously dropped and looked at his journal hesitantly. With shaking fingers he continued.

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Sev seemed a bit grumpier than usual so, naturally, I asked him if there was anything wrong. He said that it was nothing, but I don't quite believe him.

He said that since I was older he could tell me a bit more about the wizarding world. Mostly, it was about the school—Howarts was it?—that I'm going to attend next year and subjects they're going to teach us. He even promised to give me a book about it.

I proposed—

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Harry stopped again, and frowned at the word. It didn't feel right. He grabbed the dictionary underneath his small bed and looked through the large book. Seconds later, he looked up and nodded.

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I informed Sev that I have been, for the past summer, working on different odd jobs to have enough money to pay for the school fees and for anything else I might need. I even proposed to work for him at school if the money I had collected proved insufficient.

He laughed at me and told me that I needn't worry about funds and such because apparently my parents left me a vault somewhere as my trust fund. Now why couldn't he have told me that earlier? I worked pretty hard for that money.

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Harry stopped and yawned. He looked at the journal and sighed, closing it with a reluctant hand. I have to sleep. He took a glance at the album on top of a small pile of books near his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and took a bit breath. He knew he was still a bit sad at the fact that he would never be able to see his parents. Or be able to care for them, worry about them or love them with all of my heart, he thought sadly before smiling a bit. At least I have Sev.

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Entry no. 195

I'm terribly bored. Today was terribly boring. Terribly, terribly so!

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Harry chuckled a bit and shook his head. Its official, I'm off my rocker! I wonder if it runs in the family.

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I was finally able to finish "Nature's Nobility: A Wizarding Genealogy", but I could hardly call that eventful. The book itself is a little bit biased against muggle-borns (it's a term for wizards and witches born to non-magical parents) but the book is also very informative.

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Harry paused and tapped his pen nonchalantly, his gaze drifting over the bodies of his fellow orphans. One of them groaned and stirred. Harry stopped and made a face. He looked at his bandaged hand and grinned. Now there was something to write!

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Today, I broke a vase. (Unintentionally, of course.) I was in the library, reading up on one of my favorites. It's a book written by Galahad Greystone. I remembered showing it to Snape once, but that's a different story.

Anyways, I got bored and tried what Sev called "wandless magic" on a vase. It was easy enough to levitate it, and soon it was zooming around the room. One of the nuns, Lucy I believe, had the impeccable timing of a donut (I think I heard this line being used in the telly once) and happened to pass by the library.

The library may be often empty but the windows are still wide enough for anyone to see what is inside. Since I forgot to go to hide behind a shelf which would effectively block anything I do from these windows, she saw me. Hastily, I stopped the spell but I was not able to catch the vase which smashed into shards, thus the injured hand. Good thing Sister Lucy is a bit superstitious (she thinks it was a ghost) or else I might be in a lot of trouble now.

Hakan's grown a lot, these past few months. If I read right, soon he'll be mature enough on his own. I know I only write about him sometimes but only because I've been really busy. Hey, it's hard enough as it is just trying to hide him from the other orphans.

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Entry no.359

Sev visited again! I was a tad shocked of course. I thought he was going to visit me on my birthday (which would be a couple of weeks from now!) like always. I guess the idea of my going to Hogwarts (I think I remember misspelling it once) slipped off my mind. He brought the letter to me and told me that he was going to bring me to Diagonally (?) next week.

I can't believe he didn't tell me earlier! Why did he only tell me now the real reason my parents had died?

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Harry stopped writing and hesitated. His eyes were filled with uncertainty, anger and sadness; his other feelings hidden underneath a mask of apathy. Taking a deep breath, he wrote on.

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It turns out that there was this insane dark wizard rampaging around Britain, killing muggles and muggle-borns (even though Sev uses the term mudblood, I still feel a bit uneasy using that word). Because my parents seem to have been quite a nuisance to him, he went to our house and killed them. When he tried to…kill me, the spell he used rebounded back to him and destroyed his body. Sev told me that I was savior to the wizarding world and was in fact called the Boy-Who-Lived.

What a stupid name.

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Harry crinkled his nose in disgust. He knew that revulsion wasn't really the dominant emotion he was feeling at the moment, but right now, lying to himself seemed good. Forcing a cheerful smile to replace his frown, he continued to write. Well, he tried anyway. But after his talk with Severus, he still felt a bit too emotional for words. The only reason he wrote on his journal was because he was afraid someone might take away his knowledge about it; his memories about it. He'd read about Memory Charms and he certainly did not want to be on the receiving end of one.

He wanted to write about Hakan, who slept in a small cave he had found in the woods once. He was sure the wolf was alright on his own, but he was still a bit worried. He suddenly moved to a sitting position and grabbed his journal.

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REMINDER: Ask Sev if I can bring Hakan to school. The letter didn't say if I could bring a wolf as a pet.

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Satisfied with those words, the boy went to sleep, dreaming of green lights, grey wolves and a certain potion master.