A/N: Just your classic, everyday love story... (just think, if the writers continue at the rate they’re at, we might see some of this in the not-so-distant future! Yay!)

Love Triangle: Lies, Deceit, And... Robots?

“Gilbert, we need to speak.” Sara announced, sitting down across from him at his desk.

“Whatever is the matter, honey?”

“I saw you with her yesterday, in her front yard. And I saw you teaching Lindsay how to catch crickets and eat spiders. I saw you, damn it, now don’t deny it!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose while simultaneously furrowing his brow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know about your affair with Catherine, now admit it before I become even looser of a cannon and threaten you with my gun!”

“There’s no need to become hostile, honey, honestly! I was only at Catherine’s house to, uh, wrap the Johnson case!”

“You know as well as I do that there is no Johnson case, Grissom! There never is, I mean, you could have come up with a better cover story. Or am I not worth even that much effort?”

“Sara, my darling, my beauty, my butterfly of hope and dreams and love and, uh... other stuff! How could you think that I would cheat on you with Catherine?”

“Because it’s true!” Came a voice from the open door that no one remembered to shut even though they were having the most serious and life changing conversation of their entire time span on the planet earth.

“You!” Sara yelled, approaching Catherine with a fierce glint in her eye. “You have ruined the only important relationship I’ve ever had!”

Catherine leaned in, an amused look on her face. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, you pathetic punk-rookie-wannabe. I’ve been sleeping with Gil since before you could even pronounce Viagra!”

“That’s a lie!” Grissom exclaimed, pointing reverently to Catherine’s strawberry-blonde aura. “I’ve never used Viagra!”

Two resounding “Shut up!”s filled the air, as the women continued to bicker.

Hair pulling wasn’t far behind.

And where there’s a catfight, you can bet there’ll be...

“Sanders, get out of my office!” Grissom yelled, running a hand through his perfectly tamed, silvering hair. “Or I’ll have you demoted back to the DNA lab!”

“Don’t talk to Greg like that!” Sara piped up, flinging Catherine off of her, into the glass window, which shattered on impact.

Grissom became indignant. “And just exactly why not?”

“Because.” Sara responded dramatically, the camera focusing on her mysterious yet angered facial features, the music becoming ever-so melodramatic. “I’m carrying his child.”

Grissom bit his clenched fist just as Warrick entered the room. “Why is my delicate angel lying in a pool of her own blood?” He asked, panicked, running to Catherine.

“Because.” Came Nick’s voice, from under the desk. “Sara pushed her through the window when she found out about Catherine and Grissom sleeping together.”

Warrick looked at Nick for a moment, a bit confused, and continued on. “Catherine, you slept with Grissom? Damn, Griss, you still got some game left in you, don’t you?” He laughed, suddenly becoming serious. “But because you slept with Catherine, I have to punch you now.”

“But Warrick! I must find out why Sara is carrying Greg’s child!”

Warrick sat down pretzel-style next to Catherine, in her pool of blood, as she began to regain consciousness. “I thought she was banging Hank.”

“No, no, man, catch up here.” Greg sighed, resting a hand on the desk. “Sara’s dating Grissom and carrying my child, Catherine’s doing Grissom and uh, you, apparently. And Nick’s just... well, I don’t know what Nick’s doing.”

“And what about you?” Warrick asked Greg.

“Oh, me? No one cares about me. I’ve become somewhat of a castaway in this tale. See, I drift in and out every once and a while and get to crack a lameass joke and maybe flirt a little bit, then I have to go away as if I never existed.”

Warrick frowned at Greg. “Hmmph. That sucks.”

“It does indeed.”

“I still want to know what happened with Sara and Greg!” Grissom whined, earning a smack from Sara.

“Fine, here’s what happened.” Greg began. “When Sara caught you with Catherine, she slept with me and got pregnant.”

“But she just caught me with... I mean... that incident... just happened yesterday. How can she know if she’s pregnant?”

“Because.” Catherine’s voice cut through the tension in the room as she stood, blood running down her cheek. “Sara’s a robot.”

“Ugh, god.” Nick rolled his eyes, coming out from under the desk. “I don’t get it.”

“You’re not supposed to.” Lindsay announced, and everyone turned and gasped. “Because this is all just a figment of your imagination. Now, I have a question. Where the hell is my screentime?”

Ecklie, who also magically appeared, concurred. “Yeah, since when do the rest of us get to play second fiddle to Grissom’s wet paper towel of a love life?”

“Yeah!” Hodges agreed, crossing his arms.

“Oh shut up.” The group simultaneously replied.

“Uhm, hi... I’m... sorry to interrupt, but I also have a question.”

Everyone gasped. “Holly Gribbs?”

“No, self-involved bastards, it’s my zombie corpse.”

“We all thought you were... d-d-dead.” Greg’s voice cracked as he reached out to touch her, in an attempt to see if she were, in fact, a zombie corpse.

“You all just thought I died ‘cuz you’re too busy with your own melodramas to care about anyone but your secret loves and overused hair products.”

The grouped pouted sufficiently before sulking off to their stations, Catherine limping away with Warrick’s arm wrapped around her, and Greg, Grissom and Sara all skipping hand-in-hand to the sandwich cart.

“Ahh, finally.” Holly sat at Grissom’s desk, putting her feet up. “I mean, my god, enough is enough.”