Je me Souviens

Rating: PG-13/T (For mild, censored language, and hints at past rape/molestation)

Genre: General/Drama

Summary: Title: I remember. Takes place during KH2, SPOILERS. Riku dwells, dazed, on some interesting- albeit shocking- information DiZ has given him, and the changes he's gone through before adapting to his new appearance.

Author's Note: As you will soon see, I am one of those insane believers that Sephiroth is Riku's father… Yeah, in the Kingdom Hearts Universe, I know the chances are an hundred to one, but until it's said different, I still believe…

The title for this story is a quote, actually. I'm pretty sure it's French. My History teacher put up quotes, I liked the look of this one, and promised to myself to make a fic with it as the title.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Tetsuya Nomura. Except for Riot- She's mine.

Whoever said "Knowledge is Power" was right.

Painful power, in some cases.

Riku sat, legs folded, on a bench in the Olympus Coliseum. He was expecting to see someone here very soon- someone he felt he needed to have a little talk with. Riku wore his usual black coat- identical to the ones Organization XIII wore. He didn't want to show his face- or, more appropriately, Xehanort's face- to any world. Even if it had helped Sora, he still fell disgusted to be in the body of a total monster.

But at the moment, Riku wasn't thinking about his outward appearance. He was in a sort of daze, and was quietly playing with a small pouch of munny- one he had… acquired… earlier that day, in his hands. Why did DiZ tell him that? How did the red-clothed man know, when even Riku hadn't known? Sometimes, DiZ's knowledge of various subjects was frustrating and frightening.

In this case, he wished that DiZ had just kept his mouth shut.

Riku had always wondered what had happened to his father. He had always wondered where he was. From information from his mother, Riku had determined that his father wasn't dead, at least. But that's pretty much all he could get from his mother, apart from the icy statement, "You look like him." Apparently, his parents hadn't exactly gotten along in the four years they had been together. Riku's father had left when Riku was only about three or four.

But he had memories of him- at the beach, mostly. When he was too young to go out by himself, his mother worried he'd go too far into the tide and drown, one of his parents would accompany him. His mother, mostly, but occasionally, his father. Riku couldn't remember his father's face, but he remembered striking details- flashes of long, silver hair, glowing, blue-green eyes. All in little flashes, just enough to privately confirm to himself that his mother was serious when she said Riku and his father looked a lot alike.

The memories involved holding his father's hand as they walked on the beach, playing in the tides, and looking at the creatures in the tide pools. Sweet memories that would be made sweeter if he could only remember the face of the man that was with them. But Riku learned not to press his mother for answers, lest she become irritated.

Riku grew up, soon forgetting about his father and becoming content with his life. But when he turned fifteen, his mind switched to what was beyond the islands. He had Kairi to thank for these day-dreaming sessions, picturing other lands full of fun and adventure. As he thought, he went back to the subject he hadn't thought on in years- his father. Was he possibly in one of these lands? He certainly wasn't on the Destiny Islands anymore. And he wasn't dead, so that meant he had to be in another world.

Then, it all went to hell when the Heartless invaded and Riku became Ansem- or, Xehanort's Heartless' (Whom will be known as Xehanort) personal slave. There were upsides- the work was somewhat simple; since the Heartless were on his side, he didn't have much to worry about. He made new friends, stupidly thinking that the others abandoned him. Riot, Axel, Demyx and Zexion were fair substitutes, though no one could replace Kairi or Sora.

Then, during his stay with Xehanort, Riku saw him. Sephiroth had occasionally dropped by Hollow Bastion, for reasons unknown to Riku and Riot. Riku remembered that he had been lying on his stomach on a window seat in the library, staring out the window. Riot was on the same window seat, flipping through a book. Riku had spaced out, and jerked suddenly when a silver-haired, blue-green eyed man passed on the path below.

Riot, disturbed by the sudden motion, had looked up from her book. "Something wrong?" She asked, glancing out the window. Riku had, for some reason, become incredibly tense.

"Who's that?" He asked in a low voice, nodding to the silver-haired man below. Riot cocked an eyebrow, looked down again, and then back at Riku.

"Him? That's Sephiroth." Riku had relaxed only slightly at this. "He's a warrior… I think he was part of something called SOLDIER… I also think he used to live in Hollow Bastion before the Heartless came."

"Does he work for Ansem?" Riot had snorted at this.

"Sephiroth doesn't work for anyone. And Ansem would have to be insane to ask him to." She had said. Riku's eyes narrowed.

"Why? Is he dangerous?" He asked. Riot smirked slightly.

"How can I put this… You've seen Maleficent in Dragon form, right? Right. Well, provoking him is about as safe as stabbing her eye with your sword… while she's in dragon form. Times ten." Riku shuddered.

"Wow. Nasty character." Riot shrugged.

"Actually, he's not that bad, as long as you stay on his good side. He's very quiet."

"Well, how do I stay on his good side?"
"Don't pss him off. And stay out of his way if he's in one of his moods." Riku had, from that time on, kept a comfortable distance from Sephiroth. Something drew him to the man, though he couldn't understand what. Upon closer inspection, he realized that Sephiroth had a wing- an ink-black wing. The first word that came to mind was "Angel". Though, he had always had an image of white-winged angels in his mind.

One day, though, Riku got caught spying on Sephiroth from behind a bookshelf in- ironically- the library. At first, it didn't seem like Sephiroth noticed him. He was skimming the titles of some books on a shelf, and Riku was peering from the edge of a bookcase. Sephiroth didn't bat an eye at the teen. He quietly moved on, disappearing behind another bookcase. Riku, swiftly and silently, moved to follow him… and suddenly found himself staring down the blade of a very long katana.

"Who are you?" Riku had swallowed, slowly backing up. Sephiroth followed, never dropping his sword as Riku backed into the wall of the staircase. Still reeling from the shock of being caught and the sword in his face, Riku didn't respond. Sephiroth had taken that time to observe the boy in front of him. Riku had felt a flash of familiarity of Sephiroth's face… A long forgotten memory of someone he didn't know too well…

He had been broken out of his reverie when Sephiroth spoke again. "Your name."

"R-Riku." Riku had managed to stutter out. It was strange- he felt perfectly at ease while trailing Sephiroth, as he was at a distance. But now that he was face-to-face with the older man, he felt… scared out of his bloody wits. Sephiroth seemed to grow even more intimidating when he was closer.

"Do you know who I am?" Sephiroth had asked. Riku nodded, his gaze flipping between Sephiroth and his sword. "Then why were you following me?" Riku shrugged slowly. There was another pause as Sephiroth studied him further. Then, he dropped his blade and swiftly sheathed it. "You… You're one of Ansem's servants, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Riku whispered.

"A friend of Riot's?"

"Yeah."

"She is, I take it, the one who told you my name?" Riku hesitated, wondering if revealing his source would be a wise idea.

"Yeah." He said again. Sephiroth had raised an eyebrow at this.

"Is that all you can say?" He had asked in an almost mocking tone.

"No." Riku immediately answered. Sephiroth observed the boy for a moment longer, and then turned away.

"Stop following me, Riku. Or next time, I might actually cut something off." That had been enough motivation in itself for Riku to stop trailing him. He'd had more encounters with Sephiroth in his time in Xehanort's service, but nothing as shaking as their first meeting.

Then, Riku had gone into the realm of darkness with King Mickey. That had been traumatizing in itself. But the surprises weren't quite over. When Mickey and Riku had escaped the realm of darkness, not to mention Castle Oblivion, Riku was sore all over- particularly in his back. As they traveled on, the other pains died away, but the one in his upper-right back grew more intense. It got to the point that, while walking, Riku had to sit down and recompose himself.

"Riku? Are you all right?" Mickey had asked.

"My… Back hurts…" Riku had groaned. Mickey was unable to find a source to the pain, so they had agreed to stop and sleep that night. But while Mickey managed to sleep, the pain got even worse for Riku. He'd lain on his side, drawing his knees up to his chest and panting. Sometime around midnight, the pain suddenly piqued, and Riku let out a cry. Mickey stirred, beginning to wake. The pain grew, and it felt as though something was tearing through Riku's back… ripping the skin away. With another scream, he felt the skin covering and below his shoulder blade tore away.

Mickey, jolted wide-awake by the scream, rolled over and jumped up. He blinked, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. Then, he got a good look at Riku. "Leapin' lizards!" The King had yelled. Surprisingly, a lot of the pain was gone, and Riku turned his head. What he saw there nearly made him faint.

He had sprouted a wing.

He could move it easily enough, as he discovered in the days after that. It had hurt a little at first, but eventually, the pain died away and he was able to stretch out the wing to its full length. It was about five or six feet long; glossy and ink black. After making this examination of his new appendage, Riku couldn't help but think of Sephiroth and that other guy- Cloud? They both had wings identical to his. Large, feathery and black.

In the Coliseum, Riku now smacked the heel of his palm against his forehead. How could he not have made the connection? Big, black wing, silver hair, blue-green eyes…? "Idiot," He whispered to himself. "I'm such an idiot."

And DiZ's revelation had confirmed it.

Sephiroth and Riku were related- Sephiroth was Riku's father.

How DiZ knew, Riku had the feeling he'd never find out. At first, he was shocked. Then dazed. Now… now he was angry. Though Sephiroth hadn't been an active member of Xehanort's plot, he had been a bystander. He had stood by and watched Riku and Riot get figuratively and literally get kicked around by Xehanort. He knew about the stuff that Xehanort had done to them… Sephiroth knew that Xehanort had… forced himself on Riku and Riot, and yet the One-Winged Angel had stood idly by and watched. Sure, on occasion, he had been around to clean the teenagers up, but offered no other comfort or help. Riku felt betrayed.

Had he known? Had he known that Riku was his son? Did he see a bit of himself in the teenager that day in the library? Had he seen something in the eyes of the boy he had his sword pointed at? Maybe. If he did, then Riku would eternally hate him for doing nothing to help him and Riot with Xehanort's Heartless. If he hadn't… Then… Maybe he'd forgive him a bit easier. Maybe.

At present, that was who Riku was waiting for- Sephiroth. Gossip had it that the warrior was flitting around the Olympus Coliseum, looking for a fight. It was pretty dark now- Riku had arrived hours earlier, but found no one. Now, he just sat, musing about the turmoil. Riku sighed and, since no one was around, carefully pulled down his hood. There was a breeze, and he momentarily shut his eyes.

Just then, he felt steel at the edge of his neck.

Masamune, Sephiroth's sword. His Father's sword.

"Get up." Sephiroth's voice was a little harsh. Riku didn't move. "I said, get up, Ansem." In a lapse of reasonable thought, Riku had forgotten that he now wore Xehanort's face. Carefully, so as not to cut himself on Masamune, he stood and turned to face the One-Winged Angel. Sephiroth's eyes were narrowed coldly. "So," He remarked, tone frigid. "You're alive. What a pity- you're a waste of flesh."

"Am I?" Riku asked, without thinking. Green-Blue eyes narrowed to slits, and the sword was pressed deeper into his neck. Not quite hard enough to draw blood, but enough to hurt.

"You're the scum of every world, you disgusting ego-maniac." Surprisingly enough, Sephiroth's voice was cool and controlled- though, as mentioned before, icy. Riku suddenly got the urge to play along a little.

"Why choose to attack me now? Why not when I welcomed you?" He asked, trying to take on Xehanort's manner of speaking.

"Too powerful." Sephiroth said. "I would have killed you long ago if not for that. But now, since you've fallen so far… I figured I might as well end your misery."

"What problem do you have with me?" Riku asked. "What'd I ever do to you?"

"It's not what you did to me." Sephiroth hissed. Realizing he may have said too much, he froze. In that moment, it clicked with Riku. Could he have meant…? He was angry with Xehanort for…? Riku didn't have time to spell it out in his head, because now Masamune was cutting into his neck, now drawing a thin stream of blood.

"You're making a mistake," Riku said in a soft, quick voice, sliding down and onto a bench. "I'm not Ansem. I'm Riku." Sephiroth slowly raised an eyebrow at this.

"This, by far, must be the most interesting excuse I have ever heard." He said.

"I'm serious!" Riku said, beginning to panic a little. But how could he convince his father otherwise? He had Xehanort's face and voice. "Don't!" Sephiroth paused, and for a moment, he looked hesitant.

"Prove it." He remarked, relieving the pressure on Riku's neck slightly. Riku's mind raced. What could he do? What could he say?

"Riot's real name," He said. "I know her real name."

"So does Ansem." Sephiroth said, not missing a beat.

"Um…" Suddenly, divine inspiration hit Riku like a rock to the head. "I… I know how we met. Ansem doesn't know that." Sephiroth paused.

"Go on." He said. Riku was relieved. It was working.

"It was in the library in Hollow Bastion. I was following you. I tried to follow you around a bookcase, but you stuck a sword in my face… Just like you are now… I kept saying "yeah" over and over again." Riku spoke quickly. While he sensed he was winning Sephiroth over, he didn't push his luck- Masamune was right up against his throat. Sephiroth's expression was unreadable. For the longest time, they seemed frozen there, in the same position.

Then, Sephiroth dropped his sword. Literally. He didn't sheath it, just dropped it onto a bench. "It is you," he whispered. Riku jolted up, a hand pressed onto his neck. He muttered a Cure spell and faced Sephiroth, whom had sunken onto a bench. "Riku… I'm…" he paused, and then his eyes narrowed. Then, in a very un-Sephiroth way, he asked, "What the hell happened to you?" Riku almost laughed.

"It's a long story." He said. For a moment, they both just sat there. Riku quietly put his hood up. "So… Just now… Why were you so mad at Ansem?" Sephiroth suddenly jerked his head up to look at Riku. "What? What?" He asked.

"Your voice… changed." Sephiroth said. Riku blinked.

"It did?" He asked. To him, he heard Xehanort's voice. But unknown to him, Sephiroth now heard Riku's voice- his real voice. "Eh, I can't hear it. So, answer my question." Sephiroth flushed and turned away. A slight breeze stirred his silver hair, and Riku had a brief flashback to the beach, as a child… "You said you didn't do it because he did something to you. Why, then?" Riku, without knowing why, suddenly wanted so desperately to hear Sephiroth say it.

"Because it wasn't something he did to me." Sephiroth said evasively.

"Then what'd he do to someone else?" Riku asked. Sephiroth glanced at him, an eyebrow cocked.

"From the tone of your voice, you already know." He said. Riku felt a chill race down his spine.

"…You mean… You did it for… Riot and me?" He asked. Sephiroth sighed.

"Not as dumb as I first perceived." The One-Winged Angel remarked. Usually, Riku would have fired a snide remark back, but refrained.

"You did it for us. Why?" He pressed, wondering if Sephiroth had really tried to avenge Riku and Riot's suffering from a sort of parental feeling.

"Ansem was a morally corrupt, psychotic, perverted monster with a God complex. Who wouldn't want to kill him?" Sephiroth's eyes narrowed again. "Why? Are you trying to get at something?" Now Riku looked away. Sephiroth, sensing the boy backing down, decided to fire off some questions himself. "And why are you in the Coliseum in the middle of the night?"
"Why are you?" Riku fired back. There was a pause, and Sephiroth smirked.

"Were you waiting for me?" He asked, straightening a bit.

"No," Riku snapped defensively. Sephiroth's smirk grew, and Riku growled. "Dmmit, yes."

"Why?"

"No reason."

"You don't wait in an empty Coliseum in the middle of the night for nothing, Riku." His voice softened. "Did you want to talk to me?" Riku shuffled about uneasily. He still didn't know if Sephiroth knew or not. If he didn't, and Riku came right out and said it, how would he react? Would he be mad? Amused? Shocked? "Riku?"

"I… I was told something. Recently. By a friend." He said, intending to beat around the bush as long as possible.

"Riot?" Sephiroth inquired.

"No. She… She went home a year ago. It was by someone else. DiZ." He said. Sephiroth stiffened. "Have you met him?"

"Briefly." Sephiroth muttered darkly. To the side, he muttered, "He's a cocky sonofabtch…" Riku's eyes widened, but he pulled himself back to the subject at hand. "And what did DiZ tell you?" Sephiroth asked coolly. Riku swallowed. How much longer could he drag this out?

"He… Ah… Said… Hesaidwewererelated." Riku spluttered quickly. Sephiroth's expression was stoic. Riku wished that, for once, he wouldn't go stone-faced. It was hard to guess what someone was thinking when they had no bloody face muscles! For a moment, Sephiroth stared into space.

"Interesting. Riku… Where do you come from?" He asked.

"The Destiny Islands."

"Your mother's name?"

"Jane." Sephiroth smirked and shook his head. There was silence for another moment, and Riku thought he would slide off the bench in anticipation.

"She still screech like a crow when she's mad?"
Riku's jaw dropped. "Then it's true! You are…" He trailed off.

"Your father?" Sephiroth finished. "Of course. You don't see the resemblance?"

"Of- Of course I do! How long did you know? Why didn't you say anything? Why did you…" At this point, Riku's face fell and his tone became quiet and a little sad. "…Why did you leave?" Sephiroth stared at him for a moment.

"I knew…" He said. "When I saw you in the library. You think I can't remember my own son's name? Second of all… Would have believed me if I came right out and said I was your father?" Riku paused.

"No… I probably would have thought you were out of your mind."

"I preferred to keep Ansem in the dark," Sephiroth said. "He had nothing to draw me into his service… And if he realized you were my son, he would have jumped at the opportunity to control me."

"Riot always did warn me about pssing you off," Riku muttered.

"Did she? Smart girl." Sephiroth remarked. He paused. "And regarding your last question…" Sephiroth reached beside him and pulled Masamune onto his lap. He looked at the sword now as he spoke. "…I admit… I should probably have visited you more. You see, Riku… I don't like being tied down. Another reason I didn't want to be drawn into Ansem's service. Being apart of SOLDIER was bad enough… But I didn't like being stuck in one place. With a wife and child holding me down."

"Were burdens, then." Riku said flatly. "So you ditched us." To his surprise, Sephiroth cringed.

"No… No… Don't get me wrong. I…" He sighed. "Would it help if I said I didn't sleep for weeks from the guilt?" Riku felt a bit cold, now.

"Would it make you feel worse if I told you I cried for weeks after you left?" Riku asked angrily.

"Yes. It was selfish of me to leave, I know." Sephiroth looked away again, and Riku felt his anger drain away. He couldn't say he could blame Sephiroth… When Riku felt the same way. He didn't like to be held down either. And it was rather selfish of him to leave the islands without thinking about his mother might feel…

The situation felt a little awkward. And from the way Sephiroth continued to avoid Riku's eyes, Riku sensed that he still thought Riku was mad at him. The teen paused… and then smirked.

"Hey… Dad… Did I tell you I grew a wing?"

-Fin

Author's Note: Phew! I think that took… (Checks clock) Two hours to write… from 11:30 PM to 1:44 AM… almost two and a half hours… If I get a flame on this, the sorry sonuvabtch that wrote it dies…