Title: Only the strong can forgive

Author: Jenna Raven Rose aka Mira Zero999

RatingM for violence implied rape and torture of a minor and some drug use; if this offends you please don't read.

Category: angst with some comfort

Characters: Luke Mara, OC, Han/leia Kyp Chewbacca

Timeline: approximately 12 years after return of the Jedi after the events in I Jedi and about four years after Luke returns from his bout with the dark side.

Chapter 1 of

Description: the past comes back to haunt Luke, in the form of his academies latest student.

Disclaimer: I'm making no money from this. The main characters belong to Lucas except for the ones I made up. Those are mine.

I was shaking because it was so cold and I was all wet. I didn't think to grab a jacket before I ran out into the rain. Of course running for your life seldom gives you that much time for forethought. Oh well at least I was still breathing, more than can be said for Elslan. I didn't have time to grieve for my friend or to worry about the voices in my head that screamed this was just like before. I closed my eyes to those voices and kept running rounded a corner and ran into a wall covered in fur. The impact sent me sprawling and knocked the rest of my breathe from my lungs.

I was flat on my back on the wet muddy concrete trying to shake the pain from my abrupt stop from my head. when I heard the sounds of my pursuers .I looked up at what I hit, and up and up further still. It was a Wookie a huge Wookie. Ok so they're all huge but I'd never really seen one before. Id made some sort of noise, which sounded vaguely like he was asking if I was all right. I shook my head no, because I was still dizzy.

Right about then my pursuers said something that sounded vaguely like a give me the girl or die. The Wookie growled at the miscreants. Some of the street gangers reached for blasters. The Wookie pulled a nasty looking bow caster and faced down all six of my would be attackers. I held my breath hoping I hadn't just led some innocent creature to its untimely demise. I closed my eyes and said a prayer. In seeming answer the wookies friends came out of the building. Two humans from there blurred outlines; they approached the wookie and asked him a question. The wookie said something that ended in a growl.

The human nodded his understanding and then addressed the gang. The man was all cockiness as he told to them to leave. The gang leader said something stupid back at him which caused the human to draw a blaster of his own and the other man pulled a long metal tube from his waistband. The gang looked nervous, some of them kept glancing at their leader. I heard the younger man with the tube thingy say something along the line of the girl's staying with them.

A part of me vaguely registered that I was the aforementioned girl. My vision was steadily clearing as I lay on the ground between their speeder and them. Which also happened to put me in the line of fire should a firefight start. This had the potential to go very badly. Then the unexpected happened the gang started to leave. I let out the breath I was holding. I was still lying in the street so when the human came near me I was looking up at him from the ground. He reached his hand out to me to help me up. I instinctively backed away. I 've not been at ease around men for quite some time. Especially human men. The Wookie shook his head said something then reached down grabbed me by the upper arm and pulled me to my feet. It looked me up and down and asked me something else, I shook my head cause I didn't understand him.

I must have looked like hell to them my clothes were all torn and dirty. Plus now I was muddy from the fall and all scraped up. On top of that I was drenched and without a jacket. Standing there I was subconsciously aware that my now filthy dress was clinging to every one of my curves. I was shaking and my teeth were chattering together.

I could tell by the look in the wookies eyes that he felt sorry for me; he said something to the human who complained until the wookie insisted. The human threw up his hands in surrender. "All right you win chewie, just get her in the speeder" said Han. He could see arguing with the wookie was gonna get him nowhere. So he headed for the drivers side of the speeder. The other man opened up the passenger door and waited.

The wookie let go of my arm and motioned for me to get in the speeder. I swallowed suddenly absurdly afraid of my rescuers. I looked up at the wookie with a question in my eyes. He said something else and motioned for me to get in again. I swallowed the lump of fear and took a tentative step forward. My ankle promptly gave and I headed for the floor once again. My downward progress was abruptly halted this time by the wookies hand yanking me off my feet. He carried me to the door and set me in the back seat.

The other human closed the door and went around to the door on the other side and got in. the wookie sat in the front seat next to the other human. I huddled on the seat trying to stop shaking. I was so damn cold all I could do was shiver. The driver turned on the heater and said something to the younger human who took off his cloak and moved towards me. I jumped back pushing myself up against the door, in fear. He backed away slowly and laid it on the seat between us. "Here, wrap yourself in this it'll help warm you up" he said softly trying to reassure me. I tentatively reached for the garment when he set it on the seat. Then after I realized that he wasn't gonna try to touch me again I grabbed it swiftly and buried myself in its warmth

I was effectively buried in the huge cloak with only my eyes peaking out. He gave me a few minutes to stop shaking before he asked me any questions. "So what's your name?" he asked softly. He was obviously trying to reassure me, I still kept my distance. "It's Kayla," I answered softly. Then the driver decided to ask a question "so why were they chasing you?" he asked. I wasn't sure how to answer him. After all I wasn't really in the spice trade I just agreed to drop off the package. How was I supposed to know that the stuff was bad? I'd only used it a few times and that was mostly to chase away the memories.

He was obviously waiting for my answer; I swallowed worried that they would drop me off on the side of the road. "I was at the wrong place at the wrong time" I said softly. The driver frowned it was obvious that he was street savvy enough to recognize an evasive answer. "All right what went down kid, and don't lie or I'll have my Jedi friend here verify," he said sounding slightly irritated. Obviously he was upset about getting involved in this. I swallowed and glanced at the young man sitting next to me. It was then I realized what the metal tube was. I swallowed oh shit a Jedi named Kyp. My mouth went dry and for just a brief moment I wondered if death at the hands of the gang would have been more merciful. "Well?" Han asked.

"I was only supposed to deliver the package, that's all" I answered. "Let me guess the package contained spice." Said Han. I nodded Han growled to himself and looked sideways at his partner. "Please don't throw me out of your speeder" I said. It was as if I could hear his thoughts. That was one of them, to just leave me on the side of the road and walk away. If they did that I might last a few hours but I would defintly end up dead

"How did you know I was thinking that?" he asked I swallowed. "I just did, I don't know how," I answered honestly. Han frowned and turned his head towards the road but he didn't pull over to throw me out. For that I was immensely grateful, it's the closest to ever wanting to touch a man I'd ever come. At least to hug him anyway, not do anything else.

The whole time we were talking the Jedi had been staring at me seemingly lost in thought. He said something to Han in what sounded like huttenese. Han snorted but the boy insisted and Han gave in. "this goes against my better judgment" Han said in last-ditch protest. The Wookie made another comment and he frowned once more.

They stopped outside the spaceport and parked the speeder at the rental place. Droids checked it in as they pulled a couple of bags out of the trunk. One of the droids handed Han a slip of paper and a cred stick. Then the group headed for one of the hangers. The Jedi was walking with me guiding me towards the doors. Obviously they had talked Han into not ditching me.

We walked through the doors and I froze. The ship was the millennium falcon? I stared a small part of my brain registering the names of my companions. My stomach flipped flopped as my mind finally made the connection. Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Kyp.

Kyp who was a Jedi, Kyp Durron? Who were friends with, friends with? Oh crap I can't face him please, no.

I didn't realize that I was backing up until once again I ran into Chewbacca, who was carrying the luggage. He protested my running into him again. Kyp shook his head and took hold of my arm. I stiffened and tried to pull away. He ignored my futile protests and guided me on to the ship. I was riding in the millennium falcon, part of my mind gibbered. It didn't make it past the fear clenching at my insides. I was so far gone I didn't even notice that Kyp fastened my take off harness.

I was Frantically trying to control the fear welling up inside of me. He turned good the voice in my head gibbered. Fighting against my urge to withdraw into myself. He's not that evil monster anymore. I tried to reassure myself, but it sounded hollow even in my mind.

Two years earlier:

They called him Lord Skywalker, he was the new emperors right hand. He had once been a hero. The man who had saved the universe from another emperor so long ago. Now he had fallen from grace. Taking up the mantle his father had once worn, and it fit him well. He obeyed the commands he was given with an almost sadistic glee. He murdered for the man, obeying his master's commands.

She was fifteen when she met him, she wishes she never had. Her father had angered the new emperor and he was sent to deal with them. She could remember the day like it was yesterday. In truth she could never forget it, he made sure of that. It was dinnertime when he showed up and they were sitting at the table about to enjoy our meal. When the door burst in followed by soldiers. Then he strode in right through the middle of his men. He looked at my father. Who was seated at the head of the table, my father tried to put up a brave front.

Part of me knew that my father was beyond scared and so was everyone else. With cold deliberation he pronounced our doom. I remember a cold knot in the pit of my stomach. My father protested his actions and said something about the guy's father. Then my father grabbed his throat and gasped for breath. Clutching at his throat and trying to claw invisible hands from his neck my father fell to the floor. My mother screamed and ran for my father's side. I did something desperate and very foolish then. Though at the time I wasn't really thinking. I launched myself at the dark lord trying to strike him, somehow to distract him so my father could get up and run.

My leap stopped in midair, my feet dangling off the floor. He glanced in my direction then flicked his wrist. I flew backwards hit the sofa and went over it into the coffee table. The table shattered leaving me in a pile of broken glass. For some reason I couldn't get up. My cheeks were wet with tears as I heard my mother break into sobs then into begging. Then I heard a weird snap hiss sound a last scream and then silence. I was still lying in the glass, but the cuts weren't even felt through the emptiness and heartache.

I remember looking up at him from the floor and all I wanted to do was rip his heart out. He smiled at me a cruel little smile and ordered his men to bring me.

I was hauled roughly to my feet and dragged. They dragged me through the carnage that was our dining room. And I fainted when I saw the bodies of my family. I woke up in a small cell and I wanted to die. I was given no such luck. He interrogated me himself and I tried two more times to strike him. He just stopped them with an ease that was very frightening. He obviously found my attempts amusing, so he kept me. To him I was some strange exotic pet.

The first few days it was questioning then torture. Not because I actually knew anything but because he enjoyed hearing me scream. It became a shipboard routine to me and after two days I learned begging was useless. So I just endured, screamed when it became too unbearable and that seemed to satisfy them.

I was brought before the emperor after a few days travel. He confirmed my family's fate and decreed mine. I was Lord Skywalker's property now; he could do anything he wanted to me. I have never been more scared in my life or so I thought.

I was taken to his private palace and installed in his rooms. A collar was placed on my neck and I was branded. Oh force that had hurt, plus I was chipped, as well. He wanted no question as to whom I belonged to. I tried to change his mind; I even tried to get him to kill me. Instead of torture that night he did something new and it was worse then anything they had done to me before. Not because it hurt more but because he made me want more.

I was so ashamed, how could I like this. But my body betrayed me time and time again. He made me like the things he did to my body. When I expected pain or degradation he gave me gentleness and pleasure. It was never the same thing twice and I never seemed to be able to escape my tormenter. He invaded every part of me even my mind. Oh how I hated him and how I hated myself for wanting him. He knew what he was doing to me, in fact it was deliberate. He enjoyed my shame and my frustration, even the fact I wanted him dead. He even told me so, and then he did the unthinkable he left.

He changed sides, killed the new emperor and then he left. What was worse he left me like this. I was so badly warped that no man could touch me. And to top it all off I was afraid of other men. I couldn't even think of one without it hurting. What had he done to me?

Now:

I sat in the back of the falcon trying to shake the memories that were rising unbidden to my mind. I wanted to talk them into turning around to take me anywhere but where I thought they were going. Kyp walked into the lounge area and watched me for a moment then said something that caught me completely off guard. "Did you know you were force sensitive?" he said. I stared at him with my mouth open not sure what to say to that.

Then I found my voice "no why?" I said. "Because I sensed it in you when we first met" he said softly. I swallowed the boy had moved closer to me I pulled my legs up away from him and .I reached for my harness so I could back away. "Why are you afraid of me?" he asked. He sounded almost hurt by my reaction. "I aah" I hedged. "It's ok I won't hurt you" he said softly. I put my legs down part of me believed him. "We are going to take you to Yavin so we can evaluate you as a potential Jedi." He said. He watched me for my reaction. 'I would rather you not can you just set me down on some planet" I asked.

In truth I wanted nothing to do with Skywalker or his academy. I couldn't possibly be Jedi material and yet here this Jedi was saying I was. "Why?" he asked, "you would be much safer on Yavin" he said. Safe from whom I wondered. "Please I don't want to be a Jedi," I said pleading with the young man. 'You have nothing to be afraid of no one there will hurt you," he said. I shook my head sideways in denial, " its ok" he said patting my arm. I silently begged the force or whatever was listening that he was wrong about my so-called Jedi potential.

Yavin:

We landed on a small platform next to an old pyramid stricture that looked like some ancient temple. There was a small group of people there to greet us. I hung back deliberately as Kyp and Han exited the ship. They shook hands with someone in a hooded robe at the end of the ramp. I was looking for a place to hide. In fact I found one until that damn droid gave me away. "Go away" I hissed at it. I made a weird beeping squeal in confusion.

I heard Kyp say something like "she must still be inside" and I heard someone else tell someone named R2 to go look. The droid in question chirped at me. Then sounded some sort of whistle like sound. I sighed /obviously I wouldn't be able to hide/. So I walked towards the exit. Though I did so slowly, I paused at the top of the ramp.

The man in the hood looked up at me and stared. I froze at the top of the ramp and tried to breathe. It was him; there was no mistaking those blue eyes.