Ch.2:In Too Deep

“What do you mean you don’t have anymore!”I gaped at Anthony who was now sitting as his computer staring at me wide-eyed.

“Just what I said, I dumped the heroin. I promised I’d look out for you Meems and I’m sorry but I never should’ve given you any in the first place!”He pleaded trying to show me the light of logic. I refused to listen, how could he hand me the euphoria he’d promised that had set me free then so easily take it back leaving me like a songbird locked in a cage?

“Then why did you?”I demanded now getting more upset.

“Sometimes you seem older than you are...The point is it was a mistake and I didn’t know what I was thinking.”He answered with a shrug and I felt my legs begin to quake.”If you have to have something there’s always more of this.”He offered me one of the joints siting on the edge of his desk.

“That shit doesn’t do anything!”I whined recalling the few times I had the patience to smoke it, I now craved the real stuff. I’d been exposed to the more expensive tastes and couldn’t get the thought out of my mind.”I thought we were in this together...”

“We were, you don’t even see how much you’ve changed.”He shook his head. In truth I hadn’t and didn’t see any change in myself but wasn’t going to admit that to him. I stomped out of the room without another word causing our first real fight in 16 years.

Thankfully Anthony wasn’t the only good looking boy around town and I wandered into the park by myself. The problem was smack was expensive, something I could in no way afford on my own. I knew other students of our local run down high school took an interest in the drugs as well and all that needed to be done was find them. One I knew for sure was Caleb, the star center of our basketball team and a rather cute red head my age. It didn’t take me long to snuggle up to him after a summer practice one evening and find exactly what I wanted.

“I thought you and Tony were together the way you cling to him when you talk.”He asked running a finger down my cheek.

“Anthony and I? Never.”I admitted wrapping my arms around his neck. I’d managed to find him on a day he had the house to himself, lucky for both of us. I sat on his lap and laid my head on his shoulder tasting his honey sweet skin.

“That’s not what everyone else seems to think.”He smirked as if it was an insult and brushed his lips against mine.

“Well they can believe whatever they want to believe then.”I snapped not meaning to get so defensive.

“You’re pretty Mimi,”He mused, planting a kiss on my cheek then meeting my dark eyes.”What did you come here for?”His voice was husky, deep and sent a warming shiver down my spine.

“Don’t flatter yourself too much.”I warned, pulling my face away from his.”I’m actually interested in the same things you are and I know the drugs come at a high cost.”

“Is that all you want?”He laughed and turned us so he was straddling my hips.”I’m sure we can come to some sort of agreement.”His lips traveled to my neck and I closed my eyes trying to picture someone else in his place. I’ll admit I was lost in the fervor and passion of the moment and felt my body fill with excitement as he removed my shirt as well as his. I’d always dreamed of Anthony being my first and my eyes slowly filled with tears as I realized that would never happen now. My life was as unsteady as the sand and I would have to take advantage of that.

Afterwards he carefully put his clothes back on and gave me a chaste kiss on the lips.

“This enough for you?”He tossed me two plastic bags filled with the beckoning substance as he threw his shirt back on.

“You think I can be sold that easily?”I spat back in disgust, my cheeks still flushed as I dressed too.

“In fact yes, but you may be right.”He grumbled and threw me two more.”Next time you should make your terms before everything else.”He winked.

“Thank you very much.”I smiled and turned on my heels before leaving as fast as I could. My head was spinning from what I’d just done but I’d once again bought my freedom with it. Boys could be so easily manipulated, people in general could if you had the right motives. I knew that on a sick level I was the pawn of the drugs but that didn’t matter. I was master of them as long as it was mine in unlimited supply and I was willing to do anything to get that.

I spent most of my teenage years the same way, commanded by the grinding hips of the lustful boys and lost in the passionate moans and wants. It was my way to get the happiness I so badly wanted. Nothing existed then if I didn’t want it to and I wanted it to stay that way. I also begged for the attention no matter how desperate the situation got. Most of the guys I used didn’t even know my name, not that I knew every one of them either. Sometimes I wanted to scream for help against myself even. I wanted to tell everyone ‘this is my cry for help, why can’t you see it?’ without ever admitting it aloud and letting the words leave my mouth. But I was happy, and that’s what seemed to matter most. Didn’t the false hope outweigh the real pain?

Sometime after my 17th birthday I began going to bars to get a taste of the hipster world and of course the promising world of alcohol. I was disappointed almost immediately with the cheap beers served and bitter red wine but enjoyed the company of worldly traveled people and the bars usual’s. That was where I first heard of the disease, AIDS they were calling it, and a new discovery of it amongst junkies. I dismissed it as impossible for someone of my age and continued to ignore the warnings around me.

“You here alone?”A man asked standing beside the empty seat at my table. He couldn’t have been older than me I guess and he happened to look very familiar...He was also one of the people talking about the AIDS epidemic.

“Yeah, I am.”I figured there was no harm in letting him sit and he slid the chair out with a smile.

“Benny,”He held out his hand to me,”You look fairly familiar.”

“The name’s Mimi and I seem to get that a lot.”I took his large hand and shook it giving him a nod He was dark with thick locks of black hair that made me smile.

“So Mimi, what are you doing here by yourself?”He asked leaning across the table.

“Checking out the scene, waiting for one of my friends to give me a ride home.”I shrugged taking another sip of the fine white wine I loved. I was waiting for a certain friend to show up but I was beginning to think he’d forgotten about me...”What about you Benny?”

“I’m working on selling my place to rent a recording studio to built on, it’s been a project for a while though and I’ve needed a break.”He admitted, his glass foamy with beer.

“Selling? I happen to be looking for a place.”I was suddenly intrigued. I needed to move out of my house soon as I felt I was losing more hope each day. I was alone, no refuge in my family, my ‘friends’ had deserted me as well, and yet I desired for human contact.

“And what might it be that you do?”He inquired curiously.

“I’m an artist, a vrai bohemian just trying to enjoy life.”I answered simply. I wasn’t going to conform for anyone and I felt an itch for a fix coming on.

“A bohemian?”His voice changed slightly and he looked almost disinterested now.”You seem to have more class, but I’ve heard that doesn’t pay much in this world.”

“It’s not all about pay. Everyone has wants in this world and I’m willing to voice them to get them.”I argued.”Besides, I simply need a new place to stay.”

“Then you may be in luck.”He produced a card of his pocket though still seeing dubious of my words. I picked it up and smiled. It read the address of his apartment block with the number to call for their openings, it was kismet and I planned on using it.

“Thank you.”I forced a smile and pocketed it myself. Fortunately I was joined by a familiar face as Dominic wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.”I think I should be going.”I nodded to Benny and stood to face Dom.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll meet again.”Benny muttered as he walked away leaving me in safe hands.

“I thought you weren’t going to show or something for a minute there.”I kissed each of Dom’s slender cheeks while clutching his shoulders to stay balanced. His dark hair seemed almost out of place on his pale skin, his usually fit frame looked almost fragile against his green eyes haunting on his skinny face. He hadn’t always looked so sick, it wasn’t something you’d find odd if you hadn’t known him for long, but I knew it was the drugs that were finally reaching for him.

“I wouldn’t leave you here all alone with all these weirdos around.”He teased leaning in to kiss me. I pulled back loving the confusion on his face as I kissed the tip of his nose.

“I think I may’ve even found us a place to stay.”I explained excitedly slipping out the card to show him. He looked over it for a moment then shook his head, handing it back. I stuck the card in my bra for saftekeeping.

“I told you babe, I’m not interested in moving. If you want to leave and you want the money,”He kissed the top of my head,”Well I’ll support you.”

“Financially or emotionally?”I asked as I sat in his lap, his long fingers making patterns on my arm.

“Both.”I heard him whisper with a chuckle. I wanted to pretend he was my new Anthony but it was never going to happen and I closed my eyes. My decision was made, I would tell my parents, cut all my ties, and move. I’d find a way to pay back Dominic later, my first priority nowwas spreading my molting wings.

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Ta da! Please let me know what you’re thinking and I’ll try update again soon.

Buggy