Author: Moerae PM
From flying lessons to riding lessons.... [SasuNaru][Crack]Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Naruto U. & Sasuke U. - Words: 1,506 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 4 - Published: 07-19-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3054667
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto nor Harry Potter.
Someone shoot me for writing this... And I have no idea if this is a crossover or not, because none of the Harry Potter characters are running around.
Many thanks to Shaq for the beta.
Staring down at the three broomsticks on the grass, Sasuke mulled over how he was going to do this. Why they needed flying lessons was beyond him; it wasn't like they didn't have two perfectly good legs to walk on. But it didn't really matter, he had other plans.
The first thing was simple enough – get rid of one of the brooms. Grabbing one, he stashed it behind one of the trees near the clearing.
Now came the more complicated part...
"So Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto bounced. "Are we really going to learn how to fly?"
"Yes we are, Naruto," Kakashi drawled and ducked under a low hanging branch.
"Really really really?"
"Re – "
"Yes Naruto! We're going to fly! Now will you please shut up!" Sakura screeched and would have whacked the blonde if Sasuke wasn't standing in between them.
"Now, now," Kakashi soothed. "We're here so you don't have to ask any more."
Naruto practically bounced into the small clearing, followed by an equally eager Sakura and a nonchalant Sasuke.
"Before we start, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was kind enough to lend us those brooms, so don't go breaking them. And according to the instructions we need magical powers before we're able to do this."
"We don't have any magical powers..." Sakura murmured in disappointment.
"Yes, well, not to worry. We'll try it out anyway!"
The overly enthusiastic remark was met with dubious looks, but all three students shrugged and sidled over to a broom. Sakura neared the middle broom – to be close to Sasuke, of course – and Sasuke opened his mouth to object but Kakashi beat him to it.
"Sakura, why don't you use Naruto's one."
Sasuke didn't know whether to be angry that the jounin saw through everything or grateful that he was getting help – but he took back the last thought when a wink was sent his way. Kakashi was enjoying this far too much.
"Why? I like this one, Kakashi-sensei."
"Ah, but see here." Kakashi pointed at the slight curvature of Naruto's broom. "The groove here on this one is more suited for girls, and I do believe the one you have there is for a boy."
Sasuke didn't want to know how Kakashi came up with something as crazy as that, but he wasn't about to complain; his plans depended on Naruto getting the right broom after all.
"But they both look exactly the same!" Sakura protested.
The jounin bent and whispered something into the girl's ear, and a red-faced Sakura shoved her broom into Naruto's arms.
"Now..." Kakashi read through the instructions written on a scrap of yellowed paper. "Stand next to your brooms." They did as was told. "Stick your right hand out over it, and say 'up'."
Doubtful looks were traded between Sakura and Naruto, but they jumped when Sasuke's broom leapt into his hand. Kakashi nodded in approval and watched the other two do the same.
"So we are magical after all." Naruto waved his broomstick around in excitement.
"I suppose you are, Naruto." Kakashi continued, "Now we mount our brooms."
Sasuke turned pink and refused to look up from the ground. He hastily got on his broom and watched intently as Naruto got onto his. Kakashi chuckled at the intent look on the Uchiha's face.
Sasuke stiffened and scowled. He would've said something scathing in reply if Naruto hadn't cut in.
"What the hell do you think? We have a stick between our legs!"
"Naruto, how can you say that?" Sakura cried in embarrassment.
"But we do!"
"Naruto, shut up," Sasuke gritted out. "No one wants to know what's between your legs."
Kakashi chose that very moment to choke and hack, and something that was reminiscent of 'Are you sure about that?' drifted by, but it was too soft for Sasuke to be sure and the jounin had already started talking about something else.
"Now to ride your broomsticks," Kakashi drawled, making sure to catch Sasuke's gaze. "Kick off from the ground, hard, and make sure you keep your brooms steady. Don't want you guys to go crashing into trees."
Not wanting to see the smug look on the jounin's face, Sasuke kicked off and watched the others, hoping Naruto would take the bait and come after him.
"Come back here, you bastard!" Naruto also kicked off and squeaked in indignation as gravity took hold; as his weight was now only supported by the broom handle, certain parts of his anatomy were getting a little too close to the broom for his comfort. "Kakashi-sensei! How the hell do we sit without squishing ourselves?" His voice was an octave too high and he shifted to try and find a 'comfortable' position.
"Sit on your butt, Naruto!" Kakashi shouted.
"How can I sit on my butt when I have a stick – "
"You've said that already, moron," Sasuke muttered, keeping a straight face.
"Shut up, bastard!" Naruto flailed with one arm. He tried curling his legs around the handle, but he started tilting sideways. Scrambling to wrap his legs around the broom, he held the handle in a death-grip, trying to stay upright and not lean forward where it was likely he'd squash himself. "We're not all perfect like you, bastard. Kakashi-sensei!"
"Just sit back, Naruto," Sakura sighed and tried to get closer to her team mate so she could help. She had to admit, it was uncomfortable straddling a broomstick like this, but she imagined it would be worse for guys. Her cheeks heated.
"I'll tip backwards, Sakura-chan!" Naruto wailed.
"No you won't, stupid," Sasuke growled. "Sit your weight on your ass instead of leaning forward and sitting on your crotch!"
To prove that he didn't need fucking Uchiha Sasuke's help, Naruto quickly straightened and scowled. "I'm not sitting on my – " Feeling himself tip back, the blonde immediately lunged forward and inadvertently pressed himself hard into the broom.
There were two simultaneous squeaks – one from Naruto and the other from Sasuke, whose eyes had gone impossibly wide before he went poof in a whirl of smoke. Sakura screamed, and watched in bewilderment as the Uchiha reappeared again. But instead of falling with the broomstick, Sasuke was being straddled by an equally shocked Naruto, who no longer had a broomstick.
The two landed in a heap and Sasuke was unfortunate enough to be the one on the bottom. Winded and confused, Sasuke felt the full impact of a furious, and equally confused Naruto. An extremely amused Kakashi decided to help his student out and plucked the flailing teen off the Uchiha, and unceremoniously dumped the blonde aside.
"You BASTARD! What the fuck was that?"
Not waiting for an answer, Naruto stormed off with a string of colourful phrases floating behind him.
Patting himself on the back for a job well done, Kakashi strolled away from the clearing with three broomsticks balanced over his shoulder. Behind him, he could still hear a stuttering Sakura trying to find out why Sasuke had done that.
Grinning and shaking his head at his student's attempts to 'woo' a potential life mate, he wasn't surprised when another presence began to walk beside him.
"So what have our resident pervert-in-training done now?" Jiraiya asked, while adding the final touches to his notes.
"Oh the usual. Created a shadow clone of himself. Turned himself into one of these broomsticks. Let his clone run off to join the rest of us for the lesson."
"Did the brat get the right broom?"
"Hm... In the end, yes."
Jiraiya snorted and chuckled. "Must've been quite a ride."
"You know, Sasuke. If you wanted me to ride you, you could've just asked."
"Don't be so full of yourself, moron. Who would want you to ride them?"
A snort. "You, obviously. Or was all that so Sakura could ride you?"
A grin. "I would try transforming into a horse next time. I, at least, get to bounce around..."
Oh and the bits about how to fly was taken out of the first Harry Potter book: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. So those bits don't belong to me... Please don't sue.