Finally, my writer's block has left me alone for a while! I got the idea for this story from Ruthie and her Stationary Cupboard Saga, and thankfully she let me 'borrow' the main concept. So thanks Ruthie! Also, I would like to thank BiteMeTechie because she's the one that made me realise just how good McKay & Cadman would be together. (Everybody who hasn't already needs to go and read I'm Not! and Neither Am I by Techie. I demand it.)

Anyways, I hope you like it. Oh, and there is a slight spoiler for Grace Under Pressure somewhere.

The object Rodney had placed in the doorway to stop the malfunctioning door from locking him in a very dark closet had just done the opposite.

“Lights. Where are the damn lights?”

Apparently, those were malfunctioning as well.

“God, what is wrong with this place? It’s supposed to contain some of the most advanced technology known to mankind, not to mention the brightest minds in two galaxies, and yet not one person can be bothered to get off their ass to change a damn light bulb and have a poke around in the door panel.”

Reluctantly deciding that he would have to be that person, he made his way over to the door. And promptly walked into a wall.

“Okay, so the door isn’t this way. Take two.” He said irately, ignoring the fact that his immense fear of small spaces had just smacked him in the face.

Just then, a light appeared from somewhere, and a shadow stepped into the room.

“Hey, wait, hold the-”

The light vanished.

“Door.” He groaned.

“What?” Came a voice.

“Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. Not you. Why you? Please God let this be a nightmare…” For emphasis, Rodney clasped his hands together and looked up at the ceiling. Well, he supposed it was the ceiling. He was so disorientated, it may well have been the floor.

“Rodney? That you?”

“Yes.” He mumbled through gritted teeth.

“Oh.” Cadman replied. “Why’s it so dark?”

Rodney made a sound that was indistinguishable, as he now had his face in his hands.

“I see.” She replied sarcastically. He groaned.

“Why you? Why’s it always you?” His muffled voice whined.

“Hey! What did I do?” She said indignantly.

“Well, for a start, you didn’t hold the damn door!” He replied harshly.

“You only asked when I was already in here! And besides, why didn’t you open it yourself?”

“Because it isn’t working properly and has locked itself.”

“Oh. Tried your radio?”

“Not got one.”

“Oh.” She repeated.“Me either.”

“Oh hell. I’m trapped in a closet with the spawn of the she-devil.”

There was a thump, a moan, and the whirring sound of Rodney’s brain trying to calculate what the probability actually was of Cadman successfully managing to lob a projectile at him in a confined space in the pitch darkness.

“OW! What the hell was that?” He screeched, his voice going up an octave.

“I have no idea, but I hope there’s more in here.” She muttered.

“What are you doing here anyway?” He asked, rubbing his head.

“What are you doing here?” She countered.

“I asked first!”

“Oh, you’re such a whiny baby.” She snapped.

“I’ll have you know that I am extremely claustrophobic and liable to collapse in a panic attack at any moment! Plus the fact that I’ve not had anything to eat for at least twenty minutes – I mean, I can already feel a hypoglycaemic reaction coming on…”

Cadman took a deep breath and started to count to ten. She got to four, gave up, and fumbled around for something else to throw at him.

“…so therefore I think I have a right to be whiny. Wait a second. I am not whiny! And I’m not a baby either!” He continued.

Her hand closed around something on a shelf. It felt like a wooden pole, and she realised that this must be where Teyla and Ronon kept their training equipment.

“Rodney, I swear to God, if you don’t shut up right this second, I am going to take this wooden pole I have in my hand and shove it where the sun don’t shine.”

There was a snort.

“SIDEWAYS.”

There was a nervous chuckle.

“What wooden pole?” He asked edgily.

She swung it. It smacked him in the arm.

“Okay, ow! Unwanted physical contact!”

“Well I sure as hell enjoyed that...” She said under her breath.

“Point taken. Shutting up. Which way is the door?”

“What, you mean you aren’t enjoying this?” She asked sarcastically.

“Yes. I’m absolutely thrilled to be locked in a dark, confined, small space, having objects thrown at my head – I could have concussion, you know – and to be assaulted by a girl armed with a stick.”

Her eyes flashed through the darkness and she swiped at him again. Surprisingly, he caught the baton in mid-swing, and yanked it towards him. Caught off-guard, she went with it, and they both ended up in a heap on the floor.

“Now this I think I could learn to enjoy.” He said darkly to the flustered form positioned on top of him. He received an elbow in the ribs as punishment.

“Ugh.” He grunted, and rolled over, ignoring her protests as she tumbled off of him.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I’ve found an exception to my “I love blondes rule.” He groaned, clambering to his feet.

“Hey, this isn’t exactly a picnic for me either, McKay.” She replied. “You never did say what you’re doing in here.”

“Neither did you.” He muttered, feeling his way around the walls for the door.

“Ugh, MEN!” She hissed.

“I know. We’re so annoying and self-centred and egotistical.” He replied absent-mindedly as his fingers found the door panel. Laura was silent for a moment.

“What?” She was confused. Did Rodney really just admit to being those things?

“Don’t act so surprised. I’ve been told that many times. Probably most of all by Samantha Carter…” He trailed off as he concentrated on flipping open the door panel. “Aha.” He said under his breath.

“What?” She asked.

“Oh, I’ve just found out why we’re locked in here. But it would take too long to explain to you, as you haven’t even the basic knowledge of how this kind of technology works, so I suggest you keep quiet and let me get on with it.”

If the lights had been working, Rodney would have seen the death-glare she was giving him. He would also have received another clout, but as she’d lost the pole when she fell on top of him, she couldn’t find anything else to smack his brains out with. Instead, she sighed and sat on the floor in the exact spot she’d been standing. There was now a dim light coming from the crystals in the door panel, so she could just about make out McKay’s shape. He was leaning against the wall, not even touching the door panel.

“Hey! Why aren’t you trying to fix it?” She snapped.

“Like I told you. You have no idea how it works.”

He heard her growl.

“But… seeing as you seem so interested, let me put it in words you’ll understand.” He smiled smugly. “Door crystals not working. Me remove door crystals, door still not work. Me reset door controls, door work. ‘Kay?”

She glowered at him in the dark. Rodney seemed to have noticed her reaction despite not being to really see her, as he continued in a less patronizing tone.

“Oh, look. The crystals don’t seem to be working, so I’ve reset the system, which should hopefully clear away the malfunction. Until it reboots, there’s nothing more I can do but wait.”

“What about the lights?”

“Nope. All part of the same system. Won’t work until the door does.”

She groaned. “And how long will that take exactly?”

“I’m not sure. Could take hours.”

Actually, he was sure. It wouldn’t take nearly that long. But he wasn’t going to tell her that. He was having way too much fun.

“Great. Just great.” She muttered, fumbling around the floor for the pole. If she was going to be stuck in here with him, she could at least have some fun poking him until they were freed.

“Looking for this?” He asked cheerily, prodding her with it. He’d found it near the wall.

“Stop it.” She said seriously, trying not to laugh. Even though they were stuck here in the dark, he still managed to make light of the situation. She would remedy that. “Aren’t you supposed to be claustrophobic? I’d have expected you to be rolling around on the floor by now, whining about how you’re gonna die.”

“Okay, one. Being trapped in a sinking, leaking puddle jumper under hundreds of feet of ocean kind of made me get over my claustrophobia a little. Two. It’s dark, so I can’t actually see how small the space is in here, seeing as I’ve never been in here before to judge. Three. I do NOT whine. Four. I know that we are not going to die-”

“It’s never stopped you moaning about it before…” She muttered. He cleared his throat and ignored her.

“Five. It’s not so bad in here.”

“And where did you figure that one out, genius?” She asked sarcastically.

“Well, put it this way. I’d rather be stuck in a closet with you than, say, Kavanagh.”

“Oh, well thank you.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, I’m serious.” She raised her eyebrows.

“How did you know I was rolling my eyes?”

“Well, it’s the sort of thing you would do, so I guessed. And I see that I was right.” She groaned. He could be so-

“I know, I know. I’m smug and annoying.”

And how did he do that? Know what she was thinking? Man, she would need weeks of therapy after this.

“At least one good thing comes out of this.” Rodney piped up.

“What?” She snapped.

“Dr. Heightmeyer will have the pleasure of your company for weeks after this.”

How the hell was he doing that? Now he was freaking her out.

“Can you fix the door yet?” She asked through gritted teeth.

“Nope.” He said cheerfully, and started whistling.

“Will you stop being so cheerful?”

“Why? You normally moan that I need to lighten up. Make up your mind, woman.”

“Make me.”

She received a poke in the ribs.

“Ow!”

“See? Not nice, is it?”

A boot, about the size of a certain female lieutenant’s left foot, was hurled in McKay’s direction.

“Missed.” He continued whistling. She threw the other one at him.

“Missed again. God, who trains you people? I hope they don’t rely on you to throw grenades at the enemy. I also suggest you attend anger management courses. You violently overreact to the slightest thing you know...”

That did it. She’d had enough. She clambered to her feet and marched over to where McKay was standing. She raised her fist and pounded on the door.

“Help! Get me out of here!” She yelled.

“Won’t work. Soundproofing.” She ignored him and continued to bang on the door. She hit a little too hard and her wrist protested.

“Ow!” She inhaled sharply, ceased hammering on the door and clasped her wrist with her other hand.

“See? I told you it was pointless. Not only is there soundproofing, but it’s lunch time so every one will be in the mess hall. If you’d listened to me instead of ignoring me as usual, you wouldn’t have hurt yourself. You’ll take my advice next time, won’t you?”

She looked up at his smug face which was slightly lit up from the glowing door panel, and glared at him through the dark haze.

“You are the most arrogant,” she punched him in the chest. “…irritating,” she punched him again. “…self-centred,” and again. “…conceited,” she decided to stop hitting him with her sore arm. “…infuriating, condescending-”

She was cut off when he placed his hands on either side of her face, pulling her closer, and pressed his lips to hers. She struggled for a second before relaxing and letting him kiss her. After a few moments, he broke away, leaving her stunned.

“…pain in the ass I’ve ever known.” She finished. “What the hell did you do that for?”

He chuckled nervously. “Well, for starters, you were punching me quite hard. My ribs hate you. Secondly, because you were insulting me and I had to shut you up somehow.”

“And thirdly?” She asked quietly, looking dazed.

“I’d have been crazy not to. And we can’t have people thinking I’m crazy now, can we?”

“I guess not.” She replied absent-mindedly, still shocked.

“How’s your arm now?”

She hadn’t even noticed him massaging her wrist. She pulled it away.

“Fine.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

They both laughed nervously.

“Guess we’d better get out of here then?” He asked merrily, changing the subject. “Let me see…” He fiddled with the door panel for a second, and the lights sprung back on. “Hello, hello.” He muttered. “Door. Open.” He paused. “Open?” Nothing. Behind him, Laura bent down and put her boots back on. She then picked up the baton and replaced it on the shelf. She couldn’t see the other object she’d thrown at him.

“Okay, for some reason, the door won’t open.” He said.

“But it just did.” She replied.

“Hmm? What? It did?”

“Yeah.”

Rodney looked. It was indeed open.

“Um, you guys alright in there?” Major Lorne asked, appearing in the doorway.

“Major! Oh thank God.” Rodney exclaimed.

“Thanks a bunch…” Cadman muttered quietly.

“How’d you find us?”

“Uh, I didn’t. I was looking for some gym supplies. Heard you talking.”

Laura glared at Rodney. “Soundproofing?”

Rodney shot a glance at Lorne.

“The door was already open.” The major added.

“Oh.” She said. “Right. Well, I’ll be off then.” She stepped out of the closet.

“Yup. Me too.” Rodney said quickly, emerging behind her.

“Bye.” She said.

“Bye.” He said.

“Bye!” Lorne grinned and waved at her. They both looked at him. Laura glared at the men, before hastily retreating down the hallway. Rodney watched her go, and then looked at Lorne.

“Thank you, major.” He said, fumbling in his jacket pocket and handing Lorne a wad of cash.

“No Dr. McKay. Thank you.” He grinned again and transferred the money to his own pocket. “Did you two have fun in there?”

“It was… memorable.” Rodney replied, and flashed a playful smile. Lorne chuckled.

“Let me know if you need another, uh, session, with lieutenant Cadman. It was easy to lure her in there. I hid her gym towel.” He smirked.

“Will do. Nice trick, by the way. Manipulating the door controls like that.”

“Thanks. One of my better ideas. Here’s your radio.” Lorne handed Rodney an earpiece. “It’s been squawking for the past thirty minutes. I had trouble hiding it.”

Rodney chuckled. “Sorry.” A look of uneasiness crossed his face. “You did say that this would remain-”

“Confidential? Absolutely. If Weir, or Cadman for that matter, found out about this, my life wouldn’t be worth living. Hell hath no fury and all that.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Carson would absolutely kill me if he found out.” Lorne smirked again. He had no doubt about that. “See you later, duty calls.” Rodney added, putting in his earpiece, before patting the major on the shoulder and speeding off down the corridor, deliberately going in the opposite direction to Cadman. He knew she’d be out to get revenge some time, but it had so been worth it…

oOo

A few days later, Lorne was sitting in the mess hall at lunch. He’d noticed, with some amusement, that McKay and Cadman were sitting at opposite ends of the room, as far away from each other as possible. She’d been avoiding him since their encounter in the closet. Lorne glanced up as Colonel Sheppard stood in front of him.

“Anyone sitting here?” John asked.

“No sir, go ahead.” Lorne gestured to the empty chair in front of him. John plonked his tray on the table and sat down. He took a sip of coffee and eyed the major suspiciously. Lorne noticed.

“What is it, sir?” He asked his CO edgily.

John glanced around and leaned closer, giving the major a serious look.

“So I’ve been hearing something about a closet near the gym.” He said quietly, raising an eyebrow. Lorne swallowed nervously, but relaxed when Sheppard’s face broke into a grin. “What’s your hourly rate?”

Please review, I love reviews, they make me dance with joy and cause my goldfish to think I'm odd. Also, constructive criticism is appreciated.