A/N: First CSI: NY story. CSI does not belong to me! The Song “Last Resort” belongs to Papa Roach. I put the song in italics. Hope you like. I also made up Danny’s mom’s death. (Shrugs) I only did so it followed the story/song oh and about his dad being abusive. This is in Danny’s POV.

Last Resort

Cut my life into pieces

This is my last resort

Suffocation, no breathing

Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arms breathing

I’m done. I can’t take it anymore. My life’s a living hell. I’m stressed to the point of breaking down, or maybe I already am. My work is suffering. I think Mac will probably suspend me…or maybe just fire me. My past won’t stay in the past. It’s always finding of ruining my life. My brother has been in a coma for months now. The doctor tells me he won’t wake up and after some talk and some arguing he pulls the plug. My brother is dead now. Just like Aiden. Both murdered. I feel like I have nothing. Don’s been quiet and withdrawn, still recovering from the explosion. Mac and me fight more then we get along nowadays. Montana is ok. We’ve gotten to know each other a bit more, but I don’t really think she cares that much. She doesn’t know me that well. Her main goal is impressing Mac. Stella is like the mother of the group. It’s her job to care being all “motherly like.” I don’t think she’d care too much if I were gone. That leaves Sheldon. We’re not that close. Don’t work together that much. End of story. I just feel so alone. I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of the sad, depressed, moody Danny and I know everyone else it. Time to do something about that.

Do you even care if I die bleeding?

Would it be wrong?

Would it be right?

If I took my life tonight

Chances are that I might

Mutilation out of sight

And I’m contemplating suicide.

Cuts. They’re all over. A sign of my inner struggle. Not tonight. No more cuts. Tonight I will go all the way. Am I wrong? Is it wrong to want to get rid of these thoughts and feelings? Wouldn’t surprise anybody. They’ve probably seen it coming for some time now. Guess it was only a matter of time. Sure I could go see a shrink, but I’m sick of talking. I’m not going to wait to feel better. I want to feel better now.

Cause I’m losing my sight.

Losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine

Nothings alright

Nothing is fine

I’m running and I’m crying

I’m sick of being blinded by grief, sadness, anger, and death. I feel like I’m going crazy. Sometimes I wish someone would just come up and say, “Hey Danny, It’s gunna be ok.” But no one will. They are all so immersed in their own lives they probably don’t even know that I’m so close to the edge. I know I said before that they probably won’t be surprised, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe they haven’t noticed that I’ve been losing weight, become more pale, and acted more withdrawn, or maybe they’ve just sick of me and don’t care, or maybe they think I’ll just get over everything and that they should stay out because I don’t need their help. They’re wrong. Well it’s too late. Tonight I stop running and start taking action. Tonight I stop crying and take control.

I never realized I was spread too thin

Till it was too late and I was empty within

Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin

Downward spiral

Where do I begin?

I guess I never realized how bad it was getting. How could anyone see this moment coming when I’m not sure I even saw it coming? I guess I realized it too late. I’m too empty inside to do anything about it now. Have I always been like this? Have I always been on this downward spiral? There have been times where people have tried to help, department psychologists and such, but it wasn’t enough or maybe it was already too late. This wasn’t a recent occurrence. No. All the events of my life building up to this moment. All the bad arrests, all the abused kids, all the rapes and all the murders that come with the job along with problems with my own life slowly pushing me to the edge. Well it won’t be much longer now.

It all started when I lost my mother

No love for myself

And no love for another

Searching for love

Upon a higher level

Finding nothing but questions

And Devils.

I was thinking back wondering when this all started. When I started feeling like this. I believe it’s when my mother died. My dad, in his own depression, turned into an abusive alcoholic. Always beating up on my brother and me. Yes, that’s when it all started. Dad always telling me I was worthless and everything was my fault no matter what it was. My dad always telling me no one would ever be able to love me. I’ll just hurt them. He was probably right.

Cause I’m losing my sight

I’m losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine

Nothings alright

Nothing is fine.

I’ve defiantly made up my mind. I’m gunna do it. I’m taking the cowards way out. I don’t care anymore. I’m sick of caring. It ends tonight. I stare at my gun. My police issued 9mm, heavy in my hands. This is it.

I’m running and

I’m crying

I put the gun to my head. No turning back now.

I can’t go on living this way.

I pull the trigger.

Nothing’s alright.