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Warning: Second shortest chapter so far, spelling and grammar mistakes crawling around and a bunch of things you should already be used to by now.
Note: I'm such a slow updater, I know. But it's so hard to work with a solid plot, because I have never done it before in such a way. I'm a newbie, what can I say :P Please be patient with me, and I'll strive for perfection.
Recap: Kaiba killed (?) the police chief with an almighty pen, Jounouchi went schizophrenic all through the chapter, never containing a solid train of thought, and then the two to-be lovers scurried off in the dead of the night, escaping together.
Raison d'être
Chapter 6
by Growing Pain
One hand scratched the neck as the other massaged his tired eyes in order to awake. A second yawn then escaped his dry lips while his slouched body drew closer to the refrigerator.
It all screamed of such normality as the absence of it failed to shine so obviously.
Opening the refrigerator's door, as he had done countless times before, an odd item made itself known to his now alerted eyes, stealing his attention instantly. The guilty white laid peacefully still.
"What the…" the man mumbled, senses awakening as his mind grew curious. A piece of paper with the words "To Honda" sloppily written on it was visible. The man instantly snatched it out of the cold temperature to hold in his warm hand, staring at it in disbelief yet not daring to unfold. Already recognizing the handwriting, as well as the act, instincts and personal knowledge took over. He had encountered this scenario all too often.
And it almost always meant the same thing.
Worry began to fill him shamelessly. And without much mental consultation, he begun to sprint to his roommate's bedroom, dreading what he hoped would not be reality. Practically ripping open the door when having arrived, he was met by the sight of unwanted revelations.
It was empty.
And now he was truly awake.
"No…" he murmured to himself, the still air the only one to receive his hollow word. Temporarily frozen, he could only stare before thinking of a second option as frustration slowly set out to cloud his mind. Quickly he dashed to the room Kaiba had inhabited, and hopefully still was. But the door to it was already open, revealing a deserted mattress to his approaching form. He could only stare in disbelief caused by shock.
Shunning the truth that attacked his vision, he shook his head as he stepped backwards, eyes steady on the void that now was his apartment. For it couldn't be so. No…it could not.
…But why else would everything be so deserted?
All too quickly did he unfold the small paper in his hand in hope of finding his theory proven wrong. Strained eyes started all too quickly to scan over the words that were obviously written in a haste.
Being right had never felt so regrettable before.
"Hi. If you're reading this, that means I'm not here. I've got to make this short, so: I'm running away with Kaiba (as strange as that sounds). There's some pretty bad people that want him, and if we stay he'll get captured again. But I'll come back, so don't come looking for me. This is my responsibility.
- Jou
PS! Get rid of this note as fast as you can, or the police might find it or something. Oh, and don't trust them! I don't know who else might be involved. And if I take a long time coming back, tell Shizuka I, you know.
Take care."
Gone. Vanished from his life, left as a burning memory. And having left so carelessly as well, not bothering to consult with him first. The exclusion left a stinging slap on his face in realization.
Would he come back? Could he? Jounouchi wasn't supposed to do this. Not supposed to do this himself! They were friends! He would share every burden thrown his way, as Jounouchi would do the same for him! Why this sudden change? Why so intent on doing it alone when teamwork was what made them before?
Although interfering with his logic, a sense of betrayal could not help but lurk inside him, hidden in the depths he would never admit having. Discarded so easily…they all were. For what? Kaiba didn't matter! Their friendship did!
"Jou, you stupid, stupid idiot…!" he hissed out in a try to control his anger. To cause aversion of his feelings, one hand clenched around the paper as his nails dug into his skin while the other fist copied the action.
If only he had never taken on the case. If only… Then this mess would not exist.
"A special announcement has arrived from the Domino Police -" the news anchor proclaimed in the other room, only vaguely taking the man's interest as his mind held onto and discarded various actions he could be doing.
He had to find Jounouchi. This was dangerous. He could not let him go through with this. And especially not alone. How many times would he have to tell him it was dangerous before Jounouchi would get it through his thick skull? Or more importantly, start to care.
"-Jounouchi Katsuya, age 23, is currently a suspect of the very shocking murder of the now deceased Domino Police Chief; Shimata Nobu." the man stated with the ever present creased brow. This time managing to contain a more serious and tense voice to illustrate the gravity he was to make people aware of. "Both fingerprints and hair samples have been discovered on the crime scene, leaving little for doubt -"
"…Jou?" the man's weak voice suddenly mumbled to no one, body frozen as the words forced themselves onto him, refusing him a moment of interim standstill. With reluctant feet did he wander to the living room, the TV screen suddenly feeling ominous and threatening as an enlarged picture of his friend appeared on it. All while painting him in the light of a criminal.
"-a gun is missing and the police suspect him to be armed with it. They ask the public to remain cautious if around him, and alert the police as soon as possible as he is capable of -"
It continued, these streams of manufactured truths, hiding behind the mask of justice and sincerity. He did not believe their convenient words.
Even so, he could only stand there, doing nothing in his useless state. He was angry. So insanely angry at his reckless friend that never fully bothered to think through any consequences. Always forcing him into these situations of worry that would give any other person a heart-attack. It was unfair to load this burden onto him. So reckless, so damned reckless and uncaring of what other people wanted or thought.
"Fucking idiot!" he snapped, closely followed by a roar that was anything but majestic, dressed in hurt and betrayal and all other things so very, very painfully caused by Jounouchi. And then his foot kicked the old couch which's colour had begun to fade, eyes hateful and unforgiving. Kicking and roaring and hitting and panting. A repeated cycle of failed attempts at trying to mask his inner feelings.
The chief was dead… Dead. And Jounouchi was the prime suspect. Probably the only suspect. And now everyone would feast in the news, trying to bring down his naïve friend by cutting at his ankles, bidding him not to run any further.
But Jounouchi better run now. And run fast. Because he could not run with him this time when the story was a more complex one than ever before. He had no real opportunity to run with him if he wished for a positive outcome to follow. Jounouchi sure had ensured that, not allowing him inside his thoughts.
He was not even sure if he would find them, wherever they were.
And if he would, that'd mean others could find them as well. By then, it would not matter.
"Why, Jou?" he mumbled through clenched teeth as his tense posture tried not to shake from all colliding emotions inside, now that he finally had found a way to keep somewhat calm. Hands so folded, his nails buried themselves inside warm skin for comfort in this all too serene morning. Still standing with his front towards the television that shamelessly continued onwards, the condemning words were etched into his memory.
Jounouchi's life was on the line. All for Kaiba. And they might get captured all too soon. He was sure that the presence of corrupted authorities failed to instil proper fear into his friend's heart. Otherwise he could not have left with him. Always too focused on helping. It was always so. Always. But this time, the stakes were unreasonably high for a man one does not care about.
"Why, Jounouchi?" he cried out. "Why do you always have someone to save?"
The irony. Taking care of someone else made it so that Jounouchi couldn't fully take care of himself. Which was now the top priority. Keeping him safe.
And if he could not run with him, then he would stop those who would cut Jounouchi's ankles.
"Domino Police." the receiver told calmly on the other line.
"Officer Honda here." he spoke as deep breaths were produced, still not physically calm. Yet his mind was clear at last. "I have information regarding Jounouchi Katsuya, the suspect of the murder on Shimata." his thick voice announced as eyes glared at the television screen that had now changed its subject.
If he could not run with him…then he'd cut the hunters' ankles.
XxxX
His heart had stopped beating, a cold feeling spreading from his chest while his muscles tensed with undeniable power. His breathing was stilled and he could not focus, his fingers gripping tightly around the steering wheel until they dared to turn white, in order to keep them both on the road safely. The speed was lowered as the task was proven troublesome with all the scattered thoughts running vividly and mercilessly through his previously oblivious mind.
"-the police assumes him to be armed with the missing gun, and advice anyone that finds a man with this description to call the police immediately. Once again -" the radio informed with certainty to his unprotected ears.
Murderer. They saw him as a murderer. A cold-blooded killer.
His friends would hear this. His sister as well. Would they all believe these words? Accept it as truth? Would she? He never explained about the blood to them the previous day. And contacting them could be dangerous. They shouldn't get involved. It was better this way.
For he was wanted for murder. And the one who did it sat right beside him, probably no emotional reaction fostering inside his heart from this revelation. No feeling was sought from all this, for the concept seemed almost foreign to the other man.
But he would never accept that.
"…You lied." he accused darkly, head refusing to turn to look at the brown-haired man. For he knew he would not stand to look at that unbothered face. It would infuriate him. Call out the rage bottled up inside and make it seethe until it boiled over. He mustn't see.
Yet he did, the image appearing at the back of his mind. Those pale cheeks, stained with slowly dripping blood. Those blue eyes, that lethal ice. And the lips that never apologized for any sin.
"Your emotional state was unreliable. I did what I had to do to calm you down. It was only meant -" he explained calmly. Assuredly. It was now clear he did not understand what Jounouchi thought was wrong.
"Shut up!" he interrupted suddenly, his temper taking a hold of him. Falling into routine, unable to break out. The car wavered slightly in its path through the desolate forest. "You lied! You freaking murdered him, Kaiba! Fuck, you… You killed a person! Can't you get that through your thick skull? He's dead! He won't come back!" he ranted as his eyes threw themselves back and forth between the road and the passenger, letting his anger seep out to flow over the other. Sharp, steady eyes was all the reaction given.
"…That was the intention. Would you rather have him chase us?" the murderer reasoned, a small series of unexpected coughs following. They went by ignored.
"No! But… God, what's wrong with you? How can you not care?" monster. He was a cold, uncaring monster.
"It was for sake of survival, Jounouchi. Why won't you see that?" Alpha retorted, temper running low. For Alpha failed the see the problem, only irritated over the emotional state his temporary confederate was in. And Jounouchi noticed. Noticed how the world slowly crept up on him from behind, wanting him captured. Noticed how helpless he appeared to be to his very own eyes.
And most importantly, he noticed the ice that hadn't begun to thaw.
XxxX
"Have you gone insane? You know I can't allow anyone with personal ties to join so recklessly, it could jeopardize -"
"I know that!" the brunet interrupted boldly, their raised voices carrying themselves to what was outside the walls. They better. The more upset, the more convincing. And he had rage to spare. "But I know him! I know how Jounouchi thinks! We could use that!" he urged, persisting with undying fire.
"…I already have many and skilled men on this case. You know it's highly prioritised! God, the media is all over it! We can't allow a screw-up!" he informed what was already known before calming down, slumping down slightly in his desk chair and lighting a cigarette to calm his nerves, automatically offering one to his employee. The man turned the offer down. "Chief Shimata was invaluable to us, and I can never fill out his shoes. But I must do what is right, and that is to assure that the investigation of his death goes by perfectly." he lectured, his steady voice growing cold as his eyes began to fill with contempt. "That Jounouchi…we can't let him get away with this."
"I know that! And I want to catch him too!" a smirk was seen on the elder man, shallow dimples visible on his round cheeks.
"Are you sure? In your statement you left to my officers, you said you two have been friends since your childhood. That's not something to take lightly." he told, suggesting a future betrayal. Honda's eyes remained glued and firm, never once faltering. They did not bother to be insulted by the suggestion.
"Chief Bunji, -" he began with a voice that needed to be controlled, for it was noticed, as his breath was not in synch. "I…when I came here, I was nothing. A nobody. Chief Shimata changed that! He made me believe that there really is hope in this world. That we can catch the bad guys, so the good ones don't have to suffer." he revealed, eyes narrowing in remembrance while reluctantly starting to water. Or so it seemed.
"And Jounouchi… I can't believe he would do something like this! That's why I need to find him, Chief! He needs to pay for what he did! I can't let him hurt others. This is the best thing for him. I don't know what's come over him, but he's not thinking straight. I need to get him some help!" he urged, proof of a friendship still alive and shining through, giving credibility. "You know I only want to help the investigation! I called in to you as soon as I saw the news! I let you go into my home to collect evidence even! Why would I betray?"
But the scrutinizing eyes were still unsure after this impressive act.
"I have to be on the team, Chief. I have to. I don't care if you don't give me any money for it, or if you make me work twice as much, or if I get no days off even! I need this. I'll take the smallest part, Chief. Anything you give me, I'll be grateful for it. And I promise you, all of my strength will go to finding Jounouchi." he tried, eyes sincere and posture determined. Shallow dimples returned and a sigh too impressed to sound defeated spread over the room.
The man was convinced.
And the deceit continued.
XxxX
"It's wrong, Kaiba." the blond man informed with a now calm tone as he sat casually on top of the car's hood, holding an untouched sandwich in one hand. His eyes were fixated with the view before him. Such an endless, vast area. So open to the world, while they hid in seclusion created by trees.
He had to make him understand somehow. For one day Kaiba would return to the grave. And he couldn't do it when he was so cold inside. Mokuba deserved better. He deserved recognition. Mourning. Love. Regret. Anything but a blank look accompanied with indifferent thoughts.
Why it was so important to he himself to make it come true, he could not fully answer. In the end, it felt right, and at the moment, he had no other sense to trust but his gut.
"Why?" the brunet questioned the rule that came with no explanation. His eyes stared at the wide sea in front of them, leaning against the hood beside Jounouchi, borrowed clothes now protecting his body. "What's wrong with surviving?" he inquired this new philosophy that seemed alien to his logic.
"Nothing. There's nothing wrong with surviving." the blond revealed with a small smile that quickly faded. "But that doesn't mean you can kill people, Kaiba. That's only for emergencies." a snort followed his explanation, rudely setting aside his words.
"And that wasn't?"
"No. Because you could've made him drop his gun. You could've told him to get out, and we could've taken the car and drove away from there." brown eyes narrowed, memories of stained blood on pale cheeks tightly embracing him. He hated such a memory. It interfered with what he had to do. His mission. His promise. His temporary substitute for a reason.
"Then he would have been alive, and able to contact his subordinates and inform which car we were in." he pointed out the flaw, causing a distinguishable frown on the other man's face. But the blond man was too drained on emotions to be fully angered, his throat still soar from his previous yelling that had taken place not long ago.
He was surprised the other man was still with him, despite all that. Then again, he didn't have much choice. Yet it was a fragile assurance he held onto. Kaiba was with him, despite other options. He mustn't forget that.
"You just don't get it, Kaiba." he told with a cold snort. "Everyone wants to live. So you have to let them, or this world would be all…in chaos, and stuff." he tried to reason, his hand lazily raising itself and bringing the food close to his mouth.
A chilly wind breezed passed them, dancing around their forms and not allowing either to go untouched, grabbing a firm hold for several long seconds. Violent and firm. Mixing with the sound of the rising wind was the repeated and harsh coughing of the brunet, taking the blonde's attention for a moment before dismissing it. Here they would stay for the night. And then they would drive to the nearest city, now that they were finally out of Domino. Luckily before any police started to guard the borders.
It wouldn't take long before the police would figure out what car they were using though. Thus, they had to leave it behind. Hopefully it wouldn't be stolen. Yuugi would probably not want that. He probably didn't want it to be taken by him in the first place, but his friend had borrowed it to him so often, he owned his own set of keys. It was so typical of Yuugi; always sharing. Even important things. He smiled to himself, warm eyes meeting the horizon.
This way, by taking it, he took danger away from his friends.
It was all for the better.
"This world…it's not perfect, is it?" eyes filled with something resembling regret dared to know, interrupting the serenity of a magnificent sunset, the coughing now ceased.
Alpha's ears were on the alert for an answer, wishing to know. Had he idealised the world without proportion from his dull cell in order to have hope? It had been such perseverance to live, and it was still such an effort to survive.
Why did everything prove to be a struggle?
"No. Definitely not." Jounouchi confirmed easily to his dismay, giving the other unsure looks due to the unsuspected subject that had arose.
"Then why live in it?"
"We haven't got much choice, do we?" a lopsided smile. Taunting the other's logic almost playfully despite the dark atmosphere hovering over them.
"…It needs to be changed." brown eyes froze for a second at the surprising thought before his eyes sought blue ones. Questioning with his gaze, then sensing the sincere yearning for it.
"Then we have to stop hiding. Hiding won't make any difference!" he urged, always trying to convince the other. The brown-haired man merely shook his head slowly, dismissing the proposal.
"No. Survival always comes first."
"So what's stopping you? You could make all of them go down! All we have to do is contact the media! Japan won't stand for this!"
"They have power over me." the low tone came out, his finger unconsciously raising themselves to trace over the metallic device around his throat. An insulting snort was heard beside him.
"Idiot." the blond man grumbled, continuing on with words almost too incoherent to hear. "What makes you think I'd let them hurt you?" the words of absolute and unconditional protection made themselves known as brown eyes avoided eye contact, staring at the wide sea rather than the majestic beast Kaiba had become. A bite of his sandwich followed shortly.
And Alpha was still confused as to why everything seemed to matter so much to the other, vaguely aware he appeared to be lacking something Jounouchi wasn't. His fingers gently circled around a cut-out photograph of Mokuba hidden in his pocket, while wondering if anything of that was really that important at all.
XxxX
The air hung piercingly serious between the two men, each in a chair and with troubled expressions.
"Now, you see, our efforts must increase in trying to bring him back. There is no possible way of foretelling how he would react." Dr Wakai told, anticipating the worry of the other man, who's expression remained calm and analytical. But the eyes were not able to be shielded, despite the glasses, and thus told of the worry he would not let on.
"So death is an option?" his voice asked, feigning calamity.
"…It is always an option when he's out of our control. This time is no different. But I don't suspect it to be a large percentage even so."
"Always trying to cheer me up, even in dark times." Takashi commented fondly, a forlorn smile on his lips that only added to a ghostly appearance along with the bags under his eyes and wrinkles that had begun to show these last few years. "But I'm afraid I have to tell you some bad news as well." he told with a now hard tone, leaning forward with hands clasped, letting his arms rest on his knees. Wakai nodded for the other to go on, paying full attention.
"I suspect we have a mole among us." he told as if ashamed, a feeling of betrayal lurking inside. Wakai's composure did not falter.
"Ah…that I do too." he informed, and neither of them were surprised they had been thinking in the same lines. "Do you have anyone in particular you suspect?" the question was asked casually, and the eyes of the other man found themselves astray. There was a doubting silence for a few everlasting moments before he found his voice once more.
"…No." Wakai's eyebrow raised itself in wonder, but did not question.
"Then let's start our preparation in order to take statements from everyone regarding the day Alpha escaped. Things have been too stressful these past few days, so we've had no time to do the obvious." he suggested, rising up from his chair and gesturing for the other to follow. With a brood expression Takashi did as told.
But Wakai could not help but notice, that the other man's feet were dragging.
XxxX
Her green eyes stared observantly at the computer in the desolate room, her fingers rushing over the keyboard while her ears were more aware than usual. Soon, a page started to load before her eyes, showing a map along with a red, bold dot. She smirked.
"So you're out of Domino now." she murmured with interest, eyes slowly filling with interest when otherwise devoid of it. A satisfied and composed outlet of air, then she quickly shut it down in case anyone should enter.
It did not take long before the task was finished, and she was staring at a black screen, no light in the room save for the small portion that managed to sneak in through the cracks around the door. Despite the lack of activity, she remained seated in the darkness, her mind working.
After a moment of silent contemplation she rose up, pink lips twitching upwards as she walked away from the computer.
"Let's see how long you'll survive, Alpha." she suggested in a soft yet daring tone before exiting the room of secrets and stepping out to her world of treachery.
XxxX
His steady breathing was calming to listen to as much as it was alien and almost unnatural to him, leaving it impossible for his fatigued body and dulled senses to fully relax and give into sleep.
He did not trust Jounouchi.
And yet they shared the car as a sleeping place, the outside too cold for him to take shelter.
What if Jounouchi had merely tried to build up his trust, only to aim for his life when sleeping? What if he tried to take off his shackle? Of course he himself was a light sleeper, but after all this exhaustion, he did not trust himself strongly enough to think he would awake immediately if the blond ever came to touch him.
His form, sitting on the backseat while Jounouchi was in the driver's seat that was pulled backwards, hovered over the sleeping man, intent eyes trying to distinguish lines in the darkness.
He was still not used to this unlit environment.
So far, the other man had failed to notice his presence, too tangled in a web of sleep. His own breaths consciously hit the other man's face. Growing dangerously and offensively close. But Jounouchi did not wake, senses too indolent to react.
It was interesting to watch Jounouchi sleep, so stripped of a shield to protect him. Because of that, it was also pitiful to watch him sleep, because he did not regard the possible danger Alpha himself would have registered long ago. This made the other weak.
It was in a prolonged fashion that his hand reached for the man's serene, unknowing face. Hesitantly and expectantly he moved, unsure how to go about. And as his fingertips found the soft and warm skin, the rest of his hand rested with it, lightly pressed around the temple area. As fingers came in contact with the blonde hair, he subconsciously noticed a difference. It did not feel like his own. Attempting to understand, his free hand touched his brown strays while taking comparing strokes of the other man. In the end he found Jounouchi's to be softer. It proved interesting humans had different contexture of hair.
It was such an unusual act for him to do, to hold without harming or without the intent to harm, even.
Yet despite his planned and unplanned touches, the man rested peacefully. It was growing slightly upsetting. Jounouchi did still not awake.
Tracing his hand down from the cheek and to the throat, there was no response or reaction, sleep undisturbed. Then his hand circled around the throat, preparing. And he pressed lightly at his larynx, applying pressure to make it more difficult for the other man to breathe.
Still, Jounouchi was helpless, only reacting in taking deeper intakes of air and slightly tossing his head. Having had Jounouchi's final reaction remembered, he retreated his hand, going back to watch the other man stoically yet displeased.
Jounouchi had no sense of awareness when sleeping. Would he have to protect them both at all times? This proved to be a hassle. He had assumed that the other man could take care of himself and not giving him more trouble than what already existed. He had no time for watching the other's back. This undoubtedly made him a hindrance.
However, for the time being, Jounouchi was useful. Yet a hindrance all the same. So he would have to teach the other himself how to survive. There was not much else to do. People were after them, and Jounouchi knew the environment better than he. Without him, he would be as weak as an infant.
At such he retreated to the corner of the backseat, eyes unwilling to leave Jounouchi's form. Dreadfully slow he felt himself slipping in awareness, but eyes always on the other man. Just in case.
Yet it was still interesting. Such a fascinating display.
After all, he had never seen a person asleep before.
Words: 4910
Wohoo! I am so proud! After the previous longassed chapter, I told myself "GP, don't you dare do it over 8000 words this time, or I'll kill you!". Of course, threatening myself seem to work quite well, so I think I might do this more often now, hehe.
So, I've changed the summary, in case you guys haven't noticed. It used to be "The past you can't see. The future you can't escape. The humanity that is lost. Will redemption ever find its way to your soiled hands?". My question is; should I keep the new one, the old one, or come up with a different one entirely? I want it to sound interesting, but that's so hard since I have to be vague. Any thoughts?
So anyhow, as you see, Honda isn't just a random background character here. Whoot! He's being useful! I personally think he'd be the one to do such a thing for Jounouchi, since he cares pretty much for him.
The line where Honda cried out "Why do you always have someone to save?" when concerning Jou; well, I think Jounouchi got himself a serious hero-complex in the show. I'm quite angered they never went in and solved it or gave reason for it or something. Nyahaha, so I take that task upon myself now. Actually, there are many problems in the show that were never looked into/solved, which angers me, but oh well. I gotta keep telling myself it's only a kid show after all.
And as always; thank you all, my wonderful reviewers! -glomps- Your words make me strive to be as good as I can possibly be! Merry Christmas to all of you, and may you get a bunch of presents!
Thoughts, opinions, feelings and constructive criticism is always dearly appreciated.
-
-in a singing voice- All I want for Christmas is a review from you!
