Why do I feel this way?

I returned to school 8 days after TNTT camp. I woke up early that morning and got out of bed. I jumped out of bed and wore my school uniform. I looked in the mirror and spaced out for a few minutes. I thought about that moment when she talked about me, when she looked at me with hatred and jealousy. "Truc, Thao! Wake up. It's time to eat." My mom yelled from the kitchen. I opened the bathroom door and walked to the kitchen. I decided to forget about camp and keep myself busy with school. It was the only thing that I can do right now. I ate my breakfast and my mom drove my sister and me to school. I stepped out of the car and looked up at the school in front of me. School starts right now. I walked past the school's gates and saw all my friends from last year. I looked at all the students that are attending the same school as I am. I'm ready.

A month passed after school started. I was getting used to getting up in the morning for Geometry. It was much earlier than I usually woke up, but I've gotten used to it. Durning a class, I started to think about that moment at summer school. It was a weird and awakard moment. I didn't even hear what she said. There was another girl that dislike me. Her name was Tu Tran. It was an afternoon when she said that to me.

"Thao, Truc, do you guys think you're ugly?"

I was too busy talking to one of my friends, laughing and playing. Thao, though, heard it, but ignored it. I later found out that she said that to my sister and I. What? I didn't exactly cared what she think of me. I already knew that she hated me from the start. Especially in 7th grade. She asked me if I hated her. I answered no. "Yeah, right." she said, while sitting down. She turned her back on me. I just looked at her back and thought, why do you think I hate you? Do you hate me? Weird, I thought that was weird. At first I didn't care, but one time I heard some of my friends talking about her. They said she was a backstabber in 2nd grade. That was when everything turned black. I already have enough trouble. Stop bothering me. If you hate me, stop talking to me. How annoying. I always go home from school saying "I'm tired." I wasn't tired, I was sick and tired of people hating me. Why are they jealous of me? What do I have that they don't?

Usually, when I jog, I usually think about my problems. I decided to join Cross-Country. Tu Tran and some of my friends decided to join too. I wasn't surprised. I overheard Tu saying that she wanted to join so that there's a picture of her in the yearbook. I had different reasons. One day, I was in the Girls' restroom, Tu was in there. One my friends made me took a step back. I accidentily stepped on Tu, but it wasn't serious. It was just a little bump, so I took my foot off her foot. I turned around and saw her cold stare. My mind started racing. Why is she looking at me with a cold stare?

"Oh, sorry." I said with a smile on my face. I continued to talk to my friend. Suddenly, Tu started to talk to my friend, as if she was trying to take my friend away from me. I was left alone again. She was like another Jackie that entered my school life, expect she talks behind my back and talk shit about me. It doesn't matters. I walked outside and talked to my sister and friends. Am I needed in Cross-Country? There wasn't many people in Cross-Country, that's why I decided to join. TNTT started to recruit again. I came that day, and it didn't really matter if I did went or not. Nothing matter. The first day of TNTT was a chill-out day. They watched this boring movie and ate chips and soda. What a waste of time. I shouldn't have come here. Jackie was there, screaming again. Showing off that she has a Doi Pho scraf. (Sub-Leader) I didn't care, I just wanted to go home. Everytime I went to TNTT, I feel like crying. I have never shedded tears after my friend backstabbed me.

I fell onto the bed at home. I started to explore my memories of what happened this week. I'm so tired. . . I'm not needed at school and TNTT. I went to church on Sunday. I looked at cross where Jesus laid. Father, why was I born to feel such misery? Is this my punishment? What have I done wrong? My body weakened. I felt so tired, I took naps almost everyday. One time, I almost fell asleep durning church. My eyes were always sad. I kept walking on the lonely road. It was only me and my sister. I knew my sister felt the same that I do, but we don't talk about it. We could already feel it from the heart. I knew I wasn't all alone, I had my sister, family, and God. I kept walking until I reached the end of the road. I hoped it would be done.

"You hate me, huh?"

Tu said that to me, just when I first met her. I looked at her strangely. Why did she asked me this? I don't even know her. Tu was just this girl who sat in front of me. That was all.

"I don't."

She smiled. Or was it a smirk? I thought for sure when she asked me that question, she had a smirk on her face. Was she trying to make me hate her? Why would she want people to hate her? Does she want me to get jealous of her? My mind filled with questions like these. Forget her. I didn't paid any attention to her until I was an 8th grader. Still, that moment burned into my mind. I still couldn't forget about it durning summer vacation. It didn't work. And now she's here to finish the job she planned last year. I knew it was coming. But I didn't know what was going to happen. The only thing I knew was that I should be ready for whatever is thrown to my face. I have my guard up.