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Pretending

Written by:

PetPetAngel

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Pretending is my game, Elliot thought.

I pretend to get what I want, but… Elliot sighed softly. Under the alias ‘Gregor’, he had done a few things that he was ready to admit he didn’t know what to do about. He’d always seen himself into girls – that was why he was ‘Gregor’ in the first place, and yet….

Danny.

That was all that Elliot thought about. While he had felt guilt about pretending to be Gregor (and ‘Gregor’ was definitely the first time he felt bad over something like pretending) but… It wasn’t because he had hurt Sam’s feelings, and he cared little to none about Tucker’s feelings. He wanted to know what Danny thought of him, and at the same time he didn’t.

The boy wouldn’t hate him, would he?

They were alike – in jealousy they were perfectly matched. But Elliot couldn’t grasp what he was so envious about. He had been pretending all along, so why would he have to be jealous over something that wasn’t real?

You kissed him.

That was another thing he couldn’t quite figure out. If everything had been for Sam, then why had he done that? It had nothing to do with Sam, he thought, furrowing his brow. It hadn’t made any sense then, and as he had slid down the wall then in confusion, his overall feelings over his actions had not changed.

Elliot sighed. And in a day he was destined to be back in Michigan. He cursed, for once truly hating how frequently and how often his parents moved around. He’d been around for a long time in Amity Park, just…. Not as Gregor. It’d been the longest time he’d ever spent in one spot and, despite the ghost attacks, he’d grown quite fond of the place.

He’d seen Danny and Tucker and Sam before at Casper High. He’d watched them, while hiding behind a façade of indifference. Pretending to not care was sometimes the only way I can observe people like that, Elliot though.

Pretending was his game.

He’d noticed how jumpy Danny was straight off. Not that Elliot could blame him – ghosts followed him around and he had bullying problems, courtesy of Dash Baxter. Baxter had inspired the whole team to gang up on him… No, Elliot thought. It’s certainly not his fault he’s so jumpy.

The next thing he noticed was how he had the tendency to just… Disappear. It was strange. If there was a ghost around, Danny left, Danny Phantom came back. He’d always had his suspicions about the connection (Danny Fenton – Danny Phantom), but he’d left the boy in piece. No use sticking his nose in other people’s business.

He noticed other things, too. He noticed how his sister always hung around him, always looming over his shoulder and glancing around like a mother worrying over her child. It had made Elliot wonder if Danny was in any sort of danger, but… There was nothing around him (despite the ghost the followed him) that spelled out danger.

Danny was the bane of the popular existence, and yet there was something special about him.

You kissed him. What for? You didn’t – wouldn’t have done it in front of Sam, would you? Elliot shook his head – of course not, never. Then I wanted to be alone with him, Elliot thought with a quirked eyebrow. Why? Shouting angrily at the sky was definitely a sign of complete and total madness, not some attractive characteristic that drew people to you.

And yet, Danny and all of his quirky habits attracted him, piqued his curiosity even more than Sam had piqued at his hormones. Elliot sighed. There was nothing physically attractive about Danny’s scrawny build, or how impossibly pale he could seem at times. There was nothing physically attractive to Elliot from Danny. Danny just wasn’t his type. Ever.

But his eyes had caught his attention.

Bright, shining, hopefully knowing. Wisdom beyond Danny’s years seemed to linger at the very surface of his eyes. You wanted to know what was deeper down, didn’t you? You wanted to see if there was something further than Danny’s face value, even though you knew there already was.

That might have been true, Elliot thought. You might’ve known but you wanted to know more, see more, and the more Elliot thought about it, it seemed to make sense, if not just bring up countless doubts.

Elliot had always been the confident kind of guy, he held his chin up high and his shoulders were squared against anything anyone threw at him. At times he was frosty for his own protection, other times he had opened up but not about himself. He had done, said, and sometimes even thought a lot of things, but most of them hadn’t been genuine. Most of them had been instances where his mouth and his heart were saying two different things.

Elliot sighed once more, glancing around him. If his mother had seen his face it was likely she would worry about him, and even though Elliot knew he could sometimes appear coldhearted, he never liked making anyone, especially his mother worry. She had been supportive of him even after she had learned of his lying, sometimes deceitful nature. He’d made a promise to himself to stay true to her.

And he winced as he heard her high heels clapping behind her, for she was up about so much she had learned to keep them on from the time she got dressed to the time she went to sleep. She sat next to him on the bench in their backyard, speaking softly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

He winced once more, looking at her with tired eyes, “I don’t know… I wish I even know what it is to talk about.” He shrugged hopelessly, pulling his knees to chin and hating how helpless he felt. His mother sighed softly just like him, and the age he felt was probably closer to her actual age.

“Is it about leaving Amity Park? I mean… We’ve been here a long time, you know.”

“Yeah, I do know. I will miss it, but it’s not all of Amity Park I’ll miss. I mean… I will miss it, but,” Elliot sighed, I don’t know if I can tell her, he thought. He sighed again, I’m not even sure what I want to tell her.

“Is it that Manson girl you liked? I mean, you did seem pretty hooked on her, you even got all dressed up. That is why your hair is white, right? You’re not trying to hide being prematurely grey, are you?” She laughed and he chuckled, nodding his head.

“It… Well, to be honest ma, I don’t know exactly. It has to do sort of with Sam, but not. It more so has to do with her… Friend,” he spoke hesitantly, “I mean… I wish I knew what I was trying to say,” and he cast his mother a tired look. She smiled.

“So you made a new friend?”

“Well, yeah, but I did some stuff… And I’m questioning it now. But Danny would never like me… Not after how I hurt Sam and offended his friends.” Elliot sighed, knowing it was true. Whatever more he wanted with Danny wouldn’t happen – he didn’t trust others and he didn’t trust himself enough for that.

“I don’t know what to tell you, but we have to go in an hour, ‘kay?”

“Right,” Elliot spoke, standing up with a new idea.

-

Elliot felt his heart drop into his stomach when Jazz Fenton answered the door with a very, very angry look on her face. “Hello, Elliot,” she said quietly, and Elliot could tell she was the protective sister type. “Or should I say, Gregor,” and she added an accent to his name. He winced, knowing he’d have to win his way past her.

“Look, I just want to apologize for all that,” and he made a hand motion, stopping when it was reminiscent of Gregor. He smiled sheepishly.

“I don’t believe---“

“What are you doing here?”

Elliot looked around Jazz’s form only to find Danny, glaring rather wholeheartedly at him. He winced and gave a little wave, “I wanted… Want… To talk to you.” He mentally cringed – he’d never sounded so weak. He hated that part of him and hated how Danny made him like that so easily.

“Fine, but make it quick. I have homework to do, Gregor.” He winced again and waited until Jazz moved aside, and he noticed her reluctance. He nodded a thank you and Danny moved towards the stairs, and before Elliot knew it he was in Danny’s room.

“Talk. Say whatever you wanted to say.”

“I just… I want… ugh. I wanted to say I’m sorry. I feel bad.”

Danny gave a wry laugh and went to his computer opening programs and ignoring Elliot until finally he spoke, “Shouldn’t you feel bad for what you did to Sam? She thought she really liked you.” He huffed and typed quickly.

“I know I should but I don’t! I just feel bad for some reason I don’t know that I lied to you. If I knew why, I’d tell you.” Elliot sat himself on Danny’s bed and slumped, “I don’t know.”

Danny stayed silent, his typing stopped. He sighed to himself and Elliot saw him shake his head, “You’re a jerk, Elliot.”

Elliot winced once more. Somehow being insulted with his real name was much more hurtful than Gregor being insulted. He sighed, “I know, that’s why I’m apologizing,” he tried again, hoping that Danny would forgive him.

“I still say you’re apologizing to the wrong person,” Danny said, his typing stopping once more, and Elliot watched as his hands fell limply to his sides. Elliot was almost certain he wanted to say more because Danny’s hands were shaking, but he said nothing and Elliot felt his guilt grow worse.

“I just want to know if you accept my apology. Pretending to be Gregor – lying to you and to your friends… Somehow it was different from lying to others. Lying to you was different from lying to others. I felt bad for once.”

“So?” Danny huffed again, but he still wouldn’t look at Elliot. “You’ll just do it again, and again, and hurt more people.” He crossed his arms and slumped in his seat.

“No,” Elliot said stubbornly. “You missed the point. But I just want to know – if you weren’t stuck on thinking of any other occasion, would you forgive me?”

Danny stayed silent, until finally, almost so quiet Elliot couldn’t hear it, “Yes.”

And though he wasn’t sure what made him do it, he went over to Danny and wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing his cheek softly before leaving and saying a soft-spoken goodbye to Danny.

Elliot’s pretending was over.