Author: Lilac Moon PM
Collab fic. Very AU. Rated for dark themes, see warning. Chapter 33 up! Betrayal and Obsession bring Anakin's world crashing down around him. He suffers in silence, because no one would ever believe who is behind his pain. AnakinPadme. Dark ObiWan.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Angst - Anakin Skywalker & Padmé Amidala - Chapters: 34 - Words: 217,131 - Reviews: 184 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 01-27-13 - Published: 07-24-06 - id: 3064552
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: It's George's sandbox. We just play here, cause it's fun.
AN: Please Read: Hello readers. This is a brand new story. While is it under my pen name, this is a collab story between me and PyramidHead316. This is an M rated story and will deal with some darker issues. We are going to warn everyone up front. This story will deal with events and issues that will lead to changes in Obi-Wan that will not be for the better. We have not decided as of yet if he will actually turn to the dark side, but he will have darker thoughts and do some darker things in this story. It will probably be best to catagorize him as more of gray Jedi. This story is an Anakin/Padme pairing, but it will deal with some one sided slash, thus meaning, unreciprocated by the other party and eventually will probably deal with issues of M/M rape. While there will be darker issues, there will still be some light hearted fluff to balance it out. This story will prove to be a challenge for both of us and essentially different than a lot of stories out there. So, we ask that you read and give it a chance. Thanks for reading and let us know what you think!
Warnings: Rated M for sexual situations, language, and possible violence in the future.
A collab by Lilac Moon and PyramidHead316
Chapter 1: Troubling Thoughts
Obi-Wan watched, as his former padawan bandaged the wound on his leg. He knew Anakin would never let him live it down. It was probably the eighth time Anakin had saved his life and it had been already twice since he was knighted three months ago. Obi-Wan saw the telltale grin on Anakin's face and frowned.
"Stop gloating," Obi-Wan chided.
"I'm not gloating master. I was simply thinking that we are lucky we had some bacta, or this gash might get infected," Anakin gave him a boyish grin, as he finished wrapping the bandage.
"There, you should stay off it for a while," Anakin replied, as he stood up and walked over to his side of their tent. Again, they were sleeping on the ground, because of this stupid war they were fighting. Obi-Wan watched his former padawan and noticed how much he had matured over the past few months. He still had that boyishness about him, but he had grown into a man during this war. His hair had been growing out and was now a lot thicker on top and a little longer in the back. It was no secret to anyone in the galaxy that Anakin Skywalker was gorgeous. Wherever they went, no matter the world, women admired him. He was all the Holonet could talk about, but Anakin never seemed to notice how women fell around him. He knew that to his former padawan, only one woman existed. He was still infatuated with Senator Amidala and fortunately it seemed that the Senator was too smart to allow herself to begin any kind of relationship with a Jedi.
He watched as Anakin lifted the leather jerkin over his head, followed by his brown tunic. Obi-Wan felt something stir in him that he had not felt before, as he laid eyes on Anakin's bare upper body. Lean, gorgeous muscle covered his naked torso. Obi-Wan found it hard to tear his eyes away from Anakin's form. He had never began looking at Anakin like this until very recently. At first, he had been literally disgusted with himself, for he had never in his life been attracted to a man. And strangely, Obi-Wan was not attracted to other men, only Anakin. Anakin, the boy that he had raised since he was ten years old. He shook himself of the thoughts, suddenly uncomfortable with Anakin's state of dress...or undress as it was.
"What...what are you doing?" Obi-Wan asked. Anakin looked at him strangely.
"I'm getting ready to go to sleep," Anakin replied.
"Do you have to take your shirt off?" Obi-Wan asked, irritably. Anakin looked at him like he'd grown bantha ears.
"I always sleep with my shirt off. You should know that by now," Anakin replied. Obi-Wan had sure been acting strange lately, but Anakin shrugged it off. Obi-Wan could be quirky at times and Anakin had grown used to it. His master was usually cranky after he had been injured or required saving by his former padawan, so Anakin naturally chalked his irritability up to that.
"Night Obi-Wan," Anakin mumbled, as he threw his cloak over himself and turned his back to sleep.
"Good night Anakin," Obi-Wan replied, as he stretched out on his back and slowly drifted off to sleep.
And Obi-Wan Kenobi was definitely dreaming.
It all felt like a blur at first. He wasn't sure where he was, but he slowly became aware that he was doing something he hadn't done in a long time.
He was kissing someone.
And that someone was kissing him back very willingly. Their tongue eagerly mingled with Obi-Wan's with no small amount of desire. Obi-Wan was curious, not to mention alarmed about who would be kissing him with such vigor. Jedi weren't required to be celibate, but attachment was forbidden, and Obi-Wan always went by the motto "better safe than sorry". However, somewhere in the back of his mind, he recognized this was only a dream, and so he allowed himself to enjoy the passionate kiss. The person's lips felt wonderful on his. Instinctively, he pressed their head closer against his and noticed the wavy, slightly coarse feel of their hair seemed oddly familiar. Who was this skillful lover? He wondered.
His question was answered when the person pulled back, and an all-too-familiar voice responded teasingly.
"That was some good evening kiss, Master."
No, it can't…Anakin!
Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open. And sure enough, looming over him was his former padawan.
"You must have been waiting to do that all afternoon," Anakin said, flashing Obi-Wan a roguish grin.
Anakin, what are you doing? Obi-Wan wanted to ask. Instead he found himself responding to Anakin's question in a voice not his own.
"How could I not be?" he heard himself say, as if he were watching from outside his own body while this mirror image of him did all the talking.
Anakin gave him a blatantly lustful stare that looked unsettling coming from his own former student, and yet, strangely exciting at the same time. He watched as Anakin moved down his body, planting a series of kisses over his bare torso. Obi-Wan felt like a prisoner inside himself, yet a part of him was tingling in anticipation. Somehow he knew where Anakin was going with this, and he felt himself smile in response to the other man's gentle caresses.
Anakin trailed his lips over Obi-Wan's muscular abdomen. He hooked his fingers into the waist of his former master's pants as Obi-Wan's heart pounded in his chest. Suddenly, just when Anakin was about to pull down, everything went hazy. Obi-Wan cried out in mental protest, but the stunning vision of his former padawan about to take things further did not return.
Sith, what was that about? I almost never have dreams...and certainly not ones like that! Anakin is always the one that dreams and I've chided him for it, telling him to have more control. Well, I'm certainly hypocritical...Obi-Wan thought, slightly disgusted with himself. Thank the Force Anakin was still asleep, he thought with relief. After all the admonishments he had given Anakin over dreams, he wasn't in a hurry to find out Anakin's reaction to his former master having dreams of his own. Obi-Wan imagine it would be somewhat smug, and rightly so.
Still, he couldn't get the image of Anakin's lips on his body out of his mind. Anakin stirred and rolled over, so that he was facing Obi-Wan. The older Jedi froze, taking a moment to study his former padawan's features again. There was a small smile on his face and he was sleeping peacefully for once. Obi-Wan wondered if Anakin was dreaming too. He shook his head, trying to get the image to leave, even though he really never wanted it to fade. At that though, Obi-Wan wanted to be disgusted with himself, but he couldn't quite come to that. He was lusting after Anakin and he wasn't disgusted with himself.
'What in the blasted name of the Force is wrong with me?' Obi-Wan asked himself.
'What would the masters say? I am the last Jedi they would expect such behavior from. I am the example that all Jedi are expected to follow. They have even gone as far as to call me the perfect Jedi. I shouldn't be having these feelings and certainly not for Anakin.'
Obi-Wan tried to reason with himself, but then there was that little voice in the back of his head whispering other things. Despite what they thought about him, it was clear that he too had a dark edge to him, like anyone else. His was just hidden so well under the mask of the perfect Jedi, that no one could see it. But it was there nonetheless and Obi-Wan was struggling to suppress these darker thoughts lately. The persistent voice inside him began speaking again and this time, Obi-Wan didn't try to silence it.
'Look at him...he is beautiful. You liked the feeling of his lips on yours in that dream...no you loved it! You're still hard just thinking about those soft, full lips all over your body. You know, you can make him yours...'
The darker thoughts continued to invade his mind. Obi-Wan shook those thoughts from his head, clearly disgusted with himself again. He pulled back the tent flap and went outside to get some air. It was nearly dawn and he would have to wake Anakin soon. Then, he would be forced to stare into those deep blue eyes and be expected to act if nothing was amiss. But something was amiss inside Obi-Wan; something was different now after that dream. Obi-Wan knew that he would never look at Anakin the same again...but what could he ever do about it? Obi-Wan tried shaking those thoughts away in an attempt to meditate. Perhaps meditation would help cleanse his mind...though truthfully, he didn't want those images to fade.
Obi-Wan wished he could lay claim to the victory. But in truth, most of the credit belonged to Anakin. It was his dedication to see the war end, his persistence in fighting the cause under the worst of odds that led their troops to such an overwhelming victory. Without his leadership they would be lost, no matter how competent Obi-Wan was at giving orders.
He was an inspiration to many in the galaxy, but none more so than his former master. Obi-Wan knew he annoyed Anakin with his by-the-code approach and his constant remarks of advice, which bordered on criticism. But the truth was that Obi-Wan couldn't picture having a better partner at his side. They complimented each other in a way few people did. Was it any wonder he could not help but look at Anakin with more than just admiration now?
Which made the tension lurking between since this morning that much more unbearable.
Obi-Wan and Anakin were eating breakfast inside their tent. They had a tough battle ahead of them today. Little by little, their troops had been chipping away at the Separatist stronghold that was their goal to capture over the past several weeks. The base needed to be overthrown if the Separatists were to be driven off the planet. However, its commanders were surprisingly competent and the fighting had been in a stalemate for quite some time before Anakin and Obi-Wan arrived.
Today their forces were going attempt an all-out push at the Separatists' defenses. Both men were understandably nervous.
Most citizens in the Republic probably didn't imagine that Anakin Skywalker ever felt nervous about anything. 'The Hero With No Fear' they called him. It was a very misleading moniker. Clone troopers knew no fear. Anakin felt fear just like anybody else. He simply didn't let it control him.
Anakin stared at Obi-Wan as they munched on some heated ration sticks. He noticed that his former master seemed more preoccupied than usual this morning. Obi-Wan wasn't the easiest person to get along with and he did have a tendency to get overly worried about things on their assignments, but this didn't seem like the usual eccentric behavior Anakin had come to expect from his master. Clearly something had to be bothering him for him to be the distant. Anakin had no idea what it could be. As far as he knew, he had done nothing to upset the man recently, unless Obi-Wan was still stinging from his rescue effort yesterday.
"Master?" Anakin began.
"What?" Obi-Wan asked shortly.
"Are you all right?"
Obi-Wan directed a stare at Anakin. "Why do you ask?"
Anakin shrugged. "You seem distant. Are you worried about the mission?"
"I'm fine, Anakin." He turned back to his meal.
"Are you sure?"
"I said I'm fine!" Obi-Wan snapped. Anakin looked at him in disbelief.
"Okay, you're fine. I get it. I won't ask anymore." He held up his hands in a non-threatening gesture.
Obi-Wan let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Anakin. That was inappropriate. If you must know, yes, I'm worried about the assignment," he lied. "It's not going to be easy to break through their defenses. Saesee couldn't do it and he's much more experienced than we are."
"If I may be so bold, Master, there's one thing Master Tiin doesn't have that we do," Anakin said.
"You," Anakin replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the universe.
"Of course. You're a great general, Obi-Wan. Probably the best in the Order. You should be proud the Council picked you for this campaign," Anakin said.
"Us, Anakin," Obi-Wan replied automatically. "The Council chose us."
"Maybe," Anakin smiled. "But we both know that really means you. I'm just along for the ride," he said wryly.
The two men shared a smile and the tension in the tent abated somewhat. However, it didn't disappear entirely and Anakin could see that whatever was bothering Obi-Wan, it hadn't gone away with his reassurances. Something else was troubling him besides the mission. He vowed to ask about it again after this mission was finished.
After that, they had gotten a respite from the strained mood. The battle against the Separatists forces proved to be a welcome distraction from the issue that plagued Obi-Wan. Both Jedi had to concentrate to their fullest extent in order to fight off the droid army that outnumbered them and their troops. Now that the base was captured though, Obi-Wan felt the troubling feelings return.
He wished he could talk to somebody about this. Not Anakin, though. A part of him wanted to be honest when Anakin asked what was troubling him. You, Anakin! You're what's troubling me. I'm finding myself drawn to you in a way I shouldn't and I have no idea why.
But that wasn't an option. What would Anakin think of him if he were to confess something as staggering as that? These feelings he was having for his former student weren't appropriate. He wasn't going to Anakin the disservice of foisting them on him. Anakin had enough to worry about with learning his old master had developed some kind of crush on him. Obi-Wan would have to deal with this entirely on his own, at least until they returned to Coruscant. Perhaps one of the masters there would help him. He needn't mention specific names; he would simply say that he was finding himself mildly attracted to someone else in the Order, and while he had no intention of acting on that attraction, he would appreciate some advice on how to deal with it.
He was shaken out of his thoughts by the approach of one of the clone troopers.
"Sir, we're receiving a message from the Jedi Council," Commander Cody informed him.
"Very well, Cody. Patch it through."
The clone gave him a nod and went off to oversee his subordinates. Obi-Wan walked over to a comm station. He activated the device and a life-size holographic image of Master Windu appeared. Their forces had already sent a message to Coruscant earlier informing them of the victory, though he didn't expect the Council to get back to him so soon.
"Master Windu," Obi-Wan bowed before the second eldest member of the Jedi Council.
"Obi-Wan," Mace greeted him. "We've just heard. I believe congratulations are in order for you and your troops."
"I suppose so," Obi-Wan said modestly.
"There's no supposing about it, Obi-Wan. You did an excellent job there. I never would have expected the stronghold to fall so quickly, and with so few casualties for the Republic too. You are to be commended."
"Thank you, sir," Obi-Wan replied graciously. "Though if I may be honest, much of the victory belongs to Anakin. It was his abilities that pulled us through. He has a natural talent for rallying the troops."
Some of the satisfaction left Mace Windu's demeanor. "Then he should be commended as well," the Korun master said neutrally.
Obi-Wan knew Mace was one of those who had a hard time approving of anything Anakin did. It was strange considering Mace did appear to believe Anakin was the Chosen One. Perhaps Mace's problem wasn't with Anakin being trained as it was with the way he put that training to use, Obi-Wan reflected. Mace believed Anakin was the Chosen One, so perhaps he was disappointed that Anakin did not conform to the code as a Jedi should. Mace wanted Anakin to be more than the Chosen One. He wanted him to be a perfect Jedi.
If Mace only knew the thoughts that had been running through Obi-Wan's head recently...
"I'll tell him when I see him," Obi-Wan said. "Does the Council have any further orders for us, Master Windu?"
"Actually, yes. You are being recalled. You are to leave for Coruscant at once."
"Why? Has something happened on the capital?" Obi-Wan inquired.
"No. Quite the contrary. The war has been going very well recently. With this latest victory, the tide is gradually turning against the Confederacy." The corners of Mace's lips tugged in the slightest hint of smile. "You're getting a break from duty, Obi-Wan. You've earned it."
Obi-Wan was overwhelmed. They were going home. Just earlier he was thinking that he may find an answer to his problem at the Temple, and now the Council was ordering them to return home to rest and recuperate.
"Thank you, Master Windu," he replied, fighting to keep the excitement out of his voice.
"We'll talk further when you reach the capital. May the Force be with you," Mace said.
"And with you, Master Windu," Obi-Wan bowed in return.
The transmission closed out. Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile. They were going home. Not only would he have a chance to meditate on the flight back, but now he would the opportunity to seek some counsel for this unsettling issue. He would have to be careful about whom he talked to, of course – an attraction to anyone was not something to be taken lightly from a Jedi, especially one's own former padawan. But Obi-Wan wasn't worried. Contrary to what some Jedi believed, the Council members weren't the only ones to be consulted about a problem.
One way or another, he would figure out what to do. He was sure of it.