Title: Summer Haze
Rating: PG
Summary: Shiori does some reflection during the summer.
Characters are not mine I am just borrowing.

She wanted to get used to it, that feeling of being constantly alone, but she never did. It happened with every summer vacation at every school she had attended, the solitude and the abandonment. The utter isolation and feeling left out of things as all the other students were granted leave to visit family, friends, and sometimes even travel. She was never really alone per say, there were usually a handful of students on the campus that were handed the same cruel fate, and sometimes she would try to be friendly, but most of the time she wandered off alone.

She had books after all, more than she could probably read, but she hadn't much else.

Her room was hot because the school was saving money, and, after all, with only one hundred students or so staying behind it made little sense to keep things fully air conditioned. It would have been okay if not for the sticky humidity that accompanied the heat. She would definitely have to head out doors; even her small fan was no comfort and the shade of a tree sounded cooler. It might not actually be cooler, but the sound of it pricked at her, urging the body to drag itself up and out of the dorms.

Violet eyes narrowed against the murky sunlight. There was haze in the air making the heat and the moisture visible to the eye. For a second she regretted her choice, but then her feet began to move her along the cement path and eventually she found a nice tree to sit under over looking a still pond. She set the book she had carried out with her to the side and picked up a stone, tossing it expertly into the water and watched as ripples pulsed out and eventually died away.

She took a breath. The air was thick and tasted of grass and roses. It was such a curious thing that the air was forever permeated with roses. It was such a part of the campus that sometimes the scent would become invisible, but when it had cause to present itself it was always a surprise to remember that the scent was always around. It never really left. It was like a lost memory that would resurface only to be forgotten again. And she frowned slightly as she noted that Ohtori was full of sensations like that. It wasn't just the roses, but a million other things that she could not grasp in that moment, memories that were stolen or changed, or something like that.

With a sigh she picked up the book. It was dog eared and well read. It looked about ready to fall apart. She opened it up to the page she had marked. The particular page she was reading had distinct underlined passages in various colored ink. Her eyes picked up where she knew she had left off and plummeted down the page and on to the next. She devoured that book. She never understood why it was, but she read it over and over. And always there was something new she could take away from it. There was always something that would leap out at her to echo how she was currently feeling, underlining the emotion in invisible ink so that if someone were to, perhaps, reread her they too would find something different.

Too long, the summer break was always too long and this break, this summer, felt like it was going to be the longest she'd ever experienced. She supposed it was something to do with change or perhaps it was because she was actually going to miss the people she called her friends, because for once, they were indeed her friends. Things built so slowly and a second attempt at an apology, or something like that was a remarkable thing. Change was slow to move, but one day her eyes opened and whatever change had occurred suddenly became very apparent. She could look at herself in the mirror and know, and say truthfully, "Shiori, you've changed."

It was a nice feeling to come across. It did, however, make things much lonelier.

She missed lunches and weekends most. Sitting at the cafeteria and chatting away about little nothings and having little nothings sent back. But the funny thing about nothings was how much they piled up and how much meaning could be found under enough layers. She found plenty she had never noticed before. She could have kicked herself for the things she had missed, but that was the past, and it had passed.

She blinked and the words on the page came back into focus. She had wandered out into thought and couldn't tell how long she had been away. Stumbling back she encountered one of those sad and sorry feelings her mind would invent when she was all alone and everyone was out having a good time. It was a sorry little ache that she hated, but it always stuck, especially during the breaks. Why doesn't my family care enough to see me?

Shiori bit at her lip and shook her head. She didn't really want to know the answer. The answer to that one question frightened her more than anything. Her eyes shut and she leaned back against the tree. She listened to the quiet, the sounds in the silence, and after a minute or two she opened her eyes again and really started to read.

Weather's changing
And I feel myself moving in new directions
I must wonder though how new they are
This feels so familiar
Like something I went through before
And I can't tell as I stand apart from myself
If this direction is the right way
Or just a detour, a brief stop
A place to reconcile something I forgot