Hello, my gracious, wonderful, so-very loved fans! Did I mention I love you all, so you should not impale my body for not updating in oh so long with a rusty katana?

(crickets)

Yeah, touche, I get your point. Hi, everyone! Master Fifer is now officially a high schooler! Hell yes! I don't plan on making a musical anytime soon, so sorry for you Zack Methron lovers (that is his name, isn't it? Methron?). Anyways, I had a disturbingly long period of time where I was lacking anything to write for poor Akito... It must have made him quite sad... But, while fretting over a German paper one night, it came to me.

I would write a chapter- no, THE chapter! The chapter that would make fans swoon and bring them to tears! A chapter so perfect, so beautiful, I could win a medal for it! I knew if I was to complete it and get that metal, I would have to start right away! I dashed quickly to my computer, turned on Wordpad AND...

Stared blankly at the screen for three hours, shut off the computer, and went to bed for I was quite tired.

A tragic end for a determined author...

Luckily, after debating over the situation for five weeks, I came to the conclusion that I'd seen and heard enough to be able to write some more Akito stuff. And here I am, happy and content.

I can only hope that you are as well! Just remember, I'm not perfect, so if you have any ideas or suggestions please send them my way! I won't keep you waiting, here is the sixteenth chapter!

Operation: Theater

Ironically, sitting on a bench outside of a movie theater for an hour listening to your cousins argue about which movie they want to see makes one who's going to die anyway feel a little more dead on the inside. Akito felt a vein throb in his forehead as Kyo yelled at a near-tears Momiji about why Spiderman would whoop Shrek's ass.

"He's a dumb green Ogre! And besides, he's not even real," the cat announced with an audible air of victory. "We all know dumb Ogres and talking donkeys don't exist. Only in little kid fairy tales and crud."

Momiji shook his head, tears gathering at the corner of his innocent eyes.

"Not true, not true!" He defended loudly, bunny ears making an appearance and wilting to make him look extra pathetic. "If fairy tales weren't real, then they wouldn't be told!"

Kyo snorted. He was too old for petty baby beliefs.

"Whatever, the point is I'm not going to go see that dumb Shrek movie," he protested, crossing his arms.

Then, of course, Yuki had to make things worse.

"You know, technically Spiderman isn't real either. He's from a comic book, stupid cat."

Bristling and spitting, Kyo whirled on the rat.

"At least comic books make more sense than stupid novels! All full of information and lovey dovey stuff... Ick!"

Haru's half lidded eyes went from cat to rat like a trained metronome. He personally didn't care what they saw, he just needed to be home in time to catch Power Rangers. Kyo and Yuki had upped their fight and were now standing nose to nose in hostile postures, causing quite a scene. Momiji burst into tears while Haru, confused and feeling left out of the argument, went Black spontaneously and raved at passerbys.

Akito prayed for death...

The vein was becoming more pronounced and noticeable with each passing second, until finally it caught up with his conscious mind.

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

The four kids groaned and whimpered, rubbing their heads gingerly. Akito wrung out his hand, other hand on hip.

"Now," he snarled, looking at them icily. "Since you brats can't decide, I'll do it for you." He turned from them and pointed at the two advertisements for Shrek and Spiderman. "We shall settle this the old fashion way. The way that many ancient people have used for many years. It is fair and no one questions it. OKAY?"

Everyone nodded, mumbling under their breath. Akito nodded curtly, holding up a hand. The kids held their breath as they watched him do his magic.

"Eenie meenie mine mo, catch Hatori by his toe. If he protests, make him sew. Eenie meenie minie mo." The finger pointed at Spiderman 3. Kyo cheered, Momiji whined, Haru picked his nose, and Yuki looked blank and bored. Akito turned to regard them with a smirk before sauntering to the ticket booth.

His head barely came over the counter. When he was ignored, he cleared his throat loudly and rapped on the glass. Scowling, he looked at the woman behind the glass. She had the top two buttons of her movie theater advertisement t-shirt undone and was chewing some vile pink gum that corresponded with her overly red lipstick.

"Aren't you the cutest little thing I ever did see," she cooed.

"I smell death on you, vile girl."

"How can I help you?" She went on, unfazed by his comment. His glare lessened, still suspicious.

"I need five tickets to Spiderman," he replied shiftily, slapping some money on the counter. The girl popped her gum, bending over the counter over to look at him.

"Normally, I wouldn't let you in the theater because you aren't thirteen," she began slowly, before smiling down at him. "But you're so darn cute! Taking your little friends to the movies and paying for them!"

Akito scowled.

She handed them their tickets, popping her gum and smiling. "Have a nice time, you cutie pies!"

Akito scowled. Then walked into the theater, dragging the boys behind him.

They passed the ticket collectors with a surprising lack of complaint and made their way to their theater. It took a while because Haru and Momiji both threw a fit in front of the snack section. Akito made a bigger scene than they did, yelling at them to haul ass into the theater or the party was over. Finally, they were sedated- err, seated in their rows near the center and watching the screen with wide, excited eyes.

Which actors both starred in Zoolander and Starksy and Hutch?

Akito yowled suddenly, shooting up in his seat.

"HOW DARE THIS SCREEN ASK ME QUESTIONS! DOES IT NOT KNOW WHO I AM!"

Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller.

"WHO!"

"Uncle Akito, sit down! The movie's starting!" Momiji said, tugging on Akito's shirt. The lights dimmed which made Haru go into a brief panic and left him clinging and refusing to move off of Yuki.

Some previews rolled. The only one that looked good to Akito was Pan's Labyrinth. He made a mental note to make Hatori let him see it when they got back. Finally, the movie began and the theater went silent as everyone waited to catch that glimpse of boy-ishly sexy Toby McGuire. Not a peep was heard.

Until...

"Uncle Akito?"

"What, beef boy?"

"I have to go potty."

Fifer-chan