Disclaimer: I do not Kingdom Hearts nor Final Fantasy. Ownership rights of the original game plot and the characters remain solely with Disney, SquareSoft, and SquareEnix. This disclaimer pertains to any future chapters that are to come.

Summary: Sora: Riku, my crush from three years ago who up and decided it’s time for a confession. Cloud: Leon, the guy who nearly raped me for a book. Tidus: Selphie, the girl of my dreams who hates my guts because I mistook her for a football. Roxas: Axel, uh...the guy that jumped into my pants. And all we wanted was a peaceful school year. RS, LC, AR, TS..

SO FUNNY I CAN CRY
By: Yukisora

Chapter 00
It’s Preparation, Okay?

---

“To the dirty-minded, enjoy this and go wild. To those who just don’t get it, you’re the ones who make the world go round.”

—Sandra Boons

---

“Damn it, just a little higher!”

“I...I’m...I’m gonna crack...j-just hurry will you!”

“Oh my GOD, this is so tight!”

“Oh no, oh no, nnnngh! Arrgh, I can‘t stand it anymore!”

And with that said, Sora Hashiba released the breath he’d been holding for the past five minutes and collapsed. Falling unceremoniously onto the ground, the zipper of the forest-green leather pants he’d been trying to fit himself into for the past twenty minutes promptly streaked back down. Glaring down at the abomination that Kairi had been torturing him with for the past half hour, Sora scowled.

“I am not wearing this to school tomorrow,” he announced, pointing at the half-on pants. Glaring at his reflection in the stall of the fitting room, he added, “I hate green.”

“What are you talking about?” Kairi demanded, planting her arms on the waist. “Your favorite color is green!”

“Not anymore,” he muttered, stepping out of the pants that were twenty sizes too small for him.

Huffing with disappointment that, in the end, the past half hour was an utter waste, Kairi Misano mourned the loss of the pants. If only Sora had been half a pound lighter. If only he’d been just a centimeter skinnier, he would have fit. Damn it, it would have gone wonderful with that black silk shirt she’d gotten him for his birthday! “Fine. Forget those.”

Holding up the other pair of black jeans, she thrust them towards her friend. “Get into these right now.”

Sora stared at the piece of tiny clothing before him. “Kairi, are you trying to kill me?”

“Sora, did you not promise to cooperate?”

“Only because you threatened me with that freaky clown thing of yours!” Sora frowned. “I hate clowns!”

Kairi rolled her eyes. As though she didn’t know that. Why did Sora think she threatened him with her Trusty the Clown? “Sora, we’re standing in the middle of the fitting room, you completely naked except for your boxers, and I’m holding up your pants. How do you think this’ll look if that annoying saleslady comes barging in here?”

“I am not wearing that! I’ll die from lack of oxygen”

“You will not die! Now, get into these!”

“Everyone’ll think I’m gay!”

“Sora, you are gay.”

“They’ll think I’m even more gay!”

“Will you just stick those skinny legs of yours down the—”

“Excuse me, customers.” Both teens turned to look as the door opened. The saleslady, indeed, had decided to barge in here upon hearing the racket they were making only to freeze, mouth falling open unwillingly. Eyes widened into surprise as she took in the scene before her. “What in the name of—! We’re not a teen ‘let’s get it on’ joint! Can you PLEASE stop using our fitting rooms for your...your activities! Get out! GET OUT NOW!”

---

Riku Sugisaki, seated in the middle of the mall’s own McDonite, nearly choked on his fries when his friends finished telling him what had happened in Kaido-Sen. Coughing, face red as he desperately tried to hide his chuckles, the silver haired teen hastily grabbed for napkins. Smirking slightly, green eyes dancing as he swallowed his Cola, Riku laughed as he declared, “God, only you and Sora can manage to turn a shopping session into an orgy session.”

“It’s not funny!” Pouting, blue eyes revealing the beginnings of a sulk, Sora stabbed angrily at his chicken teriyaki with his bent straw. “Can you imagine? Me standing in the corner of that hellish stall, those disgusting pants still half off, and Kairi desperately tugging at them? I swear, I saw the blood completely draining from that saleslady’s face.”

“What do you mean disgusting? I’ll have you know, Sora Hashiba, those pants are currently the most fashionable piece of sex in the entire industry!”

“I’m not looking for sex! Besides, I’ll look like I’m in mourning!”

“That’s not what you said at Gackt’s last concert!” Kairi snorted, turning to her own drink. “Who was it that declared that Gackt has the most beautiful bum in the entire world with the exception to—”

“But he wasn’t wearing my pants!”

“HA! So you did want them! They weren’t your pants, Sora.”

Riku rolled his eyes, as his two best friends promptly fell back into bantering mode. Turning to his food and decidedly tuning out the conversation, he watched with amused eyes as Sora got more and more agitated. That bottom lip of his was slowly, but surely, starting to poke out into that adorable pout he’d become so familiar with. Blue eyes that reminisced of summer turned dark as a sulk started to form. Cinnamon strands that practically defied gravity moved into a tangle from his rampant hands, only to fall perfectly back into place the moment they were gone.

Only Sora was unique enough to have the perfect messy hair.

“So where’s Tidus anyway?” Riku asked, interrupting Kairi’s tirade about Sora’s closet—or the lack thereof.

“Downtown,” Sora said. The three stood, their lunch having been finished, and began walking out of the food court. “Heard he’s trying to learn Chinese Lion Dancing.”

Riku blinked. “Why?”

His friend shrugged, as they began picking their way through the crowd of people at the mall. “Don’t ask. I have no clue either. He said he’ll meet with us later on or, if not, he’ll see us tomorrow.”

“That kid is the weirdest, most random...”

“That’s not true,” Kairi smirked as she turned knowing violet eyes onto Riku. “I know someone who is even weirder and more random.”

“I was gonna say ‘weirdest, most random guy,’ Kairi,” Riku retorted. “You don’t count.” Sora laughed, as the three went into MaiRik. As Kairi immediately started squealing over new outfits for Sora, Riku went off to the vest section. Surveying the new stock with a critical eye, he fingered a single vest—pure, diamond white—for a second.

“Nice choice!” Turning, the platinum haired teen raised a brow at the dark haired girl behind him. She beamed, pointing at the vest Riku still held. “Those just came in and we’ve already sold, like, a million of them already!”

Frowning at the piece of clothing before him, he sighed and placed it back onto the rack. “Oh, too bad.”

“Eh?” The girl scratched her head a little. “What I mean is, it’s popular and everyone wants it.”

“Wonderful,” Riku smirked. “But I don’t go with someone else’s flow.”

“Ohhhh...” Her eyes widened a little in understanding, then rushed forward as Riku made to leave. “Wait, wait, wait! I mean to say nobody likes that vest and—arrgh.”

Chuckling a little, Riku smirked at her as she stomped her foot in frustration. “Are you new here? Haven’t seen you around before.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m Yuffie. Exactly...” Looking at her watch, Yuffie did some quick math in her head before turning back to her customer. “...thirty-seven minutes ago, I’ve been an employee to the great owner of MaiRik.”

“You’re interesting, Yuffie.”

“Thanks! Wanna buy something and tell my boss how interesting I am?”

“Riku,” Kairi smiled at Yuffie a little before turning to her friend. She held up two pairs of pants. “The forest green or the midnight black?”

“What’s with your obsession with tight pants?”

“Because, Sora looks great in them.” She smirked a little before adding, “Anyway, don’t pretend you’re not interested. So, the green or the black?”

“Neither.” Pointing at their favorite brunette, Riku whistled. “I say that.”

Both turning, Kairi and Yuffie sucked in a single breath simultaneously as Sora slowly crept out of the fitting room calling, “Kairi? Where’d you go?”

“Oh my God, I have good taste.”

Swirling in their direction when he heard their voice, Sora blushed when he spotted Yuffie. Tugging at his belt helplessly, the brunette turned those pity-me blue eyes onto his one ally. “Riku.”

Grinning, stalking over to his best friend—since Kairi seemed preoccupied—he held a hand out to Sora to feel the tank. “Looks good.”

“Kairi was trying to fit me into girl pants,” Sora complained, pouting a little.

“Doesn’t change that this looks good on you.” Which was a major understatement. Damn, when had Sora grown enough to fill out that tank like that? And those pants—God, he’ll cause heart attacks if he walked out in that little number.

“You really think so?” Turning a critical eye on the mirror, Sora frowned as he surveyed the two tanks, white over light blue, matched with the black-blue baggy pants. The only pair of baggy pants Kairi had brought him. The ones that made his legs look a mile long.

Kairi, who seemed to have gotten over her excitement, threw the remaining two pairs of pants onto Yuffie as she hurried over. Twirling Sora around a few times, she giggled as she raised her fist in triumph. “Ha! The perfect outfit.” Fanning herself a little, she grinned as she backtracked once more to take a look at her friend. “You look sporty and cute—with the perfect bum, to boot.”

Turning to look at his butt, Sora blushed at the chain attached to his back pocket. “Is this really necessary?”

“Yes!”

Rolling his eyes, Sora walked back into the stall to change out of his clothes. “Kairi, is this allowed? You do know the school has a dress code right?” Throwing the pair of pants, chains and all, over the door, he proceeded to take off his tanks.

“Please, like anyone really follows it.” Catching the pants, she handed them over to Riku as she prepared for the next item. “According to our school’s dress code? We can’t wear flip-flops.”

Riku frowned. “Why?”

“Because we can die wearing them—you know, fall down the stairs. Personally, I say those twelve-inch heels some of the girls wear are more dangerous.”

“So why were you making me try them out?” Sora demanded, opening the door to the stall. Pouting, he grabbed his clothes from Riku as he led them to the cashier. Turning as Yuffie happily rang up his items, he regarded his best friend. “You know, those gigantic orange things you made me wear?”

“Sora, that was years ago.”

“Kairi, that was last week.”

Laughing, noting that Yuffie was trying to get Sora to pay, he grabbed Sora’s wallet from him and handed her the cash. Shaking his head a little, since Sora didn’t even notice his wallet had been taken, he grabbed the bag and the wallet. “Sora, pay attention.”

“...I could have died wearing those things—eh? Thanks Riku.”

“Oh yea? What about that time where you volunteered me on a date with the most disgusting guy in our grade just so you can have your Pokemon card! And it wasn’t even a cute card!”

“Kairi, that was in fifth grade. And don’t get me started on my bruise.”

“Does anyone else love the purple sky as much as I do?” Riku asked mildly as he walked between his two arguing friends. Both stopped to stare at the green eyed teen for a moment, turned to the sky, before staring again.

“Riku?”

“Ah, my name.”

---

In moments like this, the theme song would be blaring against the speakers. Villains would already be lurking behind every corner, set to jump out the second the music goes into the ever so famous ‘dun-dun-dun’ rhythm. Except, they can’t this time, because the hero was currently scurrying underneath the shrubs on the outskirts of the dance studio. Blond spiked poked out from the greenery as baby blue eyes peered into the nearby window.

Tidus Honda sighed as he caught sight of his angel.

Selphie Yutaka was the single most beautiful girl in the entire world.

Smiling a little, he rested his head against the window pane as she executed a series of pirouettes across the floor, leg raised gracefully, hands reaching for the sky. From his vantage point, he could see her lashes flutter as they gently caressed her soft cheeks.

Not that Tidus had ever been given the opportunity to touch her cheeks. With her continuous and almost immediate dislike of him, the blond athlete had found out, long ago, that the beautiful Selphie, the graceful swan of their school, was unattainable and untouchable.

But, one can always imagine.

Blue eyes widened as she stopped twirling, eyes opening to stare directly at the window. Those cute brows of her drew together as she strained to see what that gigantic blob was at the glass.

Wait a second.

Jolting, realizing that she was staring at him, Tidus froze. Oh no.

Scrambling from his position, he dashed away from the studio as quickly as possible. He never looked back as he ran for sanctuary, his heart pounding the entire way.

He had just about reached the mall when he suddenly rammed into what felt like a brick wall. Grunting, his breath knocked out of him, it took a moment for him to realize that he’d fallen onto the ground. Wincing, rubbing his head a little, tiny pricks of tears stung into his eyes as he willed the pain away.

“I am...so sorry,” he said. He flicked his blond hair from his face as he looked up at the familiar figure Squall Leonhart, a senior in Tidus’ school. “Oh, hey Leon.”

Ignoring the greeting, Leon stood and dusted his pants a little. Cobalt eyes turned onto the younger blond, causing the smaller teen to freeze a little. “You okay?” he asked, voice devoice of any concern what-so-ever. A hand reached down, offering to pull the boy up.

“Eh, yea. Sorry ‘bout that.” Laughing a little, Tidus scratched his head as he stood. He grinned as he looked at Leon directly for the first time. “Are you meeting with Sora and everybody too?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Blinking a little, unsure of what to say to the guy he’d just rammed, he nodded his head. God, Tidus could just die of embarrassment. “So. Uh, I gotta go meet them,” he said as the silence dragged out longer. “Um, bye.”

“Bye.”

Watching Leon walk off, Tidus shook his head a little as he walked into the mall. Sure that his friends had eaten by now, he wandered around a couple of the shops before spotting the familiar trio. “Oi, Sora! Riku!” Waving at his friends, he grinned as he jogged over to them.

“What took you?” Riku demanded the moment their friend could hear him. A single brow rose, those cool green eyes regarding him in that way that only Riku could pull off. “Were you really learning how to lion dance?”

“Heh, yea.” Grinning, Tidus fell in step beside him as he shrugged. “It was...indescribable.”

“Mmhm.” Pushing Sora out of the way, Kairi smirked as she peered into the blond’s red cheeks. “So...where was this studio with the lion dancing?”

She knows. Flushing a deeper shade of red, Tidus coughed a little, avoiding those too observant violet eyes. “Around.”

Laughing, Kairi shook her head as they walked through another shop. “Fine, I’ll leave you alone. Don’t tell your friends about your little rendezvous.”

“Tidus?” Sora asked, grinning as he realized what was going on.

“Shut up!” Glaring at his friends, Tidus huffed as he stomped towards Ar’s ArCanum, an ice-cream parlor. “I did not come here just so you guys could make fun of me.”

Laughing, running after their wayward friend, Sora slung an arm around Tidus as he smirked. “Hey, we’re concerned friends. We justwant to make sure that you’re okay.”

Poking towards his favorite flavors, Tidus turned a baby blue eye onto his friend. Noting the gleeful grin on his face, he rolled his eyes once, paid, and stomped back out to the mall. “We’re talking about school tomorrow and you really can’t leave me in peace for the last day of vacation?”

“Ti, we love you.” Glaring as the blond started choking on his mint and chocolate, Kairi huffed before continuing. “And ever since this little crush of yours—”

“I do not—”

“You’ve been running off every time a special someone comes along—”

Disregarding his ice-cream now, the blond slapped a palm to cover his blushing cheeks as his two friends laughed. “Kairi, please...shut up.”

“—so, it’s no wonder she misunderstands and hates your guts.”

Ouch. That hurts. Tidus scowled a little at the smug redhead before biting down onto the melting mint. “What do you mean she hates me? She needs to know I’m alive before she hates me.”

Kairi rolled her eyes. Trust her to make friends with only idiots. Why is it that guys are so hopeless when it comes to romance and relationships anyway? Even Riku, the lord supreme in the dating game was helpless when it comes to his one—and absolutely oblivious—crush.

It was a wonder that Kairi puts up with them.

“Don’t worry, man,” Sora was saying, lapping at his own vanilla cone. “She knows who you are.”

“She does?” Wide eyed, Tidus swirled around onto his cinnamon stranded friend. “Are we talking about Selphie here? Selphie Yutaka?”

“HA! So it is Selphie.” Grinning, triumphant, Sora turned those piercing blue eyes onto his friend. “You’re ‘the blond kid we hang out with’.”

Scowling, Tidus sneered as they went out of the mall into the blasting heat. “Ever thought of introducing me?”

“How can we, when Sir Shy and Rude runs away every time she approaches.” Rolling his eyes again, Riku took a bite from Sora’s vanilla cone, ignoring the teen’s protests. “You’d think you’d want to talk to her.”

Muttering to himself a bit, Tidus scowled as the four of them walked past the blocks of houses. The bright sun lit onto the green grass of the perfectly mowed lawns, showcasing a variety of exuberant flowers only a well-tended garden would have. Stopping before a relatively gigantic three story home, completed with balconies, porch, and a pool out back, Tidus sighed.

“I wonder if Cloud-nii’s home,” Sora murmured, opening the gate to his house. Leading the way through the stoned pathway, specifically paved for the Hashibas just before they moved into the house, Sora opened the mahogany door to his house. “I’m home!”

“Ah, Master Sora!” Tohruu, the Hashiba’s maid and caretaker all rolled into one, poked her blond head out from one of the rooms down the hall. “Welcome home! Master Cloud came home just a short while ago. There should still be some cookies left if you’re interested.”

“Thanks, Ruu-chan.” Waving to his friends to follow him, he dashed up the wide set of steps to the second floor where, Tidus knew, the family lived.

Following his friends down the hallway, Tidus snuck a peek at the photographs, mixed in with famous works of art, that hung in the walls. Smiling faces welcomed the visitors into the Hashiba household warmly, boasting none of the wealth that their artistic companions embodied.

“Hey Cloud-nii!” Sora poked his head into one of the rooms. “I’m home.”

Sighing, following everyone into the blond’s room, Tidus rolled his eyes as he regarded the enormous room with it’s golden-yellow walls.

So, the Hashiba household was well off. Along with the Sugisaki household...and the Misano household...and the Leonhart household...and just about every other family whose precious children attended the famous Trinity Academy. Had it not been for the scholarship program, Tidus would have never been able to make it into the campus of that prestigious private school, let alone be a student of it.

And Kairi wondered why it was that he didn’t have the nerve to speak to Selphie Yutaka. How can he when he was, literally, a pauper looking at a princess?

“You are?”

Blinking, unsure where the conversation had turned to, Tidus shook his head a little to get out of his world. Cloud frowned.

“Thanks for having such faith in me.” Rolling his eyes a little, Cloud flopped onto his bed as the others laughed. “So great to know my own brother didn’t think I could do it.”

“B-but Cloud-nii! Captain! Of kendo club! Th-that’s huge!”

Shaking his head a little as his overly dramatic brother, the blond ruffled the brown spikes before standing. “Now get out, all of you.”

“Wait! I wanna interview you for our paper!”

“Leave me alone, Sora.”

“Nii-channnnn!”

Pushed from the room, Tidus watched as Sora sulked. Sticking his tongue against the closed door, the brunette scowled as he stalked over to his room.

Rolling his eyes a little, Tidus tuned out the conversation again as they headed over to the brunette’s room.

---

Groaning a bit to himself, Riku sighed as he stepped into the bath. Closing those aquamarine eyes against the soft light of the bathroom, he grinned as the scent of honeyed tangerines filled his nose.

God he loved baths.

Reaching over the large tub towards his clothing, he flipped on his recorder. “Last day of summer vacation, day two-hundred-eighty-seven since I realized my feelings for Sora. I am getting desperate.”

Rolling onto his back, splashing the water a little, he played with a yellow rubber duck, squeaking it idly as he thought of the brunette. “He’s still as clueless as ever. Should I go for a direct confession?”

Sighing once, he stopped the recorder, placing it back onto his pile of clothing. Closing his eyes, letting the bubbles slowly seep the tension out of his muscles, Riku frowned as he thought of his best friend. He’d been giving hints of his feelings to Sora ever since...well, forever. You’d think, best friends that they are, Sora would recognize the signs Riku’s been giving him.

But nooo. Usually quick to gauge Riku’s moods—and accurately at that—the one time that he wanted Sora to understand his feelings...he just doesn’t.

Does that mean he’s not interested?

Groaning, getting out of the tub, he wrapped his robe around himself before stalking down the hall to his room. It wasn’t like Sora’s completely oblivious all the time. He knew when Kairi had that little crush on him back in fifth grade. The whole reason Sora volunteered Kairi on that date was to make her realize he’s not interested, without ever having to tell her.

“So is he trying to tell me something this time?”

---

“Are you excited?”

“No comment.”

“Happy? I know you’re happy.”

“Why are you asking if you know?”

“How do you plan on torturing—I mean, teaching—the new freshmen this term?”

Cloud glared, turning those famous Hashiba blue eyes onto his younger brother. “I told you, I don’t want my own kid brother writing an article about me!”

“But why?” Pouting, crossing his arms a little, Sora turned his own eyes, glare for glare, over to Cloud. “I’m an editor! I’ll do a good job!”

“That’s not the point, Sora. If every captain got an exclusive every time they made...captainship...the Trinity Limit wouldn’t be able to write any real news! Are you getting me?”

“No. There’s nothing common about you making captain!” Sora pouted, emphasizing the ‘you’ by poking a finger at his brother’s ribs.

“Are you trying to pick a fight?”

“Boys, if you don’t quiet down in the next three second, I swear I’ll crash this car just to get rid of this headache. Then we’ll never get to that airport.”

Both Cloud and Sora hushed. DiZ, their stepfather, was the nicest man in the world. Both he and their mother were so deeply in love, it was sickening. Yet, at the same time, they were so damned inspirational that it left both brothers yearning for that same type of commitment and passion. He’s the type of father who would take you to the amusement parks, who would suffer through soccer lessons of Hell for the sake of his kids.

But damned if he’s not scary when he’s pissed. If he says he’ll crash that car, he’ll crash that car.

A few seconds passed in silence, before Sora started speaking again. “Mom, Cloud-nii’s not cooperating. How am I supposed to write the next exclusive for the school paper if he won’t even answer my questions?”

Turning from her seat beside her husband, Setsuna huffed at her two sons. “He’s your brother, Sora. Guess.”

“No way in Hell.” Cloud glared as his brother grinned at him. “No Sora,” he repeated when Sora’s smile didn’t faze. “Mom!”

“If you don’t want Sora to write blasphemy, answer his questions, Cloud.”

Sputtering, the blond turned to scowl at his family. “That’s a violation of my privacy!”

Sora shrugged. “The public has the right to know.”

“The public can go f...”

“Cloud.”

“...f—ry. They can go fry themselves for all I care.”

“Is this how the first heir to the Hashiba household should react to the people around him?” Sora pouted. “You’re my role model you know. Is this how you should treat your precious little brother?”

“Yes.”

“NO!”

“Darling! Watch that car!”

End Chapter

Author’s Corner

Part Three of the Summer 2006 Update, along with Angel Dust and Unseen Boundaries as promised! Please look forward to more! x)

Well, here’s the very first chapter, the prologue. The actual story begins with the first day of school so all those things I promised in the summary? Heh, not today. ;)

This is my very first try at a more suburban setting. I’m a city girl through and through, so at times, the setting might vary and might also be inconsistent. Please bear with me and note me if such mistakes occur. There won’t ever be a direct mention of the exact location. If you need a comparison to visualize...think Okinawa, Japan or suburban south in the US—lotsa sun, very hot in the summer, towns and large fields, etc.

Just a little note before I sign out, the honorific “-nii” that Sora constantly used on Cloud literally means “older brother.” It’s an eastern-Asian custom that younger siblings can’t address their older sibs directly. (My brother actually calls me “sister,” even in English. To be honest, I don’t remember him ever calling me by name.) Even if you speak their names, the honorific must be there.

Generally, younger children would address an older child in the same way (using “nii” for brother, “nee” for sister). This does NOT signify that they must be related, just a form of respect. However, in most cases, the age gap must be relatively substantial.

The Japanese will be very limited here, only those necessary to make the story flow/realistic. I’m pretty confident that most readers would understand (since anime generally exposed people to the customs already).

End

Next Chapter
Chapter 01: Old Friends, New Acquaintances

Tidus: Arrgh, damned rich kids! NO Kairi, I don’t need your help. NO Riku, I can’t help. NO Sora, stop—just stop thinking. NO Cloud, I haven’t seen anyone. Huh? NO...I don’t even know you! What the fu—! Where the Hell are you taking me!

Okay! Thanks for reading! Please tell me your thoughts and review!

Lots of greets,
Yukisora

Edited by: Wake Robin
Last Checked: July 25, 2006