The Phone Call

On the long journey back to the mansion, Julia had time to fully consider what Dr. Boskonovitch had told her. As she thought over all the startling facts, the magnitude of the situation began to dawn on her. An awareness had been growing in her of the fact that she was dealing with something that went beyond herself and her immediate concerns, but she had never imagined just how vast and terrifying the possible implications were. Once again, the horrid, taunting doubt that she was far too insignificant to deal with such a threat crept into her mind. It seemed to her that there was a dichotomy between her logical, noble desire to stop the Devil, and her primal, passionate need to keep Jin alive. Was she trying to satisfy her own selfish wishes at the expense of a safer alternative? She could not understand, even when she tried to confront her own feelings honestly, what it was that she was really fighting for. And that way, she knew from experience, danger lies. If one does not know one’s own motives, one is not far from loosing all moral or logical structure entirely. She decided that it was to the woman who had first taught her this that she must now turn in this dark hour.

Julia gripped Asuka to her tightly, ignoring the slick sweat which coated her hot body. Hwoarang was being stretchered off from the other side of the arena. The fight had been a spectacle. Drawing back, Asuka’s eyes were burning with happiness and victory. Julia felt a little twinge of sadness at Asuka’s ignorance. So had she been, once – perfectly happy with the tournament almost as an end in itself, lost in the rapture of the fight.

‘Well done!’ she shouted in Asuka’s ears, competing with the roaring crowd. Once back in her room she immediately reached for her mobile, and paced the room, waiting for the call to connect. Her heart pounded as she listened to the ring echo off into the distance. Finally a click,

‘Hello?’

‘Mother, it’s me.’

‘Julia! I’m so glad to hear form you. I was starting to worry.’ Julia had been avoiding talking to her mother lately. Not for lack of a wish to, but because as things grew more and more serious, she feared that Michelle, so intuitive, would pick up on the engulfing darkness. Now, however, Julia felt she owed it to her mother to tell her at least a little of what was going on. Who knew what might happen in the coming weeks, or even days – it was better that she was given some hint as to the real situation.

‘Is everything okay?’ enquired Michelle, and something in her tone told Julia that her mother had already gleaned that all was not well. Perhaps she’d known from the very start.

‘Mother, I need your advice.’ The other end was silent, expectant.

‘It’s … I have a fight coming up, and …’ Julia sucked in a breath and continued, ‘I don’t know what to do. Things here are … they’re messed up, pretty badly. There’s a new management and,’ Julia found her heart quickening unexpectedly. She tilted her head back, telling herself that she was being silly. ‘I don’t know, a lot of things have changed, and I don’t know whether I want to do this any more.’ Michelle did not pick out the ambiguities in what Julia had told her, rightly supposing that she was still, for whatever reasons, unwilling to reveal everything as it was. Instead she said,

‘This fight, is it something you feel you should do?’ Julia breathed again, trying to calm her fluttering nerves and replied hesitantly,

‘… Yes, yes I do. What worries me is that … I don’t know why I’m doing it. I mean, it could be dangerous …’ and a little part of Julia hoped that Michelle would revert back into concerned-mother mode and demand her home immediately; and, feeling weak and childish, she hurried to add, ‘But, it’s not that, really, I just don’t know whether I’m doing the right thing if I stay and fight. I worry I might just be making things worse.’

‘We fighters aren’t very good at surrendering. Sometimes it is necessary.’ She paused and continued, ‘What have I always taught you that we fight for?’

‘Peace.’

‘And what are you fighting for?’ Julia was quiet. Michelle went on,

‘There are times when it is hard to know. Fighting for our own sakes, it may be wrong, but, none of us are angels, and there will always be more than one motive for fighting; without those other motives, we could not be as strong as we are. As long as our main reason is a pure one, harness the peripheral, selfish ones to strengthen your desire to win, but you must be careful not to let them cloud your judgement. What makes you want to run, really? Is it because you think it’s best, or because you are afraid of the strength of your own feelings?’ These words struck a chord with Julia, who was silent for a while before saying slowly,

‘You’re right. I want to fight, and it is the right thing to do. I can see that now.’ Michelle seemed rueful as she replied,

‘Then that is what you must do. Just remember that, whatever ties you hold there,’ there was a little gulp, and Julia could tell that her mother was trying not to cry, ‘You have ties here too. You see?’ Michelle laughed a tearful, burbling laugh, ‘We all have selfish motives.’ Julia laughed too, though she felt anything but jovial as the weight of her decision descended upon her,

‘I love you.’ she said,

‘I love you too. May the gods guide and protect you.’ and the line went dead.

Julia’s spirituality was not as strong as her mother’s, but she did pray for a little divine intervention as she scribbled a line to Jin and passed it later, with a beseeching glance, to the porter. The note read only, ‘I’m still here. J’ She had refrained from arranging a meeting, bearing in mind what her mother had said – ‘Do not let selfish reasons cloud your judgement.’ Whatever lay ahead for Julia, she felt she would be able to handle in with a much clearer head if Jin were not right in front of her, real and tangible in all his distress, his pain, and his love. Just thinking of him, though, made Julia ache. She wanted above all else to be held by him, to laugh with him, to pretend there was no darkness in the flimsy, beautiful world they had built together. But now, she was tired. It had been a long few days, and her gut told her that they were to get longer yet. So she descended into sleep with a mind swirling with dark knowledge, a grave expression or her young face, and a heart much older than the one with which she had first entered the tournament. She knew a storm was coming, but even Julia could not have predicted just how soon it would arrive.

Next instalment, The Capture: Julia’s worst nightmares are realised as she is lured into a terrible trap.