Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men Evolution. Disclaimer is as disclaimer does.

WOW that update took me a while! I apoligize.

---

"I'm so happy you all let me make dinner for the X-Mansion!" Pietro said to Jean, Scott, Kitty, and Kurt, who were watching Pietro cook when they came into kitchen.

"Well, like, you should be, like, happy, like, that they, like, just, like, let you cook, like, on a day I was supposed to, like… cook. Like." Kitty brooded.

"Aww, don't be upset I cooked on your weekday, Kitty. Anything to avoid another round of stomach pumping."

"Like, what?"

"Nothing. Uh, look! A government-issued test!"

"I have no No.2 pencil!" Kurt 'ported away. Kitty shrieked and phased underground. Jean Grey ran out of the room, screaming at the top of her lungs.

Cyclops sat cluelessly. "Huh…?"

"REGIS PHILBIN!"

"NOT AGAAAAAAIIIIINNNNN!" Scott ran out of the room in fear.

---

"What do you call this creation?" Lance asked Pietro. He poked Pietro's casserole, and it recoiled.

"I call it Random Junk I Found in the X-Kitchen and Put into a Casserole Dish and Tossed in the Oven." Pietro said. "Aptly named."

"Just like the X-Kitchen," Blob added. "X-Kitchen. When a regular kitchen just won't do."

"I can tell," Lance responded, smiling. "Can I guess the ingredients?"

"If you guess discarded American Idol contestants that didn't get as far as the last six, YOU'RE WRONG, WHERE'D YOU GET THAT IDEA?"

Lance stared at Pietro.

"I'm going to be cooking again next week, by the way."

"Can't wait," Lance looked uneasy.

---

The residents of the X-Mansion waited for their dinner to be served. Ray and Sam were talking with each other.

"At least we're not sitting next to a drunken Logan!" Sam stated.

"Yeah, really. Where is he anyway?" Ray pondered.

"Over there by Wanda. He's hitting on her."

"That should be good."

"Let's sell tickets!"

Meanwhile, Wanda was dealing with her own problems (or rather, one big, Logan-shaped problem).

Logan yawned and put his arm around Wanda's chair. "Are you from heaven? 'Cause I've got an erection."

Ray turned away from Wanda and Logan when a spoonful of dinner was slapped onto his plate.

"Eat it!" Pietro ordered. "If you eat it all, I'll teach you how to make it!"

"Do I even want to know how to make it?" Ray queried.

"Well, first you need tranquilizer darts. Then-"

"Pietro, please stop there."

Before Pietro could say anything, Professor X wheeled in and interrupted him. "Say, Pietro, you haven't by any chance seen all those homeless people who were paying rent to stay in the kitchen, did you?"

"Were they drunk and singing?" Pietro asked in response.

"…Yeah."

"Nope."

---

After dinner, everyone in the X-Mansion resided in their dwelling of choice, their stomachs full with Pietro's god-knows-what. The New Mutants took their place gathered on the leather couches in front of the TV. "So, what are we watching tonight?" Bobby asked Ray, who was thumbing through the TV guide.

Ray took a deep breath. "A team of unrealistically hot crime scene investigators investigate crime scenes with fancy tools that probably don't work as well in real life and they take the strategically placed DNA from said investigated crime scenes to a lab with dramatic lighting where the DNA is processed in a time that is a fraction of how long it takes in real life and then the hot crime scene investigators mosey around for another half hour, playing with people's minds and interrogating teenagers, children, adults, and the elderly alike to make them cry until the aforementioned crime scene investigators finally pull a suspect's name out of the hat and arrest them because they are apparently guilty. In Miami."

"How many times did you say 'crime scene investigators' in that sentence, Ray?" Roberto asked.

"I don't know. How many times did I establish that they're hot?"

"What else is on?" Bobby asked Ray.

"'Heroes',"

"What is that about?"

"It's about heroes, Bobby. DUHR!"

Bobby accepted this as an answer. He turned to the TV, but his view was obstructed by Pietro.

"I need Ray!" He demanded.

"Right here!" Bobby pointed to Ray, sitting right next to him.

Pietro grabbed Ray and sped out of the room, through the hall, through the kitchen, out into the yard, across the yard, and up into a tree. "Ray, I need your help!"

"Uh-oh." Ray murmured.

"I need you to pack me the following items!" Pietro whipped out a list on pink construction paper. "Rope, duct tape, tranquilizer guns, fake IDs, toilet paper, shaving cream, non-dairy whipped dessert topping, Lucky Charms, creamy mushroom sauce, four handguns, extra ammo, masks to protect our identity, and rations and money for about five weeks. And some malted milk balls."

"WHY do we need all this?" Ray asked loudly.

"We're going to Hollywood!" Pietro smiled.

"WHAT?"

"I need to go to Hollywood to pursue my career in cooking!" Pietro said. "There are special ingredients I'm looking for! And I can't take the Brotherhood or the X-Men, they don't understand me!"

"Neither do I," Ray pointed out.

"You're my student. I'll make you in due time." Pietro answered. "We're also taking X23 and Pyro."

"Where are they?"

"X23's inside getting punished for trying to attack the old men in the malls and Pyro's right behind you."

"Your hair looks funny from the back!" Pyro giggled.

"AGH OHMYGOD!" Ray jumped up, almost falling out of the branch he was sitting on. After catching his breath, he turned to Pietro. "Wait, so you're understood by the Acolytes?"

"Yup," Pietro said. "And you (soon) and X23."

"Why X23?"

"She doesn't understand herself! With all that extra room for understanding other people, she might as well put forth a little effort and understand ME." Pietro stated, crossing his arms.

"Why Pyro in specific?"
"He's been around here all week instead of with Magneto due to something involving a restraining order and fried clams."

"And I haven't noticed him?"

"Noooo…. But then again, neither has anyone else, even people with advanced senses."

---

Look's like Pietro, Pyro, Ray, and X23 are doing Hollywood. And don't think this means the other characters won't have anything to say about it!

This chapter of Der XParody is brought to you by: Coca-Cola!

Storm: Yeah, we wish. The cash would really be coming in if that were true. Yellowfur's a liar.

Wolverine: I can't even get drunk off coke!

Pyro: I like it... it's sugary and flammable...

Gambit: FLAMMABLE? Really? Wow.

Pyro: I don't know. I haven't actually tried... I think I will now!

Blob: Uh-oh, Pyro! Double posting brings evils!

Xavier: I know you're out there, reviewers! I can sense it! NO ONE CAN ESCAPE MY POWERS! Plus, I can read the hits of each chapter and see who has this on their alert list... but it's mainly my powers!

Jamie: Wow, that was loud, Professor! Hey, I just realized what a weird mix of people we have for this product... X-Men and a Brotherhood member and two Acolytes... and me. Funky...

Caliban: Not as funnnky as meee.

Nick Fury: Where'd you come from?