Disclaimer: Not mine!

How It All Begins
Part 3: Look Now

He thinks this is déjà-vu, only the roles have been reversed. It’s Nick’s turn to trek through the parking lot, his nerves on the fritz and his stomach filled with butterflies that are high on sugar and zooming around as though caught in a tornado. Nick thinks that’s what his emotions actually are at the moment: a whirlwind. He never knew that he wanted David Hodges’ attention, his interest, but he can’t help but feel thrilled at the mere thought. Views are altered, people change, and now Nick Stokes desperately wants to rewind back to the morning before, where Hodges had somehow mustered the courage it took to even think of asking Nick on a date.

Nick wants that courage now. No, he needs that courage. Why? Because he’s trailing Hodges past a kingdom of parked cars, intent on catching him before he drives away. He’s not sure what in the world he’s thinking or how he’s going to go about asking him to dinner, but it's not as if he had the time to plan it out and even if he did, he probably couldn’t think of anything particularly bright to say. He figures it’s best to take the Greg Sanders approach: off the handle, winging it, making it up as you go along. In simple terms? Spontaneous words. He isn’t very talented in that department, but he knows if he thinks too hard about it then he’ll chicken out, and that’s the last thing he wants.

He watches as Hodges stops at a silver car; it’s a little beat up, but obviously in the midst of repairs. Nick can’t help but remember hearing that he likes working on cars and was a bit of a mechanical genius. What other things did Nick not know about this man? He shakes his head at himself; for a CSI, he could be so oblivious as to what kind of people were around him.

He watches as Hodges unlocks the driver’s door and throws it open. He tosses in his backpack and makes a move to get inside. Nick takes a deep breath. They were alone, which is rare, and he’s feeling brave, which is even more atypical. He’s screaming at himself to approach the damn vehicle before Hodges drives off and it’s a good thing that his body is listening, because his mind isn’t. Even as his feet take him to where Hodges is sitting, fiddling with the rearview mirror, Nick’s mind is telling him that there isn’t a snowball’s chance in Hell that this is going to pan out.

He tells his mind to go screw itself.

“Can I talk to you?”

The words are out faster that he believes possible. His mouth is obviously taking sides with his body, because neither is listening to his common sense. When he should have run, he approached and when he should of shut-up, he talked. It makes no sense, but this is a weird situation anyway and he's in no state to try and figure it out.

Hodges glances up; if he’s alarmed by Nick’s presence, he doesn’t show it. However, his eyes portray his wariness and he still appears nervous, so it’s clear Nick caught him by surprise.

“About what?” he asks, ever calm. “If it’s about the Smithson results, you’re going to have to get someone else to rerun them or wait until tomorrow.”

Nick wonders what it’s like to feel that no one needs you. Is that what Hodges thought? That he was only useful to his work and nothing else? Or that the only reason anyone would want to talk to him was because of trace results? It was rather disheartening. Nick can’t imagine living that sort of life.

“It’s not about work, Hodges. It’s about yesterday.”

The technician blinkes and rises from his seat, standing so he's at least eye-to-eye with the CSI, crossing his arms and leaning against the car behind him.

“What about yesterday?”

Nick takes a deep, shuddering breath. No guts, no glory. That’s what his high school football coach used to say when they made last ditch efforts to win a game. Granted, this wasn’t football, but his panic was still the same.

“Greg told me.”

David straightens at these words and Nick mentally slaps himself, because he wasn’t supposed to say that. Now Greg's going to hate him. This can’t get any worse.

“Sanders told you what?” Hodges asks, his voice hard and his blue eyes flashing with contempt. “Whatever he said was a lie. He’s just running that big mouth of his.”

He's clearly upset and, for once, was doing a poor job of hiding it. He turns back towards his car, his movements jerky, and Nick reaches out his hand to stop the technician from trying to escape.

“David, wait.”

Hodges all but freezes at this name and Nick’s rather surprised himself. But what's he supposed to do? Can you really ask someone out using their last name? No. That's just… well, it's uncouth, not that Nick's doing a spectacular job of sweeping Hodges off his feet or anything.

“You’re really pissing me off, Stokes,” Hodges remarks, his irritation clear as he jerks himself away from Nick’s grasp. Nick hates being called by his last name, especially by a man who always calls him by his first. It shows him wanting to distance himself, and Nick feels his heart drop at the thought.

“Listen, I was out of line yesterday. It’s just that kid cases always get to me and you sort of caught me at a bad time, but I was thinking that if there was anything particular you wanted to say then we could talk about it.”

“No, thanks. I th-’’

“Go out to dinner with me,” Nick says, his words rushed. He inwardly winces, because interrupting someone isn’t the highest form of flattery, but he can already hear Hodges declining his invitation and he has to get the offer out before he loses his nerve.

Hodges is absolutely still. He opens his mouth to speak, probably sarcastic and cutting words, before his voice dies once more. He doesn’t have anything to say. Nick smiles at the notion.

“What?” Hodges asks, his suspicion apparent. “Look, I know Sanders told you, but you don’t have to go around playing hero. Feigning affection is almost as bad as the rejection itself.”

“I’m not feigning anything,” Nick replies, hope tinting his words. “I’m interested. I just didn’t think you felt the same way.”

“You’re a shitty liar, Stokes.”

“David, please listen. I had no idea you ever wanted to- I mean, you never said anything or gave any indication, so I just assumed…”

He trails off, unsure on how to continue. He’s never been so nervous and he suddenly remembers Greg. What had it taken for Greg to convince Ryan that he was really attracted? He had put down his cards, willing to sacrifice, baring his truths. Hodges just doesn’t want to be taken advantage of or deceived or jerked around. Nick can’t blame him, because he doesn’t want that either. He just has to calm his nerves and breathe deep.

Hodges has no desire for a poetical romance or someone groveling at his feet.

He simply wants the truth.

Nick's pretty good at that.

“David, I’m asking you because I want to. I think we could definitely try it and see where it goes.” At the technician’s doubtful silence, Nick continues. “This isn’t a trick, David. You’re funny and intelligent. I think those are great qualities.”

“It’s not a trick,” David echoes, his body relaxing ever so slightly. Nick is silent, because no one should have to believe that every relationship was based on deceit and pain. Maybe Nick can change David’s views. Maybe he can make him happier. “If Sanders put you up to this…”

He trails off, but the warning is clear. However, Nick knows it isn’t necessary.

“All I need is a chance,” Nick says. David uncrosses his arms and shoves his hands in his pockets. A quiet moment passes before he smiles, and Nick is startled by how handsome he really is.

“Fine,” he agrees. “One chance.”

Nick is elated.

FIN.

This is your chance.